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The game was afoot. Well, literally the game was a ring, Locke and Jean’s wedding rings to be precise. Jean’s wedding ring to be more precise.
It’d taken Locke one week from when Jean had proposed for him to get Jean a ring made and propose himself.
In those two weeks Bug and the Sanzas had made exploratory attempts to steal Locke’s ring. They’d made a bet that whoever stole the ring got out of chore duty for a month. The bet had been to steal Jean’s ring, who would be a far easier target than Locke himself, though Bug and the Sanzas still wanted to explore their options.
Bug had tried to steal Locke’s ring while he was in the shower. Turned out, Locke showered with his ring on.
The Sanzas tried to steal Locke’s ring while he was asleep, hoping to slip it off his finger without him noticing. Turned out, Locke slept with his ring off, but he didn’t put it anywhere the Sanzas could find with their quick sweep of the room.
Stealing Locke’s ring off his finger during the day was completely out of the question. Locke was the best pick pocket of all of them. He knew all their tricks and then some. There would be no slipping anything by him.
So, they’d waited until one week later when Locke finally proposed to Jean in turn to get an easier mark, and the game began.
***
The Sanzas first tried to take the ring when they were helping Jean and Locke get dressed for one of their games. Jean was supposed to be Locke’s bodyguard and was to be dressed as well as Locke was, if in more drab colors.
Calo, who was dressing Jean gave Galdo a glance. Galdo raised his eyebrows slightly and glanced at the ring on Jean’s hand in question.
“Gloves might be in order,” Calo said, grabbing a pair from the shelf and holding them open at the wrist for Jean to put his hand inside. Calo had meant to, when Jean was slipping the glove on, slip the ring off his finger, but before Jean put the gloves on he took his ring off himself, placing it safely in his breast pocket before putting his hands in the gloves.
“I don’t know if that vest goes with those pants,” Galdo said, gesturing to Jean’s ensemble. If he could get the jacket from Jean, he would have the ring.
“Are you utterly blind?” Locke asked looking at Jean. “He’s dressed fine.”
Calo clicked his tongue shaking his head and Galdo quickly joined in. “Blinded by love. Everyone but you would notice the discrepancies in the colors, this vest is more grey than black.”
“Honestly, you two would go about dressed like idiots if not for us.”
Jean just shrugged and took off his vest, about to hand it to Calo when he remembered his ring was in his pocket. He took it out and fit it over top of his gloved hand.
Calo and Galdo shared an annoyed look but didn’t try any other ploys at the ring right then. They couldn’t have Jean getting suspicious of them.
***
Bug noticed that Jean always took his ring off when he cooked, not wanting to get it dirty. It seemed the prime opportunity to palm it from the counter. Bug walked into the kitchen when Jean was making dinner for the night and spotted the ring right next to the spice cabinet.
“Bug, can you pass me the cloves?” Jean asked without turning around from where he was fussing with the oven.
Crap. Bug had thought he was being rather stealthy.
“Yeah course,” Bug said grabbing the little jar from the cabinet and handing it to Jean. He was so close, the ring was right there he just had to—
Jean turned around and examined the spice cabinet thinking hard. Bug lingered for a moment, but Jean seemed quite interested in their selection of spices, and Bug couldn’t very well take the ring while Jean was practically looking right at him. Jean was an easier target than Locke for sure, but he was still a thief, he’d realize Bug had stolen it.
“Were you wanting to help make dinner? I thought Locke was going to teach you how to do the thing with the orange peels,” Jean said, carefully selecting a few jars of spices.
“Oh, uh yeah,” Bug said. Staying any longer would make Jean suspicious and might rope Bug into kitchen duty later.
***
The Sanzas had gone to Jessaline to get her to make them a ring identical to Jean’s.
Jessaline laughed. “Not even three weeks since I gave it to Locke and he’s already lost it?”
The twins shared a look. “Well, he hasn’t lost it yet per say,” Galdo said.
“We’d just like for you to make another just in case he ever does lose it.”
Jessaline looked at each of them in turn shrugged and took their coin.
The next week they had a fake ring, another simple silver band with a hidden alchemical gemstone inside. The Sanzas walked back to the Elderglass Cellar feeling unbelievably pleased with themselves. Calo walked the ring up and down his knuckles. The light caught different parts of the gemstone as he did and. . . was it just him or did the light show little gold flecks in the brown gemstone?
Calo shrugged and slipped the ring into his pocket. There were usually impurities in alchemical gemstones. He hadn’t thought there were the same gold flecks in Jean’s ring, though then again, he hadn’t seen it very often, and never in the light of day. There were probably the same gold impurities in Jean’s ring.
***
Next Bug tried to steal Jean’s ring the old fashioned way, right off his finger. He’d been helping Jean move a shipment of fabrics and clothes they’d bought for future games into the wardrobe. Jean grunted as he picked up the largest of the boxes.
“Need some help with that?” Bug asked, taking up the other end of the box.
Jean had nodded in thanks and the two of them carried the heavy box into the wardrobe. Right as they were almost there Bug made a great show of stumbling, dropping one end of the box. He’d hoped that Jean too would drop the box in favor of catching him as he fell but he just smiled and carried the box himself the rest of the way.
“Have you been slacking on your fighting training? You should be stronger and less clumsy than that. Your arms are thinner than Locke’s.”
Bug sighed and got to his feet. “Yeah, yeah.”
***
The Sanza’s next attempt was to swap the rings when Jean was in the shower.
Calo peaked into the bathroom to see the shower curtain drawn up tight, Jean humming softly to himself, and right there on the counter was the silver ring.
Calo nodded to Galdo who ventured into the bathroom, while Calo stood watch at the door in case Locke or Bug came by. Locke for the obvious reason that he’d tell Jean what they were up to, Bug for the less obvious reason that he would likely try to sabotage their attempt at the ring.
The swap was simple, like taking candy from a baby. Or better yet, like taking white iron crowns from a noble’s accounts.
When Calo got out they closed the door gently and snuck off. Calo examined the ring. Sure enough, it had the same gold impurities, Jessaline had made a really good fake after all.
“Bug is gonna be so mad. I know he thought to try that with Locke,” Galdo said.
“Yeah. . .” his hands felt remarkably itchy. Why did. . . he dropped the ring and it pinged loudly off the floor.
Galdo looked over to see red itchy blotches forming on Calo’s hands and spreading up his arms. They looked to each other. “Gods have mercy,” Galdo muttered.
Locke Lamora knew about their game, and there would be no stopping him until he’d won, and there would be no winning until they quit.
“We don’t give up though,” Calo said, wiping what he could of the alchemical residue on his pants. “Not until Bug does at least.”
“At least,” Galdo echoed.
***
The next day Bug came out from his room to find Jean’s ring sitting on the kitchen counter. That was odd. . . or was it really that odd? It was Jean’s turn to make dinner tonight. Maybe he was just working on something that would take a really long time so he’d started in the morning.
Jean wasn’t around, neither were Locke or the Sanzas. Jean might be in the bathroom. Or better yet, maybe he’d been cooking, gone out to get something and had forgotten to put his ring back on.
Bug giddily skipped over to the ring and plucked it from the counter. In his haste he failed to notice the wire tied to the ring and as he grabbed it a bucket of rotten tomato paste dumped from a bucket precariously perched on a cabinet, drenching both Bug and the entire kitchen.
Locke sauntered into the room and surveyed Bug’s predicament with a straight face. “Oh my. I knew that was a bad spot to leave that bucket, someone might stumble underneath it. A lesson learned well I’d say.” Locke procured a mop and wash cloth from the closet and handed both to Bug who was frozen, too stunned to move. “Well, I better get going. Make sure this is all cleaned up in two hours when Jean comes back or he’ll get mad. He likes to keep a clean kitchen.”
***
The Sanzas had been practicing their ring slipping skills. A ring off of Jean’s finger might have been tampered with, but a ring on Jean’s finger was surely the real thing.
Calo had volunteered to help Jean work on tailoring a few new costumes they’d gotten for the wardrobe. Only Calo volunteered to keep it less suspicious. If both of them had offered to help, Jean or Locke would think they were up to something, but if it was just one of them surely the offer was innocent.
“Try this on,” Calo said after he’d finished letting out length in a sleeve. He held out the garment for Jean to put his arms through and as he did, slipped Jean’s silver ring off his finger. A thrill ran through Calo. He had it; he really had it.
Calo inspected the ring as Jean turned to look in the mirror. What? It had no gemstone inside. Since when did Jean start wearing other silver rings? Then he noticed a small engraving along the inside of the band.
Eat shit Sanzas
“Hmm. I’d say that’s about right. You’re getting better at this,” Jean said turning to a now very disappointed Calo. Calo hid the ring but Jean saw his utterly crestfallen face. “I said you did a good job, now you just need to do the other sleeve.”
Calo nodded and took the coat back.
“Everything going well in here?” Locke asked, sauntering in with a sly grin on his face.
Jean looked up and beamed at his fiancé. Calo suppressed a scowl at seeing Locke’s stupid face. Why did they have to make this game so hard?
Locke went over to Jean, pressing a kiss to his temple and in the process brushing Jean’s hand. Calo didn’t see exactly how it happened, but Locke had managed to slip a ring back on Jean’s finger. He then looked at Calo with a smug grin.
“No disappointments as of yet I trust?” Locke said, looking right at Calo.
“No. Calo’s actually getting rather good at tailoring.”
Calo scowled at Locke, whose grin only grew wider.
“Is he now? Well then, I guess I’ll just leave you boys to it!”
After another few frustrating hours of tailoring they finally had all the costume pieces fixed.
“Did you get it?” Galdo asked when he met up with Calo hours later.
Calo just handed Galdo the fake ring.
“We’re getting that ring even if it kills us.”
“It very much might.”
***
Bug still got weapons training from Jean occasionally. Bug was instructed to not get into fights unless absolutely necessary, he was small like Locke and not much better with a blade, but he still needed to know how to throw a good punch when one needed to punch someone.
Today Jean was teaching him how to escape certain grappling holds he might find himself locked in. It was perfect. Lots of grabbing and scrabbling. Easy to slip a ring off someone’s finger amid that chaos.
Bug waited until the end of their training. That way Jean would be a little more tired and might not notice Bug stealing his ring.
Jean had Bug in a tight grapple, he was losing this fight for sure, but he would get that ring off Jean’s finger. He was so close, so close. . . His fingers brushed Jean’s ring as he fought to get control of the fight again. He had his fingers on the ring, and in one fluid motion he was yanked sideways by his underwear. He yelped in surprise.
“Locke. . .” Jean said, looking up disapprovingly at his fiancé.
“You have to be ready for anything to happen Bug, that’s your lesson for the day. Learn it well.” Locke gave one last tug on Bug’s underwear, further cementing the wedgie before letting go.
Oh, Locke was going to regret that. Bug would get that ring. He would get it if it killed him
***
Locke and Jean were out for the night, probably on a date, though neither Bug nor the twins had cared enough to actually ask. They just cared that they were both out of the cellar.
“Something has to be done,” Galdo said.
“This has gotten too far out of hand,” Calo said.
“Are you saying we give up?” Bug protested.
“No, what do you take us for?” Calo asked.
“We’re saying we work together,” Galdo finished.
The quest to get Jean’s ring had been going on a whole month and Locke’s retaliations showed no signs of slowing down. There were now practically always false rings around the cellar, all of them boobytrapped beyond belief. Both Bug and the Sanzas had fallen for them, and they’d contained everything from pies in the face to stinky powder that wouldn’t wash out of their clothes for weeks, to net traps that would leave them literally hanging until Locke decided to take them down to even once a drawer rigged to launch a swarm of bees at the assailant. It was all too much. It needed to end. But they would only accept an end where they were victorious over Locke and Jean.
“Do you have a plan?” Bug asked.
“Of course,” the twins said in unison.
***
For the next week no traps were sprung. Fake rings were still strung about the cellar, but Bug and the Sanzas completely ignored them, unwilling to fall for another ridiculous trap.
Very quickly after the traps stopped being sprung Locke started spending more time with Jean, almost in a way to keep an eye on him. Locke would always help with Jean’s kitchen duty and dishes and would help too with any errands Jean had to run. He kept a very close eye on his three opponents, unwilling to be the loser in this game.
Locke and Jean had been planning to go out for dinner that weekend, which was when Bug and the Sanzas planned to spring their trap: Nets. Subtlety was completely out the window. Locke would see any attempt at subtlety coming a mile away. They just had to get them caught. When they came back from dinner the Sanzas would have a net trap to spring while Bug cried for help from within the cellar.
Locke and Jean would hear Bug screaming for help and would come running, not noticing the net trap and once they had—ideally Locke and Jean but they would settle for just Jean—trapped in the net they could easily get the rings. Easy way to win a game.
“Are you ready to go?” Locke called to Jean. He was dressed in a rather nice deep purple suit.
“Yeah, almost I just. . .” Jean trailed off. Locke caught the slightly frantic tone of voice he held. “I just can’t find it.” Jean came out of his bedroom then anxiously looking around.
Jean spotted a silver ring on the kitchen counter. He hadn’t remembered leaving his ring there, but who was he to argue with what was sitting right in front of him.
Locke noticed what Jean was looking for a second too late. “Don’t touch that!” He shouted but it was too late. Jean grabbed the ring and set off the trap behind it, a bag of chili powder dumping on Jean, covering him in a fine powder.
“Locke! What the fuck?” He looked at the ring then and saw that it wasn’t his engagement ring. Inside was engraved the message Nice try fucker.
Bug and the Sanzas came running and froze when they saw the scene. Had Jean seriously sprung one of Locke’s traps? They’d all thought that Jean had been in on it. Locke would be the trap mastermind but surely he had told Jean about their game.
“Where is my ring?” Jean asked, blinking rapidly trying to get the dam chili powder out of his eyes without making it worse.
Locke cringed. “Right here.” Locke procured a ring from his pocket and gave it to Jean.
“No, it’s not, this one has little gold bits in it.”
Locke panicked and snatched the fake ring back before grabbing another ring from his other pocket, inspecting the stone to find no flecks of gold, and handed it to Jean.
“Now what the fuck is going on? Why did you have a fake of my engagement ring tied to this. . . this. . . boobytrap?!” Jean so rarely raised his voice, especially against Locke and Locke shrank back a little, an utterly guilty look on his face.
“He’s so fucked,” Bug whispered. But the room was quiet enough to where Jean finally noticed the presence of Bug and the Sanzas.
“Were you three in on this too?” Jean demanded.
They shared glances before they all nodded.
“And what exactly is it that you were in on hmm?”
“We were trying to steal your ring,” Bug said.
“Unbe-fucking-lievable. I am going to go take a shower and when I get back, I expect all of you to be cleaning this up.” Locke opened his mouth, but Jean quickly cut him off. “All of you.”
Calo, Galdo and Bug quickly scampered off to get brooms while Locke climbed up on the counter and started disassembling his chili powder dispersal system.
When Jean got back from his very long, very hot shower he saw his two best friends, his apprentice and his fiancé dusting every possible surface for chili powder. Bug’s eyes were red, rookie mistake, you never try to rub your eyes no matter how much they itch when red peppers were involved, but he didn’t take over cleaning duty. It may have been Locke’s trap but it was all of their faults.
Once the kitchen was clean Jean had scolded the four of them, reminding them that pranks should not be done in the cellar, and that all further ideas for this game should be stopped immediately.
Later that night when Jean and Locke were in bed together Jean was rather impressed by Locke’s ability to swap out his ring without him even noticing when he thought Bug or the Sanzas might try to steal it. He’d only slipped up this time because he’d been busy scoping out the cellar for whatever Bug and the Sanzas had planned next. He’d been sure something big was coming and he didn’t want to fall victim to it.
“I hope I made it very clear that there will be no more pranking each other, but you did win right? For me?”
“Oh, why of course darling.”