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The world was unearthly and eerie at three am. A faint grayness hung about the east; a few stars shone in the dark arch of sky above him, although obscured by the clouds and streetlights for the most part. Yuzuru had been tired in a good way for most of the night, working on a new song for Re:vale and then being invited by Okarin to use the equipment at the office for any personal project he liked; so he’d messed around on his own thing, which might sooner or later become a Re:vale song, and then Pancake had started yapping at him and he’d realized he’d skipped dinner and was starving, plus his apartment was empty of groceries. He sat on the curb underneath the neon sign of a FamilyMart, eating a plastic-tray bento and feeling his happy adrenaline slowly dissipate.
At home he had an empty fridge, unfolded laundry, dishes in the sink, and some sticky sauce residue on his sheets from when he’d made the poor choice to eat and play games on his computer in bed last night. If Yuzu was a character in a life simulation, a raincloud would have appeared over his head, and his sprite would have wandered around in a desolate haze, waiting around for the player to fix up his environment or coax him into basic tasks. However, he was a responsible grown man-by-some-definition-of-the-word, and he had ample practice forcing himself into those basic tasks. With some difficulty, he got off the curb and started trekking home.
Right, they thought as they unlocked their apartment door. It’s past midnight, so that means it’s my birthday today.
The apartment smelled different than usual; the thick and savory scent of stir-fry, layered over the subtle sharpness of disinfectant spray. Yuzuru blinked a few times, eyes adjusting to the light. Does this mean someone’s going to jump out and yell “Happy birthday”? But no one did (though Pancake was running around in excited circles for some reason).
He put the leftover bento in the fridge, moving aside some Tupperware and a carton of milk to make room, then schlepped himself into the bathroom and took the toothbrush that was politely held out to him. After he finished brushing his teeth, the toothbrush was taken from him and the floss handed over.
Yuzuru paused. Turned his head.
On his left was Momo of Re:vale, hair slicked back, neatly dressed in a Western-style butler outfit with a bow tie. On his right was Yuki of Re:vale, hair tied back, neatly dressed in a Japanese manservant’s outfit with his sleeves tied up.
Yuzuru turned the faucet on cold and dunked his head under it.
“He’s trying to drown himself,” Yuki said.
Yuzuru pulled up sharply—“What?”—and hit the back of his head on the faucet.
“Yuki!” Momo yelped.
“Oww,” Yuzu said, drawing his head out from the sink basin. “What’s going on?”
Yuki withdrew an ice pack from his sleeve (?!) and handed it to Yuzu. “We’re your butlers for today, young master.”
“What?” Yuzu asked again.
“That’s right! So just lay back and relax. The—darling, what were we going to say again?”
Yuki was kneeling by the bathtub, checking the temperature of the water gushing out of the faucet. “The top-rated duo in Japan are here to attend to your every need.”
“Right. We’ve drawn you a bath, sir, so you can go ahead and get in! Would you like us to leave first?”
“Um—”
“We’ve drawn you a bath, sir,” Yuki said, “but it’s not quite ready yet, so don’t go ahead and get in.” He flicked his gaze up at Momo, who averted his eyes with a flush and went ahead taking Yuzuru’s jacket off (with the practiced ease of someone who quick-changed for his job) and then going and hanging it on the hook by the door.
Yuzuru had fallen asleep on the curb, and this was a dream. That was the only explanation for why Re:vale were in his house right now, elegantly helping him take off his socks, his shirt, his—“Okay, get out!”
Momo pouted.
“Give the young master some privacy,” Yuki instructed, ushering him out.
Yuzuru didn’t take baths often…most busy, working adults didn’t. He kept a plastic chair in the shower for bad health days, and that was pretty much it.
The water felt searing hot at first, but after he lowered himself in, hissing through his teeth at the feeling of it against his stomach and back, it slowly became more comfortable. He rested his head on the tiled side of the bath and took a deep, slow breath.
There was one alternative explanation for this situation, beyond it being a dream.
Yuki and Momo really, really liked him.
Yuzuru turned to the side and rested his head on his hand. Ripples in the water sent his hair floating around, and lapped at his shoulder like it was a small ocean island. He watched the dim light shining through his glazed window, and considered staying in the bath long enough to see it change from the glimmer of streetlights to the glow of day.
Eventually, the water became lukewarm, and they started feeling the vague desires to move, stretch, probably use the toilet. They pulled themself out of the bath, dried themself off. Started to dry their hair, then—remembered the situation, with a bit of fizzy excitement, and left the bathroom in a bathrobe and with wet hair.
His hunch had been right: The two “butlers” descended upon him with towel, hairdryer and hairbrush.
“Your hair is so fluffy, Yuzu-chan,” Momo praised, holding a tuft of it between his fingers.
“Turn to the side, young master,” Yuki commanded, apparently determined to remain in character.
As a victim of their compounded force of personality, Yuzuru felt a little like one of those stray kittens that were washed carefully and then fluffed around in disoriented confusion. Momo liked looking at those kittens sometimes, and there was a glint in Momo’s eyes now that suggested he liked looking at Yuzuru right now 1) just as much, if not more and 2) for the same reason.
“Can I braid your hair?” he asked.
“You can do anything as long as it’s not weird,” Yuzuru said, face red.
“I would—never do anything weird, sir, you would fire me on the spot. Unless you order me to, of course.”
“I—I—are you trying to give me your freaky—I mean, not freaky, but like—butler fantasies?!”
“Your wish is our command, young master,” Yuki said.
“And why are you calling me young master! I’m grown up, you know!”
Momo leaned in and whispered in Yuzuru’s ear, “It’s cause it’s a young master in all the butler yaoi Yuki reads.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Yuki said primly.
“I want to go to sleep,” Yuzuru mumbled, leaning into Yuki’s hand.
He faded in and out of consciousness as Momo messed with his hair, the occasional tug on and touch to his scalp feeling more relieving and soothing than irritating or painful. A few minutes later, he felt himself lifted up by silk-clad arms, and then his head laid down on a soft pillow and his body covered with fresh sheets. He was gone in seconds.
Yuzuru woke up sometime between noon and 1 pm to the smell of frying dough. Pancake was curled by his side, underneath his arm. He scratched her a few times behind the ears and contemplated getting out of bed.
Images started to flood his head unprompted of Re:vale in those outfits, standing in his kitchen, making him food and chatting to each other. Yuki in that dipping kimono collar and Momo with that sharp standing one framing his face, both in the mode of clean and professional butlers who would do anything he said, or maybe the mode of that teasing Re:vale where they’d laugh at him and make him blush and freak out…
“Pancake,” Yuzuru murmured. “I really want to go out, but I’m kind of afraid…”
What was the best way to act in this circumstance? How on earth was he supposed to match their doting brilliance with his scuffed-up self?
“Look, Momo, they’re not awake yet,” he could hear Yuki saying crossly, voice slightly raised. “So it doesn’t matter when I got up.”
“Well—well, you didn’t know he was going to sleep in, neither of us do! I want to make this nice for him!”
Yuki replied in a quieter tone that Yuzuru couldn’t hear. Yuzu crept out of bed and sat in his bathrobe with his ear pressed to the door.
“He gets so nervous, you know? When you did things like dote on me…well, it freaked me out, but it also helped convince me that you wanted me around.”
“I wish I’d known that,” Yuki said, a slight whine to his voice. “You never seemed to like it and always ran off.”
“That’s cause I was embarrassed, darling.”
“I don’t like being embarrassed.”
“There’s a good and a bad element to it, right? Like, stepping out below stage lights. I’m always a little scared, and there’s lights shining in my eyes and a lot of loud noise. But I’m really hyped up too.”
“Mmn. Same.”
“And you wouldn’t stop, right?”
“No, not now, not after meeting you. Anyway, darling, if you learned how to cook, you wouldn’t’ve had to worry about when I got up!”
“But Yuki makes the best, best crepes!”
Crepes? Yuzuru opened the door an inch and looked out. The table was set for one, and a crepe drizzled in strawberry compote was sitting at the place. It smelled delicious. Momo was still in his outfit from yesterday, but Yuki rather conscientiously had put on a hoodie and then an apron over his fancy historical-drama clothes. He was cooking, and Momo was hovering around him. A second later, Momo spotted Yuzuru and his eyes widened in delight.
“Yuzu-chan! I mean, uh, sir! Good morning!”
“You don’t have to keep doing the butler thing,” Yuzuru said fondly. “I don’t actually have a thing for it.”
“Are you sure, sir?” Momo bowed low and offered a hand. “Come, sir, let me escort you to your seat.” He grinned up at Yuzuru rakishly. Yuzuru felt his heart thump.
“Okay…” they said, extending a shaking hand out to meet Momo’s. “Maybe a little…”
They sat down at the place reserved for them to eat their crepe. Yuki finished making another one, left it on a spare plate, and knelt down to Yuzuru’s left. Momo knelt to their right.
“Um,” Yuzuru said. “What’s the point of this bit?”
Pancake walked in a cheerful circle around Yuki and then started lapping at Yuki’s fingers. “We’re here for your ready use, young master,” Yuki said.
“W-wh-what?!”
Yuki sat there for a moment, processing his own statement and their current positions. Then he turned away and hid his face.
“C’mon,” Yuzuru said. “Come have breakfast with me.” He considered, and then added, “That’s an order, Orikasa-kun.”
Yuki bolted up and set a place for himself in lighting speed. He sat down, and a second later, became the self-assured Yuki, leaning on his hand and smiling at Yuzuru—then remembered his character, snapped into a tidy butler—then seemed a bit awkward about the switch, and bit his lip, smiling wryly at Yuzuru.
Momo had set himself a place too. He looked ready, alert, and not embarrassed, until Yuzuru noticed his head droop to the side slightly.
“…Momo-san,” Yuzuru demurred, “how late did you stay up last night, and when did you get up this morning…?”
“Hey, no fair!” Momo said with a mouthful of crepe. “I’m supposed to be looking after you!”
“Eating before the young master,” Yuki said. “I should demote you to junior staff.”
“Oh no….Yuki-sama…I didn’t mean it…” Momo looked up at Yuki, batting his eyelashes in faux tears. “W-What’re you going to do to me?”
“In front of my crepes?!” Yuzuru squawked.
“Oh, he’s a good boke,” Yuki said. “Momo, let’s keep him.”
“That’s Sunohara-kun your subordinate butler,” Momo claimed.
“Let me eat, okay?” Yuzuru said, laughing.
Like stepping out under stage lights… A little terrifying, the more so the more Re:vale they were. But even so, he was beginning to feel a little self-assured on that stage.
(Yuki poked his cheek. “I want him to blush again…”
“Isn’t this all about what Yuzu-chan wants?”
Yuzuru hid his face. “Go back to being a butler…”
“But Yuzuru…this is the part where I start getting familiar…”
“Why do you read so much butler yaoi!”)