Chapter Text
She had told Khun Apo to stay in the car and go home, there was no need to see her off. She had told her. Lada knew now, better than anyone, that Phat had eyes everywhere, that he was always right around the corner observing and making sure everything went according to his plan. Lada also knew that Phat was getting impatient and increasingly desperate, and she knew what desperate men were capable of.
So why was Khun Apo getting out of the car? Why was she stepping closer to her? She had told her to stay in. She had.
Suddenly, the roaring of the cars got louder, the road slightly blurry, the narrow streets and half-hidden corners got darker. She swallowed.
"Khun Chonlada?"
A bike driver, sweater with a big pizza restaurant logo plastered on, stopped just in front of them, stepping out and opening the box at the back. Lada tensed. Her spine snapped ramrod straight as his hands disappeared inside the box.
"Khun Chonlada?" Her voice was distant, as if under water. "Are you okay?"
The driver got a couple boxes of pizza out and left for the building next to hers. A breath, insignificant, but a breath nonetheless.
"Khun Chonlada." A hand landed on her shoulder and Lada jumped like a tightly-curled spring, eyes popping out as if caught. Khun Apo frowned in concern. She dropped her voice to a softer tone as she looked around. "What's wrong? Are you feeling unwell? You've been tense for some time now."
Lada cleared her throat, fingers fidgeting behing her back, as she tried to regain her composure. Her face felt abnormally hot all of a sudden.
"I'm fine, it's just late and I'm tired." A cough. "You should get back."
Khun Apo stayed silent for a few long seconds as Lada's eyes jumped from one dark corner to one dark alley. Why was it so dark around the edges? It was hard to see if anyone had their eyes on them. Was Phat nearby? Lada couldn't tell but she could feel it in her bones.
Khun Apo stepped right in front of her line of vision, frown firm in place. "You're not okay, Khun Chonlada."
Lada tensed, feeling all her muscles lock rigidly. Why was Khun Apo still there? Her jaw hurt as she spoke up.
"You should go, Khun Apo. Now." She started pushing her boss to guide her around the car but Khun Apo would have none of it.
"I'm not going anywhere, Chonlada." The dropping of the formalities was enough to stop Lada on her tracks, jaw bobbing up and down as she tried to relieve the uncomfortable pain. Apo got her hands on Lada's arms and turned her around. "I'm either getting you to your home or to the hospital, but I'm not leaving you alone."
Lada could feel the air getting into her lungs through the eye of a needle, a pitiful excuse of a breath. She opened her mouth to try to get more air in. Because she couldn't breathe.
"I don't need—" She hissed.
Khun Apo cut her off, guiding her inside the building. "It is non-negotiable, Chonlada." Her stern voice shut her up real quick.
Her movements felt unnatural as she guided them through the building and towards her apartment, painfully aware of her muscles closing in on her under her skin. Would Phat be waiting for them inside her apartment? His apartment. It was his apartment. Could he be waiting in there? He could. She knew he could. And would. Her face was getting hotter as they got to the door, the pain in her jaw sharper, her breathing escaping her, superficial at best.
She stood there for a few seconds, staring at the wood with unfocused eyes. Khun Apo sighed. Lada was bothering her and putting her at risk —at what risk? She didn't know— all because of her lack of resolve.
"Khun Apo—"
"Where are your keys, Chonlada?" Apo asked softly.
Lada fished her keys from her purse. I can't breathe. She held them tight in her hand. Hot. Can't breathe. Unsteady hands brought the key to the lock, slow and shaking. Am I suffocating? Why am I suffocating?
"Here, let me—" Apo grabbed her hand with soft fingers, the other hand taking the keys. She didn't let go of her. "I'll open it."
Worried eyes on Chonlada, Khun Apo opened the door, never letting her out of her sight and thus catching the hitch in her breathing as she guided her inside. She stepped behind Chonlada to close the door after them, noticing her bunched up shoulders and the way she moved them lightly back and forth in tight circles, as if trying to relax the muscles there.
Khun Apo breathed in before stepping back in front of Lada. "Let's get you some water first, okay?"
Lada didn't as much as nod as she followed Apo into the kitchen, hand tightening around Apo's as she rumaged through the cabinets searching for a glass.
"Here. Don't drink too fast." She passed her the full glass, running her thumb over Lada's knuckles in an awkward, trying-to-be-reassuring gesture.
She wasn't used to caring for people other than her cousins, but she remembered back when P'Din had just recently lost her father and all of the responsabilities of his farm had suddenly fallen onto her shoulders, completely lost, grieving and overwhelmed. She remembered the way a very young and teenaged Fai had crumpled the day Lom had been shot for the first time, crying inconsolably on the hospital floor.
She remembered their tensed muscles, their inability to breathe, their lost eyes and their burning skin under cold sweat. She remembered their panic attacks very clearly in her mind's eye. It didn't make the situation at hand any easier, though.
After sipping some water down, Khun Apo took Lada, who was starting to shake like a leaf, to the couch, helping her sit down gently and settleing right by her side.
"You're okay." Apo mumbled lightly, hand rubbing Lada's back. "You're safe."
Whatever it was that had triggered this panic attack, it wasn't going to let out easily.
"Khun Apo, I'm fine." Lada said with trembling lips. "You can go now."
Apo didn't say anything, mouth in a thin line as she felt Lada's muscles clench tight under her hand as she followed the path of her spine in —hopefully— soothing motions.
"Khun Apo—" Lada choked in on the lack of air, fingers gripping her own knee tightly, unshed tears blurring her vision that she refused to let fall. You should go.
Apo kept holding her hand, ignoring the pain caused by Lada's desperate strength. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."
"That's the problem!" Lada jumped onto her feet and out of the couch as if burned, shaking Apo's hold angrily. She started pacing up and down the apartment, hyperventilating and shaking her hands in front of herself as if to try to get visibly rid of all the stress. "You shouldn't be here and I shouldn't have let you come here and you're here with me instead of going back and why are you here?!"
Apo swiftly followed her around the room, searching hands trying to catch her. "Chonlada." Lada kept getting out of her grasp, now openly gasping for air. "Chonlada!"
"I can't—" Gasp. "I can't, I can't—" Another gasp.
Khun Apo caught Chonlada in between her arms, hands locking tight on Lada's stomach. "It's okay, it's okay." She rested her forehead on Lada's back, holding her tight through the racking sobs and heaving gulps of air. Apo felt it against her chest, the way in which Lada's body was desperately trying to get air in. "You're safe, you're not alone."
Lada's legs shook violently and Apo could do nothing but hold Lada with all her strength to slow down their fall to the ground. She could feel Lada's heartbeat echoing throughout her whole body.
"Chonlada." She tried getting her attention. "Breathe with me, okay? I'll breathe with you." She hooked her chin over Lada's shoulder and started audibly breathing through her mouth, patiently —and worried sick— waiting for Lada to follow.
Cheek to cheek, she could feel Lada's burning skin and her working jaw. "I can't." She sobbed.
"You can. Focus on me." She brought one of Lada's trembling hands up to her cheek, pressing it to the side of her mouth, fingers delicately caressing her hand as she did so.
It took some time, but Lada's breathing finally started to normalize, her body no longer shaking as violently as before.
"You're doing great." Apo said softly. Chonlada shook her head, her hair tickling Apo's cheek. "You are."
Lada sobbed. "Why are you like this?"
"Like what?"
"So kind!" She brought a hand up to massage her jaw. "You shouldn't be, not with me." She whispered.
With a final squeeze, Apo let go of Lada, moving around her to face her again. Lada kept avoiding her gaze, head down and to the side. "Why shouldn't I?"
Silence, only broken by quiet tears.
Apo searched for Lada's eyes unsuccessfully. "I care about you, Chonlada. So why shouldn't I?"
"Because I'm a Watcharadecha!" She cried. "I'm the daughter of the Watchara group!" Another loud sob broke the silence. "My brother sent me to mess with you!"
Lada's jaw hurt. The air around her started to feel thick again—
Apo grabbed her chin, tender but firm. "Breathe." She commanded.
Lada gazed into Khun Apo's sure eyes, steady if still slightly concerned. She did as told.
Khun Apo nodded minutely, bringing her hand to gently massage Lada's jaw. "I know."
Lada blinked.
"I know." Apo repeated, searching into her eyes for something. For what? Lada couldn't tell. "I've known from the start."
"What?" She managed to sputter.
Khun Apo sighed. "You weren't exactly subtle, Chonlada."
"Then why..."
"At first," she started, rubbing small circles on the junction of the jaw and neck, "if I had fired you, your brother would've just sent someone else." Lada nodded, eyes cast down. "But then I saw how hardworking you actually were and how much you cared about others."
Lada grabbed Apo's hand, stopping her motions. "That doesn't explain why—"
"Because I care about you." Apo stared into her eyes. She swallowed. "You're a good person."
Lada shook her head. "That's—"
"The truth."
Silence filled the space as Lada took everything in. The static of the fridge reaching her ears, just like the voices of her downstairs neighbors and the honking of the cars outside. Her heartbeat skipped, the eyes in front of her earnest and genuine.
Lada worried her lip. "I don't know what to do." She whispered. "Phat, he's... I can't do anything to stop him."
"Then don't." Apo smiled a small grin. "Let me take care of it."
Lada blinked. She opened her mouth—
Her phone dinged.
Starting to cooperate? Accompanied by a picture, a selfie, of Phat and her mother, both smiling wide to the camera.
Lada closed her eyes shut as she slumped further onto the floor, phone falling from her hand as Apo caught her in her arms again. She had thought herself dry from any more tears. She was wrong.
Apo breathed in as her eyes zeroed in on the picture, holding Lada against her chest. "I can take care of it, I promise."
"I don't know what he'll do if I don't help him." Lada's arms wrapped around Apo, fingers gripping her button-up like a lifeline.
Apo rested her head on Lada's. "Then help him."
"Huh?" She dumbly said. She separated from Khun Apo to look at her, completely dumbfounded, tears still falling down her cheeks.
"Help him." Apo said simply, a smirk adorning her face. "That's what you'll do."