Chapter Text
Suzaku was alarmed at the very real possibility of losing Lelouch.
Lelouch deserved better.
Suzaku knew that. Had always known that.
Lelouch deserved a boyfriend who prioritized him, not someone who ditched him regularly for a controversial career. He deserved someone who cared enough to listen, to show interest in him, to value him, to make time for him, to want to be with him. He deserved a worthy partner.
…Suzaku hadn’t been acting like a worthy partner lately. Not for the past few months, at least, and it was exactly like Lelouch had predicted, back when Suzaku had first been knighted. It felt like a lifetime ago. Back then, at the time of the change, Suzaku had adamantly promised that nothing between them would need to change, and had advocated that they could continue seeing one another in secret. Suzaku had begged Lelouch to trust him, to give Suzaku the chance to prove himself as Lelouch’s boyfriend while appointed Euphy’s knight.
While reluctant, Lelouch had agreed.
Suzaku had failed.
Battling the squirminess in his shoulders, Suzaku fell into step behind Euphy and Darlton as they all left a meeting—something about dynamic structural shifts; Suzaku hadn’t really been paying attention, his thoughts whirling with Lelouch-related panic. Automatically assessing the hallways for danger, Suzaku’s brain continued to dwell on Lelouch and their dying relationship. Their last kiss had been eleven weeks ago, and it had only been a good-bye peck. Their last real talk had been a couple weeks after that, centering around Lelouch’s chess matches, and even that had been a light-hearted and surface-level talk in the presence of the rest of the Student Council. Lelouch had been waiting too long for a genuine conversation. For connection. Otherwise, especially once the Lancelot could fly, everything Suzaku prattled on about was along the lines of, “I can’t. I have this important function to attend with Princess Euphemia. I promise we’ll catch up later.”
Except, later never came.
It seemed Lelouch had finally had enough.
Suzaku hung his head in shame, his steps slowing. Of course Lelouch would be done waiting for Suzaku on the sidelines. Their relationship was currently in name only. It was all Suzaku’s own damn fault for throwing himself headfirst into knighthood, to the extent that he’d unintentionally neglected his personal relationships, his romance with Lelouch most of all. Lost in spiraling thought, Suzaku heaved a forlorn sigh.
“Is there something bothering you, Suzaku?”
Snapping to attention, Suzaku blinked rapidly at Euphy. He hadn’t even realized that they’d stopped walking. “Um, what? Sorry.”
Euphy and Darlton both shot him a concerned look.
Waving them into her personal office, Euphy called for Lloyd and Cecile.
Suzaku mindlessly followed orders, still stuck on Lelouch’s pained but determined face in his memory. It had been a rough morning.
Euphy settled herself behind her desk and waited for the rest of her company to get comfortable. “I’m grateful for your support,” she began, eyeing Lloyd and Cecile with bright-eyed interest. “Your perspective of hiring an Eleven will be most valuable as we challenge Britannian national policy. As I’m sure you’re aware, and as my sister has recently reminded me…”
Suzaku tuned her out, wincing as he replayed all the times he’d turned Lelouch down since becoming a knight. All the times Lelouch’s majestic violet eyes had flashed with disappointment and resentment before a calm look of resignation had overtaken his stark features. All the times at school recently when Lelouch had looked like he’d wanted to ask Suzaku something, but hadn’t, because he’d learned he was at the bottom of Suzaku’s priorities now.
Tears stung Suzaku’s eyes, but he knew his inner turmoil was nothing compared to what Lelouch surely felt.
Euphy turned her gentle gaze on Suzaku, giving him her undivided attention. “What’s wrong, Suzaku? You seemed upset earlier, and it’s only getting worse. I thought you’d be happy at how we’re working against Britannia’s policy to ‘discriminate against Numbers.’ I know it’s a slow process, but even so, many Elevens are inspired by you and are working to gain footholds in positions that have previously been Britannian-only.”
“That is encouraging,” Suzaku said, needing to clear the frog in his throat. How had his voice become so hoarse? And why didn’t he care more about what he and Euphy were accomplishing together? It was another step towards his dream, and yet… Shaking himself out of it, he admitted, “I haven’t been paying attention. I apologize.”
Darlton cocked his head, his shrewd eyes narrowed in thought. “That’s not like you, Kururugi.”
Suzaku grimaced at the fair observation. “I’m sorry. I’ll do better. Please, tell me more about—”
“Hold on,” Euphy interrupted, sharing a worried look with Cecile. “We’re not getting back to business yet, not when one of our own is going through something. What’s troubling you, Suzaku?”
Suzaku hurriedly shook his head. “It’s—nothing, really. It’s personal. Please don’t worry about it.”
“And yet we’re going to worry about it,” Euphy said, firmly but kindly. “Whenever you’re ready, please.”
Suzaku stayed silent, his brain whirring again. LelouchLelouchLelouch…
Cecile slid to her feet after several moments of tense silence. “I can just get us some refreshments while we wait…”
Hunching in on himself, Suzaku dug his nails into his forearms, hoping the pain would clear the fog in his head. “No, that’s really not necessary.”
Cecile sat again with a wide, friendly smile. “Then do what the princess wants.”
Suzaku inwardly groaned, noticing Darlton strategically blocking the exit.
“I can make it an order,” Euphy threatened, though with obvious good intentions. She was definitely related to Lelouch. “Three…two…”
Slumping, unable to resist Britannian orders, Suzaku mumbled, “My boyfriend is about to break up with me.”
Euphy recoiled slightly in surprise, her lavender eyes wide. “You’ll need to repeat yourself. I think I misheard you.”
Suzaku jerked his head. He picked at a loose thread on his chair. “You didn’t.”
Darlton took a small step closer, but remained in position to block the door.
Bracing himself for a lecture about personal affairs interfering with professionalism, Suzaku met Darlton’s heavy gaze.
Instead, Darlton offered Suzaku a kind smile and sincere support. “I raised five boys. Most of them have dealt with heartbreak while being soldiers. I can help since I’ve been through it with them, and I’m positive they wouldn’t mind talking this through with you either. Should we call them for advice?”
Hurriedly shaking his head, Suzaku objected, “There’s no need. I already promised to do better at work. I must. The whole reason I’m losing him is because of my knighthood position…”
Cecile frowned, catching Suzaku’s eye. “If this boy can’t be happy for your huge success, then maybe you’re better off apart after all. He doesn’t sound like he deserves you.”
Suzaku groaned, sliding further down in his seat. “Ugh, I didn’t say that right. That’s not what I meant!”
“Then what is going on, Suzaku?” Euphy asked gently, taking control of the situation. “This is a safe space for you. No one is judging.”
“Oh, I’m judging,” Lloyd proclaimed, holding up a single finger in protest of the princess’s words.
Cecile promptly smacked him.
Suzaku shuddered, searching for words. “It’s hard to explain. Maybe we should just forget I ever said anything. So, you were saying about challenging Britannian national policy—”
Euphy determinedly slid to her feet. “Very well. If you keep avoiding the issue, then I’ll have no choice but to visit Ashford Academy and speak to your boyfriend directly. Don’t give me that look; it’s obvious he’s from your school. Perhaps he will be more cooperative in telling me what I need to know.”
Suzaku’s mind spun to a halt, more fear for Lelouch rising in him. “You can’t do that!”
“General Darlton, please arrange for my car,” Euphy ordered sweetly.
“Okay,” Suzaku gave in, trying desperately to control this new onslaught of panic. He couldn’t let Lelouch and Nunnally be discovered at Ashford, no matter what. So, he talked. “Ever since I became a knight, I’ve been neglecting my personal life. I hardly see my friends and boyfriend except during those brief times I attend a class or two. We haven’t spent quality time together in forever, and he has every right to want more for himself. I haven’t exactly been a good boyfriend for months. He told me in no uncertain terms this morning that we ‘need to talk,’ and he probably just wants to make our dead relationship official. I didn’t even give him the chance to finish! I just ran away like the coward I am, ran off to work. Like always. If anything, I’m the one doing wrong by him.”
Euphy’s jaw dropped, her face distraught, and she sat with a pained thump. “Suzaku, you need balance. I know being a knight is a lot, but it shouldn’t be your whole life.”
“All of us have lives outside our positions,” Darlton added with stern warmth. “We go out with friends when we’re off-duty. We have hobbies. We take care of ourselves. For example, Lord Guilford and I get drinks and talk about all sorts of things not related to work—usually about the ladies Guilford courts or what my sons are up to. None of us live here like you seem to lately.”
Cecile leaned forward. “They are both absolutely right, Suzaku. I try new recipes at least once a week. It helps to have an outlet, especially in a stressful field like ours.”
“I just live for the Lancelot,” Lloyd said happily.
“…That explains a lot,” Darlton said, shaking his head in dismay. “Don’t end up like this guy, Kururugi. Have a life. A well-rounded life.”
Ignoring Lloyd’s indignant sputtering, Suzaku slowly nodded. “It’s not that I don’t want to be with my loved ones. I just don’t have time…”
Euphy’s brow wrinkled in a thoughtful frown. “You have been doing a lot of extra events with me, Suzaku, but several of those have been optional. While I can’t let you off the hook for mandatory tasks, I will always accommodate your life if it’s possible. I don’t want you losing your friends or boyfriend because of me.”
Heart pounding, Suzaku’s head shot up with guilt. “No, it’s not your fault! It’s mine.”
“I’ll do a better job of letting you know what you must do as my knight,” Euphy continued, “and what is voluntary. In return, I expect you to tell me when you have something else going on in your life, Suzaku. I don’t need details—whether it’s a date or a friend’s birthday, that’s your personal business—but I need you to communicate. Your whole life should not be tied to being my knight. Even if that’s what you wanted, it’s not healthy.”
Darlton nodded deeply. “Princess Euphemia is correct. Additionally, you’ll be a better knight when you take care of all aspects of your life. I did think it was strange, how often you’ve been on-duty recently, but I thought you were just trying to get ahead and make a name for yourself.”
“I am,” Suzaku admitted. “I’m the first Number to ever be granted the honor of knighthood. I can’t mess up! The whole world is watching!”
“That doesn’t mean you have to always be ‘on,’” Cecile pointed out gently, agreeing with the others. “You’re young, so consider this a life lesson. You have to know how to set boundaries for yourself, Suzaku, so you don’t lose the people and things you truly care about.”
Euphy smiled reassuringly. “Right, and it’s obvious you care about this boy if you’re so negatively affected by the idea of breaking up.”
Suzaku’s heart beat faster, and he managed a small nod. “I lov—um, care for him. Deeply. But, I haven’t shown it in ages. He’d have every reason not to believe it.”
Euphy leapt to her feet again, enthusiastic and unwavering. “Then you need to grovel and earn back his trust!”
“You’re good at proving yourself,” Darlton reminded him, granting a small nod of encouragement.
Cecile beamed. “Show him a grand gesture of love. He’ll fall back into your arms in no time.”
“Remember the Lancelot!”
Suzaku slowly relaxed, buoyed by everyone’s support and optimism. “You’re right. I can fix this. I need to bring him somewhere special…”
“Pizza Hut?” suggested Darlton, who truly didn’t seem bothered hashing out Suzaku’s personal issues instead of focusing on politics. “All you teens seem to love Pizza Hut.”
Suzaku laughed outright, his anxiety easing. “Not my boyfriend. He hates Pizza Hut for some unknown reason.”
“Bring him to work,” Lloyd recommended, “so he can fall in love with the Lancelot.”
Cecile glared at her boss. “No, no. Bring him somewhere beautiful, like the local park gardens.”
Suzaku cocked his head, intrigued. “That’s something to consider. He does enjoy gardens.”
“Oooohhh!” Euphy squealed, jumping up and down while clapping her hands. “Bring him to the private gardens here!” At Suzaku’s quizzical look, she explained, “Clovis designed the rooftop gardens of this building to resemble the famous Aries Villa in the mainland. It’s radiant, Suzaku.”
Darlton looked a little worried. “Princess—”
Euphy, in her excitement, bulldozed right over her advisor. “For the sake of true love, I’ll shut down the area during your special date. You won’t have to worry about being interrupted. It’ll just be you and him in a magical wonderland of nature.”
Suzaku’s interest piqued further. “That sounds amazing. I know this might be a weird question, but are there any cameras up there?”
Euphy giggled. “Don’t worry, we can’t spy on you. There’s nothing up there except a gazebo and plants.”
Suzaku relaxed. “I gotta say, this idea sounds too good to be true—” He paused, struck by a realization. This was the Britannian Government Bureau in Area 11, also known as the Viceroy’s Palace. It was the last place he should ever bring Lelouch. It would be too dangerous for Lelouch to walk the halls and risk being recognized.
But, a special rooftop garden date was a captivating idea…
A crazy plan began churning in Suzaku’s brain, and he whirled on Lloyd with a pleading expression. “You know how couples go on romantic helicopter rides? Well, can I fly him to the rooftop garden in the Lancelot?”
Lloyd promptly fell out of his seat, clutching his chest and gasping, “You want to use my precious Lancelot like a prom limousine?!”
“How delightful!” Euphy said, swooning and catching herself on her desk. “That is so romantic, Suzaku. I didn’t know you had it in you.”
Darlton frowned lightly. “While I understand the thrill and novelty, the Lancelot is advanced military weaponry. It’s not to be used for personal—”
“Oh, don’t be such a stick in the mud,” Euphy interrupted, waving off her experienced advisor’s concerns. “This is a special circumstance. As Sub-Viceroy and Third Princess of the Empire, I am allowing this. No, I am encouraging this.”
A huge grin spread across Suzaku’s face. The pressure eased behind his eyes, and it felt easier to breathe. “Thank you! I don’t know what else to say.”
Euphy’s smile softened. “It’s not about what you say, Suzaku. It’s about what you do. Just make the most of it. Now, go get him!”
Suzaku’s grin widened, and he was filled with new Lelouch-shaped resolve. With hope. He could do this.