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Summary
Hermione Granger has been Mrs Malfoy for exactly eighteen months, three weeks and four days.
Almost nobody knows.
And if everything goes according to plan, nobody ever will.
Because Hermione wants a divorce.
Six months of secrets, locked doors and a husband who disappears in the middle of the night have finally accomplished what a war, twelve years of mutual hatred and the collective horror of their friends could not:
Hermione Granger is leaving Draco Malfoy.
Draco signs the papers.
That same night, somebody tries to kill her.
Unfortunately for Hermione, her estranged husband has several objectionable qualities: an obscene amount of money, an even more obscene amount of muscle courtesy of professional Quidditch, enough tattoos to scandalise his ancestors, a pathological inability to communicate—and absolutely no intention of allowing anyone to murder his wife.
The divorce can wait.
Apparently, so can their clothes.
Because the Malfoys have always been very good at making terrible decisions.
Especially together.