Work Text:
AJ walks alone, visibly shaken and broken, though she still attempts to plaster her fake mask onto her face. Her eyes are hollow. The world around her is blurred to her, and she can’t walk straight. Reality is nothing, all that there is the emptiness. The one Drift reopened.
AJ
It’s fine.
It’sfineit’sfineit’sfine.
I got what I wanted. She left me! She hates me! I pushed her away like she should’ve always been. She finally sees who I actually am. I’m an awful fucking piece of shit. I want this. I need this. She needs this. I would’ve ruined her and that would’ve ruined me.
Fuck. That’s exactly what I did, didn’t I?
God, stupid AJ. You just couldn’t get enough of her, could you? You let your stupid emotions, desires get in the way? Stupid stupid stupid. I’m so fucking stupid.
AJ begins to hit herself as hard as she can repeatedly, tears starting to stream down her face.
Couldn’t quit while you were ahead, huh? Fucking naive enough to be hopeful. To think, maybe it would work out. IT NEVER DOES. You were even stupid enough to let her in, and now she knows you. YOU CAN’T HIDE. YOU CAN’T RUN THIS TIME YOU FUCKING COWARD. They were so fucking right about me.
AJ starts to try and use her magic and everything she has to put herself under the ground, trying to end this pain.
Why can’t I just FUCKING BURY MYSELF? Just- please Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.
There is a cry of pain as AJ’s magic goes out of control, accidentally killing a bat flying past.
FUCK.
Nonono I didn’t mean- I didn’t-
AJ sinks to the ground, staring at her shaking hands.
fuck.
AJ covers her head with her hands, digging her nails into her hair. Her breathing is harsh and uneven while AJ’s world flashes in and out.
The following text is an internal monologue, said aside to the audience.
Y’know life, you’re so fucking cruel sometimes. Of course the first time you actually give me what I want it's this. Of course I had to fall for her. Of course the first time I get something real I do this. I’m pathetic. On that hill, all I wanted to do was apologize, do anything she wanted, to beg her to stay with me, to save me from myself. She even told me. She told me that was all I had to do, and maybe I could’ve fixed things. But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. I don’t deserve that anyway.
AJ claws at her skin recklessly, trying somehow to tear this feeling out of her, or maybe just hurt herself in the way she knows she deserves. Even AJ herself doesn’t know her motivation.
It’s ridiculous. She doesn’t even know what she’s done to me. Her eyes are burned into my vision. Even now all I crave is her stupid touch. I can’t even hear my own thoughts, all I can hear is her voice, her words on the hill repeatedly tearing apart everything the alcohol was supposed to repair. Yet you won’t even let me rip, won’t let me end this fucking pain.
I guess that's the only constant in my existence anyhow. Suffering.
Decay chose me for a reason.
It’s funny. I didn’t even notice the pain for weeks.
I figured that it was just me.
Because when is it not me?
Maybe it is. Maybe this is just the karma for all the fucking shit i’ve done. Wouldn't be surprising.
There’s a howl in the distance, causing AJ to sit up, eyes darting around wildly. Terror fills her gaze as she backs herself further into a corner, like she’s trying to let it swallow her. She tilts her head back, closing her eyes tightly.
(Outloud, strained from sobbing)
Fuck me.
It takes AJ a full minute for the panic to finally die down, though the emptiness remains. Aggressively wiping her tears, AJ finally decides to recall back to the castle, fighting the urge to sob more than she already has. Pathetic.
AJ starts to stumble back to her dorm, the world still doesn’t feel right. She fails to notice the crow who had begun following her a few moments before. Flick tweets in an attempt to get her attention, before lightly tugging on the Decay Mage’s hair. AJ lets out a startled half exhale, before masking a sense of composure.
AJ
Flickk, where’ve ya’been?
Yeah, I uh. Went on a little adventure after the pub.
No, Flick, I've uh. Just got something in my eye, y’see…
Come on, let's get back to the dorm.
I’m gonna need a little favor from you, if that's ok.
AJ walks into her dorm, the frazzled equivalent of beelining for a chest. Gently, as though it is the most precious thing in the world, AJ lifts out the poster that once sat prized above her own bed. Her grip tightens slightly, her brow furrowing as she fights back the tears that threaten to spill.
She- I.
I don’t want to take more from her than I already have.
AJ rolls the poster up, diverting her full attention to the task at hand. She hands the poster to the crow tilting his head gently at her.
As long as she’s not in her dorm room…
AJ transforms into Flick, swiftly flying through the dimlit school, carrying the ET poster back to Drift's room. AJ/Flick pauses a moment before Drift’s door, hearing a voice inside. She flies inside, perching on some soft moss on the floor of Drift’s room.
Drift
Flick? What are you-
AJ, as Flick, gently places the poster down in front of Drift, eyes glued to the floor in front of her. Drift picks it up, eyes slowly registering what it is.
You brought it back.
Drift pauses for a second, smiling mournfully at the poster in front of her. Task accomplished, AJ starts to leave.
Hey, wait, Flick, sit for a second.
AJ halts, turning back to the earth mage.
Look, I know I'm not on the best of terms with AJ right now. But, hey. We’re always gonna be friends, right? You didn’t have to give this back.
Drift turns around.
But, since it’s from you… I might as well put it back where it belongs.
Drift reaches up and hangs the poster along the wall beside her bed. AJ is mesmerized.
You can come by anytime and uh, we can talk about ET.
Drift smiles softly down at the crow
I’ll always be here.
AJ transforms back, teleporting back into her own dorm. Her lip trembles as she stares at the floor below her.
AJ’s legs collapse beneath her.