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Beep. Beep. Beep. His heart is still beating and even though Eren hates the sound he needs it too continue. Because when it stops Levi will be gone. It has to continue. Levi is dying. There is no denying it, and Eren isn’t. He never did. In the beginning he told himself that he will never accept it. From the day Levi came home and explained to him that he was dying, Eren thought they could fight it. He knew it. His Levi was strong. His Levi couldn’t just die, Eren said to himself. But now? Seeing his lover, weak and pale in a hospital bed? A shell of the man he once was. He was dying and Eren was left with no choice but to accept it.
A few weeks after Levi had confessed to him the excruciating truth, that his own body was killing him, he told Eren to pack his bags and leave. Just like that. He had said that Eren didn’t deserve an old man dying on him. Eren deserved better. He said it like the last years they had spent together was nothing, like he was talking about the weather. But his eyes told Eren the truth. Levi was shielding him from the inevitable, his own death. There had been a moment of silence. So very quiet, that the only sound Eren heard was his own heartbeat.
A sound ripped through the stillness like a knife. A sound that was so horribly heart breaking that Eren didn’t even realize at first, that he was the one making it. The love of his life, the only person that could always understand him, that always loved him, was telling him to leave him. Because Levi was trying to save him from the pain. Eren had scream so loud and so sudden that Levi flinched. But that didn’t stop him. After a few seconds Levi had started too scream. They just screamed and screamed at each other for what felt like hours. Sometimes there were words involved. Words like love, death, pain. Sometimes there was just noise. Angry and sad. Sometimes there was even laughter. A twisted, sad one. Eren can’t remember who made it but he will always remember it. If there was a sound that could describe pain perfectly it was that laughter in a living room somewhere where no one expected it to be.
When they finally stopped, throats raw and breathing loudly. Eren felt something roll down his cheek. A tear. And another after that. They just keep on falling. And he didn’t stop them. So he cried. Eren cried because Levi wanted him to leave. Eren cried because Levi was dying and there was nothing that he could do. So he cried. For the first time since Levi had told him, he cried. Levi had held him as the boy sobbed. Whispering into his ear. Telling him that it would be alright even though it never would. He lied and he lied.
After that Levi didn’t mention Eren moving out again. He knew that Eren never would. So he started to prepare. Got a testament, made sure everything would be in order when he was gone. Everything would go to Eren. The house, the money, everything. He also wrote a letter. He spent hours writing it. Making it perfect. You see, Levi was never good at showing emotion. But he wanted everyone he loved, too know that he truly did. And what better way than a letter? When he was done, he took his car and drove to Erwin’s house. He stopped halfway there, in the middle of nowhere. It was fall so the trees where an explosion of colour. Everywhere Levi looked there was colours. And for the first time Levi truly understood the meaning of beauty.
No, it wasn’t just the trees. Beauty was Eren sleeping tucked in next to him on an early morning. Beauty was Eren laughing at some bad joke Levi had made, just to make him laugh. It was the way Erwin smiled when he saw the stupid bolo tie for the first time. The way Hanji dances in a room with no music just because she felt like it. It was Isabell and Farlan, bickering over nothing. It was his friends. It was Eren. It was life. Beauty was life. And Levi didn’t want to die. And as he had stood there in the middle of nowhere he also understood that he was going to.
After a while he had gotten in his car again and drove the rest of the way to Erwin. He trusted Erwin to do what he had asked him to do. Too not open the letter until he was gone. His last words where on that paper and they were everything now. “Promise me. It has to be on my funeral.” He said. His voice was desperate. Erwin had to understand.
“I promise Levi. Don’t worry. I will make sure of it.” Levi nodded. Then, before he was about to leave Erwin hugged him. Not too hard but not too gentle either.
“I’ll miss you.” Erwin said.
“I know. I’ll miss you too.”
Then he went home. Home to Eren. They lived the next few months to the fullest. They loved and laughed and lived. But it didn’t last. It never does. And so, one peaceful evening, it happened. Levi got up from the couch to go and get a drink and felt that something was wrong. He felt wrong. The only warning Eren received before he saw Levi crash into the floor was his name, said only once. But the tone said so much more. It said its time. As quick as he could Eren, phoned an ambulance nearly screaming at them to hurry up, to get there now. But he knew there was little they could do.
After that they stayed at the hospital. Levi was after all dying. Every day he became a little more still then the day before. Then one day he barley has the strength to open his eyes or stay awake very long. And there is Eren, by his side. Watching his lover die. Hanji and Erwin are with him. After all Levi is their best friend and they knew Eren couldn’t do this alone. Mikasa and Armin are there too. Eren needs them so here they are. Watching over him as much as they are watching over Levi.
Beep. Beep. Beep. The only thing that now assured Eren that Levi hadn’t died yet. He hated the sound but he needed it. He would always need it. “Eren.” The name is a faint whisper. “Eren. I-I need to tell you something.” Eren comes close to his face, so he won’t miss a word. “I love you so much. Never forget that. You have alw-“ Levi coughs weakly before continuing. “Always made me happy. I know you have. Be happy. For me.”
“No,” Eren whispers. There are some many things he is trying to say: don’t leave me, I love you, don’t go, I can’t do this, please-please-please-please. Tears are blurring his sight and burning his eyes. “I think I’m going to go now. I love you.”
“No, no, please Levi. It’s not enough, please stay a bit more. I need you, please-please-please Levi.” He pleads. Levi smiles at him. Just smiles. Then the machines begin too beep loudly and fast and Eren knows. Levi is dead. He notices nurses coming into the room but he can’t seem to understand what they are doing. Mikasa pulls him back, away for Levi and hugs him. Hanji is crying while Erwin is hugging her and fighting tears himself. Armin is crying too. Hours that must have been minutes pass until he can pull himself from Mikasa’s hug. Eren feels tears dripping down his face has he moves towards Levi. The shell of him. For the last time, he bends down and kisses him.
“Goodbye, Levi.”