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Harvey was lost. He had been since the attack at the debate. Ever since the sharp, stabbing pain and the fog that had subsequently entered his mind there had been a voice in his head, a painfully familiar voice, telling him that he wasn’t good enough, he wasn’t strong enough, he needed to be stronger, he was the Mayor now, and yet he had been so weak and so helpless up on that stage, and everyone had seen how weak he was, how useless he was, they would hate him now that they knew he was weak...
Harvey had struggled with anxiety and a few other related psychological issues before, but it had never been quite this bad. He had talked to his psychiatrist following the incident, and Doctor Quinzel had helped, she really had, but he needed to talk to someone he was close to, someone who actually cared about him. He didn’t want to be left alone for too long with the voice. He felt like he was breaking apart every time it began it’s insidious whispering.
For a long time he had considered stopping by to see Selina, but she had been rather distant of late. He had been hoping that they might become more than friends, and for a while it had seemed as though she might have been interested in him as well, but lately it felt as though she didn’t want anything to do with him.
He found himself swinging by the coffee shop down the road from Selina’s place, knowing that she had a soft spot for their cappuccinos, and had actually gotten as far as standing in front of the counter and being asked for his order before he realized what a colossal mistake he was making.
Why did he want to visit Selina? What the hell did he expect her to do? Comfort him? She hadn’t even visited him when he was in hospital. He liked her. He really did. She was beautiful, intelligent, independent; everything that he had thought that he wanted in a lover.
But right now she was too much of a risk. The odds of her breaking his heart seemed just as high as her actually being able to comfort him at that moment.
He ended up ordering one lone coffee and curled up in a corner of the cafe, nursing the cup of hot liquid between his hands and trying to think.
The cafe was full of people talking, laughing and going about their lives, and yet he felt so incredibly lonely. When Harvey glanced around at the nearby tables he found a couple of the strangers staring back at him. When their eyes met they quickly looked away from him and turned back to their individual conversations.
They’re talking about you. They know who you are...
Harvey couldn’t even tell the voice that it was wrong this time. His face had been plastered all over the city ever since he had started his campaign to become mayor, and it had been all over the news for the past couple of weeks, more so since the debate. Of course they knew who he was.
He needed to get away from them all. He needed safety. He needed...
He needed Bruce. Bruce was safe. Despite everything that had happened between the two of them; the bad press about Bruce’s family, Harvey’s campaign managers (and now his advisers) telling Harvey to stay away from him, and the fact that Harvey had been less than stable lately (he knew that he had) Bruce had stood by him, always the most supportive and loyal friend that Harvey could have possibly asked for.
You don’t deserve him, the voice taunted. Sooner or later he’s going to realize what we really are and then he’s going to want to get rid of you, just like everyone else does.
“No, that’s not true,” Harvey said, squeezing the coffee cup in his hands a little too tightly and sending some of the hot liquid within spilling onto the table in front of him.
He realized then that he had spoken out loud, practically shouted even, and when he looked up he found a couple of the cafe’s other patrons staring at him. He hastily grabbed a couple of paper napkins from the nearby tray and mopped up the spilled liquid. He then stood up, downed what coffee was left in one go and stalked out of the cafe, unable to meet anyone’s eyes as he left.
He couldn’t bear to be alone any longer.
Harvey arrived at Wayne Manor clutching a paper bag containing two bacon and egg bagels and trying not to feel too awkward. Harvey hadn’t felt right showing up unannounced, at least not without at least bringing Bruce breakfast, but now he felt like an idiot. Why the hell would Bruce want his stupid bagels when he had a butler to cater to his every whim?
At least Alfred smiled when he answered the door, and Harvey’s unprompted explanation for the paper bag made him smile again.
“Most thoughtful,” Alfred said as he took the bag from Harvey. “Although I’m not sure that’s necessary. Master Bruce informs me that he has already eaten this morning. Perhaps after the press conference?”
“What press conference?” Harvey asked. “My advisers didn’t tell me about...”
He suspected there was a lot that his advisers didn’t tell him about, especially when it came to Bruce Wayne. After all, they were still of the opinion that Harvey Dent should have as little to do with the other man as possible. Bruce was bad for public opinion. Harvey wasn’t sure he gave a damn what public opinion thought anymore. Bruce was his friend.
Alfred sighed.
“Perhaps it would be better if Master Bruce told you himself.”
He stood aside so that Harvey could enter the manor.
“The last couple of days have been hard on him,” Alfred said. “Perhaps a friendly face is just what he needs.”
Harvey found Bruce standing in front of his bedroom mirror.
“Bruce,” Harvey greeted him simply, suddenly unsure as to whether or not he would be welcome. After all, if Bruce was busy...
Bruce froze halfway through doing up his tie and looked over his shoulder. When he spotted Harvey his eyes lit up and Harvey was treated to the most warm, beautiful smile that he could possibly imagine. In that moment Bruce’s smile, and the thought that someone could be that genuinely happy to see him was almost enough to banish Harvey’s demons all by itself.
Harvey almost ran across the room and wrapped his arms around Bruce in the tightest bear hug imaginable but stopped himself at the last second. He wanted to hold Bruce in his arms (oh god how he wanted to) but he didn’t want to appear that weak or needy. The last thing that he wanted was to scare Bruce off. If Bruce knew... If he knew how weak and needy Harvey had become...
“Hey Harv,” Bruce said, getting back to his tie.
“Hi,” Harvey replied, forcing himself not to think too hard on the fact that Bruce’s simple greeting had been more pleasant and energizing than the cup of coffee he had purchased that morning.
He had worked out what he was going to say ahead of time; that he wanted to talk to Bruce about something, and then they would sit down with the bagels and a drink or two, and he would thank Bruce for being there for him, and then he would slowly lead up to the fact that he had been feeling quite scared and lost of late. He had never found it easy to admit when he wasn’t doing so well, or when he was in need of help, but surely with this script he couldn’t go wrong.
And yet the words that he had planned immediately disappeared when Bruce looked at him once more.
“Is something wrong?” Bruce asked him.
“I...” Harvey stumbled over his words. “Yes...”
Bruce’s eyes shot wide open. He looked... well, not scared as such, but certainly alarmed.
“Don’t worry, it’s nothing too bad,” Harvey immediately corrected himself. Damn it all, why did he have to be so awkward? He should have brought the bagels with them rather than passing them on to Alfred, so then he would at least have something to offer the other man. As it was he just stood there floundering.
“Alfred told me that you have a press conference to attend, so if you want I can come back another time,” he continued.
Bruce frowned in response to that. God damn it. He was stuffing this up so badly.
As if it wasn’t bad enough that you need help, now you’re too much of a coward to actually ask for it? The voice chuckled. You can’t even talk to your friend without screwing up and making a fool of yourself. Look at him. He hates you now. He thinks you’re weak.
“No,” Harvey told the voice. He had kept his voice low, but Bruce apparently still heard it, because he had actually been reaching out towards Harvey in that moment, but suddenly stopped.
“Harv, are you all right?” Bruce asked.
“My problems really aren’t all that important,” Harvey argued. “They can wait.”
“Yes they are,” Bruce immediately fired back. “You’re important to me, so if there’s something wrong then I want to hear about it now. The press conference isn’t for another hour or so. I have time, and even if I didn’t I’d gladly make the press wait if it meant hearing you out and making sure that you’re going to be okay.”
Bruce gestured to the bed, which just happened to be the nearest surface that they could both comfortably sit on. Harvey couldn’t help but notice that it was still perfectly made. He wouldn’t have been surprised if Bruce had spent the night somewhere else and hadn’t even slept in it. Harvey wondered who it was that had Bruce’s attention this time. Whoever she was, she was undoubtedly beautiful, and probably nowhere near the needy, emotional wreck that Harvey was proving himself to be.
Harvey, somewhat reluctantly, sat down on the bed, and after a couple of moments Bruce joined him there.
God, this was all so much more difficult than Harvey had anticipated it would be. How was he supposed to begin talking? ‘Bruce, I need help?’, ‘Bruce, when I’m alone too long the voices get really bad, so can I just stay around you for a while, please?’ No, no matter how he thought about it there was no way that he could say what he needed to say without sounded weak, and pathetic, and no matter what happened next it wouldn’t change the fact that he would never in a million years be worth Bruce’s time.
He should have never deviated from the script. The script... What was he supposed to say first?
“Thank you,” Harvey began, “for taking the time to listen to me. It means a lot.”
There. That had been easy enough.
“No problem,” Bruce said, smiling in his direction again. “What are friends for? Now, are you going to tell me what’s wrong, or do I need to guess?”
Bruce’s tone was joking, but the look on his face said that he was not. He was completely serious about this. If Harvey didn’t know any better then he might have thought that Bruce was worried about him.
Of course he’s worried about you. You’re pathetic, and you’re acting strange and irrational.
Harvey silently told the voice to shut up and did his best to return Bruce’s smile.
“I... I just...”
This part was still hard, one of the hardest things that he had ever done. It shouldn’t have been, but it was.
“I haven’t been...”
He gestured helplessly with his hands. Bruce waited patiently for Harvey to get his thoughts in order, watching him with something that might have been a little too close to pity for Harvey’s liking.
“Since the attack,” Harvey began. “I haven’t... I haven’t exactly been doing well.”
“Well that’s understandable,” Bruce finally said, almost sounding relieved. “That whole thing was pretty messed up. Have you talked to anyone about it?”
“Aside from my psychiatrist?” Harvey asked, doing his best to smile as though this was all nothing but a joke that they might be able to laugh over later. “No, you’re the first. I mean, I did talk to my psychiatrist but you’re the first person aside from her... the first friend I’ve actually...”
Damn it, Bruce wasn’t just the first, he was the only friend that Harvey could open up to like this. He was the only one that Harvey felt even remotely this close to, and the only one that Harvey trusted this much.
He didn’t know what to say next. He was lost again.
Bruce reached out and placed a hand on Harvey’s shoulder, squeezing it gently. Harvey hadn’t realized how badly he had needed the comforting touch of another human being until that exact moment. Bruce’s touch and silent support was all that was needed for his barriers to come tumbling down.
Within moments he felt tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He choked them back, but when he next looked over at Bruce he found his friend staring at him with even more sympathy and compassion than he had been displaying earlier.
“It’s okay,” Bruce told him. “You’re with me. You’re safe now. Whatever you have to say, you can say it.”
“I... I just... I just don’t want to be alone right now. I can’t be alone with him. Not now.”
Bruce didn’t ask who the ‘him’ that Harvey had mentioned was. He just shuffled over a little so that instead of simply touching one of Harvey’s shoulders, he had his entire arm wrapped around Harvey’s broad back.
“You’re not alone Harvey,” Bruce spoke softly. “I’m right here with you.”
And that was it. Harvey couldn’t stop himself from crying anymore. The tears spilled down his cheeks, completely unchecked. He tried to speak, but the only sounds that came from his throat then was a sort of gross, undignified sobbing.
Between sobs he at least managed to get out Bruce’s name, and the other man reacted by wrapping his arms around Harvey and pulling him close. Harvey wrapped his own arms around Bruce in turn, clinging to the other man and crying into his shoulder.
This was not how he had imagined this talk going. Bruce was holding him and cooing to him like he was nothing more than a child. Damn it all. He was mortified to know that he had broken down and acted so weak in front of Bruce.
And yet the feeling of simply being held by another human being was more amazing in that moment than he had ever thought possible. He knew that he was being weak; hell, he was being downright pathetic; but the gentle touch of Bruce’s hand as it rubbed Harvey’s back, and the warmth of the other man’s chest against his own was so perfectly relaxing that he didn’t want to give it up. Not yet.
Bruce continued to mutter comforting words to him, and one of his hands moved up to thread through Harvey’s hair. The touch was so relaxing that Harvey couldn’t stop himself from letting out a tiny moan of pleasure. There was nothing sexual about the touch, or about Harvey’s reaction to it, although had Bruce been doing this to him at another time he could have easily imagined events unfolding in such a manner.
He waited for Bruce’s inevitable insistence that they needed to stop; the gentle press of Bruce’s hand on Harvey’s shoulder pushing him back from the embrace, or the muttered hint that the embrace had gone on for long enough; but it never came. Bruce let Harvey simply cling to Bruce and bask in all of his gentle touches for as long as Harvey wanted.
When Bruce finally did open his mouth to speak, it was not, as Harvey had feared, to chastise him. Bruce had been partway through rubbing his hand in comforting circles on Harvey’s back, while Harvey pressed his face into the crook of Bruce’s neck, when the smaller man, in a tone as gentle and soft as a warm blanket, whispered into Harvey’s ear.
“You feeling any better?” he asked.
Harvey didn’t want to say yes. If he said yes then Bruce would undoubtedly stop touching him.
He had already stolen too much of Bruce’s time though. To demand any more would be dishonest and wrong.
“Much better,” he said, meaning it. “Thank you.”
In the end he was the one to start pulling away from Bruce, lifting his head from the other man’s shoulder just enough to be able to look at the other man’s face. Bruce was smiling at him, a warm genuine smile that made Harvey want to start crying all over again. Bruce didn’t look at all upset by Harvey’s behavior. If anything he looked pleased by it.
Harvey wanted to ask the other man what was going on, but he hadn’t even formulated the correct words before Bruce was leaning down to place a feather-light kiss on Harvey’s forehead.
He should have been mortified. Bruce was treating him like a child again. He wasn’t mortified though, or even worried. In fact the kiss, like all of Bruce’s touches, just served to relax him even more.
He felt so safe in Bruce’s arms; so loved. It was not a feeling that he was particularly used to, but it was one that he definitely liked, and he was afraid that he would want more of it from Bruce before long.
He really had clung to Bruce for too long though, and as soon as Bruce’s lips had left Harvey’s forehead he disentangled himself from the other man’s arms and got back to his feet, afraid that if he lingered with Bruce for too long then he would end up doing something that they would both regret.
Harvey tried to focus on straightening his shirt sleeves and pretending that nothing unusual had happened, feeling incredibly awkward again as he did.
Bruce made getting back to his feet and righting himself look effortless and elegant.
Harvey found himself staring at the other man as he finished getting ready. Bruce caught him a couple of times, but while Harvey was tempted to look away whenever their eyes met, Bruce seemed completely unperturbed, and always had a smile waiting for the other man.
“Hey Harv,” Bruce said just before the two of them were ready to walk out the door. “Did you want to come to the press conference with me? No pressure... I’m sure you’re busy and all, but ah... I could really do with having someone in my corner for this thing.”
Harvey didn’t know how much the request was because Bruce really wanted him there, and how much it was just Bruce wanting to keep an eye on him and make sure that he was okay. Either way Harvey wasn’t sure that he wanted to be alone just yet, so he smiled at Bruce and nodded.
“Sure,” he told the other man. “You want me there, I’ll be there. After all, what are friends for?”