Archive of Our Own

Bruce woke up naked in a pile of rubble.

Well, that wasn't new.

What was more surprising was that none of the team were around. They always tried to make sure at least one of them stayed with the Hulk till he went to sleep, and then kept watch till Bruce woke up.

It didn't always work out that way, though. Sometimes there was a lot of clean-up or dealing with the press or helping survivors who may have been caught under falling debris. And sometimes Hulk just wanted to be left alone. But sometimes—sometimes the reason no one was there was because they were all clustered around a gravely injured teammate. Bruce felt a tight knot of worry in his gut at the thought.

He tried to remember as much as he could. They'd been hanging out in the living room at the Tower, introducing Steve and Thor to the A-Team, laughing and having a good time, him and Tony trying to outdo each other coming up with improvements on the wacky feats of engineering the A-team invariably came up with once an episode. The call to assemble had come in. They'd taken the Quinjet to Cleveland, where a large number of lumbering lobster-like cyborgs had been tearing through downtown. Steve had decided they needed the Hulk, so Bruce had changed.

At that point, his memories stopped. He closed his eyes to concentrate. Usually when he focused, he could get at least a few snippets—

No! He gasped. Suddenly, clear as day, he got a memory of the Hulk, towering over Steve, shouting—he could not remember the words, but the anger, oh, the anger was all to clear. Hulk leaned down with a roar. And then—then... Dammit. Bruce's pulse was racing and his breath came in frightened gasps. He couldn't remember.

What did you do? Damn you, what did you DO?

Bruce's first instinct was to run to where they'd left the Quinjet—it had been near that tall building he could see off in the distance—but he stopped himself. No. He couldn't go back. Didn't deserve to go back just to find out. He had to get away from them, as far as possible, before he did more.

What if he's dead? What if I killed him? There was nothing he could do about that now. He'd have to find out from the news. He had to get going, slip through the net before they found him.

He wasn't running for his own safety, but for theirs. If he thought SHIELD could contain him, he'd walk up to them right now with his hands behind his head. But it wouldn't work. It never worked. He had to get himself, and the other guy, as far away from people as he could.

Bruce turned north and started walking. His stomach clenched. He'd lost everything. Again. He'd known this would happen. He should never have allowed himself to get used to this life, start to trust, to rely on—he gulped and blinked his eyes.

It wasn't the luxuries he'd miss. He could do without a wide, cloud-soft bed and a real china tea set and a rainforest shower.

Hell, he could do without running water.

It wasn't even the lab, though that had been... fantastic. State of the art, the newest top-of-the-line equipment at his fingertips as soon as it hit the market and sometimes before. Unlimited samples of pretty much everything, and JARVIS's computing power at his beck and call.

And of course, access to Tony Stark's brain. He smiled. He'd been excited every time he sent a message asking, "Can I bounce something off you?" and got a "Hell yes, on my way!" back within seconds. But even more amazing were the times when Tony messaged him, "Bruce, get down here, I'm stuck!" And it was never just to have a foil while Tony listened to himself talk. He asked his opinion, treasured his input, reveled in their cooperation just as much as Bruce did. He'd never worked with anyone that way before.

And still, that wasn't the main thing.

The way they'd all insist he had to stay for movie night even if he'd already seen the film and didn't want the snacks, because "It's team night, and you're on the team, so stop arguing and pull up a chair." The way Clint would make sure at breakfast that there was enough of their shared favorite cereal left for two, and eat something else if there wasn't. The way Steve or Thor would come to him with questions about the modern world and hang on every word of his reply. The way Nat would always make two cups of the strong Russian tea she favored when he was around, and mix just the right amount of jam into his. Even the utterly annoying way Tony kept poking and prodding and tickling Bruce at unexpected moments to get a rise out of him.

Just having a team. Just belonging.

He should have known it couldn't last. He was an idiot for ever letting the team this close, letting them into his heart. It was dangerous to them, and he ought to have know it'd only end in pain for himself.

His stomach clenched guiltily as he thought of Steve. Pain for all of them.

You did it again. You took them from me. Even if Steve's going to be okay—oh please let him be okay, please let the serum do for him what it never did for me and actually make something better—I've lost them. They can never trust me after this and I can never trust myself—you—with them.

He wanted to sob but kept it back. He didn't deserve tears. This was all his own fault. The Hulk had created this situation, but he had created the Hulk.

The rubble cut his feet but he didn't care. The cold evening air made him shiver but he didn't stop to check one of the smashed storefronts for clothes. He would have to get covered up eventually. A naked man drew too much attention. But right now he needed to get a head start.

That brilliant plan fell apart—as most of his plans did—when he rounded a pile of rubble he suspected had once been a monument and found the entire team walking towards him.

The entire team. Steve was there, walking upright, with no obvious wounds beyond a fast-healing cut above his left eyebrow. Bruce stared. How could this—

"Hey, Bruce, there you are!" Tony grinned widely. He was out of his armor, wearing a T-shirt and black jeans. "Sorry it took us so long. The suit got a little dented—I'm fine, but it took Thor and Steve to peel me out. And Clint needed stitches and wouldn't sit still till Nat made him."

"I didn't need—ouch!" Clint interrupted himself when Natasha patted his bandaged shoulder. Hard.

Bruce was still staring at Steve. "You're okay."

Steve smiled. "Yes, we all are. No civilian casualties, either, just some minors injuries and lots of property damage—most of it the other side's fault. You did well."

"Well? Well?" Bruce chuckled, rubbing his hands against each other. "I almost killed you!"

Steve frowned. "What?"

Bruce extended a hand, wanting to touch Steve, but then quickly pulled it back. Not safe. "I almost—I don't remember what happened, exactly, but I remember he was angry at you, yelling at you."

Clint whistled. "Man, we were all yelling at Steve."

"Because Steve was being a dumbass," Tony added.

"Stark!" Coulson's voice came from behind Bruce. He turned. Coulson was carefully making his way through the rubble, carrying a small duffel bag. "That's no way to talk about your team leader." He looked at Steve and raised an eyebrow. "Even when it applies."

Steve hung his head and shuffled his feet.

Bruce looked around, confused. "What happened?"

Coulson reached them and opened the duffel bag. He produced a pair of slacks and handed them to Bruce. Bruce shook them out and started to put them on. "Captain Rogers saw fit to try to take a bullet for one of his teammates."

Well, that sounded about right. Self-sacrificing, but Steve did have a better chance of surviving—

"Specifically," Clint added, "for the Hulk."

"What?" Bruce gasped and promptly lost his balance. Steve grabbed his elbow to steady him.

As soon as he had the pants pulled up and was standing straight, Bruce glared at Steve. "You tried to take a bullet for the Hulk?"

Steve rubbed his neck. "It was reflex, all right? I protect my team."

"The Hulk is bulletproof!" Bruce growled.

"I didn't think—"

"Clearly not," Natasha nodded.

"Luckily," Tony interrupted, "Jolly Green did. He somehow managed to snatch Steve and turn them around in midair, narrowly preventing Cap leakage."

"It was a most valiant feat!"

Bruce shook his head. "He saved you."

Steve nodded. "He did."

"So you can see why emotions were running high," Coulson added, handing Bruce a shirt. He shrugged it on and started on the buttons.

"What he means is, as soon as the battle was over, everyone started laying into me," Steve explained. His cheeks were notably pink.

"'Twas a foolishness not becoming a leader, Steve," Thor said gravely. "You deserved to be chastised."

"I have enough work controlling one idiot on this team," Natasha grumbled, flicking Clint's ear.

He looked at her, wounded. "I've never done anything that stupid—"

"Mombasa."

"—since we joined this team." Natasha raised an eyebrow but let that stand.

"So yeah, the big guy had a thing or two to say." Tony grinned. "Wanna see?" He pulled out his Starkphone and pressed the button. "JARVIS, show the footage of the Hulk reading Cap the riot act."

"At once, sir."

Coulson handed Bruce his glasses and he quickly put them on. When he took the phone from Tony, the screen came to life, showing the Hulk and Steve from ground level and to the side. Ironman must have been landed, possibly because of the damage Tony had mentioned. The Hulk was towering like in Bruce's memory, but it wasn't until he saw Steve's face on the screen that the realized the Captain didn't look scared, just—sheepish.

"Hulk big! Cap squishy! Bang-bang not hurt Hulk! Cap not get shot for Hulk! Stupid! Hulk get shot for team! Hulk best at it!" Hulk waited till Steve nodded, then he punctuated his speech with a roar and took off, away from Ironman's camera angle.

The camera stayed on Steve, who looked after the Hulk and mumbled, "Well, that's me told."

Tony's slightly metallic voice sounded from off-screen. "And see that you stay told, Capikaze, or next time we'll ask him to give you a spanking."

The rueful grin from the Steve on the screen was mirrored by the real one. "I do hope we can avoid that," he said with a chuckle as Bruce handed the phone back to Tony.

Bruce didn't know what to think. He was grateful beyond words that the Hulk hadn't hurt Steve. But god, it had been close. Maybe if he'd been just a little bit angrier... He shook his head to clear it of the nightmarish images springing up unbidden. "Steve, I thought... I thought I'd killed you!"

"Oh, Bruce, no!" Steve stepped forward, arms wide, clearly intending to wrap him in a hug.

It took all of Bruce's strength to step back. "I... I'm sorry. Even if he didn't hurt you, he had no right—he shouldn't have yelled at you."

Steve shrugged. "He's a team member, he has the same right to yell at me when I'm being an idiot as any of you."

"No!" It wasn't the same thing at all. And damn it, if none of them got it, if none of them understood how dangerous the Hulk really was, then this was still too risky. "I'm leaving," he blurted out.

"What?" Steve's eyes were wide with shock. "Bruce..."

"No! I can't stay!"

"Dr. Banner," Coulson said gently, "I don't think now is the best time for you to make this dec—"

"It's the perfect time!" He angrily grabbed the sneakers Coulson had just taken out of the duffel bag.

"I'm sorry there's such turmoil in your heart, Bruce, but you should not leave your friends behind like this," Thor said earnestly.

"What about the team?" Natasha asked. "We need you."

"You don't need me! You have three heavy hitters without the other guy!" He gestured at Steve, Thor, and Tony. It wasn't as if he wanted to leave. He had to. For their sakes.

"Bruce—" Tony put a hand on Bruce's shoulder, blithely ignoring his attempts to shrug him off. "She didn't say we need the other guy."

"Yeah," Clint nodded. "I mean, we do. He's damn good to have around in a fight. But we meant—"

"He's a monster!" And that had to outweigh the usefulness of having him and his science knowledge around. Especially with Tony Stark already on the team.

"Hey! The big guy's not a monster, okay?" Tony sounded defensive now. "He's our friend, too."

"He is a monster! I'm a monster. Goddammit, Tony, don't you get it? You can't let me stay in your home! I could kill you where you stand!"

Tony laughed that infuriating laugh that always made Bruce want to shake him—though he noted it didn't bring on even the slightest rumble from the other guy. Tony looked around at the others. "Raise your hand if you could kill me where I stand."

All hands went up. Steve looked uncomfortable about it, but Nat, Clint, Coulson, and Thor seemed completely matter-of-fact.

"Hmmm... I clearly have disastrous taste in house guests for someone as annoying as me."

Bruce couldn't help it, he felt a smile tug at the corner of his lips. He shook his head. "It's different."

"Yes, it is." Tony squeezed his shoulder. "Because you, my friend, have way more patience with me than any of these people. Possibly except Agent."

Coulson shook his head. "No, I'd include myself in that statement."

"Bruce, if I chose only to live with people who're not stronger than me when I'm out of the suit, I'd have to throw out the whole team and many of the staff. I trust you not because I think you can't hurt me, but because I know you won't." Tony moved in and hugged Bruce. He tried to struggle, but Tony clung like an octopus, and in the end, Bruce just leaned in.

"You're my friend," Tony said quietly. "Do you know how few people I can say that to? I'm not letting you run away because you're scared of something that will never happen."

Bruce felt Steve's large hand on his neck, squeezing gently. "For what it's worth? I wasn't at all scared when the other guy was yelling at me. I was embarrassed as heck, being told off like a school boy, but I never thought he'd hurt me."

"If any of us had thought that, Doc," Clint pointed out, "I'd have had a tranq arrow in his big green ass. But it was obvious he wasn't gonna touch Cap."

"I agree. Our comrade vented his rightful anger. He would no more strike the Captain than I would."

Bruce shook his head. "You don't know that. We don't have enough data. There's no guarantee the Hulk won't lose control completely one day and go on a rampage."

"Maybe you're right." Natasha said. The whole team turned to her.

Dammit, that hurt. Even thought he'd wanted them to see the danger, he hated to hear one of his friends say it out loud.

"Nat, what the fuck—" Tony started.

She cut him off. "Let's say that you are right. Let's say one day the Hulk cuts loose, refuses to listen to anyone, starts destroying and killing randomly."

Bruce gulped. He could see it all too clearly in his mind, though everyone else was staring at Natasha incredulously.

Natasha's mouth turned up in a smile. "Wouldn't it be best if that happened near the only group of people with any hope of stopping him?"

Tony's eyes flicked from Natasha to Bruce. He grinned. "She's got you there."

"It's true, Doc." Clint chuckled. "If you have a freak-out somewhere in India, it'll take us hours to get there. If you have it in the living room, we can put you down in minutes."

Bruce blinked. They were right. And now he felt like an idiot for not seeing it sooner. The safest place to keep the Hulk was near a team of superheroes who were not afraid to take him on.

Relief slammed into him. He could stay. It wasn't selfish, it wasn't irresponsible. It made sense.

The sudden drop in adrenaline combined with the exhaustion from the transformation made his head spin. He felt his knees start to buckle, but before they could, Tony was propping him up on one side and Steve on the other.

"Whoa there, big fella. Bit much excitement for one day." Tony wrapped an arm around Bruce's waist to keep him steady while Steve took most of his weight.

"We're gonna go get the jet closer. I can land it in that parking lot over there." Clint and Natasha took off.

"I have to stay for the clean-up." Coulson handed the duffel bag to Thor and turned back the way he'd come. Thor took the sneakers Bruce had never gotten around to putting on and stored them in the bag.

After a brief, failed attempt to get him back onto his feet, Steve swooped him up in a bridal carry. Bruce felt himself flush and weakly pushed against Steve's shoulder.

"Just let Cap carry you." He felt Tony's hand patting his back in an awkward attempt at comfort. "He'll be all sad otherwise and give you those puppy dog eyes of doom and then you'll have to give in anyway." Steve rolled his eyes but didn't protest the description.

"There's no shame in needing rest after such a day!" Thor boomed. "It's well known that a berserker rage takes a great toll on a man's strength."

Steve pulled him closer and put his chin on Bruce's head. "Just relax. We've got you." Bruce smiled.

Yes, they did.

Both of him.