Chapter Text
The frigid February wind bit harshly at Nick’s skin as he held June tighter, her sobs echoing endlessly in his frozen ears. Even though they were surrounded by danger, at this moment the only thing in the world that mattered was supporting June.
The pain from the cold was nothing compared to the agony he felt over her suffering and his uselessness to combat it. He should have done more, done anything. He should have convinced the driver and Martha to hand Hannah over and let them escape with her. He should have convinced them to all escape together. He could have shot them and fled. He could have- Nick stopped himself there. Ruminating on his mistakes was selfish. June needed him now. He pressed another kiss to her head and held her more tightly. There was nothing he could say to make this better. Hannah was gone and June was close to having their baby and being forced to hand her over. There were no words in any language that would make things better.
He could feel her trembling in his arms as the snow soaked through her dress. “June,” he whispered gently, “Let’s go in. Get warm. Have some tea.”
Her fingers tightened on his collar, upset about the prospect of returning into that house, but he felt her accepting nod. Hot tea wasn’t enough, but it was the best he could do at the moment. It would help, if only a little.
Nick kept his hand firmly on June’s lower back as she slowly waddled inside, not stopping as they passed by the sitting room they’d been in earlier and moved into the breakfast nook in the spacious kitchen. Helping her ease onto the bench seat, he bent down and pressed another kiss to her forehead. He sighed a little as she leaned into his touch.
Stepping away, Nick moved to search through the sparse cupboards. “Earl Grey?” He held up the container, remembering that it was her favourite as the familiar fragrant scent washed over him. She nodded morosely and Nick felt a pang. He couldn’t begin to imagine her pain. To be parted from your child was unthinkable. To be parted from them like she had been today was beyond that.
After filling the kettle and setting it on the stove to boil, he moved to kneel in front of June. Taking her cold hands in his, his gaze found itself on her belly. They rarely had an unspoiled moment like this together and he knew they had to take advantage of the limited time that they had.
“Seems like she’s running out of room in there,” Nick finally whispered, blinking back tears. June snorted in amusement, shaking her head.
After a moment, she spoke. “She?”
He felt himself flushing as their eyes met, her gaze warm and affectionate.
“Just a feeling.”
“Me too,” she admitted, swallowing thickly, her gaze dropping to their joined hands in her diminishing lap.
With a faint smile, she moved his hands to her belly and pressed on them lightly, their baby jolting and stretching inside her at the pressure.
“This is your Daddy, baby,” June said softly.
The words hit him like a train. Jesus. He was completely overcome. He’d only ever been called Daddy in daydreams. It was all too much hearing it aloud from the love of his life.
“Hey, sweetie,” he whispered thickly, desperate to say something, anything, to their child, not knowing if he’d ever get another chance.
At the sound of his voice, she shifted restlessly, pressing back against his palms for the first time, making his heart stutter in his chest.
“She always moves a lot when you’re close by,” June admitted, her voice wavering. “She loves you so much.”
Exhaling shakily, Nick leaned his head onto her lap and pressed a tender kiss to her belly, breathing words of love for their child against her skin while June curled her fingers into his hair, her own breathing as ragged as his. He hoped desperately that their baby knew how much she was loved by them and how much they would fight for her, even if it ended up being from afar.
The moment was as intimate as he’d ever experienced and for this brief time there would be no interruptions, no roles to play, no dangerous people to watch out for. He could almost pretend it was a normal morning of them having breakfast together before heading off to work. Almost. The sword dangling above their heads was far too present for him to be able to forget about it entirely.
Behind him he could hear the sound of the water in the kettle as it slowly heated. He didn’t want to move and shatter this perfect moment, perhaps the only one they’d ever get to have of the three of them as a real family.
“Nick?” June murmured.
“Hmm?”
“I actually was looking forward to that cup of tea,” she said with a wry smile. He chuckled lightly as he stood and turned to his task.
“No milk. Sorry,” he sighed as he slid the steaming cup over and settled into the chair across from her.
June looked a bit put out as she stirred in a generous dollop of honey. “Too bad it’s too cold for you to go out and get some, darling.”
Smiling faintly, her eyes sparkled as the weak sunlight glowed in a halo around her. At that moment he was struck by her incredible beauty as he drank her in. God, he loved her so much that overwhelmed him completely. He’d never known it was possible to love like this.
Reaching out to touch her fingers flirtatiously, he played along, returning her slight smile. “Roads are terrible. Better off staying in.”
She took a sip of tea and sighed in satisfaction, stroking his hand slowly. “No worries, this is the best fucking tea I’ve ever had. I don’t need any milk, I just need you.”
Halfway through a swallow of his own, Nick ended up inhaling the liquid in shock, making his chest heave and eyes water at the painful burning sensation. As June fondly smiled at what were to him embarrassing coughs, all he could think was that he loved this woman so much and now he was starting to let himself believe that maybe, just maybe, she loved him too, just a little. He didn’t deserve any of this –her love or their baby– but God did he ever want it.
Standing abruptly, he smirked. “You’re right, this is amazing.” As he faced the cupboard, he composed himself for a second before snatching the container and stuffing the entire thing in his coat pocket,
“There, I went to the store.” June let out a loud, surprised laugh, making his heart soar at the sound.
“Can’t beat free,” she said with a snort, shaking her head ruefully.
As he sat down again, this time on the bench seat beside her, he felt her resting her fingers on his cheek, turning his face toward her. Knowing what she wanted, he kissed her, softly at first, then with more intensity, his hand trailing down her back, trying to make the most out of their last few minutes together in peace.
The sound of a distant clock chiming ended their increasingly desperate touches. Pulling back with a breathless sigh, he leaned his forehead against hers.
“We should probably get going,” he said regretfully.
Immediately, June became tense beside him, her breathing coming in sharp bursts.
“I wish-” She stopped herself quickly. “No point in wishing for anything here.”
Crushed by her sudden sadness, he kissed her again, trying to infuse all the love he felt into his touch. Far too soon they were forced to separate once more, knowing danger would come if they lingered too long.
Quickly finishing their teas, Nick washed the cups and returned them with the honey and canister of Earl Grey to the cupboards, erasing all traces of their presence here.
They were nearly back at the house when a loud moan from June in the backseat made him stop suddenly.
“You ok?”
Twisting in his seat, he saw her bent over, breathing rapidly.
“No, no, I-” she shook her head, gasping, and clawed at her bonnet, tearing it off, her hair tumbling down her shoulders in clumps. “I can’t go back! I can’t!” Her breathing came in short, shallow bursts, reminding Nick of Josh’s darkest moments of despair.
Terrified, he scrambled out of the car and opened her door, crawling into the back with her.
“June? June!?”
It was as if she couldn’t hear him. “I can’t go back, I can’t!” Her fists pounded wildly against his chest, making him flinch.
“Hey,” he said this time, his voice low and softer, finally catching her attention.
She lunged at him suddenly, wrapping her arms tightly around him as she began to sob. He grunted as she sunk her teeth into his shoulder in a failed attempt to stifle her cries.
He knew then that his suspicions from earlier in the day were right- something terrible had happened. What, he wasn’t sure, but it made him want to kill the Waterfords more than he ever had.
Gently rubbing her back, he breathed slowly and deeply and soon June began to calm, her breaths and heartbeat slowing to match his.
“It’s ok,” he reassured her, feeling her tears against his skin. “It’s ok.”
He felt her nod before she pulled away slightly, her fingers still clenched around the lapels of his jacket.
Gently, he brushed her tears away. “I love you,” he said firmly, his eyes locked onto hers. “Our baby loves you. Hannah loves you.”
She exhaled shakily, nodding “You love me,” she repeated. “Our baby loves me. Hannah-” her voice cracked and she couldn’t finish the sentence.
“Hannah loves you,” he completed for her, brushing away fresh tears as she nodded again, unable to speak.
Slowly, June relaxed, the tension leaving her body as she slumped tiredly against him. He wished he never had to let her go, but he had no choice. Who knew what eyes were scrutinizing them?
As he attempted to disentangle himself from her grip, her fingers clung to him. “I wish you could just drive away with me,” she breathed, the words dancing across his skin.
“I know. Me too,” he sighed. “Somewhere safe.”
She nestled more tightly against him, her heavy belly cradled protectively between them. He never wanted to let go. He wanted it to be the three of them together like this forever. Keep them safe forever.
“I’m gonna get you out of here. All three of you,” he promised.
She gave him a jerky nod, tears spilling down her cheeks again.
“They- they did something to me. To make our baby come.” Her words came out in a burst, simultaneously despondent and furious. June began to tremble all over again, the rest of the words getting lost. But she didn’t need to speak them for Nick to know the atrocity that the Waterfords had committed against her.
He felt completely helpless as he held her, at a total loss for what to do and furious at his own uselessness. He’d failed to get June and their baby out and now he’d failed to protect them from the Waterfords. What good was he?
His mind returned again to their time in the Boston Globe, back when he’d actually managed to keep them safe. Back to when she’d demanded to go and get Hannah and go north before realizing how insane the idea was. He remembered her clutching the gun as she thought things through. An idea struck him suddenly. It’d be crazy, suicidal, basically, but he had to do something.
“June,” he murmured into her ear, making her shiver. “Take my gun.”
She pulled back just enough to look him in the eyes. He nodded once, reassuring her. He’d be ok.
She uncurled her fingers from his collar and slowly slid her hands down his front, one hand resting over his pounding heart and the other continuing to his waist. He felt her ease the gun out of the holster on his hip, watching mutely as she carefully tucked it into her boot, leaving a bulky but relatively imperceptible hiding place. Nick wasn’t sure if he felt a weight lift off of him or if there was a newer, heavier one settling deep inside him. He hoped to God that she’d never need to use it. But he was relieved that she at least had something to protect herself and their baby.
“Ok?” He questioned again.
“Ok.” Her voice warbled, but her face was steady, determined, her eyes flickering again with the fire within.
He pressed a tender kiss to her forehead before returning to the driver’s seat, the rest of the ride uneventful. He was relieved that when they returned to the house, Rita was in the kitchen, a steaming pot of soup on the stove in front of her. He didn’t want to leave June in this house, but at least with Rita he knew he could trust she would do her best to look out for June.