Chapter Text
This was awful. His breath was still shallow and shaky even now, half an hour after sae had completely destroyed their dreams. Half an hour after sae had called him ‘half-baked’ ‘useless’ and basically a completely failure as a brother, soccer player and person in general. Slowly he reached his hand out to grab the blade that he usually had hidden away in his drawers , but had brought with him to the bathroom where he was now standing in front of the mirror.
He lifted the blade in the direction of the lamp. There was still some dried blood on it from the last time he had used it but that didn’t matter now. All that matter was that he got his mind off of what had just happened.
“Maybe I could cut myself up so badly that I would bleed to death”
He thought then shook his head. He didn’t want his brother to see him in such a pitiful state , especially not after what had happened before.
He carefully lowered the blade, to the skin of his arm and made a few harsh,deep cuts. The shot of pain that instantly traveled through his body was so nice and beautiful, that he could almost start crying - not out of pain but out of the relief to finally get rid of those pesky thoughts that were littering his mind not short before.
He looked down at the fresh cuts, blood was already beginning to bead and roll down his arm and into the sink. He sighed and put the blade to the side, then he grabbed a few sheets of toilet paper and started to dab at the cuts. After that was done he held his arm under low warm water for a few seconds and then wrapped white bandage that he had prepared in advance around his arm.
“I look kinda cool with this i guess… kinda like that Dazai guy from bsd. Now I just need to hope that nii- chan doesn’t notice it. Maybe I could just run away or something.. wait that’s actually not that bad of an idea. It’s not like my parents would even notice they’re never here anyways, and nii-chan probably couldn’t care less.”
He caught himself before he would start spiraling deeper into the pit. Running away didn’t seem like that bad of an idea to him. It would mean he could start a complete new life, somewhere completely new maybe he could even make friends there! The only question that remained was
“But where should I go? I have enough money saved up that I could fly somewhere by plane, but where? Whatever I’ll just google it later then I can also already book the flight and get everything ready. Yeah I’ll do that.”
He packed up the first aid kid where he got the bandages from and put it away again. Luckily he had already decided to shower and change into his pjs so now he could go to bed and plan his escape.
——
‘ good countries to live in Europe’
Was what he had decided to search. Rin had already decided that he wanted to runaway to Europe, because that’s where some of the best football clubs were located. He wouldn’t stop playing football just because he was running away no no, that would be giving up and he didn’t give up.
He waited for a few seconds for the answers to appear. Once they did he quickly scanned through them. There were options like Denmark, Sweden, Spain (definitely not , his brother was already there and he didn’t want to be in the same country as him), Germany, Italy, Finland and the uk, but nothing of those really caught his eye and none of those seemed nice enough to live in concidering he also had to learn the language.
Then he saw ‘if you want to live in a place with culture, good football, good cuisine and warm temperatures France would also be a good option’
“France huh? That could be nice.. the language might be a bit hard to learn but what European language wasn’t ? Maybe I can jump off a bridge there somewhere, my final moments would be in a beautiful country far away from my parents, sae and everyone.”
Yeah he was going to do that. He proceeded to book his flight (and a hotel room) it was relatively cheap considering he was flying from Japan. Rin stood up from bed and went to his closet to pick out and pack all the clothes that he needed.
Once he was finished packing he plopped back down on his bed. He hadn’t packed much really, it was just a few clothes, his trainings stuff (excluding his football he could just buy a new one), his hygiene stuff, his charger and his melatonin gummies (he had insomnia and couldn’t sleep without them). All of it fit in one dark blue duffle bag , that was now sitting at the foot of his bed.
Deciding that he should go to sleep now, since at 4 am tomorrow he already had to be up and awake so that he could get to the airport on time. Sleep came surprisingly easy this time, maybe it was cause his mind was still foggy from cutting himself, or maybe it was because tomorrow he was finally gonna leave all of this behind, whatever it was he was grateful for it.
——
He was awoken from his surprisingly refreshing slumber by his annoying alarm that he had set the night before. A quick glance at his phone told him it was 4:01 am.
“Okay let’s do this.”
He thought as he got up from his bed and headed for the bathroom. In the bathroom he quickly showered , brushed his teeth, combed through his hair, re-wrapped his bandages and put on his clothes that he had so meticulously picked out yesterday. The outfit was simple slightly baggy black jeans, a white shirt, a grey hoodie and a black jacket. Once he felt ready he headed back to his room.
Looking back one last time at the place where he spent a good amount of his childhood felt a bit sad but he knew it was for the best. He quickly grabbed his duffle bag and left his clean room. He crept down the stairs to the front door as quietly and quickly as possible. Not wanting to buy any of the other priced food that the airport had to offer he grabbed an apple, a water bottle and two protein bars for the flight.
He luckily made it out the house without his parents or sae for that matter noticing. He quickly made his way to the train station where he got on the train for around 2 hours to get to the nearest international airport. Once at the airport he let out a sigh. It was now 5:43 am, his flight to france left at 7 am, so he still had some time to get to his gate and stuff.
The waiting time felt endless and it had only been 37 minutes. Rin was scrolling on his phone completely bored. As expected no one had noticed he was gone yet well that was what the 0 notifications on his phone said. He sighed and opened and app to learn other languages, if he was going to move to France he might as well start practicing the language.
He didn’t get very far tho because soon after the announcement came that his flight was now boarding. Rin stood up and made his way onto the plane. He had written down some basic words and sentences in French on his phone and he had downloaded some offline French stories to practice his (very very bad) reading.
Once settled into his seat he took out his phone and headphones. In the almost 15 hours he was going to be stuck on this very plane he was gonna learn more French , listen to some music and most importantly rest a little bit more.