Chapter Text
This day couldn't get any worse.
I mean, of course it could. Carol could finally snap and use my brains in place of the butter on her morning toast, I could finally snap and earn myself a kill order in record time, the Endbringers could all come together for a family reunion centered on Brockton Bay.
Could get worse. Still bad though. Creepy-ass bug girl had me in a headlock with a knife at my throat, Vicky’s on the other side of the room saying something along the lines of “Unhand my sister, vile ne’er-do-well, elseforth i doth crush-eth thine head like a melon in between my thick, muscled thiSTOPPING THAT TRAIN OF THOUGHT okayokayokay.
Vicky’s saying something, bug bitch is readjusting her grip on the knife and tightening the headlock and, oh SWEET fuck it feels like she just squeezed about ten years of bad posture out of my spine!
“-unch, but nooooo, you needed to go to the bank.”
I know she’s a villain and all, but those chiropractic skills cannot go to waste. Like, put her on probation or brainwash her or something, cause hot DAMN!
“-mes, hellooo?”
Just imagine… those long fingers digging into my shoulder blades, working all that stress out, meanwhile Vicky is trailing her hands up m-
“Amy!”
“Whazzat?” is my well thought-out reply. Vicky’s brows are furrowed and she's looking towards? Oh yay, the grape-flavored latex fetishist.
“Looking a bit out of it there… Panacea.” Says the aforementioned grape-flavored latex fetishist, raising an eyebrow. “Enjoying yourself a little more than ya should, yeah?”
In between my standard issue panic and my non-standard issue spine-popped satisfaction, my lovely sister counters with “Listen, let go of my sister and surrender, and I'm sure the courts will give you small-timers a good deal, and without any broken bones on your part. ‘Kay?”
“Puh-lease, Glory Hole, Bug’s got a knife to little Pan-Pan’s throat and you and I both know-” Grape Bitch says, pulling a pistol out from behind her back “-that you are MUCH less durable than ya say.”
Vicky tenses, I tense, Bug Bitch tenses, squeezing her arm around my neck even harder and-
My neck
Just
“POP”
Hhhhnnnneyyyhhaaaauuuufuuukkkyaaasssithiink i jus’ CAME!
…
The room is deadly silent.
Bug has dropped her knife, but Vicky just floats there, jaw hanging open and blushing like a tomato.
I look to the side.
Grape is standing there looking like Christmas came early, and I'm the present.
…
I didn’t say that out loud.
I didn’t say that out loud?
I didn’t say that out loud!?
Grape, as if reading my mind replies “Ya did.”
…
Bug Bitch please pick up the knife Bug Bitch please pick up the knife i want to go back to being a hostage pleasepleasepleasepleaseplea-