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Road Runner has a good life. He's very aware of this.
He has a beautiful blue plumage that he grooms every day; plucking loose feathers free and spreading oil over them so as to make himself shiny and enticing to no one in particular. He feels the sandy warmth under his clawed feet as he rushes through the desert every day, nobody able to catch him because he's the fastest bird around. He has his own nest made of sticks situated behind a special bush he chose up on one of the rocky cliff sides just a short distance from a particular cave he pretends not to know about. There's an abundance of things for him to eat around him - prickly pear cactuses, insects, scorpions, the odd rattlesnake to name a few - so he doesn't go hungry. And, most importantly, he's one of the lucky few to know who his mate is.
Not that his mate knew he was that to Road Runner, because his mate is an idiot even if he is also a genius according to the business card Road Runner has tucked in between two sticks in his nest. But still, he knows who he wants to spend his life with, and so he doesn't have to waste time trying to find his life partner and can spend more time courting him. Lifting and dropping his wings when he's within grabbing distance, showing off the spread of his light-blue tail as he bows and says, "Meep Meep," before dashing off again hoping to be chased. He'd tried dropping a dead lizard or a few insects down in front of his mate a few times, but after his offerings had been ignored in favour of large clawed hands trying to grab him instead, slick tongue dragging over pointed teeth with hunger and desire in his yellow eyes, Road Runner had given up on that endeavour eating the food instead so as not to waste a good meal.
Road Runner hopes one day his mate will catch him so they can snuggle up and incubate a clutch of eggs together, but maybe not quite yet. He likes to make his mate work for it.
For the fun part of being chased of course, but also to show all the other Road Runners flapping around that his choice of mate isn't to be looked down on just because he has brown fur instead of blue feathers, four paws instead of talons, and a scruffy muzzle with a damp nose instead of a yellow beak. His mate might not have caught him yet, but he keeps up with Road Runner a darn sight better than others of his own species do. He leaves them for dust, and Road Runner rather loves it.
Road Runner is very fond of his mate, Wile E. Coyote, even if the silly canine is under the delusion that their daily chases are just a game, with dinner as the end result. If that's all it was, the coyote would've caught him by now instead of sating his need to feed on other things. The hunger that drives Wile E. is the same kind that fuels Road Runner to run faster, beep louder. It's a hunger that exists just between the two of them and only them.
Not some charming, slinky rabbit with a penchant for carrots and wearing red on his lips; batting his lashes, hips swaying from side to side in temptation.
He's not jealous or green with envy. He’s not. Not really. Maybe a little bit. It's just...
Road Runner wouldn't mind the interloper if he met him elsewhere, but the grey rabbit keeps 'dropping in' on Wile E. when the coyote is meant to be scrambling after Road Runner instead, leaving the bird out on the desert road alone and unchased. Road Runner had been miffed the first time it had happened, thinking Wile E. had stood him up, had something better to do. So, he'd taken a detour; peered around the entrance to Wile E's cave he's not meant to know exists, and what he'd found had made him frown, unimpressed.
Wile E. sitting down slurping back some kind of stew with Bugs Bunny nattering at him; nodding intermittently while the rabbit paused at points in his story and actually looking interested in what the buck-toothed mate-thief had to say.
Road Runner had left with a stomp of his foot, and a huff; annoyed but thinking it would be a one off thing that he could get over.
And yet, Bugs keeps visiting Road Runner's mate; making him food and taking up his time and kissing his furry cheeks, when the only lips that should be touching Wile E.'s face should be Road Runner's own.
And so, Road Runner has had enough.
Bugs just can't go round trying to steal his mate just because he wanted to. Wile E. leaves birdseed out for him, that means something to Road Runner. And so, Road Runner makes a plan to get the rabbit to back off and get Wile E. to properly understand the relationship they have, at the same time. It's a pretty simple plan and it goes off without a hitch.
(because no ACME products were used in the execution of this plan).
He shows up at Wile E.'s cave when the coyote is preparing to tuck himself in for the night. Wile E. stares at him in shock.
Road Runner says, "Beep Beep," and sticks his tongue out at him. As he thought might happen, Wile E. sits in a daze for a few moments; thrown by the upset in their usual interactions. They usually play in the daytime rather than at night, and he's not supposed to know where the coyote lives after all. Road Runner uses those precious seconds to set up traps for a particular conniving bunny, leaving a note saying, stop courting my mate or else, right where Bugs will be able to see it when he drops round for more unappealing stew, before bopping on the spot in front of Wile E. and pecking him on the snout. As hoped for, Wile E. pays little to no attention to the modifications Road Runner has made to his cave out of jealous defensiveness, and immediately runs after him out into the desert.
Usually they run all over the sands and hot rocks of the canyon, but this time Road Runner leads Wile E. to a specific bush. Stopping right by the carefully constructed nest of twigs.
"Meep," he says no longer running; freezing Wile E. in his tracks with his arms outstretched as if to grab him by the neck, tips of his claws not quite grazing his throat.
Wile E. quirks his head in question; lowering his hands, standing there looking lost. What's going on? he asks, holding up a sign.
Road Runner nods in the direction of the nest.
Wile E. holds up his hands, confused.
He rolls his eyes, sighing out a "beep." My nest, he says, holding up his own sign. Spins it round to clarify. Our nest.
The coyote's eyes widen; mouth falling open, slack with shock. Road Runner gently nudges him to sit down. Cuddles up to Wile E.'s furry side, wrapping a wing around his back. "Beep Beep."
You ok?
Wile E. blinks rapidly as if he's thinking back over everything that's gone on between them, and then slowly nods. Looks at Road Runner like he's seeing him for the first time, seeing their life together in the way Road Runner has been looking forward to living, for the first time as well. We're mates? he asks, hesitantly.
Road Runner nods and chirps; nuzzling the crested crown of his head against the Wile E.'s chin.
All this time?
"Meep."
Yes.
Wile E. rubs out the sign and writes something else. Why didn't you say anything before?
Road Runner chuckles and holds up a sign saying, I was waiting for you to catch up. Wile E. frowns because it was obvious that he hadn't caught him, that Road Runner had initiated this chase specifically for this. He's not surprised when Wile E. asks,
Why now?
Road Runner puffs up in frustration remembering the reason he did all this in the first place before deflating and wriggling closer because Wile E.'s here with him and not Bugs. Didn't like someone else snooping around, he admits begrudgingly. Wile E. freezes in thought and then snickers as he works out who he means; wiry body shaking with laughter against Road Runner's feathery one. Road Runner glares at him weakly, but then he's blushing all over when Wile E. rasps his tongue over his cheek in a wet kiss.
He purrs in happiness and then kisses Wile E. in return. The coyote nudges Road Runner until they're curled up together on the ground, the empty nest there in front of them hinting at a future together. Road Runner closes his eyes with a smile and falls asleep cuddled up to his mate; knowing the chase isn't over, it's just the start of a new race. One they'll run together.
He's looking forward to it, and knows Wile E. is too.
When he wakes in the morning, Wile E. is still there keeping him warm, along with a note; stuck to the branches of the bush they snuggled behind. Well played, bird is all it said. Road Runner grins and licks Wile E.'s throat wanting his mate to wake up as well. Does it again. Feels claws lightly scritch between his feathers silently saying good morning. Pecks Wile E. on the cheek and jumps to his feet, looking at his mate expectantly. Wile E. stretches with a yawn and then pushes himself off the ground.
They stare at each other with a grin.
"Beep Beep," he says before dashing off.
His mate hot on his heels like always, only this time neither of them will end the day's chase alone.
And they never will again.