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Bone tired and weary, Castiel trudged his way up the stairs to his room. Cross country practice had been rough, especially on top of the emotional turmoil he was sorting through after his disastrous “coming out” to his best friend, Dean Winchester, nearly a week ago.
Castiel hadn’t even gotten to the part about his feelings for the gruff but self-conscious Winchester before Dean had stiffened, garbled out something about needing to process this, and bolted.
Bastard, Castiel thought caustically.
Every time since that Castiel had seen Dean in school, he’d turned away, face blushing harder than Castiel ever really recalled seeing before. And that was without Castiel having confessed his feelings for his best friend! Castiel was thankful now he’d been interrupted when he had. How much worse would Dean be behaving if he knew that part of the secret too?
Castiel reached his bedroom door, shoving it open and dropping his backpack to the floor. Sitting roughly on his unmade sheets, Castiel leaned over to yank off his shoes, startling slightly when a flash of neon pink caught his eye. Sitting there on top of his Calculus book is a CD in a bright jewel case with a yellow sticky note that reads “LISTEN”.
Stomach knotting, Castiel stared at the offending note. He would’ve recognize that scratchy scrawl anywhere. He just didn’t know how Dean would have managed to get the disc into his room. Surely, Castiel’s brother Gabriel would have kicked his punk ass onto the street after Dean had so callously run out on him?
Leaning over from his spot on the bed, Castiel gasped the case with trembling fingers. This wasn’t the first time Dean had ever left him a CD of rock music that Castiel was forced to interpret because Dean suffered from the most severe bout of emotional constipation Castiel had ever been witness to.
He couldn’t help the hope that swirled in his stomach like bile, though Castiel did his best to tamp it down, anger welling at the fresh tears that pricked at his eyes.
Groaning because he knew he’d listen no matter what, Castiel put the CD in his player, and flopped on his bed, covering his face with a weary hand.
The tears he’d been holding back slid silently down scruffy cheeks as what can only be described as power ballads crooned to Castiel through his crappy speakers. Songs of longing and apology and… no. Castiel refused to believe the apparent admissions of love.
A sob broke through his carefully clenched teeth.
That when he heard it. A soft “Cas?” whispered to him that was nearly covered by the creak of his closet door. Castiel jumped to his feet, cursing and clenching at his chest in fright, staring wide-eyes at Dean fucking Winchester.
Castiel gawked a moment before turning harshly to try to wipe the tear tracks from his face.
“Cas?” He heard Dean shuffling, followed by a warm hand cupping his shoulder.
Castiel whipped around, shoving Dean’s hand from him and glaring viciously. .
“You fucking asshole! How long have you been hiding in there?”
Dean cringed, but Castiel refused to let himself feel guilty about it.
“Since I convinced Gabe to let me in,” Dean said meekly. Castiel scowled even harder at that. Fucking meddling brothers. Castiel had really though Gabriel had his back in this.
Nostrils flaring, he stared hard at Dean who seemed unable to meet his eye. “What do you want, Dean?”
Dean gapped, flushing a violent red and staring about the room as if for help. Groaning, he finally scrubbed a hand down his face, covering his eyes with both hands even as he fully faced Castiel.
“I’m sorry I was such an asshole when you told me, man.”
Castiel stared at him silently for long moments until Dean lowered a hand to peak at him with one strained green eye. Upon seeing the scowl marring Castiel’s face, Dean dropped his hands, clenching them into fists at his side.
Castiel rolled his eyes at his childish friend. “Why?” It came out harsher than he intended and Dean flinched.
“I.. I just…” As amusing as Dean’s floundering usually was, Castiel was getting frustrated.
“Spit it the fuck out, Winchester!”
Round, startled eyes stared at him before Dean dropped down to sit on his bed. He clenched the sheets beneath his hands. He took one last deep breath before releasing a torrent of words streaming from his mouth.
“I’ve been trying so long to deny it, Cas. I thought there would never be a chance you could ever want me like that, that no way, you were totally into girls and that if I ever told you I was gay for you that it might ruin our relationship and all I’ve ever wanted since we met in the fucking sixth grade was to be close to you and then you tell me you’re gay too and I… I think I short-circuited.”
Castiel stared, holding up a hand to forestall any more verbal deluge from spewing from Dean. He pinched the bridge of his nose, pacing as Dean watched him anxiously, before whirling on him with a withering look.
“You mean to tell me you’re gay, too?”
Dean fidgeted. “Actually, I think I’m bi.”
Castiel waved a dismissive hand. “And you also mean to tell me that you’ve been denying it for what? Five years?”
Dean flushed. “Well, yeah. I mean, you’ve met my dad.”
“And you’re in love with me?” Castiel bit out, shock overwhelming his system.
Dean seemed to shrink in on himself refusing to meet Castiel’s gaze. “Yeah,” he whispered.
Castiel stared incredulously. “And what makes you think that just because I come out to you, that I’m into you, too?”
Guilt churned in Castiel’s gut then. Dean looked like he’d been punched, breath knocked out of him and normally bright eyes glassy.
“I… I just… thought…”
Suddenly, Dean surged to his feet, looking around absently for what Castiel realized must be his backpack. Castiel took one determined step toward his skittish best friend and pushed him, hard, so he fell back onto the bed.
Tears streamed down Dean’s ruddy cheeks, though any fight that Castiel expected to see was overwhelmed with despair.
“What the fuck, Cas?” Dean choked out, eyes going comically wider when Castiel eased forward to straddle Dean’s hips. He leaned down into his best friend’s face, foreheads nearly touching.
“Who said you could go anywhere?” he nearly growled, delighting when something seemed to spark in Dean’s eyes.
“Why would I fucking stay?” Dean yelled in frustration, planting his hands on Castiel’s shoulders and shoving. Castiel pushed his hands to the sides before leaning the rest of the way down to press his lips wetly against Dean’s. Dean froze before melting into the kiss.
Castiel pulled back humming.
Dean stared. “The fuck, Cas?”
Castiel smirked. “I do, Dean.”
Eyebrows knitting in confusion, Dean continued to stare. “You do what?”
“Love you, too.”
Dean’s eyes blew wide before his brows slammed down in a scowl. He punched Castiel’s shoulder as best he could from his prone position.
“You! Fucking! I thought you hated me!”
Castiel shrugged before pressing his hips down experimentally against Dean’s earning himself a delicious groan.
“Call us even.” Dean blinked up at him dazedly, hands gripping slim hips. Castiel leaned down once more until he and Dean were sharing air. “Now quit bitching and kiss me.”
And he did.