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“Okay, so how do gay people have their bachelor parties, again?” Mahdi asks, he’s holding a pad and a pen to list every single item needed to throw the last best party his two friends gonna receive, before tying themselves down into a boring and stale domestic sappy life.
“I guess it’s the same like how straight people do?” Jonas assumes, he’s plopping himself down next to Magnus who seems like the only one who takes this matter seriously.
“But it can’t be that similar though” The blonde responds reasonably, “I mean, giving Isak female strippers would do him nothing”
Mahdi rolls his eyes, “We’re not going to give him female strippers, you idiot. He’ll have hot dudes dancing, instead”
“Okay then” Jonas says thoughtfully, “Why don’t we merge their parties instead and have the dude strippers all at once? That would save us tons of time and money, no?”
Mahdi smacks Jonas on the back of his head, “That’s not how bachelor parties work, you moron. Seriously, as someone who got married the earliest out of us five you ought to know that the point of the said parties is to celebrate the last night of your single lives. Isak and Even can’t celebrate their last night of being single with each other”
Magnus nods earnestly, looking at Jonas with a mock disgust, ”And just for your information, my best friend is bisexual, so we’re gonna have to provide Even with male and female strippers each.”
“Well, then Isak will have two strippers too, the numbers must balance out, after all.” Mahdi says affirmatively.
Jonas, whose life is still a bit too preoccupied with the things that are much important that bachelor parties, grumbles. “I still don’t get with the whole celebrating their last days as a single person, though. Those two haven’t been alone since high school.”
Mahdi rolls his eyes, “Even gave us tickets and took us to Macau for your party, the least us peasants can do for him is to give him and Isak this.”
Jonas looks down and traces the label of his beer bottle, feeling guilty, “Sorry” he mumbles, “It’s just, Astrid’s been nagging me about putting Maud into daycare, but you know, I don’t really wanna do that because money is pretty tight. I guess I let that problem got way too deep into my head”
Mahdi nods understandingly, “It’s okay, bro.” He says reassuringly, “That’s why you gotta chill out, just think of this party as your deserving break for being the new addition to the Norway’s Greatest Dads list.”
“Well, Mahdi here has had the same experience for getting listed to Norway’s Greatest Losers” Magnus jokes, earning a glare from his black haired friend, Jonas chuckles.
“Hey! You know about that?” Mahdi gasps exaggeratingly, “Well, I shouldn’t be surprised, should I? ‘cause the last time I checked, your name were on the number one list!” he finishes with a loud laugh when Magnus scowls as he fails to punch Mahdi's stomach.
“Oh, Magnus” Jonas shakes his head fondly, “You should be glad that you’re pretty”
“Aw, thanks, Jon- Hey! That’s not a compliment!”
Mahdi’s laugh gets louder before he ends up rolling to the floor, Jonas follows him in seconds.
_
“I can’t believe you invited my cousin to dance at my bachelor party!” Isak screeches, face looking mortified as if he just saw a human getting mutilated.
“We didn’t know!” Mahdi spats, but remorse is painted all over his face.
“We have the same last names!” Isak insists, he’s splattering some water from the sink to his face. “Urgh,” he groans in disgust, rubbing his eyes like it would help him erase the most humiliating and terrifying moment in his life. “I will never go to family reunion gatherings from my dad’s side ever again”
“Okay,” Magnus says calmly, “First of all, there are tons of Valtersens spread across this country, you can’t blame us for assuming that he has no relation to you and you once said that all your cousins are girls, you can’t blame us for not knowing”
“Oh fuck,” Isak whines, realizing that he had given his friends false information, “I meant there were only girl cousins from my mother’s side, my paternal granddad had tons of grandsons”
“Well, next time try to give us clear information, then” Mahdi scowls.
“What?” Isak scrunches his eyebrow, “So, I should’ve handed all of you details of every living family relatives before you guys threw me a party?” his voice turns mocking, “Yeah, not bloody likely”
“Hey!” Magnus protests, glaring back at Isak, “Don’t be rude, Isak. There’s no need for you to-“
“But you guys just-“
“We didn’t know!” Mahdi reiterates, his expression screams frustation.
“Yeah, how are we supposed to-“
“You could’ve just called m-“
“Oh, because that would not be awkward,” Magnus recoils sarcastically, then he’s speaking in a high pitched voice, “Oh, hello, Isak. This is Magnus and Mahdi, we’re getting you strippers for your bachelor party, is there any chance that one of them might be related to you?”
“Well, it wouldn’t go like tha-“
“OKAY!” Jonas, who’s been silent the whole time, yells. He’s stepping in to the middle of the circle that his best friends have made out in their heated debate. “What the hell, guys? This is supposed to be a fun night, stop acting like child-“
“How was that fun?!” Isak interrupts, “Seeing your cousin wriggling their naked butt straight into your eyes is nowhere near fun!”
“We said we’re sor-“ Mahdi and Magnus bellow in unison, but Jonas hols his hand in front of their faces, signalling them to stop. He’s sending daggers to the three of them right now, something he barely does, Jonas is always the calm, composed and mature one, so seeing him in this mode probably scare them to their paints.
Good, Jonas thinks, satisfied.
“Okay” he says again, staring at Isak pointedly, “You apologize to them, right now.”
“What?” Isak asks incredulously, feeling betrayed. “I’m the one who’s traumatized for life, why shoul-“
“Isak” , Jonas’ voice turns a hundred times lower, “Apologize” he commands sternly.
Isak opens his mouth, ready to ramble on various defences, but Jonas looks like he’s ready to commit murder and kill every witness that got into his way, so the soon-to-be-married man lets out a pathetic huff, rolling his eyes before muttering, “I’m sorry, guys.”
Mahdi, who’s one of the nicest people on the planet, quickly forgets the beef he just had and immediately throws himself into Isak, “I’m sorry too, man”
Magnus stays still, still scowling but doesn’t seem as annoyed as before.
“You too, Magnus” Jonas says to his friend, shifting his head to Mahdi and Isak, “Come on”
Magnus is silent for couple seconds, before heading towards the pair joins them, “I’m sorry too, Isak”
The trio pull apart and start to pat each other’s back, mumbling words of regrets to each other and Jonas smiles at the sight, glad that this night won’t be a bad memory for Isak and Ev-
Oh, shit. He bulges his eyes out in horror, scrambling to find his phone, when the light turns on and the clock displays its numbers, Jonas’s heart leaps out from this mouth.
Fucking, shit. He’d forgotten about Even. Fuck, they’re one hour late.
“Guys” he calls out weakly, “Guys, Even”
“Even?” Magnus turns to Jonas, eyebrows are furrowed. “What about Eve-“
“Fuck!” Mahdi curses out, always the faster one out of the two. His eyes widen as he stares at his watch. “Oh my God, we’re so behind schedule!”
“What’s going on?” Isak says dumbly, oblivious to the internal battle his friends are having.
“We’re supposed to go to Even’s office because we’re throwing the party in there, we planned to leave you to finish the party with your work friends then head to Even’s building, his co-workers are joining us an hour and a half after we and Even’s strippers arrive.” Jonas explain hurriedly, “But since the whole almost visually incest shit happened, we forgot that we’re supposed to be there an hour ago.”
“What?” Isak gasps fright, “Ow!” he yelps in pain when Magnus, who finally grasp the idea that they’re now fucked, throws him his coat right into his face. “You’re throwing us the parties on the same night?!”
Now it’s Jonas’ turn to cower from Isak’s furious gaze, but before he could come up with a better excuse, Mahdi grabs him and Isak by the elbows and drags them out of his apartment, Magnus following in suit. “We hired the strippers from the same agency, and they said that they only able to provide the service today because they’re booked for the rest of the week.” He says, matter-of-factly, clearly too focused to get into Even’s office as fast as possible than to deal with Isak’s growing rage.
“Oh my God” Isak utters in disbelief, still trying to comprehend what’s happening. The elevator’s door opens with a ding and the four of them hurries inside, thankful that it’s empty. “I can’t believe you guys left my soon-to-be husband alone, in a room with beautiful people who can dance and are paid to get naked for an hour” he says hollowly, the look of horror filled his shocked face.
Mahdi, who spends too much time with Magnus and now starting to pick up his friend’s habit of speaking without thinking, blurts out-
“Well, then, let’s hope that at least one of the strippers is Even’s cousin”
Isak’s so gonna kill the three of them after this.