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Child of the Doctor
Please come. I need you.
The uninformative message had appeared on his psychic tablet with a set of coordinates that was familiar, and a date that was not. He wasn't sure what made him so uneasy about the five words, but he most certainly was.
He set coarse in the TARDIS immediately, adding the preferred date with the location. In moments, he was materializing within Stormcage, just outside cell sixty-five. It was with more than a little trepidation that he opened the door and looked over at her cell. She was sitting on her cot, crossed-legged, with her head in her hands. Most definitely not his River.
“Ready?” he asked her.
“More than,” she answered as she unfolded and stood before the bed. He pointed his sonic screwdriver at the door and heard it give a satisfying buzz as unlatched.
“What's wrong?” he asked as he watched her step through the cage door and move towards him.
“Inside,” she answered briefly.
He took her at her word, and followed her into the TARDIS. She was already setting coordinates as he shut the door, and he didn't bother asking where she was taking them. Her face was intent, and entirely too serious. He was used to her endless humor and constant flirtation. When she was serious, it was unnerving.
It didn't take her long to get where she was planning. He just stood back and watched her work, staying out of her way and allowing her space and quiet. She would tell him what the problem was when she was ready. At least, he hoped she would.
But she didn't turn to speak to him. Even when the TARDIS was stationary, she simply stood. She was staring at the monitor above the console as though it held the answers to every question in the universe.
After a long while, he couldn't take it anymore. He moved over to stand near her, still uncomfortable touching her. He couldn't remember the last time they had been together when she hadn't kissed him, touched him, teased him. This River was almost a stranger, and he realized the difference was that she lacked all animation.
“What's wrong?” he finally asked.
She took a deep breath. “I need... a scan.” Her voice was low and flat. She sounded nothing like herself.
“What kind of scan?” he asked softly, beginning to go from nervous to worried. A medical scan? Was she sick? His hearts skipped beats at the thought.
She was silent a very long time, and she never did meet his gaze. He barely heard her whisper, “Pregnancy.”
The overwhelming feeling of disappointment took his breath away. Pregnancy? While they didn't spend every moment together he still considered them to be married. And she had come to him! It didn't make sense that she thought she could be pregnant, and she would come to him. It really wasn't even about whether she was pregnant or not... it was that she could be. He couldn't have children with a human; the genetics were impossible. And if she couldn't be pregnant by him, then who in the prison...
He stepped over to the console and swung a monitor down towards him. A few buttons, a dial here, and he had the answer. Positive. How was he supposed to feel about this?
“So you are,” he told her numbly. “Congratulations.”
She just shook her head. “I can't be,” she argued. “You said this wouldn't be a problem!”
“I said?” he asked as he looked at her in confusion, and not a small amount of indignation. “When did I say anything at all about pregnancy? Although I wouldn't have thought it would have been a problem while you were married.”
She gave a barely audible groan. “Have we done Sciarus?” she asked faintly. “A month on Sciarus. Have we done that, yet?”
“Sciarus?”
“You picked me up on my birthday, and took me away for a long vacation. The TARDIS needed work, so we spent a month on the overhaul. You didn't want to do it by yourself. You called it a second honeymoon.” Her voice was flat even as she gave a wistful smile at the memory. Finally, she let out along breath, shrugged, and added, “Spoilers.”
“You mean we... for a month?”
“Five weeks,” she corrected. “You dropped me off the same day. Given that you have no idea what I'm talking about, I will forgive you for even thinking...” She took a deep breath and continued. “I mentioned contraception, but you said it wasn't possible. You said you weren't... compatible with anyone.”
“I'm the only Galifreyan alive,” he told her. “My DNA isn't human and you...” he trailed off, realizing that he had been about to say she was human. But she wasn't... not entirely.
“I'm not a Time Lord,” she told him.
“No,” he agreed. “But you're not human, either. Your DNA...” He stopped, remembering suddenly the information learned at Demon’s Run. She didn’t have DNA. She had TNA, just as he did. Well, not just like his, but oh so similar…
“But I'm human, now,” she complained.
“You're not,” he said as he realized it, really realized it, for the first time. “You can't regenerate, because you gave that energy to me. But you didn't lose it, you gave it!”
“What's the difference?”
“Apparently, TNA,” he answered. He looked up at the monitor, intensified the scan, and tapped a few more buttons. “How long,” he asked.
“How long?”
“Since you... How long has it been? Your time, not prison time. I need to know how far along.”
She looked dazed, not processing the question.
“River, I need to know how far along. I need to get you to a doctor. I need to make sure you're okay. Time Lords have energy potential in their TNA that might be dangerous. I didn't consider it, because I didn't realize we were similar enough to...”
“Make a pregnancy,” she finished.
“No,” he corrected. “Make a baby. A baby that would be half Time Lord.”
“Oh God,” she said softly. “I don't even know about Galifreyan pregnancies. Is this going to be a three-year ordeal? Am I going to lay an egg? How different is this going to be. You looked like us, so I never even thought... How do I find out about this?”
“River!” he interrupted, his voice rising. “How long?”
She closed her eyes, paused a moment. “Three months,” she said. “No... three and a half. That's... fourteen weeks, or fifteen.”
He closed his eyes. “Definitely a doctor,” he said softly. He had to think about that. There were no Galifreyan physicians available, and it wasn't as though he could just drop in at any Earth hospital. He could take her back to the Sisters for care, but he really didn't want anyone to know. He remembered what Amy had gone through, having her baby stolen, and the child of a Time Lord would be invaluable. He simply had too many enemies; It… he… she… it would be an immediate target, and a weapon to be used against him. Given the dangers, all he really wanted to do was lock River away.
Who did he...? The answer came to him with a start, and he reached under the console to dig through a pile of treasures that he kept but didn't dwell on. He sifted through until he found Martha's cell phone. Dead battery. That wasn't a surprise. He pointed his screwdriver at it, thought charge, and watched the display light up. He searched through contacts for her hospital number, then dialed. She answered on the third ring.
“Doctor Smith,” she said, her voice sounding rushed.
“Martha?” he asked, forgetting for a moment that she was now married.
“Yes. Hello?”
“It's the Doctor,” he said urgently.
“Doctor Who?” she asked.
Oh no... he didn't have the patience for this. “The Doctor,” he clarified. “TARDIS and aliens and flying through time, Doctor.”
“Oh, my God!” she exclaimed. “You sound funny?”
“Regenerated,” he explained. “Martha, I need a doctor.”
“Are you hurt?” she asked. “Where are you.”
He wasn't going into that. He simply told her. “I'm on my way to Earth. I have a patient you need to see. I’ll have the TARDIS follow the signal toward your phone – time and location - and head for the hospital. Meet me in the car park.”
“How long?” she asked. Bless her, she wasn't even going to argue.
“Three minutes,” he told her. “Maybe less.” He flipped the phone closed and dropped it back in the bin. He set course, looked over when he felt the TARDIS smooth out, and realized River was managing the stabilizers. “Thanks.”
“Don't mention it,” she returned. Her voice had a snap to it, and he wasn't sure if that worried him or relieved him. He wasn't used to River being docile. He didn't like it. He decided not to test her, at least not right now. Not until he knew exactly what he was dealing with, and how much danger he might have put her in.
They materialized in the car park just outside Mercy Hospital in London, and he patted the console with a grateful sigh. He didn't even consider that Martha might not come, or might keep him waiting. Stepping out of the TARDIS, he saw her jogging towards him, out of breath and flushed. She drew up short as she got her first look at him, and she just stared.
“Long time,” he began, stepping towards her for a hug. To his surprise, she stepped back.
“You're... different,” she said.
“Yes,” he confirmed as he lowered his arms. “Regeneration does that.”
He watched as she gathered herself back, took a breath, and got to business. She was truly amazing. It wasn't that he had forgotten, but rather that it had been so long since he'd seen her.
“The patient?” she asked.
He opened the door further and River stepped out, looking uncharacteristically reluctant. “This is Professor River Song,” he began. “She's... my wife.”
When Martha's eyes widened, he barely contained a blush. He had no idea why. He certainly wasn't embarrassed by River; quite the contrary. It was more that he remembered who he had been when he was running with Martha. He had changed more in a couple of centuries than he could have imagined. River had been a huge part of that change. River, and Amelia, and Rory... so many people had brought him to who he was right now. How much more would a child change him? He was terrified to find out.
“It's good to meet you,” Martha was saying, reaching forward to touch River's arm. “I didn't think he'd ever settle down. Didn't think he had it in him.”
“He didn't,” River told her. “Our relationship is... nontraditional.”
“However, we seem to have a rather traditional element,” he added. “And that's why we're here. River is... well...”
“I'm pregnant,” River said, cutting through his hedging.
“Congratulations,” Martha said, smiling at them both.
“Well, we need some further data before we celebrate,” the Doctor said. “A Time Lord baby would be... in danger. And it could place River in danger. We need to know what we're dealing with. My people didn’t reproduce by pregnancy and traditional birth; I don’t think the TARDIS library would have even historical literature, much less medical texts. I don’t know where to start.”
“Oh,” Martha said, looking confused. “I'm not an obstetrician.”
“This needs to be... confidential. Martha, it's vital that no one knows.” He took a deep breath, looked at River who was standing with her eyes downcast, and said, “I trust you.”
She nodded briskly. “I'll do what I can. How far along are you?” She directed the last to River.
“Three or four months,” she replied.
Martha's eyes widened. “Any care?” she asked.
River shook her head.
“Then we'll start at the beginning. Let me draw some blood, get some hormone levels, and then we'll get an ultrasound.
River nodded, the Doctor locked up the TARDIS, and they all walked towards the hospital. Martha installed them into a small room, and as she had said she drew several tubes of blood. She left the two of them sitting in the room while she went to get what she needed to finish the exam.
What concerned the Doctor the most was that River was so unbelievably quiet. She was never this quiet.
“Are you okay?” he asked her.
Her arms crossed over her body protectively. “Oh yes,” she replied, with sarcasm dripping from every word. “I'm just bloody perfect. I'm pregnant, the father has no clue that it's his, and now I find out that the baby and I are both in some kind of danger. Here I thought explaining this to the prison officials was going to be my only problem. Well, that and raising a baby in Stormcage. Apparently, I have no idea the danger I'm in, and the prison is the least of my worries. So yes, I'm just bloody wonderful!”
Her voice had risen with every word, and oddly it relieved him. He would so much rather see her furious and fighting, instead of quiet and cowering. “Feel better?” he asked, and he had to smile.
She didn't return the smile. In fact, her face crumbled and tears magnified her eyes. Not good... not good at all, he thought. He did the only thing he could think of, and knelt down before the chair she was sitting in. “We'll fix this,” he told her softly. “I promise we'll fix this.”
“You can't fix a pregnancy,” she told him. Then she looked up fiercely. “Not this one, anyway. Not like that.”
“No!” he said, shocked at her outburst. “I didn't mean that. I mean we'll find a way to manage this. We'll figure it out, and we'll keep you both safe.”
A tear finally escaped the flood that was waiting in her eyes. He put his arms around her and held her. He just didn't know what else to do. He was still holding her when Martha slipped through the door.
“I'm sorry...” she began.
“No, please,” River said as she swiped her fingers beneath her eyes. “We're just still... adjusting to this.”
Martha gave them a small nod. “I can imagine. Anyway, I have the blood results back. There are some... inconsistencies. You may not be as far along as you think you are, or the levels may be different because of the… alien nature of the pregnancy.”
“What's inconsistent?” the Doctor asked.
“Hormone levels,” she said. “The levels are low for the dates you gave me. Either the pregnancy is less advanced, or there are anatomical differences that I'm not aware of. I don't know enough about the Doctor's physiology to be sure which it is.”
“The dates are definite,” River said. “Although I've had some time travel since conception, so that may affect progression. Maybe? I'm guessing, here.”
“I think we'll need to go ahead and do an ultrasound to find out exactly what's happening. Let's good a look,” Martha said as she gestured to the exam table.
River had avoided it upon entering the room, sitting instead in the single chair. The Doctor had alternated between leaning on the table and pacing about. Now Martha took River's hand and stabilized her as she sat up on the table and leaned back. Once her legs were up and the table extended to support them, Martha pulled a rolling ultrasound unit towards the table and grabbed bottle of clear gel required to use it.
“It’s possible that Time Lord pregnancies proceed more slowly, or that there are different hormones to sustain the pregnancy than humans would have,” Martha said as she looked up at the doctor. She was using her “best bedside manner” voice, the Doctor thought, but he could hear the underlying worry.
Martha flipped switches, typed with one hand, and put cool, sticky gel on River's stomach with the other. She placed the probe low on River's abdomen, and began moving it about. Her eyes stayed fixed on the screen as she worked.
“Wonder if it has one heart or two,” River said softly.
The Doctor took her hand, squeezed, and waited.
Martha took a long time, and her face was not happy. In fact, the Doctor wished he didn't know Martha quite so well. He wanted to say something, but he didn't want to upset river. So, he waited... and waited... and he waited.
After more than ten minutes, she set down the probe and wiped off River's stomach. “I'm sorry,” she started. “There's no easy way to say this.”
“No baby?” River asked.
Martha sighed. “There is,” she said. “Or at least, there was. I wish I knew more about Time Lord anatomy. I can see two hearts, but neither of them are beating. Unless Time Lord pregnancies are very different, there should be movement in the heart at this point, and a human fetus would be much larger and quite active. It looks like development may have stopped a while ago, judging by the size. There's no movement, and no heartbeat. I can't tell for certain, but it looks like everything was placed correctly... it's in the uterus, and the placenta is still intact. I can't tell much more than that without consulting an OB.”
“What happened?” the Doctor asked, stunned. He hadn't even known about the baby a few hours before, but its loss left him feeling dazed.
“Impossible to say,” Martha admitted. “It's likely there was simply something... wrong. The human body is amazing, and it often finds problems and eliminates them before a baby is at a viable age. A woman simply has a heavy period, and never even knows. Normally, unless a woman is trying to get pregnant or is really worried, she never even has a test to find out. The pregnancy is never even known. Sometimes those pregnancies hold out longer, and then this is what we see.”
“I wouldn't have done,” River said softly. “Routine three-month scan,” she told them. “They have to keep the prisoners healthy. The technician was so shocked he went running from the room. I saw the screen before they took me back to my cell, and I knew I had to do something before they could confirm it. Just... too many questions in that line.”
“Yes,” he agreed.
“I knew you'd come running,” she said, and her voice broke a little bit. “You always come.”
“I always will,” he told her.
“What happens next?” River asked.
“More than likely, your body will take care of this in the next few days. As I said, you'll have a heavy period and perhaps some cramps, and then things will go back to normal. If not, we can arrange a D&C, but it's not often necessary. I know it sounds horrible now, but usually when this happens it’s for the best. Later in the pregnancy, it’s so much more painful. It doesn’t feel that way to you, I’m sure.”
“So, do we come back?” the Doctor asked softly.
“You can. If there’s no sign of change in the next week or so, or if she begins running a fever or becomes ill, then we’ll need to get an OB involved. I know several that are very good, and there is nothing abnormal enough that it would catch their notice. There’s the second heart, but they’d probably just see that as reason for the miscarriage.”
River sniffled, nodding. “Can we stay close?” she asked.
“Of course,” the Doctor replied. Whatever you want.
Martha nodded, then turned to the Doctor. She fished around in her pocket for her keys and handed them to him. “Take her back to my flat,” she told him. “Mickey's out of town this weekend. He hates to stay by himself when I go on ER rotations, so he's pulling some time with UNIT. The TARDIS might be a little obvious in the car park for the next week. You can park there as long as you need. Let her get some sleep, a bit to eat, and we'll see what happens.”
He took the keys and waited as she scribbled down her address on a prescription pad before tearing the sheet off and handing it to them. She hugged him briefly, telling him again how sorry she was, and then she hugged River as well.
“I know this seems horrible right now,” she said gently. “But most of the time our bodies know what's best. Pregnancies that end this early do it for a reason. It's very unlikely that the baby would have been normal or healthy.”
River hugged Martha back. “Thank you,” she said. “For handling this so quickly.”
Martha nodded, gave the Doctor another one-armed hug, and then left them in the exam room. The Doctor walked over and put his arms around River as she finally cried for her loss. Neither of them had had time to process any of this. He would take her to Martha's, and he would give her a few days. He could always return her to prison the moment he'd picked her up. Her scans would prove negative, and it would be credited to equipment failure or technician error. In a couple of days, this would all be forgotten at Stormcage.
He stayed with River in Martha's flat for two days. He picked her up croissants for breakfast from the bakery down the way, and raided Martha's kitchen to cook her dinner. River ate very little, and towards the end of the second day she became ill and started to bleed. He wanted to take her back to the hospital, but settled for calling Martha.
Martha came right away, and quickly examined River. Her sad eyes told him all he needed to know. Martha stayed in the apartment while the Doctor carried River to her room in the TARDIS. She said she wanted to be close, but not underfoot.
Within a few hours, River was resting quietly and the worst was over. It was as though it had never happened. Except that it had. The Doctor went out to tell Martha, and she gave him a hug before she returned to work.
Martha came in on Tuesday morning, just as they were leaving. She wouldn't let them pay for the food they'd eaten, and she hugged River for a long time before she let them walk away. The Doctor would be a long time forgetting the pain in Martha's eyes. She had understood all that River was going through. It made him wonder what Martha had lived through in the years since they had traveled together.
Although he knew he should take her back to Stormcage, he couldn't bring himself to let River go. Instead, he took her traveling. They went to calm places in history, scenic and fascinating, and he showed her wonders. She was fragile at first, emotionally and physically, but over time she strengthened. All the time, he wondered if he could change it... if he should change it. Seeing ones future created fixed points, so it was not entirely safe to try to eliminate this experience even if it was possible. As not allowing her to become pregnant would remove the trauma, it would also remove the reason he didn't allow the pregnancy. It created a paradox, and those were to be avoided at all costs. Yet knowing what it would do to her, he had a very difficult time having any part of it.
Days turned to weeks, and weeks to months. If the Doctor realized that he had never spent so much consecutive time with River in the past, he didn't acknowledge it. He just enjoyed being with her, watching her come back to life, and being in her company. Several weeks into their travels, she insisted that he take her to the Sisters. She accepted the TSI – temporary sterility injection – to ensure that she did not get pregnant again. While the failed pregnancy might have been a fluke, it was much more likely that their TNA was just far enough apart that it didn't mix. Even if it did, neither had a lifestyle that would accommodate children. It was better this way – the way they thought it had been – and River was finally able to completely relax with him again.
It was very difficult for him to finally return her to Stormcage. He settled outside cell 65 just moments after he had picked her up and watched with regret as she opened the door of the TARDIS.
“Don't look so sad,” she told him, returning to hug him once more. “You'll be back in a few days. You always are.”
“You know me very well,” he admitted.
“I do,” she said as she reached up to give him a light kiss on the lips. “Just as well as you know me. I love the long trips,” she told him gently. “The trips where I get to know you, and I don't have to wonder where we are or what you know. It's so much... easier.”
“We'll take more long trips,” he promised.
“I'd like that.”
He kissed her one last time as she left the TARDIS, and walked back through the cell door he hadn't bothered to lock. As she closed it, he gave it a quick sonic and listened for the beep. He wasn't disappointed.
“See you next time,” she said with a smile, settling down onto her cot.
“Think about where you want to go,” he recommended. “That will pass the time.”
She gave him a smile and a wink, and he stepped back into the TARDIS.
Once at the console, he stood there for a long moment. He had grieved alongside River for the loss of their child, but he had a feeling that the grief would take a long time going away. There was no place he really wanted to go, and the TARDIS was so very quiet. Too quiet. After leaving Stormcage, he settled into the Vortex and let the Old Girl have her way.
He walked the silent hallways of the TARDIS, meandering aimlessly, for a very long time. Finally, he found himself in a storage room. Old pieces of clothing, tools, and other debris were scattered about. In a corner, beneath a blanket, was his old cot. It was the one he had offered to Amy for little Melody… the one he had shown to River as she explained who she was. He took a seat beside it, and let his mind wander as aimlessly as his feet had done through the memories of this lifetime. Amy, and Rory, and River, and Clara… Madame Vastra, and Jenny, and Strax.
And as he sat, he wondered how such a tiny being, who had never even had a chance to live… who was never planned, and he had never held… who was gone before he knew existed… how something so small could leave him with such a large hole in his heart.