Work Text:
you’re in the car with a beautiful girl and she’s beautiful in every sense of the word.
you’re in the car with a beautiful girl and you open your mouth to say something but you can’t, you freeze and you can feel the blood rush in your ears and you want to say anything because her fingers clench around the steering wheel as if she’s waiting for you to speak so you don’t, you close your mouth and you keep her waiting like she has had you doing for so long.
you’re in the car with a beautiful girl and she’s driving you home. she’s driving you back to the place you first realized that you were in love with her and where you first realized just how achingly beautiful she was. she’s taking you back to the place where you found out that she’d never be your beautiful girl. she’s taking you back to the place that isn’t inside of her car, that isn’t under her roof, that isn’t anywhere near her. she’s taking you back to the place where you’ve shed a hundred tears because of her and back to the place where you first kissed her and you first slept with her and you first discovered everything with her.
you’re in the car with a beautiful girl and there’s a stoplight ahead and you know it’s just going to add more silence to the car, silence that weighs over you like a ton of bricks and you wish you could claw your way out from beneath them but you can’t, you’re stuck and you wish you weren’t but you are and it feels like hell, honestly.
you’re in the car with a beautiful girl and she won’t tell you that she loves you even though she does, even if she wishes she didn’t.
you’re in the car with a beautiful girl and you wish you could trace your fingertips over her pale skin, writing out words like “i love you" and "you’re beautiful" and "you’re my entire world”. you wish you could kiss her and taste the honey that makes her words as sweet and as addictive as they are. you’re in love with her, even though you’ll deny it until your dying day, but you love her so, so much and you will until you die.
you’re in the car with a beautiful girl and you finally fill the thick silence with the words “i’m sorry" and you almost miss it when she just replies "i know”.
you are in the car with a beautiful girl and she won’t tell you that she loves you because she doesn’t anymore, and you think she never has. she doesn’t love you because she has him, she loves him, she’s marrying him. you have someone too, someone who’s made fairytales something to believe in, someone who gives you a reason to smile in the morning even though you feel like dying, someone who loves you.
you’re in the car with a beautiful girl and she pulls up outside of your house and refuses to look at you, refuses to tell you how much she’ll miss touching, kissing, loving you. you open the door and you look at her one last time, taking in every last bit of her beauty that you can see from under the yellow street lamps even though you’ve got her face memorized like it’s the most important thing in the universe. you say “i’m sorry" one last time, your words thick with alcohol and regret and she only nods so you take the cue to leave and you leave her in her car to bask in her beauty and her sorrow.
she’s not your beautiful girl anymore. (she never has been.)