Chapter Text
“No.”
As a stuntman, Colt has been tasked with a lot, and never once has he refused. Why would he? This is his job, a job he actively enjoys. So, if he is told to do another car roll for the billionth time- no problemo. If he has to be lit on fire for another take because there is “too much face,” then fine…
But there are certain occasions where he would prefer to be asked to be lit on fire and-
“No??” Gail gestured wildly. “What do you mean NO!?”
-Colt will NOT date Tom Ryder.
“Lemme put this in perspective for you, Colt, people are starting to get suspicious about why you keep appearing on set. They are starting to wonder if Tom Ryder really does do his own stunts.” Colt stares at her blankly.
“Oh, he doesn't?” Colt sarcastically remarked.
Gail facepalms. “Take this seriously, darling. We know, but the public can’t! It would ruin Ryder’s image, and you can kiss your career as his stuntman goodbye.” She waved her hand about. “ Come on, it is not like I am asking you to marry Ryder. I just need some pictures of you on dates. Maybe kiss a little for the camera. Come on, Colt, it's not like your world’s gonna end if you go on a date with Ryder.” The world is ending, actually, believe it or not. Colt feels like he needs to throw up. Kissing Tom Ryder?!? He'd rather kiss a poisonous snake on the mouth before he considers ever kissing that annoying-ass pretty boy.
Colt sighs, “Gail, listen, I understand the stakes here, but come on-” he shakes his head. “There has to be some other solution here. I mean, you are also sending Ryder's fangirls on me. They're gonna rip me to shreds when they find out some stuntman got with their Hollywood boytoy. They are going to KILL ME, GAIL!” Colt yells and puts his hands on Gail’s shoulders. She quickly dusts his hands off her shoulders dismissively.
“Actually, Seavers-” The man of the hour strides with some supervillain-level timing, in Colt’s opinion. Tom waves his phone around like he is a lawyer with damning evidence.
“Don’t you know they love us as a pair? Have you checked Twitter?” Tom hands his phone to Colt, and the stuntman almost collapses on the spot. He is greeted by post after post of edits, fanart, and fanfics of him and Ryder.
Colt shivers. “Are you really fine with going through with this? I mean, don’t you wanna go sleep around at some party?” He gives the phone back to Tom; Colt does not want to see any kind of romantic imagery of him and Tom ever again. “How is that gonna work when we are “a pair.” Colt did air quotes as he said this.
“Don’t worry about it, I am just gonna be a little sleathier when I fuck.” Colt was concerned about two things: the fact that Tom thought he was “worried” about that and what his definition of stealth was. Was it being quiet and subtle about who he slept with or doing anal in the back of his trailer?
“Besides, we are only dating for like two months, and then I am gonna break up with you. Then you can go back to making googly eyes at that camera-woman Jane.”
“It’s Jody, JO-DY-”
“Whatever, man, they both start with J.”
“They have literally nothing else in common other than that.” Before Tom could open his mouth again to reply, Gail interjected.
“In any case, in the end this will benefit both your careers. The name Colt Seavers will be more well known, leading to more jobs for you. Tom Ryder does his own stunts and always has. Then Tom’s fandom has something to squeal about for two months. See?? We all win.” Colt is still extremely skeptical, the professional side of him sees the benefits of the situation. But, his personal feelings are telling him he would rather be thrown off another cliff than go on a date with Tom. Colt is feeling cornered, because it's not like he could get someone to take his place.
Wait-
“Hello? Hello? Are you still in there, Seavers?” Tom was snapping in his face, trying to get his attention, and Colt quickly comes back to life.
“Ok, fine, Gail. I will think about it.”
“Oh well, don’t think about it too much. I already talked to Tom’s PR Team about it. You don’t have a choice here, unless you want to be fired from the movie.” Well, shit, he really has no other option, huh? “Your first date with Ryder is on Saturday; wear something nice! A cab will pick you up at 7:00.” Gail hears her phone ring and walks off to take a call. “Sorry! I have to take this! Be ready on Saturday, Colt!” As Gail disappears into the set, Tom catches Colt by surprise and smacks his ass.
“See you this Saturday, Sweetcheeks!” Colt hears him cackling up a storm as he leaves. The stuntman rubs his newly smacked ass. He sighs to himself-
“Yeah, I need to call Ry.”
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Ryland Grace is willing to do a lot for his twin brother, from swapping places with Colt in his Bio class so he’ll get an A, to nursing him back to health when he got the flu. There is very little Colt could ask of him that he wouldn't do. But Ryland understands there are levels to this and-
"PLEASE, RY! IT'S JUST TWO MONTHS! I’LL PAY YOU.” his brother asking him to take his place to fake date a celebrity is going a bit beyond his usual pay grade.
Ryland puts down his pen and massages his temple. Colt called him five minutes ago and has been non-stop begging him to go on a date with a total stranger. Ryland hasn’t even fully watched a Tom Ryder movie; all he does is skip to the parts where Colt does a stunt.
“I still don’t understand why you can’t do it? I mean, it's not like you’re really dating him after all.” Colt made a dramatic, exasperated sound.
“You don’t understand! It’s TOM RYDER; I can barely stand to be in a room with him for five seconds. I can’t pretend to be in love with him for TWO WHOLE MONTHS!” Ryland can imagine Colt flailing his arms about as he says this.
“Ok, but how can you be so sure he won’t be able to tell us apart? Yes, we look alike, but we're basically opposites outside of that”
“Ryder won’t notice; he’s probably going scrolling on his phone the whole time. Also, he hates my guts too! If you try to talk to him he’ll just tell you to shut the fuck up and go flirt with the waiter or something.” Colt explains. “Just smile when you see a camera and kiss while doing some photoshoots for Instagram.” Ryland rests his face on his palm; he supposes it can’t be that bad. He has nothing to do anyway; summer is almost here, and he’s about to submit the grades for the end of the year. Ehh… It wouldn't hurt. Maybe he could also get an autograph to brag about to his kids.
“Ok fine. I’ll do it, but you’ll need to pay for my groceries for the next two weeks.”
“I can live with that.”
“You need to help set up my classroom next year.”
“Yeppp…. sounds good.”
“And you need to actually go ask Jody out on a date.”
“WHAT, but I am not even sure she likes me? Do you think she does???” Ryland has seen them flirt enough to know that's untrue.
“Well, I guess you'll have to ask out Tom instead then.” Ryland shrugs to himself, and he hears Colt panic on the other line.
"OK, I WILL GEEZ, RY!” Ryland smiles.
“It's a deal then.” You’re welcome, Jody, Ryland thinks to himself.
“THANK YOU, RY! YOU ARE A LIFESAVER! COME TO MY APARTMENT AT 5:00 SATURDAY. LOVE YOU BYE!” Before Ryland could reply, Colt immediately hung up on him.
Ryland sighed. He put both his arms behind his head as he was thinking. It's only two months of dating; it's not like he’s gonna marry the guy.