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Phil’s memory has never been all that great. That’s why he originally started blogging–and later on posting on YouTube–so that he if he ever forgot anything he could just go back there and reference those things and never have to worry about it again. But there came a point in his life where he didn’t want to share everything with everyone anymore, so he stopped putting some things in videos and stopped writing blog posts and just starting to keep a mental diary. And it was great, because no one else could ever read it and he couldn’t lose it (though he’s pretty sure that he’s lost some entries over time) and it was wonderful. So every night he would just brush up on the most important ones and every morning he would brush up on the other ones. It had become routine for him and he liked routine a lot.
He would start with remembering first seeing Dan’s username on YouTube, that was a memory that did take some digging and one that he hopes he’ll never forget. It was just on some video, some random video that aside from holding Dan’s first comment was completely unimportant to Phil. He remembers just seeing the comment on something pertaining to the video and smiling and moving on to the next one. Because it wasn’t something amazing and there wasn’t any spark, because that’s not how it is in the real world. In the beginning Dan was nothing more than another fan to Phil, and while Phil loved all his fans very much–especially then when there were so few–but Dan didn’t stand out. Over time Phil did learn to recognize his username across various websites and after some time Phil became familiar with it, in the way you become familiar with any little consistency in your life. You don’t need to acknowledge it but it’s just always appreciated.
Though one day Phil did decide to acknowledge it, he decided to reply to Dan on twitter because he’d seen him so much that Phil’d come to live under the impression that they were actually friends. It really wasn’t a big deal, it was just the fact that Dan said that he liked Muse and Phil mentioning that it was cool, he also liked Muse. He remembered checking back to that tweet a half hour later and seeing everyone freaking out over it. Because that’s what he liked about his fans, they all knew each other and got along. He remembers laughing and after that making it a habit to reply to Dan more, because seeing that sort of response was amusing, and that’s why he originally responded to Dan. Because the response that he got from other fans was entertaining, but it turned out that him and Dan had a lot in common and they really got on quite well.
He remembers following Dan and smiling over the response from the other fans and getting a DM not too long after from Dan. He wishes he remembers what it said, but he really doesn’t. He’d asked Dan about it once or twice but Dan always just dismissed it, said it was just something stupid and that it really didn’t matter. But he does remember the weeks that followed. They spent so much time messaging on Twitter–and later Facebook and Skype–and Phil noticed just how alike they were. Dan had stopped trying to impress Phil and had become so comfortable with him and had started to act like himself and Phil loved it.
He remembers the first time they ever Skyped and how scared Dan looked when they first started and how cute Phil thought that was. Because Dan was cute, and Phil told him that pretty often because Dan’s reaction to hearing it was also really freaking cute. Phil still tells Dan that, though he’s grown more used to it now so his reaction isn’t as amusing. He remembers staying up late and rushing through the last of his course work so that he could spend as much time as possible talking to Dan. He remembers asking him what he should make a video about next and hiding little inside jokes in them just for Dan. He remembers his parents telling him that they were going out of town for two weeks and thinking that it would be the perfect time to ask Dan to come down. He remembers asking and watching Dan trying to figure out if he was serious or not and Dan cautiously saying yes and Phil smiling and laughing and explaining that he was completely serious and Dan smiling and getting really quite excited. He remembers counting down the days and receiving texts from Dan as soon as he woke up with how many days were left and staying up all night because he was far too excited to sleep.
Phil remembers being all ready to leave for the train station hours before Dan was due to arrive and texting Dan. Dan was so scared of Phil not liking him in real life and it made Phil notice just how little Dan thought of himself. Phil remembers telling Dan that it would be fine, that there was no way that he couldn’t like him. He got to the train station far earlier than what was really necessary and waiting. The train pulled in eight minutes late and Phil had stood up the second he had heard it–his stomach too filled with butterflies for him to do much else–and searching the crowd from when the first person got off until he saw Dan. He smiled so hugely and so did Dan and they both went through the crowd as fast as they could to get to the other and when they hugged it was one of the best feelings in his life. He remembers never wanting to let go and wishing that they could stay like that forever. He took Dan to all of his favorite places and even out to dinner. They went back to his house and stayed up all night just talking and playing video games. It was honestly one of the best weekends of his life and one he’ll always cherish.
Taking Dan to the train station and seeing him off was terrible, they had both so quickly grown accustomed to being together that going back to being apart sounded horrible. They texted the whole way back and Skyped that night, both of them saying that they missed the other probably way more than they should and talking about when they could meet up next. They decided on the Halloween gathering that was at the end of the month; it would only be for a day and night but it was better than nothing and they could go from there. The gathering was kind of terrible and Phil learned that really he’d rather just spend time with Dan alone. So that’s what they did. After that Dan was over at his house as often as possible, staying for days on end and it was the happiest that either of them had ever been. They had finally found that one other person that they could trust completely, the one person that really just got them and it was amazing.
Phil remembers the first time that he told Dan that he loved him. It was stupid and cliche and on New Years and they were both more than a little drunk and he didn’t mean to say it, by then he had known that he loved Dan for a while but it never felt like the right time to come out with it so he didn’t. But right then Dan just looked so beautiful and Phil was just staring at his smiling face and it slipped out and Dan looked at him with the biggest grin that Phil had ever seen and he leaned in and said that he loved Phil too and then they had kissed and it had been the most clichèd moment of Phil’s life but he didn’t care because he was with Dan and that was all that mattered.
Eventually Phil was able to convince Dan to let him come down to his house, he could tell that Dan was anxious and afraid, and he explained it to Phil, he told him about how his parents were and that they didn’t know that they were dating yet and how he’d rather stay away from their knowing looks and their comments. So Phil told him about how afraid and nervous he was of Dan first meeting his parents, for the same reasons. And about how it was okay in the end, that the jokes eventually ended and how it was normal to have Dan there now and that really it wasn’t that bad at all. That really calmed Dan down and in the middle of May Phil went down to Dan’s house for the first time. They had great fun and everything turned out fine, Dan did get a little embarrassed at times but that really only added to the enjoyment for Phil.
Even after going to Dan’s house they still spent more time at Phil’s, and they were both okay with that, and a few months later Phil got his own flat and not too long after that Dan moved up to Manchester to start university. Phil remembers the night that Dan first started. He was so anxious and afraid and had called Phil as soon as he got settled in and told him how terrible it seemed already. Phil asked if he wanted to come spend the night at his place and Dan said no, that he had to make it through at least the first night without coming to see him and he did. Dan made it three nights of sleeping in his uni halls before coming to Phil’s flat because, well, they lived so close now that really it was kind of silly to not spend time together. After that Dan didn’t go more than three days without seeing Phil for the whole year.
Phil loved it, he loved having Dan so close and being able to see him all the time and even though he knew that they couldn’t live together while Dan was in his first year of university this was pretty close and Phil loved that too. But what he loved most of all was that when Dan was sad and just wanted to lay in bed all day Phil was able to be there with him and help him. He didn’t really know what to do to help him but it was so much better to be able to go to Dan’s uni halls and comfort him than having him across the country rendering Phil helpless. Phil just loved being with Dan. He loved waking up with Dan’s sleeping figure next to him, he loved sitting on the couch in the morning watching old cartoons and eating cereal. He loved spending all day playing video games or watching TV or really doing anything as long as it was with Dan. And if Phil wasn’t already so head over heals in love with Dan just all those little things would’ve done it.
Phil remembers in May counting in his head how many more months he had left before his rent was up and he’d have to move out, and wondering where he was going to move next. He remembers thinking about asking Dan if he wanted to move in together and throwing the thought aside, because they were moving so fast already and they had only known each other for two years and he didn’t want to overwhelm Dan. But the thought never did leave his mind and a few weeks later he mentioned it to Dan. They were just sat on the couch and Phil was tense over it and he knew that Dan had noticed it so he just asked, trying desperately for nonchalant but knowing that Dan saw right through it, he always did. Dan smiled and called him an idiot for worrying over it so much because of course he’d move in with Phil, why would Phil even think that he wouldn’t want to for a second? And Phil had smiled and let out a breath that he hadn’t even known that he was holding and he kissed Dan because they were actually going to live together.
He remembers going flat shopping and Dan tentatively asking Phil if he should start making more videos to cover the extra expenses on the apartment that they both really liked, and seeing in his eyes how badly he didn’t want to do that, how he didn’t want to have to be alone in front of a camera any more than he already was. Because even though Phil knew that Dan really did love making YouTube videos he could see how much that would overwhelm him. He remembers telling him no and suggesting that they do a channel together and Dan asking what they could possibly do it on. Jokingly Phil had said the super natural elements in the real world, and reporting it like they were on the news and then really thinking about it and how good of an idea it was. And that’s how they got the Super Amazing Project. It started out as a joke so they decided that the only title that would suit it would be one that would also be taken as a joke.
Dan had to go back home for a few days to get the rest of his things and it was then that Phil had noticed that they really couldn’t be apart for very long. Dan was gone for half a week and Phil missed him so freaking much that he skyped Dan on the second day and told him that. Dan had laughed and replied telling Phil that he felt the same way, that he wondered how they ever went weeks at a time not seeing each other. Dan had got an early train back up to Manchester the next morning because neither of them could bare the idea of having to go a few extra hours without seeing each other and Phil wondered when they became so disgustingly sappy.
Those few weeks of Dan living in Phil’s apartment were cramped and really not all that fun. There really wasn’t any room for all of Dan’s things (when Phil mentioned this Dan said that there was barely any room for Phil’s things so did he really expect any different?) and Phil was also in the process of trying to pack up his flat so there was just boxes everywhere, but Phil still tried to make it fun. He more or less forced Dan into a game of hide and seek because there were just so many boxes for Phil to not get at least one game in and they ended up playing for hours, laughing more than either of them had had in weeks.
Phil remembers the day they moved and how early they got up and going on a Starbucks run because he knew that they would both really need the energy. He remembers packing the final boxes and Dan complaining about having to work–even though he knew that Dan wasn’t mad about having to move at all, because it would be with Phil–and unpacking and Dan wanting to share a bed but not knowing how to ask and them sleeping in Phil’s bed and the first week there and the first month there. He remembers so much from when they first moved in together because it was new and exciting, and sometimes he wonders if he should be saddened by the fact that it’s not anymore. But then he will look over at Dan and remember what exactly has become normal, and notice that really if anything in his life had to become normal and unremarkable, he’s glad that it was this.