Work Text:
tippy tap..
tpippy tap tap tip...
tip tipat taip tip tip tap tap tip......................
..
"Okay, what is the purpose of all this incessant TAPPING??" I exclaim, before I recoil backward at the sound of my own voice. MY voice. The voice of the great Subspace T. Mine, known all throughout Blackrock, known throughout EVERYWHERE actually. I'm very famous. And my voice, normally a bit rough around the edges due to predisposed medical conditions sure, isn't my proudest trait.
But it does not normally sound like MEOWING!!
I open my eyes in horror. What I see, however, astounds me more..
I see a screen, not unlike the wonderful ones I've put on the biografts so they can see. But this one.. It is a blank, empty white, for everything but one thing.
Crudely drawn animals. HUNDREDS of them, of questionable quality, all filling up this screen.
But this is not where the horror ends. No no, you see, my very real diary. It gets worse.
Every time I try to speak (I do this quite a few times, mind you, to confirm that my hypothesis is correct. Subspace T. Mine is nothing but practical.), a word comes out of one of the creatures mouths. Not only that, but it's completely nonsensical!! I have never heard of this word being used anywhere, except.. now that I think about it, I think that Hyperlaser has said something akin to it at me before. Every time, I believed he was mocking me.. but was this some sort of horrid prophecy??
..."Meow".
Did he.. did he KNOW that this was coming? That one day, my vision would awake to poorly drawn cartoon animals, constant "Meow"s whenever I try to speak, and an incessant tap, tap, tap in the place of EVERY WORD I WRITE IN MY PERSONAL REAL DIARY??
..perhaps this is the afterlife.
I would not be surprised if he knew what it were, I mean. He had such a mysterious past he never even cared to tell me about, I would not be shocked if he had some suspicious knowledge from the swords somewhere in there. Had they told him about this? Had he seen it himself, with how close he got to death?
..he must have.
Back to the matter at hand, which is much more pressingly important than any subordinate could possibly be.
See, I have been watching these creatures. As I noted earlier, my dearest diary, I have realized something very important- one of these entities seems to be attached to ME. Shocking, I know, given that I did not use to be one of these crude attempts at drawing me (who does not look at all like one of these in real life).
First off, it's gotten my horn color COMPLETELY inaccurate. It's PINK! PINK!!! The only possible outcome here is that this callous rendition of me is referencing my old horns, but.. that STILL does not add up!! It only has TWO HORNS!! Two on the top of this creatures head, but nowhere near as long as my upper horns, and without even so much as a bend. BOTH sets of my horns have one, mind you. No, these horns are stubs, and almost completely straight at that..
AS WELL, in the same horrible memory of a color, this horrific afterlife has given me a TAIL?? Not only that, but it's such a thin thing, there would be absolutely no realistic application to it. If it ended in a point as thin as the rest of it, it would be useful for hypothetical lockpicking..
..not that I, Subspace T. Mine, Blackrock's greatest, would have ever learned how to do something so preposterous. All of my actions were COMPLETELY approved by my higher ups, and I have NEVER LOOKED INTO SOMETHING FOR FROWNED UPON REASONS.
.
..ahem. Where was I?
That's right. This tail.. it ends in a triangle. Useless to me, really!! What application would I have for THIS??
Not that I wouldn't be able to find one. I'm one of the smartest people ALIVE, I would find a use for a triangle tail!! I just shouldn't need to!! Why do I have this!!
NOT ME. This creature. This beast. This is not me. I do not know what this is, and I have no correlation to anything going on at the moment, and Hyperlaser really could have given me more prewarning-
As well as everything important I've noted down previously, the body of this creature is also a terrible pink. Not mine!! Mine does NOT look like this, diary!! I can see your disapproving eyes from here, I CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE!!
No, this pink is.. softer, almost. Easier on the eyes. Not as vibrant, or neon.. and therefore, WORSE. The pink of my current horns is exactly what I wanted, I quite enjoy their appearance, everyone who has ever tried to convince you otherwise is LYING. No, no, the pink of my horns is incredible because of how much they hurt your eyes to look at. I am not a coward, and I can look at them without discomfort. Obviously.
As well, as if this cruel hellscape did not want to burden me with one more issue.. It has given me a face. One so specifically rancid, I could only think to describe it with symbols that were clearly meant to never be used in this manner..
:3
^^LIKE THAT. IT'S TERRIBLE. DO YOU SEE HOW BAD THIS IS?? I, SUBSPACE T. MINE, SMILE WITH NOTHING BUT THE UTMOST DIGNITY. THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS IS. THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS IS AT ALL. I WOULD NEVER MAKE THIS EXPRESSION??
Which is why, therefore, I am sending a part of this next diary entry to Hyperlaser to hold him accountable for the crimes against a high ranking member of Blackrock (me, in this situation, YES IT COUNTS). It will go as follows:
Dear Hyperlaser.
I know you've done this to me.
Through your words, I've deciphered that you knew exactly what was going to happen to me, and where. Despite this, you have only ever mocked me with this information, instead of LETTING ME KNOW??
For this reason and this reason alone, as well as my myriad of other reasons that I have that you will not be hearing about, I have realized that you in particular have done this to me. That's right. I've figured out your plans, your cryptic messages, and all of your intonations behind them all..
And I therefore know that this is all your fault.
Your superior,
Subspace T. Mine
(Somewhere, Hyperlaser checks his inbox with extreme confusion.)
(This sentiment only gets multiplied tenfold when, after checking on Subspace in person, he is notified quite callously that the infernal had died earlier the same day of the email.)
(He will forever be haunted by the idea of being so despised by the researcher that they managed to write an email blaming him after the time of their death.)