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“..ina! Lady Furina!”
Furina groaned slightly from where she lay, a heaviness blanketing her mind as the world around her faded in and out of focus.
“…edene, please hurry! She requires immediate medical assistance. Yes, I have been trying my best.”
Furina squinted upwards, eyes trying to adjust as large hands pulled her closer to a hazy figure beside her. A cold splash of water hit her arms, the tell-tale sounds of hydro accompanying the frantic mumbling of a low and familiar voice. Calming, despite the circumstances.
“Neuvillette?” Her voice came out choked and wobbly, quieter than anything she’s spoken for centuries. “Wha- what’s happening?”
“Ah, Lady Furina,” the man breathed out a sigh of relief at the proof of life, watching her blink blearily from the floor as he continued to- wait, heal? That can’t be right. The Chief Justice is no healer. It’s why she was so sure in the first place that she would-
The thought slammed into her, the reminder of how she got here jarring her into wakefulness. “No… no, no, no!”
“It is alright, Lady Furina.” Neuvillette spoke in that stern yet gentle voice of his, a shakiness present that Furina was sure only she could sense breaking through his façade. “Relax. I have only just gotten you stable; we do not wish for you to overexert yourself.”
Tears gathered in Furina’s eyes as she tried to steady her rapidly increasing breathing. “No,” she whispered to herself. It can’t have been for nothing. It can't.
“There was attempt made on your life. Thankfully, I happened upon you just in time to perform some rudimentary healing," Neuvillette explained. "I will have to thank Sigewinne for her insistence on teaching me the next time I see her. You gave me quite the fright there. There was…" his voice trailed off as he glanced at the floor around her. "There is a lot of blood."
"Oh," Furina said in a small voice.
“Do not worry," the Iudex continued, seemingly uncertain on how to reassure the girl in clear distress in front of him. "The Gardes have been dispatched, and I am certain that the perpetrator should be swiftly discovered and detained. Moreover, a proper doctor should be arriving with Sedene any moment now, so you need not worry about your physical state.”
Greeted with silence, Neuvillette placed a careful hand in Furina’s, and spoke softly. “It must have been a terrifying experience. I am truly sorry that you have had to experience it.”
The unwavering kindness was what finally broke her, tears spilling in fast streams as sobs wracked her weakened body.
"I'm- I-" Furina wasn't quite sure what she wanted to say. Was she sorry? Scared, or angry? The words refused to come out anyway.
The two of them stayed like that for what could have been a minute or maybe an hour, Furina crying to herself on the floor while Neuvillette held onto her hand with his steady presence. It was all too soon before the doors burst open and a flood of noise came through.
"In here! Quickly, quickly!"
"Lady Furina!"
"How could this have…"
"Ah! Oh deary me, what…"
"So much blood!"
"What a disastrous…"
"Enough!" Neuvillette's voice boomed over the chatter, letting go of his grip and standing suddenly. Furina curled in on herself slightly, mourning the loss of his stable comfort.
"Sedene, thank you for your haste. Melusines, your concern is appreciated, but please remain outside for now. Are you the doctor? Yes, the bleeding has stopped for now, but please be quick."
There was a light pattering of feet as several small melusines exited the room, leaving Furina to be tended to.
The doctor was quiet and focused, working expertly with anemo to clear, disinfect, and wrap the wounds on either wrist. It was all too soon that she was finished, and finally addressed her patient.
"Is there any significant pain, Lady Furina?"
What a great question. Pain… what even was pain? Furina thought about it, head spinning dizzily from a mix of the blood loss and crying. Pain was something you felt from the inside out, tearing away at your soul and rotting your every thought and waking moment. Pain was what she was feeling before she took up her blade and- . Well, pain was something she was well acquainted with. Not this… material throbbing she was vaguely aware of from the outermost layers of her self.
"That's alright," the doctor said kindly, and Furina realised she'd forgotten to respond. "Monsieur Neuvillette, if you would be so kind to help me move our lady to her bed? All she can do now is rest. She may be an archon, but too much vision healing at once can still have adverse effects. And for injury as severe as this…"
Her voice trailed off, and Furina felt the soft sink of the mattress below her as she was placed down, her mind beginning to drift off. The doctor's words washed away into the background, speaking in a low voice to the other about something she couldn't quite catch.
Neuvillette's form reappeared over her, shooting her a concerned look. "Sleep, Furina. You must regain your strength. " His words washed over her as she faded into sleep once more.
—
Waking was a disappointing experience.
Opening her eyes, Furina took note of the bright sky peeking through the window and Neuvillette reading some papers by her bed. Some time must have passed by now, and she was alive to see another and another and another and another day.
Disappointing.
With the rush of exhaustion and panic over, all that was left to feel was a dull nothingness. Well, at least it was better than the overwhelming guilt that was already beginning to set in.
That brief moment of selfishness was one that she would have to live with forever now.
How utterly foolish she had been, thinking she could leave the world and any all her regrets behind. The thought of sacrificing her nation, her own people, just so her suffering might end…
Do the dead feel guilt?
Furina breathed out a long sigh. Turned her head to look out at her room. Clean, with no lingering evidence of her shame.
The little movement was enough to alert Neuvillette of her wakefulness, and the man cleared his throat in acknowledgement, placing his papers down.
"Lady Furina," he started uncertainly. "You're awake."
"Don't sound too glad," Furina mumbled, pulling herself up into a sitting position.
"I was merely caught off guard." Neuvillette seemed slightly taken aback by the lack her of usual energy that she would maintain each day from the instant she rose in the morning. She should probably rectify that. She didn't need him getting too suspicious.
"Yes, well," She paused for a second, searching for her character that under any other circumstance, she would be able to easily fall into. "Your archon is awake and alive! This should be an occasion of great celebration for you."
The words fell flat and Furina winced, quickly looking for a way to cover it up. "Hmph. Never mind that. So, my dear Neuvillette, what exactly is it that you're here for? Was there some matter you wished to speak to me about? Some… excitement, perhaps?"
"Furina, it's only me here. You must be tired; there is no need for you to put up your front."
Furina laughed nervously. "Whatever do you mean? No no, don't answer that. I presume there was something you wanted to ask?"
Neuvillette gave her a sad look (yes, yes! Notice me! Help me!) and sighed. "Are you feeling alright? Better?"
No. "Why of course! All thanks to my brilliant subjects and your quick thinking. Never felt-" she cleared her throat, desperate to get rid of the feeling of building tears, before flashing her signature smile and continuing. "Never felt better! Haha…ha…"
"If you are sure," Neuvillette frowned. Furina nodded quickly, eager for him to drop it. "I was wondering if you can recall what exactly happened in the moments leading up to the attack. The Gardes have been unable to trace it back to anyone, and there have been no reports of any suspicious behaviour from anyone."
Oh, right. An attack. Furina vaguely recalled someone saying something about that, and it was certainly a good explanation. How else would mortals dare to explain their archon bleeding out of her slit wrists? Yes, it would be the perfect cover for her sin of freedom. But… lying would only waste the city's resources, and how long had it been seen she'd gotten to be honest with anyone?
"No." Furina shifted her gaze away. "I didn't see anyone."
"An ambush then," Neuvillette mused.
Furina kept her head down, fiddling with the edge of her shirt and saying nothing.
"Lady Furina?"
"Yes?"
"The doctor pointed out the… unusual nature of the wounds to me. Certainly not something that would be done by any sort of common assassin. And she was concerned that—forgive me for saying this—but she brought to my attention that they appear, well, self-inflicted. Is that s-"
Neuvillette's words were promptly cut off by the laughter let out in a panic by Furina, a harsh, unnatural sound.
"Oh my, what a- a bold and preposterous statement!" Furina continued to laugh, her voice rising in pitch. She probably sounded a bit manic, but really, when did she not? "My subjects have quite vivid and creative imaginations! Yes, yes. Indeed! It is to be admired, is it not?"
"I do not think that this is-"
"Very creative!" Furina's smile didn't quite reach her eyes, but she smiled nonetheless. "Thank you for your concern, Monsieur Neuvillette, but I'm afraid I must now ask you to leave so I may continue my rest."
With her persona plastered messily over bone deep exhaustion, Furina felt her smile begin to fade as Neuvillette's saddened eyes failed to break contact with hers.
"Focalors. I may be but a mere subordinate to you, yet I have known you for your entire godhood. I have come to care deeply for you and—warranted or not—I am concerned for you. Please, Furina, tell me. Are you truly alright?"
Furina hesitated. Could this be it? Someone to confide in to help her carry her burden? No, she remembered the words of her mirror-self. She could not be selfish ever again, or all of Fontaine would pay the price. Neuvillette would not be her witness. But perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to let him see the mess backstage, if only for a moment.
"I'm tired, Neuvillette."
"I know." Neuvillette's voice was soothing as he wrapped her in a gentle embrace. "It is alright. I am here."
Furina leaned into the hug as if clinging onto her last lifeline, and simply let herself be held while she retreated back into the depths of her mind.
In the quiet of the room, she distantly noted the sound of rain pouring down outside. Not uncommon, but certainly unusual for it to be this heavy. Maybe it was a sign. To give in, and let herself be washed away alongside her people and their sins. Maybe it was all futile, and her centuries of effort would only prove worthless after thousands of years more.
Or maybe she could forget being Focalors or Furina and just exist in this time and space, nestled in the warmth of her oldest companion and dreaming of an end to her never-ending performance.
Maybe.