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“Marley,” Ilya corners Cliff one day after practice, shoving him up against the lockers despite the fact that Ilya is a good few inches shorter than him.
They’re the last ones there, so it shocks Cliff when Ilya confronts him. “Uhhh, I’m sorry?”
Ilya frowns, “What are you saying sorry for?”
“I don’t know,” Cliff shrugs, “but you seem upset brother. Plus you-” He gestures to Ilya’s hand in the middle of his chest.
The Russian withdraws, “Ah. I… have something to tell you. And I know you will be fine with it, but I am…” He trails off.
Cliff feels a little queasy. Ilya never looks nervous, and now he looks more terrified than he did when he was a rookie facing down a press conference he wasn’t prepared for. “Hey,” he reaches for Ilya, and guides them away from the wall to sit on the benches. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
Ilya takes a deep breath, “I am bisexual.”
“Fucking finally!” Cliff blurts out and then immediately realizes how stupid he sounds, “I mean that’s awesome, brother!”
Ilya laughs, “Wow, Marley. What do you mean finally?”
Cliff shrugs, “I mean I kind of knew already.”
“Fucking how!?”
He shrugs, “Remember when you met Nikki?”
“Yeah.”
“You called her the sibling with brains.”
Ilya narrows his eyes, “She is.”
“Well, that’s how I figured it out.”
“Marley, this makes no sense.”
Cliff takes a breath, and lowers his voice. “Okay well, I found out that she has this thing called a ‘gaydar’ which means she’s really good at finding other gay people.”
Ilya tilts his head, “Why are you whispering this?”
“Because it’s like… a superpower.”
There’s a really long pause and Cliff doesn’t understand what Ilya’s face is going. It looks like he’s trying hard not to cry, but his mouth is twisting that tells him something is funny. And then he bursts out laughing. “Marley, she has met lots of people. How many of them are gay?”
“All of them.”
“All of them, like who?’
“The whole team?”
The Russian narrows his eyes, “Marley… the whole team is not gay. They are straight.”
Cliff laughs, “Of course not. There are a lot of different sexualities, Roz.”
“You know that includes yourself, right?”
“Well yeah,” he nods, “Of course it does.”
Ilya’s eyes nearly bug out of his head, “You’re- a different sexuality?”
“Sure,” Cliff says easily, “It’s not like I hide it. I like mostly women, but men are super hot too. Like, no one is Hollander hot-”
“What?” His voice is flat and a little on the aggressive side. Huh? Did Roz have a crush on Hollander?
“I thought you knew that?” Cliff frowns, “Dude, if I had to pick a dude, Hollander is obviously number one. Then Hayden Pike-”
“Pike!?”
“Yeah,” Cliff grins and goes on, “If he didn’t have a wife, I’d tap that.” Ilya is starting to look a little green around the edges. “Are you good brother?”
Ilya nods, “I didn’t think this was how this conversation was going to go.”
Cliff pulls him into a tight hug, “I fucking love you, you know that right? You’re not alone.”
Ilya sighs and hugs him back, “You are… a good friend.”
-
Their next game against Montreal makes Cliff think things a little differently. He can’t stop thinking about what Ilya’s face had looked like when he’d mentioned Hollander. The pieces start to click. Ilya definitely has a crush on Hollander. Cliff decides right then and there that he’s going to be the best fucking wingman Ilya has ever had.
“Hollander,” Cliff skates up to him and Hayden during the pre-game warmup.
“Not here to knock me out again, are you?” Hollander chirps.
Cliff’s face flushes a little, “I’m still really sorry about that.”
He laughs, “I'm kidding, what’s up?”
“Are you homophobic?” He starts off strong; he needs to make sure that Hollander isn’t an asshole.
“What the fuck kind of question is that?” Pike snaps. “Of course he’s not fucking homophobic.”
Hollander frowns, “I’m not. Why?”
“Good,” Cliff nods, “Can I have your number?”
Hollander and Pike’s mouths drop open. “What?” Hollander squeaks.
“Can I have your number?” Cliff repeats.
“For?” The Canadian ventures to ask.
“For a date, obviously. With someone really cool, I promise.”
“Uhhhhh….”
“He’s taken,” Pike says quickly, “So no you can’t have his number. You should go back to your side of the rink now.”
Cliff’s face falls a little, “Oh. Right… sorry about that.” He skates away. Fuck. He’s already in a relationship; Ilya will be devastated.
“Wait for me.” Ilya orders once the game is over. They’d won 4-3, and Cliff didn’t miss how his best friend kept his eyes on Hollander all night. Their faceoffs were just dripping with chemistry. Damn, he’s really going to have to break the bad news to Ilya.
“Sure.” He’s already dressed and ready to go, so he sits and waits until Ilya is ready. He’s moving slower than normal, and it’s only until everyone is gone that Ilya opens his mouth.
“Marley,” he growls at Cliff once they’re alone. “What the fuck are you doing asking Hollander for his number?”
Cliff’s heart leaps. Fuck, he found out already? “I’m really sorry,” Cliff sighs, “I didn’t know he was already in a relationship.”
“Yes,” Ilya’s voice is low and threatening, “He is. You cannot have him.”
“I don’t want him,” Cliff frowns, “I wanted to get his number for you.”
Ilya blinks startled, “For me?”
“Yeah man, you obviously have a crush on him. I even asked him if he was homophobic first and he said no, so I thought I could hook you up. I’m really sorry, but he’s dating someone.”
He watches Ilya sit on the bench next to him. He throws his head back and laughs. “Marley, you idiot!”
Cliff is at a loss, “You’re not upset?”
Ilya shakes his head and pulls out his phone. “Wait.” Cliff watches him type something, chuckling to himself. Then, a few minutes later there’s a quiet knock on the locker room door before it opens. Shane fucking Hollander steps through looking a little uncomfortable.
“Hey, Marlow.”
“Hollander.”
“Solnyshko,” Ilya grins and stands up to greet Hollander with a kiss on the lips.
“Holy shit!” Cliff’s mouth drops in horror, “You’re a mistress, Roz!? Hollander is already in a relationship!”
“No,” Shane laughs, “Marlow. I’m gay, I’m dating Ilya. No one really knows that’s why I didn’t want to give you my number. I thought you were asking me out.”
“Oh.” Cliff lets out a small laugh, “I guess I could’ve wingman’d better. So… how long have you been together?”
Ilya shrugs, “Summer before rookie season, but was casual.”
“Wait, so you’ve been together this whole time?” He asks in awe.
“We’ve been dating for a little over a year,” Shane replies back, his face slightly flushing as he adds, “But… Ilya’s been the only one for me.”
Ilya’s face softens and he kisses Shane again. “Ya tebya lyublyu.” He turns back to Cliff, “Okay we’re leaving now.”
-
Cliff was content in the knowledge that his best friend was happy. And incredibly shocked that he managed to pull the Shane Hollander. And apparently, they’d been together for such a long time that Ilya had forgotten about Jane.
Jane.
Oh fuck.
She and Ilya had been together for just as long. That meant… Cliff’s stomach churns. All this time, Ilya had been two-timing Shane. He feels sick. He never wanted to believe that Ilya was the type of guy to cheat. He was too kind and too respectful of the people he slept with… but with this new information… No, there had to be a reasonable explanation… right?
Cliff couldn’t think of any. He’d seen them texting just this week. Oh god, Shane will be so devastated, but he deserves better. He loves Ilya but this wasn’t something he could ignore. So the next time they have a game, Cliff texts Shane to meet him in the parking lot.
“Marlow?” Shane asks, coming up to him, “Everything okay? You look so serious.”
“Yeah,” his face is grim, “I don’t know how to say this but… Roz is cheating on you.”
Shane’s face immediately falls, “Excuse me?”
“Before I knew about you two,” Cliff starts, “he was already seeing this girl named Jane. And then you two told me that you’re dating so I thought he left her. But I saw Roz sexting Jane today. I’m really sorry, Hollander.”
“Oh! Ilya isn’t cheating on me,” Shane laughs and claps Cliff on the shoulder. “I’m Jane.”
“You’re Jane?”
“Yup,” he replies with a small smile, “So no worries. Ilya isn’t cheating on me.”
Cliff laughs a sigh of relief. “Thank fuck.”
-
It strikes Cliff as odd that Shane would tell him that he’s Jane. He needs a second opinion.
Cliff
You’re gay
… typing …
Nikki
Wow rude
What do you want?
Cliff
You didn’t let me finish typing
Nikki
🙄
Okay so finish
Cliff
You’re gay so you know things
I need to know why someone would change their name
Nikki
Well there’s a lot of reasons
What’s the context?
Cliff
A friend said he uses a girl name
But he’s a guy
Nikki
🤦
Okay, I know you’re stupid because that was a bad explanation
Is your friend trans?
Cliff
I don’t know??
How can I tell??
Is it rude to ask?
Nikki
Don’t just guess that’s actually rude
You could ask, but it kind of depends on context
Like how well do you know them?
And would they react badly if you asked?
Cliff
Hm… I don’t think I should ask
Nikki
You can ask things like their pronouns
Cliff
Like she/her?
Nikki
🥹
I taught you well
Cliff
♥️
So I just ask for pronouns?
Nikki
Yeah
Make sure you’re not deadnaming either
That’s the name they don’t go by anymore
It’s offensive and dehumanizing
Cliff
Got it
Nikki
They could also use neopronouns
So don’t forget about those
Cliff
What are those?
Nikki
Like Ze/Zir
Cliff
👍
Thanks
Nikki
Lmk how it goes!
-
They’re hanging out in Ilya’s house in Boston after a game, when Cliff decides it’s time to ask. He’s not stupid enough to ask in public because obviously Shane isn’t out and being openly trans in the MHL probably isn’t a good idea.
Ilya gets up to use the bathroom and Cliff grabs another slice of pizza. Trying to be as nonchalant as he can, “So, do you prefer Shane or Jane?” Cliff doesn't want to deadname him/her/them(?) and isn’t sure which name he needs to censor.
“Either is fine.” Shane shrugs, taking a bite of his own pizza slice, “At this point I respond to both.”
Okay, so that was a bad tactic. “What pronouns?”
Shane frowns in confusion, “What pronouns? Like… what are pronouns?”
“Yeah like, He/Him or She/Her or They/Them.”
“Um yeah,” Shane shrugs, “Those are pronouns.”
“No,” Cliff shakes his head, “I mean what are your pronouns.”
“I don’t have any,” Shane responds back. “You can’t own pronouns, it’s part of language.”
“What?” Cliff stares, how is Shane not understanding this. Unless… does he/she/they(?) use neopronouns?
“What are you talking about?” Ilya reappears, wiping his wet hands on his jeans.
“Oh, Marlow was just asking me about pronouns,” Shane smiles when Ilya wraps a hand around his/her/their(?) waist.
“Ah,” Ilya nods, “He/Him for both of us.”
Cliff grins, “Thanks man.”
Crisis averted. Shane is a trans man and uses he/him pronouns.
-
Cliff
You were right
Nikki
I always am
What is it this time?
Cliff
He’s a trans man
Uses he/him pronouns
Nikki
And the name thing?
Cliff
The girl name is definitely the deadname
But he says he responds to both
Nikki
Oh, I’ve met some people like that
It’s pretty rare though
Like how Abby’s sister still goes by Andy
Cliff
Oh! I guess that makes sense
His deadname is really close to his name now
Nikki
I’m glad it all worked out
Cliff
I need more advice
Nikki
Sure
Cliff
I want to get him a gift
Nikki
That’s weird
Cliff
It is?
Nikki
Are you giving him a gift just for being trans?
Cliff
No
Pride Night is coming up
I wanted to get him stick tape
But in the trans flag colors
We have the rainbow ones
And Roz wants to use the Bi flag one
But I saw that we don’t have trans ones
So I wanted to get it for him
Nikki
That’s actually kind of sweet
You should do it
Cliff
You think he’ll like it?
Nikki
I think so!
-
“Hollander, wait up!” Cliff calls out running up to him in the parking lot. Ilya doesn't bother jogging to catch, choosing to take his time.
Shane waits patiently, taking a few polite steps in his direction. “Hey, what’s up?”
“Happy Pride Night,” he grins and fist bumps him.
“Thanks,” Shane replies, his nose wrinkling in confusion, “You too?”
“This is for you,” Cliff hands Shane a gift wrapped box, “So you have something to represent yourself too.”
Shane’s eyes light up, “Thanks, Marlow. What’s-” He stops and looks at the tape in confusion. “Stick tape?”
“Since you’re the first trans man in the NHL.”
“Um… I’m not trans.”
“Oh shit, is that a slur!?”
“No,” Shane frowns, “I don’t think so. But I’m not trans.”
“It’s okay,” Cliff quickly reassures him, “I’m not going to say anything. I know how shitty it is to be queer in the MHL.”
“Um, no I didn’t think you’d say anything, but… Marlow, I’m not a trans man. I’m um… the same sex I was born with?”
Ilya finally catches up and sees the utter confusion on everyone’s faces. “Lyubov moya, what is happening?”
“Um… Cliff gave me a gift?” He shows Ilya the tape.
“Okay? Why?”
“I wanted him to have something that he can represent himself with,” Cliff replies, now a little unsure of his previously drawn conclusion.
Ilya presses his lips together clearly holding back amusement, “Why do you think Shane is trans?”
“You said your deadname is… the J name.”
“Jane?”
“Yeah,” he winces. “Why else would you have a girl's name?”
Ilya can’t hold back his laugh, “Marley. I am Lily in Shane’s phone.”
“You’re both trans!?” Cliff’s head is spinning, “Wait? Are you trans women? Like do you prefer Jane and Lily instead!?”
Ilya shakes his head, “No. Marley. Jane and Lily are fake names that we use because is not safe to be us, yes? So if we both have girl names in each other's phones, then it looks like we are texting women. No one thinks we are together.”
Cliff stares. He got it wrong, so very fucking wrong. “Oh god. I’m an idiot.”
“No,” Shane jumps in, “You’re not. What you did was actually very sweet. I’ll still use the tape, it’s really good quality. And it’s Pride Night so I’m sure some of the fans will appreciate it.”
Cliff lets out a breath, the embarrassment starting to wane. “Thanks man. I’m still really sorry about this whole thing.”
Ilya snorts and pushes them inside the rink, “Nikki tells me you are this phrase. Big of heart, dumb of ass.”
Cliff sighs, “Yeah. That sums it up.”