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1. Crash out
There was a pressure building inside Nick; he could feel it every time he looked at Charlie, every time he thought of going to Leeds, or of the future. It was only a matter of time before some part of him exploded—he just didn’t expect it to happen like this.
It all started to go downhill after a rugby match in a freezing cold rainstorm. Charlie wasn’t even there, because he’d quit the team and had other things taking up his time, and Nick was feeling quite self destructive. During timeouts everyone else huddled under blankets and umbrellas trying to get warm while Nick stayed out in the freezing rain. While everyone else added layers to their uniforms, Nick took off as much as he could. Miss. Singh kept giving Nick sideways glances, but he ignored them and went back to playing as hard and fast as his body would allow.
He wasn’t surprised when he woke up the next morning with a sore throat. In fact, he was glad for it. Maybe if he felt terribly ill he wouldn’t be able to feel the hurt from everything else in his life. Maybe Charlie would take pity on him and spend some time just snuggling and not trying to fix it all.
Nick got out of bed, pausing when a wave of dizziness washed over him, and got ready for school. He took a cold shower and dressed, hoping to avoid seeing his mum before he left; she’d catch on right away and call him out, and he wasn’t ready to give up his pity party quite yet.
The cold rain was still coming down and, because he was in the midst of a spiral, Nick decided not to wear a coat. The walk from his house to his car was short, but walking from his parking spot to Truham was longer and would soak him to the skin. By the time he was sitting in form he was damp and shivering, his throat stinging with every swallow.
“Oh, Nick, you look awful,” Charlie said quietly as he sat next to his boyfriend, his brow furrowed with concern. “Are you feeling ill?”
Nick shrugged one shoulder. “Got caught in the rain,” he croaked.
Charlie frowned and held his fingers to Nick’s forehead. “You feel a little warm.”
“I’m okay. Just a bit of a sore throat.” Nick felt a blush creeping up his neck at Charlie’s tenderness. Isn’t this exactly what he wanted? Why was he feeling embarrassed now that it was actually happening?
The form teacher took role call then, effectively ending their conversation. Once the bell rang for first period, Charlie reached out and grabbed Nick’s arm.
“Let me know if you need to go home, okay?”
Nick flushed again. “I’ll be fine, Char.” Nick kissed him on the cheek, not wanting to spread his germs, and headed to his class.
By the time lunch rolled around, Nick was feeling much worse. His throat was really bothering him and he could tell he was running a temperature by the way his face felt hot while the rest of him was covered in goosebumps. He contemplated not going to eat in Mr. Ajayi’s room with everyone else, but knew that Charlie would hunt him down if he didn’t show up. Besides, he was feeling quite awful. Part of him hoped that Mr. Ajayi would force him to call his mum to go home. The idea of crawling into his warm bed made his eyes prickle with hot tears, and he knew then that the pressure building inside him was going to bust soon. Once he started crying he didn’t think he’d be able to stop.
Because his throat was too sore to swallow anything solid, Nick stuck to just drinking a chocolate milk for lunch. Charlie pounced on him immediately for that.
“Please tell me what’s wrong,” Charlie whispered so that the rest of their friends couldn’t hear them. He cupped Nick’s cheek and tutted. “You’ve got a fever now for sure.” He looked around for Mr. Ajayi and waved him over.
“I’m okay, Char,” Nick started to say, but Charlie’s look cut him off.
“You’re not, though,” Charlie said softly.
“What’s up?” Mr. Ajayi asked. One look at Nick give him his answer. He felt Nick’s forehead and raised his eyebrows in surprise. “You’ve got quite the temperature there, Mr. Nelson. I’m going to call down to the nurse, yeah?”
Nick nodded, knowing he couldn’t argue with a fever. The Truham nurse was like a bloodhound when it came to illness—she wouldn’t let anyone stay if they showed signs of being infectious.
“Pack your things, Nick. You’re getting dismissed.” Mr. Ajayi patted Nick on the shoulder. “Get some rest, you look knackered.”
Charlie followed Nick to the nurse’s office, holding his hand the whole way. “I’ll be over as soon as I’m out for the day, alright?” Charlie cupped Nick’s cheek, his stomach sinking as tears welled up in Nick’s eyes.
Nick nodded, grabbing Charlie’s hand and squeezing it. “I’ll text you when I get home.” Nick took a deep breath and reined in his tears. They’d have to wait until he was alone to come out.
“Your mum called you out, Mr. Nelson. You’re excused,” the nurse said, not even needing to take Nick’s temperature for proof of illness. She could tell right away that he was ill. “I’ve told her to take you in for a strep test. There’s a nasty bout of it going round at that school you played last night.”
“Thanks, Miss.” Nick turned to Charlie. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Charlie smiled at Nick, his heart breaking at how sick Nick looked.
Soaked again, Nick drive himself home, shivering the whole way. Now that the nurse mentioned strep throat, Nick connected the dots between his sore throat and the fever he was running.
Nellie and Henry bombarded him as soon as he walked through the door.
“Hey,” David said from the couch.
“Hi,” Nick croaked, standing from where he’d crouched to pet the dogs. He’d forgotten that David was home.
“Get sent home sick?” David asked, glancing at the time on his phone. “You look like shit.”
Nick nodded and kicked off his shoes. He dropped his bag and collapsed on the couch next to his brother.
“Need me to do anything?” David asked, not really sure how to go about caring for anyone, let alone his brother who hated him.
Before Nick could answer, David’s phone began ringing. “It’s Mum,” he said before answering.
Nick tipped sideways and curled up into a ball, pulling a blanket over himself and shutting his eyes. Pity party aside, he really did feel terrible. His throat was killing him and every bit of him ached.
“Hey, are you listening?”
Nick hadn’t been.
David crouched next to Nick and gently rested his palm on Nick’s forehead.
“Huh?”
“You’re pretty out of it, eh?” Nick had never seen David look so concerned about him before. It was unsettling. “Mum made you an appointment and she needs me to drive you.” David looked just as pleased about that as Nick felt, but there wasn’t really any other option.
“Fine.” Nick hauled himself upright and had to blink away dark spots once his head was above his heart.
David frowned in concern. “You should change out of that uniform, it’s practically dripping.”
Nick nodded, knowing David was right. It was on odd feeling, relying on David for something. David. He changed into some sweats and shuffled back dow the stairs. “Ready,” he croaked, stuffing his feet into his sneakers.
“You need a coat. Not sure how you got out of the house this morning without one, if I’m being honest.” David held up Nick’s Carhartt for him and waited patiently while he put it on.
“Dodged Mum on purpose,” Nick admitted.
David didn’t say anything at that, which Nick was grateful for. He didn’t need to explain everything to David, of all people.
“Come on, then. Let’s get you in the car.”
After a positive strep test and an antibiotic prescription, Nick and David were on their way home.
“You, uh, you wanna tell me what’s bothering you?” David asked as he drove.
Nick looked at his brother in surprise.
“Oh, come on. Clearly something’s eating at you. You don’t want to talk to Mum, so talk to me.”
“Erm, I guess.” Nick paused, cursing himself for the tears prickling his eyes again. David waited.
Nick didn’t say anything.
“Well?”
Nick’s chin quivered and David sighed.
“It’s okay, Nicky. Let me have it.” David reached into the console and pulled out some napkins so Nick could wipe his eyes.
“I can’t believe you’re the one hearing this,” Nick started. He took a deep breath, feeling all that pressure inside him coming to a head. “I can’t take it anymore. Charlie wants me to talk to him but I can’t because if I tell him I’m upset then he’ll get upset and I can’t be the reason that he stops eating.” Nick paused, sobbing. “It’s like every time I look at him or imagine leaving next year I get so full of dread and anxiety that I could throw up. And how do I explain that? He’s been having the best year, I can’t ruin that for him just because I’m useless and my life has no purpose without him.”
David was silent for a moment, mulling Nick’s words over while his little brother cried. “Wow. Been sittin’ on that awhile, have ya?”
“Don’t tease me. Please,” Nick whispered. He wiped his eyes with a napkin and tried to pull himself together.
“I won’t, Nicky. I’m glad you got it out of your system. And you’re only cryin’ like that because of that fever you’ve got. Fevers make everyone weepy.” David clapped Nick on the shoulder. “Take it or leave it, but you should talk with Charlie about this. It’s obviously bothering you a lot. And I’ve seen how much he loves you, it’s disgusting,” David joked.
Nick huffed out a laugh. “Thanks, David.”
“Don’t mention it, Nicky.” David drove them home and got Nick settled on the couch with his antibiotic, the remote, blankets, tea, and both dogs before saying, “need anything else?”
Nick shook his head, sleep pulling at his eyelids. “No, thanks. Char should be here soon.”
“Alright. I’ll be upstairs. Talk to him, Nicky.”
Nick nodded and watched his brother go up the stairs. Part of him was embarrassed to have cried like that in front of David, but another part of him was glad. His mum would’ve babied him, and Charlie would’ve gotten upset. Maybe it was for the best that David happened to be home.