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The clock on the shelf softly ticked off the hour. Two in the morning found Papika wide awake, her mind a jumble of thought and emotion. Cocona had long since gone to bed if the soft breathing in the darkness next to her was any indication. And so there she sat in the bed, wide awake, listening to the sleeping sounds of the object of her affection. Love. Everything she felt for Cocona had always just seemed so –natural-. It wasn’t a complicated thing, none of that will she won’t she worry that seemed to plague most everyone they knew when it came to love. Papika loved Cocona and that was the way of it.
Or at least that’s what she thought she felt. All this talk of mutuality, commitment and a bunch of words that went over Papika’s head. The things that their friends at school liked to whisper to each other about whenever talk of a significant other came up, as it quite often did with high school girls. Suddenly a new emotion, one that Papika was quite inexperienced with when it came to Cocona, made itself known to her: doubt.
Papika had started to feel a lot of strange emotions. Some of them were pleasant. Some of them were confusing and frightening. A lot of them had to do with Cocona. Well actually, most of them had to do with Cocona. She didn’t really know what had even set her off that day. Cocona had gotten frustrated with her as she was wont to do, nothing out of the ordinary for the two of them. But for some reason seeing Cocona scowl like that drove an icy wave of fear through Papika. Next she knew she was sobbing about screwing up and how Cocona wouldn’t love her anymore and this and that. The tears just kind of came and didn’t stop.
For her part, Cocona had immediately softened at the sight of sight of Papika’s tears and had rushed to her girlfriend’s side to comfort her, her expression awash with concern and confusion. Papika had cried and Cocona had reassured her. Eventually it all subsided as quickly as it had come on.
Papika supposed she had just never realized the gravity of her feelings for Cocona. To her it had all been instinctual. Love for Cocona was as normal as breathing or walking. It was like a familiar scent, like the smell of a fireplace on a cold night: warm, inviting, relaxing, and perhaps a bit consuming if she let herself feel that way. Perhaps seeing Cocona’s face twist and anger and frustration made the potential fragility of their relationship apparent. Or maybe it was those half imagined scenarios where Cocona would get tired of her and storm out of her life. Perhaps she was just a hormonal mess.
A short fit of restlessness saw Cocona turn over and grab Papika’s arm, pulling the appendage close to her chest. Cocona’s warmth quickly found its way up Papika’s arm and into her cheeks. Or maybe that was just her reacting to the sudden contact. “Mmloveyou” Cocona muttered in her sleep, and in an instant all the worry in the world was an afterthought compared to the glowing love she felt for the girl next to her.
Papika couldn’t help but grin. Perhaps she –had- been a bit careless of Cocona’s feelings. And perhaps she was being an emotional mess. They both could be at times. Maybe she might just be overthinking things a little bit. But despite it all, Cocona was there, next to her, as she always was and always had been these past couple years. They had survived brigands, giant monsters, battering by all manner of colorful weaponry, and even an overly protective mother and best friend. And in the end Cocona had stuck by her, dedicated her life to exploring Pure Illusion with her, and declared her undying love for her. Fear and doubt were just passing things, another obstacle to overcome, but one that she would gladly conquer for this girl.
Smiling to herself, Papika eased down under the covers turning to face her love. She placed a quick peck on the girl’s forehead before closing her eyes as she felt the exhaustion of the day wash over her. “Good night, my Cocona.”
