Chapter Text
Sorrow is used to describe an emotion, a deep emotion of sadness and deep distress, or regret caused by a certain loss, whether it's people, money or even life. Deep emotion of this undermining feeling can be described as depression, someone who feels sorrow all the time, almost everyday, they can't feel the happiness in life or maybe even feel anything other then emptiness.
If you were to use these words to describe how Junseo feels inside would be an understatement.
But how could you would you know, a guy with a pure smile as bright as sunshine, lighting up the whole world with his act of kindness, some may even describe him as a real life saint, but others may just think he's a people pleaser, or do they just not care at all.
If I'm being completely honest, I don't even think he knows at all, what he's feeling inside.
If I were to describe him, I would say he's just like an empty shell left on the beach for the waves to wash it away. A shell waiting for it's life to be taken before the sea of water itself, to be consumed by the unknown, and left rotting in the ocean for it to drown.
Having nothing inside of it to pull him back furthermore, nothing to hold onto and nothing to stop him.
As no matter how joyful he may act, or how big he smiles to the point both his cheeks stings enough to remind him that pain still exist when he felt nothing but empty inside his own heart or how okay he may reply when people ask, he still feels the silence in his body. And, no matter how hard he tries to water himself back up, he cannot go beyond his own root.
But as Junseo stands on the rooftop of his building, he feels the gust of autumn wind that blows before him, he look above him as he watches the sun set below the horizon. If it was any other day he would have said it looked beautiful and taken a picture of it before returning to whatever he was doing before.
He smiles softly, a smile that doesn't display anything as through his eyes he sees nothing beyond the him.
Sometimes he wonders what it was like, to live a life filled with joy, to have someone waiting for you when you get back home.
To have someone see you when you felt down at your lowest, to be held in a warm embrace when you really wanted it, but now, all of it seems pointless. To him, he believes his own existence is a waste to humanity.
Taking another deep breathe, Junseo took another step, then another, and then another, until he reached the ledge of the rooftop.
Closing his eyes, he pictured his parents, how his dad would always come home and call out to him first and play, thou he had just finished a night shift at the hospital. Or, when his mum would cook him his favourite Kimchi Jeon after a long day of school and would ask him how he's doing or if how his test went with the sweetest most gentlest voice he could possibly ever hear.
Gosh he misses them so much.
He misses how his dad would always come to watch his baseball games even though he was busy, he still manages to come on time, and how he had always been interested in what Junseo was talking about even if no one else would listen.
How he misses his mum's goodnight kisses after wishing him to sleep well though he would always stay up late reading till past midnight and wake up the next morning feeling tired and sleepy eventually leading him to be scolded by his mother, saying "I told you to sleep earlier" but she her anger didn't last long before caving in.
He misses them so much so that he didn't know when but he felt something wet prickle against his skin, Junseo touched his face as a tear dropped onto his palm. Taking in the fact he's crying after so long is really a shock, he closed his eyes as more tears begin to fall down and sooner you know it, he began bawling.
Letting out a ugly cry he hit his chest in agony, as he felt the sorrow of emotion hit him all at once. He's tired, so tired, he feels so restless everyday, the countless feeling of regret and pain stabs him in the heart without remorse and yes it fucking hurts like hell.
"I'm so sorry dad.... mum" he chokes out as he cries, "I'm so sorry I couldn't save you in time mum, I'm so sorry I couldn't realise you were suffering too dad, I'm so sorry."
With another breathe, he feels his life coming to an end, he feels the suck of emotion out of him like a vacuum sucking away the rubbish left on the floor. Before he knew it, he felt his body fell forward and every last bit of sorrow is thrown away, he can't help but feel a sudden relief or comfort in the fact that soon enough he was able to meet them again.
....
The door to the rooftop opened as he witnessed a terrifying sight before him.
Without a second thought, he lunged forward in shocking speed that later looking back on, he had no idea how he did that, and pulled Junseo by the waist as they both fell down. With a crash, he fell backwards as Junseo came tumbling to the ground along side him.
"JUNSEO-SSI! ARE YOU INSANE" he huffed out, "YOU KNOW WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED?"
Junseo sat back up as he adjusted his sight to the guy in front of him, "What? who are you- wait no, you shouldn't be here." Junseo replied back, he looked towards the boy then in front of him but before he could get up, he felt a warm embrace hugging him from the side.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have yelled, it's okay, everything is gonna be fine. I'm here." The mysterious boy whispered into his hair as he hugged Junseo tightly, holding him locked in a warm embrace till he could feel the fast heart beat of the boy in front of him.
Junseo didn't take in the situation yet but something inside of him just felt tired, he didn't fight back nor did he push this stranger away. He felt his eye shutter in reluctance, going limp as the world around him begin to blur and all he could hear is murmured sound of the boy he was currently being held by.
He could feel his worry though the heavy grip he has on him, he felt the the boy mumble a bunch of words that Junseo currently could not process. The wold around him suddenly felt dark, as he felt his eyes closing into the pitch darkness. The noises in the background began the loosen as his eardrums became numb and he felt himself going unconscious. Then it just went pitch black.
Adjusting to the brightness to the room, he can smell to sterile scent from the hospital walls, as his vision became more clear, he sees himself lying on a hospital bed, an IV drip attached to the forearm of his hand, as the same boy from the rooftop lies beside him with his hand in his.
Feeling the warmth of the boy beside him, the realisation of where he is comes back to him, he finds himself sitting up in a hurry, accidentally stirring the stranger awake as he jolted up from his position on his right arm.
"Oh my gosh." He gets up from his position, standing up to fast, almost hitting the equipment beside him. "Your awake." He says with a tone of relief behind it.
'How are you feeling? Are you dizzy? Do you need water?" He says in a hurry, "Sorry am I asking too much, wait sorry if i'm saying sorry too much, wait no. Fuc- SORRY"
He dead palms his hand into his face as he shakes his face, "You probably don't even know who I am." he say's scratching his nape awkwardly, "I'm Lee Sangwon, Lee Leo's cousin."
Wiping his hand, Sangwon extended his hand to shake Junseo's but quickly retorted it realising how dumb it seems.
"You must be confused right now, the doctor said that you passed out from lack of sleep, poor diet and high stress, you've been out for about a day now." Sangwon stated, "The doctor also said you could leave once you woke up. and the IV drip is like finished."
Junseo stared at Sangwon for a while, thinking what he was going to say, "Why are you helping me?" He says, surprised at his own raspy voice.
"What?" Sangwon blurts out in confusion. "I'm sorry, but you weren't coming to class for almost 2 weeks, the professor said you didn't even tell him why and none of your friends or your cousin know where you were nor could they reach you and I got like really worried and-"
"You don't need to worry about me, I'm fine." Junseo cuts him of sharply as he looked down.
Sangwon looked at him like he just said the most stupid lie ever recorded in human history. "Junseo-ssi, you are not fine, you are far away from fine. You look like you've been walking on glass for years, and it's not just that, I literally watched you almost jumped off that building just yesterday evening." he said, slightly raising his voice.
"You didn't need to worry, you could have just left me die, I don't want to be here, I don't deserve to be here" Junseo snapped back as his eyes became glossy.
"Let you die? Excuse me, do you hear yourself Junseo-ssi?" Sangwon retorted back in a instant.
He sounded mad, was how Junseo would want to say, but rather then mad, he could hear the distress in his voice. He didn't understand. Why did this stranger cared so much when no one else around him cared at all. He was basically a nobody, a pathetic loner who can't protect anyone, even his own fricking family.
So why? Why did Sangwon care so much about him when they barely knew eachother, was what he wanted to ask but instead he stayed silent, letting the steady heart monitor beep in the background.
The silent loomed around the room for about a minute, Sangwon pleading eyes looked at Junseo for a voice or even a answer in his face but he saw nothing.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lash out like that. I just..." Sangwon stopped to rethink his words, "You are someone so special Junseo-ssi, you have the kindest soul I have ever met, and to say I worry about you is a understatement." he stated.
"And I couldn't watch you die, I didn't even hesitate before running to catch you when you were on the rooftop yesterday. Though we only first ever made contact like 24 hours ago, I've wanted to get to know you since you stepped foot in my lecture hall on the first day of school. I just-"
"You just wanted to help." Junseo suddenly spit out. "Thank you, dearly. I just can't right now." He confessed, as he slid back into the hospital bed, turning he body towards the left, facing towards the window.
Sangwon didn't say anything after that, he just stood there. He looked at Junseo, his back turned to him in coldness, he looked so small, so broken, he didn't look like the vibrant boy he was just a year ago.
The more Sangwon wanted to stay, the more of an urge he had felt that maybe it's not his place to stay, maybe Junseo had made up his mind about Sangwon long ago. Maybe he just.
Countless thoughts roamed around his mind but he didn't stay long and eventually he left the hospital room.
The clicking of the door shutting gave the signal to Junseo as he finally broke down, he let out a quiet sob as endless streams of tears weeped down his face. He didn't know why, he didn't want to know why, but he just didn't want Sangwon to see him like this or anyone to see him like this.
He couldn't bear the pity looks everybody gave him, especially on the days when his parents had passed away.
It was a cold, autumn day, November 18th 2024, he remembers the date so well, maybe it was because it was 2 days before his birthday or was it because it was the day of the incident.
He had planned to take a train from Seoul to Ulsan early that morning, arriving in the afternoon to visit his family so they could have celebrated their birthday together. He carefully planned out every single detail of how he was gonna spend his 3 days off of school as he had applied for a break.
They were reluctant but, since Junseo had already handed in all his assessment before the due date, they had agreed. I guess that was perks of being a top student.
The bus ride to Ulsan was long, around 3 hours was it, he brought an early ticket, leaving Seoul around 9am and arriving around 12pm, "right on time for lunch!" He thought. It was the cheapest ticket he could find within his limited budget as, working part time whilst handling school fees were not as earning as you might think.
Sitting on his seat, he watched the early city life turn into mountains and rivers, the birds flew above the countless of clouds in the beautiful fall sky as leaves turned into an orangish colour from the Autumn air. He captured photos on his digital camera his mum had gifted him for is 16th birthday, saying that memories are meant to be treasured.
It wasn't any expensive camera, in fact it was just any normal digital camera at that time but still, Junseo held onto it dearly, saying that "It's special because it's from my mum". The camera hadn't left his side ever since he was 16, going through major life journeys alongside him.
He took a few snapshots before slipping his headphones on, he listened to his favourite playlist, as the scenery of green and autumn leaves enlighten his eyes. The season of fall was beautiful, observing the sight in front of him, feeling calm and relaxed. As he enjoyed the carefree view, the tiredness from waking up too early in the mornig reached his eyelids as he felt them grew heavier.
His eyes slowly closed, music from his headphones played in his ears as he fell into a short slumber. Before he know it, he had arrived at his stop, Ulsan. The bus came to a halt as passengers was slowly let off.
Stepping out, he felt the cold chilly air hit him, he grabbed out his red scarf that his mum had knitted for him last winter. There was some flares and holes in the scarf as Junseo would occasionally wear it when the weather was cold or when it was winter.
He wrapped the hand-made scarf around his neck, and walked out of the exit. Immediately, the sounds of a group of guys started yelling toward him.
"KIM JUNSEOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" A loud, cheerful group of people yelled towards him as they made their way into a lagre group hug. "We missed you so much!! You little rascal, after becoming Seoul boy, you still haven't treated us to food yet." One of the guys said as they fluffed up his hair in happiness.
"Hey! Stop it!" Junseo firmly said as he shrugged off his friends and cooly swiping his glasses on as his friend cheered him on and he just nodded in chicness. Let's just say, passersby had 'unintentionally' gave them weird stares as the group laughed like hyenas on the loose.
Eventually, Junseo and his friends left the train station and had decided to stop at a nearby florist and gift shop to get for his parents. His indecisiveness had led him choosing between a pair of earrings or matching bracelets for his dad and mum for 30 minutes straight. Caving in, he had decided to go with both.
Surprisingly, the shop owner of the boutique had recognise him as Mrs and Mr Kim's son. It was an old lady with a sweet smile as she handed him the pair of earring for a discounted price. Junseo exclaimed his gratitude as he continuously bowed thank you until the shop owner had to physically stop him from getting whiplash from all the bowing.
On the way back, his friends thought he was crazy. The never ending smile hasn't washed of his face ever since he got of the train. He let out a small giggle to himslef as he stared out of the passing window beside him, you would have thought he was dating someone.
The house still looked the same as how he left it a year ago, it was still in it's vibrant colours with the big evergreen tree on the left side of his house. The ramp where Junseo and his little brother would used to play in is now covered in autumn leaves, alongside the coastal smell from the nearby seas.
His right hand was occupied by the heavy suitcase filled with gift he had brought from Seoul, for his mum, dad and somehow, his little brother. He rolled the heavy suitcase towards the entrance, waving his friends goodbye as they drove off to their respective homes.
Entering inside, he had thought it was suspiciously quiet as there is almost 99% of the time, always noise in this house. Whether it's his dad watching a loud reality show and laughing obnoxiously or his brother playing loud games in his bedroom and yelling whenever he looses.
But today, there was nothing, not even the sound from the TV or the loud banging from his brothers room nor was there any signs of people in the house. It was eerie, in a way where you knew something was wrong, like something was missing.
In his state of confusion, he fished out his phone to call his mum. Calling the only number that felt right.
........"Sorry the number you ha-"
........"Sorry the numb-"
........"Sorr-"
Junseo felt a weird pang on his chest, the feeling that there is something going on, or the feeling that a shocking news is about to hit him like a storm in a middle of a sunny day.
It didn't take long before his phone started ringing again.
"Hyung..." His brother trembled in fear.
"Woo-ah, where are you guys, I just arrived and like no one is home, I swear if your gon-" Junseo voice was cut off by Geonwoo.
"It's mum..." Geonwoo voiced cracked, trying to contain his sobs, "It happened so fast, he came out of no where."
"What..? Who is he? And what do you mean? Can you stop this Woo-ah, your scaring me." Junseo said as panic started to rise inside of him.
"We are at the hospital, I'll explain everything, I promise." And with that the phone was hung up.
"What the fuck?" Junseo mumbled under his breath.
The room clicked sharp behind Sangwon as he stared at the date, '15th November 2025".
It was Junseo's birthday in exactly 5 days, Leo had mentioned it once when they were together hanging out and it had remained in his memory for a long time.
He let out a long sigh, as his whole entire body came crumbling down. He didn't know when or how he had ended up at Junseo's apartment building yesterday evening but he was so grateful that he had.
Leo's friend group that included Junseo, had stated a few days ago, saying that they couldn't reach Junseo, reciting that they called and texted him but all of their calls and text were left on un answered.
Sangwon had began to worry, he didn't know why but he just did, it wasn't his place to as to Junseo, he was just a no body. Junseo didn't even know him, he was just someone who admires him, like the billion fans he has around school. So, what was his place to worry about him anyways? Somehow all these endless question had lead to him to the very front door of the person he was thinking about.
Thankfully, Leo was good friends with the Kim Brothers, he had asked Geonwoo for Junseo's apartment address for Sangwon, he knew it wasn't right but he couldn't help too but to also worry about his friends safety.
That how he ended up standing in front of Junseo's apartment complex, facing against the wooden door that kept an unknown answer. He knocked once, then again, there was no answer. He was about to leave when he realised the door was unlocked, he contemplated for a few minutes but something in him had told him to go in.
So he did and thank goodness he did.
Junseo's apartment was not just empty but completely wiped out of any soul of a living person at all. The house barely looked like it was lived in besides the living room and bedroom, the whole entire area looked emotionless. It made him truely wonder, how can someone like Junseo be living like this.
His eyes flicked around the room, scanning it, his eyes caught on the sharp pill bottle over the kitchen counter, "Escitalopram?" His eyes set on another one, "Prazosin?"
The more he looked around the more he found until his eyes spot a diagnosis lying flat on the table,
'Summery: Kim Junseo mainly suffers from severe Insomnia from PTSD and depression, states having trouble sleeping and feels empty and.......'
The words on the diagnosis stung in Sangwon eyes, he stared at it in shock as he felt his face began to water, he felt his eyes redden from the immense shock of information he had just absorbed, if only he knew earlier, of only he could see through it earlier then maybe I could have helped, maybe he wouldn't feel so alone.
He sniffed as he looked around, and soon enough, he found a letter.
' I'm so sorry mum, dad, I couldn't protect you well, I couldn't stop the incident, if i had came home earlier then maybe none of the would have happened.
I'm sorry Geonwoo-ah, that I have to leave you now, but please live a longer life for me and for us. And, I'm so sorry to my friends that i've been ignoring you for the past few days or weeks, sorry I kinda lost count, sorry. I really appreciated you all, and I hope in the next life we will meet again.
- Sincerely, Kim Junseo '
Sangwon scanned through the letter but before his brain truely realised what it meant, he had saw it, he saw Junseo, he saw him standing near the edge of the rooftop, a tiny bit too close to consider safe and without a thought he flew, and when I mean flew he ran in lightning bolt.
He glad he had came yesterday, if not, he couldn't imagine the outcome of what could have happened if he didn't.
Taking in a deep breathe, Sangwon shopped for his phone from his pocket '14:23', the time stared back at him like a sore thumb, reminding him that he nor Junseo had ate yet. As, being worried he was, he had stayed in the hospital ward since Junseo was hospitalised.
Sangwon thought about what to do now, his stomach growled in annoyance but he didn't feel hungry at all, maybe because he just doesn't or was it because he was so worried about Junseo that he's too scared to leave.
Either-way, he couldn't possibly leave Junseo alone in the hospital after what he just witness, he couldn't and he shouldn't but he didn't know what to do.
Junseo had made it clear to him that he didn't want him here, but behind his tone, there was something else. Something rather closer to fear then annoyance but, whatever it was, he was sure that Junseo was not fine and he needed someone, someone that he can trust and someone he can rely on right now.
Shaking his head in agreement with himself, he unlocked his phone, opening his contact and typed in a name,
"Hello?" the other person on the line asked.
"Hi Geonwoo-ssi ! Umm, I'm Lee Sangwon, I'm like Leo's cousin." Sangwon politely replied.
"Oh, Hi. Did you need anything?" Geonwoo questioned.
"Sorry, but your Junseo's brother right? Something happened to him and he's in the hospital. Can you please come?" Sangwon pleaded.
"I'll send you the address."
Sangwon typed in the address of the hospital he was in and sent it to Geonwoo and bided their goodbyes before hanging up.
Junseo had woken up from his nap, his eyes stung at the lights from the hospital, he didn't realise it yet but beside him with his brother.
"Woo-ah?" He asked out.
"Hyung!" Geonwoo got startled in fear as he got up from his seat.
"What time is it?" Junseo lifted his hand to search for his phone as Geonwoo took his from his pocket.
"It's 5pm already" Geonwoo replied. "The doctor said you could leave once you woken up."
Carefully, Junseo raised himself, he felt a slight pain on the side of his body, probably from when he fell yesterday after Sangwon had ran to pull him down.
Speaking of which, Junseo looked around the room to see if Sangwon was in here, which was weird, he didn't know why he did it. He looked around the room to see the trace of a blonde hair guy but to his surprise, he was no where to be seen.
Junseo didn't know why he was surprised, as if something deep inside him had kinda hoped he stayed. It felt nice, having someone worry this much about you that they were willing to, without hesitation catch you when you were on the brink of deaths gate.
But the feeling didn't last long before he felt the guilt crawl back up to his skin, the feeling of shame prickled his inner thoughts, killing them off one by one as if there was an ongoing battle inside his brain. Unfortunately for him, there had already seemed to have a clear winning side to this war.
A sharp sting hit Junseo brain like a bomb, he clinged onto his head in pain, feeling the shamefulness attack the barriers of his brain. His brother, Geonwoo, rushed to his side, holding his shoulders in comfort.
"Are you okay Hyung?" Geonwoo shook his shoulder. He looked at his brother in worry, his face growing anxious by the second. To be fair, Geonwoo had a brief idea from what Junseo was suffering from, he had been there when it was Junseo's first 'outbreak'. He thought that maybe time might heal it, but no, he was far from wrong.
Suddenly, the hospital door slid open with a heavy thud, it alarmed the sound drums of Geonwoo's ear as his head swiped to the entrance.
There stood Lee Sangwon, and I promise in that moment, he looked like a knight in shining armour but without the armour. He rushed in the room in a hurry, swaying his way to Junseo's side as Geonwoo moved away, letting Sangwon in. His arms crept around Junseo's frame, giving him a warm embrace.
Junseo sank into the comfort, feeling a sense of belonging he hasn't felt since that day. He wanted to push him away but something inside him just couldn't resist.
To Junseo, Sangwon right now felt like the light entering into the dark cage he's been stuck in for decades. Like the feeling of the sun shinning on your bare skin in the winter coldness.
His head had stopped throbbing as he looked up to meet Sangwon's gaze. At that moment, their eyes met, 'Sangwon has beautiful eyes' was the first thing Junseo had thought.
"Sangwon....."
Junseo felt a chilling breathe let out from his throat as he saw the concern and anxiety in Sangwon's face. He feels the strong but softness in his touch, as if he's trying to hold Junseo together so that he wouldn't break apart.
He felt a pull of gravity hit him as Sangwon tightened the hug, closing the distance between them feeling his chest against his as he felt a heavy heartbeat through the layers of flesh. Sangwon's heart was beating really fast, as if he just ran a whole mile to get here.
They sank into the tenderness of each others embrace, feeling the steadiness of their breaths harmonising together, like music notes of a sheet of musical paper. Instruments that align just right when playing a piece, in the busy hospital, Junseo found a small passionate fire, waiting for it's rise.
A chill of the winter air in November hit Junseo's face like a slap to tell him he is still alive. He feels the thick scarf wrapped around his neck and the heavy black coat drape on his body that Geonwoo had given to him earlier.
The two men beside him hold him in sight, afraid that if they let go he will disappear, they leach onto both side of his arms like a cop holding onto their prisoner so it doesn't run away.
But instead, he felt not anywhere near as a prisoner.
Everything went by quickly, from one second he was standing in front of the hospital entrance and the next he was standing in an unknown apartment in the middle of the buzzing city of Seoul. The heater in the corner of the room let out a buzz as the warm air filled the room. He felt the comfy bunny slipper touched the brim of his feet.
Somehow, he had ended up in Sangwon's apartment.
Geonwoo and him had somewhat united together that they felt unsafe for Junseo to be alone in his current state of mind. As, Geonwoo lived in Incheon, it would be troublesome to drive there and back, they had agreed that he would stay with Sangwon.
However, Junseo hadn't said anything on the car ride here, he didn't have any objections and no fit whatsoever which promptly scared Sangwon the most. He wonders to himself 'what happened?' But he knew, it wasn't his place to ask so, he just stayed quiet.
"Junseo-ssi, are you hungry?" Sangwon softly questioned. "You haven't ate for a long time." Junseo head turned to him, he could see the worry in Sangwon eyes, looking at him like he was a glass of water that was about to shatter anytime. The air around the had grew thinner, feeling the tension of a man who had almost left the world just a day ago.
The silence stretch between them until a growling sound broke the density of the room. Junseo’s stomach let out a roar, which answered Sangwon’s question. A small giggle from Sangwon’s mouth broke the indefinite distance between the two as they both ended up laughing.
“I will make you some instant noodles.” Sangwon said as he reached for the pot in the drying rack.
As Sangwon boiled the water, Junseo gazed around the apartment complex, it was welly furnished unlike his. It had a TV placed in the centre of the living room, a white, fluffy rug placed below his feet.
The walls hung pictures of Sangwon with his family and his friends. It was a small complex with just one room and a bathroom, with a big enough living space along side a kitchen. The whole apartment seem to only be able to fit a few people but even though it was small, it was cosy.
Soft warm toned lamps beside the couches made the apartment look warm, alongside it was plants on a well furnished wooden table the complemented the apartments warm tone theme. Junseo carefully observed the room like it was some kind of exhibit.
As Junseo was busy looking around the complex, Sangwon cooked the instant noodle effortlessly, it took him less then 5 minutes before turning back to face Junseo. It would be a lie to say that Sangwon wasn't captivated by Junseo's beauty.
A glow from the warm light casted a shadow on the Junseo's face, the sharp features correspond to the soft look in his eyes. He looked divine, so divine in a way that birds could fall from the sky if they took one look of him.
The contrasting light lay a smooth slope of Junseo's pointed nose bridge, as Sangwon watch him flicked his lids. The world felt like it had slowed down around them, as if it was just him and Junseo at 7pm, with the fog from the shin ramen overstimulating the cramped apartment.
Junseo turned to face Sangwon at the kitchen with a slight tilt in his head, the kitchen light revealed the steam from the heat of the Shin ramen. The smell spread around the complex, a whiff of the soup base.
"Is it ready?" Junseo asked
"Hmm? Oh- I mean yea, it's ready." Sangwon replied hastily, snapping out of his admiring daze.
They moved to the small dinning table, placed in the centre of the living space. The small width of the table left little leg room for the two very tall boys, a jolt of static sparked at their legs when they made contact.
Hurriedly, the two scrambled their legs away, a plague of awkwardness spread around them. They reached for the bowl that Sangwon placed on the table earlier, each grabbing their cutlery.
Sangwon could admit, he liked Junseo a lot, actually probably in love with him. And that is something he could proudly admit to the whole world
Watching the man you have been adoring since the beginning of your university life sit in front of you looking so timid had stirred something inside of him. The feeling of having a protective instinct covered his thoughts, he didn't want watch Junseo ever bear anything alone anymore.
"Junseo-ssi, you are not burdening me." Sangwon said.
A wave of thoughts ran through Junseo's brain, he looked up from his food that he had barely taken a bite of. His eyes blurred around the edge, as he felt the brim getting red. The fog roams around the room as they just starred at each other in silence.
"You only just met me, you don't know....you don't-"
"Yes, I don't know. And I think, I don't mind if I do." Sangwon sharply cut in. "Junseo-ssi, don't be afraid to ask for help, you are not a burden to anyone."
Junseo hesitated, the words was caught in his throat as he just looked deeply in the man infront of him. He wondered, how someone could possibly see him as not a burden. It something he couldn't understand in Sangwon, he wanted to ask why he is even here for, why is he still helping him though he's such a wreck.
If he truely know how useless he is, would Sangwon still be saying these things? Would he even be sitting infront of him if he knew how Junseo view himself?
Suddenly, the sound of chair scarping on the floor snapped Junseo out of his train of thoughts. Sangwom stood up from his seat as he walked his way to him. With a soft force, he pulled Junseo into an embrace.
The feeling of comfort came with a strike, he felt the genuine worry of Sangwon, the everlasting care for him through his touch. Before he knew it, the tears that he had kept in secret came pouring down Sangwon's sweater.
He held onto Sangwon waist tightly as he cried his heart out, letting a ugly yelp. But, Sangwon didn't falter as he kept his hands wrapped around Junseo head, soothing out his black hair.
For the first time since forever, Junseo showed a different side, he didn't pretend anymore, he didn't hide anymore from the world. This time, he held on, so tight that he probably would not let go for a long time.
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