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1.
The first time Makoto sees Haruka after that fateful night of their training camp he's not Makoto, and Haru isn't Haru either—they're complete strangers. But Makoto knows; Makoto remembers, how could he ever forget? And he recognizes those eyes, that stoic, expresionless face, and he can feel it in his skin, in his soul, in his heart—this was his Haru: the person he had dedicated his past lifetime to, the person he had loved with every fiber of his being, the person he had promised to never leave but ended up doing so anyway.
He's not surprised when Haru (no, he—she must go by a different name) walks past him, to the arms of her lover, completely ignoring the way emerald eyes followed her every movement.
He just wishes he had any kind of excuse to reach out and call to her.
2.
This time, Makoto can say he's relatively happy—he's found Haru, and this time he actually managed to come up with an excuse to get closer to him.
And here he's watching thoroughly amused a Haru that doesn't know how to swim, struggling to float on the water, and Makoto extends a hand and it feels nostalgic, how those eternal blue eyes gaze at it before taking it, and he pushes back and takes his friend out of the water. "We can continue tomorrow," Makoto says, "you have somewhere you need to be at soon, don't you?"
"Yeah," comes the other's reply, a faint blush on his cheeks.
This time, Haru doesn't love him back either, but Makoto's just content to be by his side once more.
3.
He doesn't mind being a cat, a stray cat, because he's as free as he's never been. The only problem comes in rainy days when he can't find shelter, but this time there's an umbrella above him, and a little child holding it, and there you are.
He doesn't mind being a cat if it means he can get to sleep in Haru's arms for the rest of his life.
4.
This one's not a happy lifetime, oh, not at all. Not that it's his fault, not that he's complaining because, really, his family wasn't anything else other than wonderful and oh so loving. But they were also disgustingly rich, big and successful, gaining many enemies on their way to the top.
He's not surprised when disaster comes down and there's blood everywhere, the dead bodies of his parents, his siblings, on the floor and in the middle of all the mess, a man holding a gun.
He is surprised when the man turns his way, points the gun to his head, and the last thing he sees are bright blue eyes on a face void of all expression.
5.
The first time he kisses Haru, they're 15. Makoto lost count of how many years he's been waiting for this, and even though they're not Haru and Makoto, even though they're not even male—Makoto feels like crying when her lips touch those of her girlfriend's, and she's kissing Haru with all she's got, desperately clinging to her, hugging her tighter, closer, and Haru is kind of confused but keeps kissing her back anyway, and Makoto sighs into Haru's lips and she can't help but let a tear roll down her cheeks when she whispers those three words she'd been dying to say for, how many lifetimes now?
This could be heaven, she thinks, when Haru's reply is shy and barely above a whisper, "I love you too"
6.
Makoto's 87 by the time he gives up. He never gave up when it came to Haru, but after 87 years of looking everywhere, of begging to whatever god there might be, of waiting day after day for something that wouldn't come, he couldn't help but abandon all hope.
He's old and he's tired and he fails to notice the bird that rests on the window frame, which watches him with bright blue eyes as Makoto takes in his last breaths.
7.
Living in the desert is hard, he thinks as he keeps on walking in the sun, the heat making him thirsty and oh so glad he's got water with him. He wishes he could give Haru some, wishes he could offer some kind of protection from the heat, the dehydration—but the best he can do is carry him on his back, and he doesn't mind at all if he has to carry Haru on his back for the rest of his life.
So he happily accepts the boy's body on him as Haru climbs to his back and makes himself comfortable in between Makoto's humps.
8.
Makoto works at a coffee shop this time, and is pleasantly surprised at the quiet customer who seems to enjoy their coffee a little too much—this time isn't fish, is it? He thinks, remembering those times when Haru would consume mackerel 24/7.
What's different is that this time Makoto isn't a 6'0" tall guy but a short, petite young woman and Haru isn't quite good at socializing but she can see he actually puts effort into it this time when he suggests it would be nice to enjoy a cup of coffee together with a oh so noticeable blush on his face, and when he looks like this Makoto can't refuse him—who's she trying to fool, he could never refuse Haru.
Her coffee goes cold tho, when she pays no attention to it for the sake of enjoying Haru's company.
9.
It's a fortunate tragedy, he muses, when Haru and Makoto are both born into families that abandon them to their own devices when they're nothing more than kids who can barely walk. Fortunate, he thinks, because he gets to grow up with Haru, to protect him and be protected by him, to reach out and find happiness and form their own little family to make up for the ones they couldn't have, and this time they're not alone, for there are other kids Makoto can recognize and he has never felt so happy, so at peace, so nostalgic.
He chases after Nagisa, Rei and Rin with Haru by his side, and everything's alright, and he decides he could stay like this forever.
10.
Green eyes glare at the moon as Makoto tries to hide his rather huge body—he's even taller than what he was when he used to respond to the name Makoto—and move forward to meet his lover, and he cursed his fate for ending up in a situation worthy of one of those fairy tales Ran used to love. Makoto had grown up on the streets all by himself, and Haru—she was a princess. He was a commoner. He knew they could never live together, but even so, he was determined to do anything he needed to be by Haru's side.
He didn't care if he got killed because of this, and he forgets all about it the moment his eyes take in the form of the noble woman who Haru is now, and as she gazes at him with nothing but adoration in those blue eyes of hers, he thinks he couldn't care less about the rest of the world.
11.
Makoto has never felt so many emotions at once. He's ecstatic by the view below him, shivering thanks to the wind rustling his feathers, a little bit frightened by the height, happy, so happy and he's flying and he can't believe this, he's soaring through the sky and this is the best feeling in the world.
He just wishes Haru was with him to enjoy this, but he continues to fly despite the heaviness in his heart because, well, a bird's lifespan isn't too long, and he hopes he can get to see Haru next time.
12.
The first time they have sex it's wild and hot and Makoto can't breathe and Haru's touching her everywhere and it smells like alcohol and sweat and there's that particular scent that is Haru and she's wet and he's sweaty and it's not good at all because they're both drunk and they have no idea what the hell they're doing but when she wakes up in Haru's arms the next morning she decides that was the best night of her life.
And when later in the evening Haru plays that song that made her so hot for her when they're sober and alone, she throws herself in his arms shamelessly and this time they don't fall asleep before reaching their orgasms.
13.
"As expected," purple eyes shone with admiration as they scanned the manuscript Makoto had just finished, "your writing is breathtakingly beautiful as always. I can feel the myriad of emotions emanating from the pages, this is truly a masterpiece." Rei continues, gaze shifting towards Makoto, and the latter is quite amused at the little things that seem to stay the same no matter how many lives go by.
"If I may ask," are the words that follow, "where do you get your inspiration from? These characters... the bond between them, the feelings Haruka holds for the water... how can you write all of this so beautifully?"
Makoto lets out a quiet chuckle before replying, "Ah, that." he says, and smiles fondly at the pages in Rei's hands, "Let's say I'm just... talented."
Haru might not exist in this life, but at least Makoto can recreate him with his words.
14.
Makoto is running, running as fast as his legs would allow, searching frantically for a place to hide, for a decoy, for something that would make his chaser confused, or distracted, he just needed time and he didn't have it and the cheetah was running after him and it was catching up andoh god I don't want to be devoured and he doesn't see the tree in his way and this is the end.
He opens his frightened eyes and he swears the black stripes on his body turn white when the predator is hovering above him and he knows those eyes, oh he knows them very well and he feels like crying, oh if only he could cry.
When Haru leaves after who knows how long and sparing Makoto's life, he wishes he would've just killed him. It was better than to live a life being nothing more than pray in Haru's eyes.
15.
Makoto wished he could've been avoided being born in this life. The problem isn't that he's unhappy, no, because he has Haru by his side. The problem lies in his and Haru's relationship—mother and son.
They're not blood related, but Makoto is still Haru's child and at first he was convinced his father was Rin but after seeing the look on his face when Haru wore a bikini, he knew it wasn't Rin, but Gou, and he wasn't sure how to feel about that.
He sighed and rested his head on the back of the sofa, opening his eyes when he felt someone sitting by his side. "Is something wrong, dear?"
His heart broke for the umpteenth time in his 16 years of life. "Nothing's wrong... mom."
16.
In every lifetime he went by, Makoto always thought that college life was the years he enjoyed the most, and this time it was even better. His friends were all together once more, and he smiled at them fondly and let out a soft chuckle when Nagisa stole Rei's glasses, giving Makoto a sense of déjà vu.
Even Gou was here with them, except this time she wasn't the only girl in the group, this time, the only female was Rin, and his gaze fell on her as she walked through the doors of the cafeteria and headed towards their table with Haru walking behind her.
"Everyone," Rin said, flashing a toothy grin when she reached their spot. "We have something to tell you," at this she made a pause to reach for Haru's hand and Makoto gulped, "We're getting married!"
Makoto couldn't say he was surprised, and although he was indeed heartbroken, he flashed a smile and congratulated the bride-to-be as he felt concerned blue eyes on him.
17.
Makoto watches with nostalgic eyes the newly bloomed cherry blossoms as he waits his train, this is the 27th spring he lives this time by himself. He always gets nostalgic by this time of the year, because spring reminds him of Haru the most. He only wishes he had Haru by his side.
He boards the train forcing those thoughts to the back of his mind, today is an important day and a big contract is going to be signed, which would hopefully boast his company's popularity.
He doesn't notice the young woman getting out of the train with her long blond hair and bright blue eyes gazing curiously at his back.
18.
When she's sure she's alone and nobody's watching, Makoto allows herself to curse her fate and cry because she feels so miserable and so guilty and she knows she shouldn't feel like this but she can't help it for who wouldn't feel horrible inside when the person they've loved for so many lifetimes ends up being their twin brother.
And as she watches him asleep on the sofa she plants a soft kiss on his lips and she knows this is wrong because this time Haru's not her best friend but her brother, and she lets a tear run down her cheek before she wipes it and wakes him up, "Brother, you're going to have a sore neck if you sleep here" she tells him, and he rubs his eyes before getting up and walking to his bed, and she follows him, because that's all she does and she's not going to stop now.
They're used to do this, anyway, and she smiles warmly at him when he motions for her to get in bed with him and rests her head on his chest and when she tells him she loves him she's not sure if he knows what she means but she forgets about it when she feels his lips on her forehead and they fall asleep in each other's arms.
19.
This is ironic, Makoto thinks, as he watches the fishes swim by far away from him, recalling those times when his friends would joke about him being the killer whale of their little group.
He's not sure how much time he's been wandering in the deepest he can go, and when he decides this is enough exploring for now, he begins to swim to the surface, passing by a pod of dolphins on his way.
He's pleasantly surprised and amused when one of them breaks away from its friends to follow the form of the killer whale.
20.
Makoto thinks she can't get any luckier as she watches the sleeping form of her fiancee from her place in his arms, and she sighs contently as he opens his eyes and all she sees is the color blue. "Good morning" she whispers lovingly, moving up to plant a chaste kiss on his lips, and giggling playfully when Haru replies by flipping them over and kissing every part of Makoto's body, feeling encouraged by her soft moans.
Nine months later, Makoto decides she was quite wrong, and that she could indeed get luckier as she holds her and Haru's child in her arms, and when the fruit of their love opens his eyes for the first time she's left speechless for a split second before being reduced to a mess of tears and giggles, earning a confused look from her husband. "I think we should name him Nagisa," she says kind of breathless when her laughter subsides, and Haru kisses her forehead as he admires his child's dark pink eyes with a smile on his face.
21.
If he had to choose, Makoto would say the times when he and Haru grew up together were his favorites. Each time was quite different than the other, but it always gave him a sense of peace and happiness he didn't quite feel when they didn't spend their lives together practically since birth.
This time, however, Makoto couldn't quite live in peace, since there were times when Haru would mention how she felt a strange sense of déjà vu more often than not, and it would make Makoto nervous and worried and scared because, what if she remembered all the other times they met? What would happen between them, then? How would Haru react to it?
He tried to convince her that there was nothing she should worry about, and thankfully she believed him every single time. She doesn't need to know.
22.
Makoto's walking towards her usual spot in the park, book in hand, looking forward to the routine she's set and kept for the past month; pretending to read while watching Haru's talented hands work on the canvas, creating beautiful paitings that made Makoto's chest burn with pride and admiration.
She's been trying to approach him but for some reason she's been having trouble in doing so; he's even more reluctant to keep a conversation than what he was when he was Haru, but she doesn't give up. At least, not until she sets her eyes on his latest painting.
What she sees on the canvas sends shivers down her spine and makes her breath catch on her throat. She feels as if she's looking at a mirror, or at least she would if she was still Makoto Tachibana, and she doesn't know what to do, doesn't know if Haru has finally remembered.
So she runs, and she feels like a coward, and she cries and tries to stop her shaking hands but it's no use and she never sets foot on the park again.
23.
"Do you believe in reincarnation?" Haru asks, and Makoto's eyes widen and he gulps, but regains his composure in a split second and pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, before replying, "I can't say I do, but I can't say I don't either."
"I've been having weird dreams for a while. I can't remember what they're about, I can only remember the ocean and someone drowning and I always wake up terrified and crying." at this, Makoto panics and clenches his teeth, "Do you think they're memories of how I died?" Doing his best to keep a cool facade, Makoto hopes his reply is worthy of his title as a psychologist when he explains that dreams are repressed desires and Haru gives him a confused look before asking, "Are you telling me I subconsciously wish to drown or drown someone?"
"We-well, it could be that!" is what Makoto says before telling him time's up, see you next time. And all but pushes him out of his office.
24.
"You know," Haru says one night after they finish watching a movie, a horror movie that Makoto regrets watching because she's scared out of her mind and her best friend is either oblivious to it or is enjoying the sight of her being terrified. "I think we might be soulmates." she continues, and Makoto's heart is beating erratically in her chest and it's not out of fear. "I think... we might've been soulmates for a long time. I feel like we've known each other long before we were born"
"I-Is that so?" is Makoto's nervous reply, and she averts her eyes away from Haru's face, and she's terrified again but this time isn't because of a monster under the bed but because she still doesn't know what she'd do if Haru remembered all those lives they spent together.
"What would you do..." she tries, testing the waters, her voice barely above a whisper, "If someone told you that was true?" Haru looks pensative for a moment before reaching out to Makoto and pressing her lips on the other's firmly, and that's all it takes to chase Makoto's fear away.
25.
These past 16 years, Makoto thought he was being quite lucky to be living again in the city where he met Haru and all the people he befriended throughout his first journey in life. He felt like this was another chance to make things right and say the things he failed to say when he was known as Makoto Tachibana, and he kind of wished Haru would remember the time they spent together so many years ago in this place.
Today, the young boy woke up with a strange feeling in his chest, and he knew something was amiss as soon as stepped into Iwatobi High School and his best friend was nowhere to be found. Perhaps he's sick, he thought, but quickly corrected himself, I checked up on him on my way here and he wasn't at home. And as he anxiously waited for the bell signaling lunchtime to ring, a million different scenarios ran through his head, and he had to keep reminding himself that Haru had nowhere else to be other than the school.
As soon as the bell rang, his feet took him instinctively out of the classroom towards the pool, and he couldn't tell he was surprised to find Haru sitting at the edge of the empty pool, and gulping nervously, Makoto approached him and sat silently by the side of his best friend. After a moment of silence, a voice that sent shivers down the green-eyed teenager spoke, "It was hard, wasn't it?"
"Yeah," was the single word that left Makoto's mouth, and his heart shook with fear and anticipation.
"But even so you kept chasing after me. Time and time again." blue eyes turned his way, and Makoto could see dried tears on Haru's cheeks and his eyes were red and puffy and how long had he been crying? "Even when I didn't even acknowledge your existence. Even when I didn't remember you, when I left you, when I didn't notice you, you were always there."
"I was." Makoto replied, and lifted a hand to cup Haru's cheek and wiping a stray tear with his thumb, "I couldn't leave you alone. Not again. I couldn't bring myself to be away from you."
Makoto understood that all the fear he had harbored of this very moment was irrational the moment Haru lifted his hand to place it on Makoto's, closing his eyes and leaning into his touch and on an impulse, the taller of the two boys closed the gap between them and kissed Haru's eyelids, kissed his cheeks, his forehead, the tip of his nose, catched Haru's tears with his lips, and whispered over and over again, I love you, I love you, I love you, Haru-chan, I love you.
Haru's reply came after he pressed their lips together in a fleeting kiss, the sweetest they'd share until now, Makoto thought, and he let his own tears fall when Haru's voice reached him, "I love you too... Makoto."
He could only hope this wasn't their last lifetime together.