Chapter Text
“I’m pregnant and it’s yours.” The words wash over Jason like a tidal wave. He stares at Sofia for a long minute, trying to hear and understand what she is saying.
He recognizes her, a one night fling when he was in the throes of Lazarus Madness. He had been desperate and to feel anything other than rage. He always feels rage. So he had picked her up from a bar. They had spent a night together sweat soaked and out of breath.
He hadn’t thought about that moment again since it happened. Too busy fighting with Bruce, too busy trying to destroy the Joker and save Crime Alley.
Now it is almost eight months later and she looks just as beautiful. She has those soft brown eyes, the ones that look into his soul. The ones that made him feel normal if only for that night.
“I’m sorry– what?” Jason asked dumbly. Because Jason might be a feared crime lord, but he is also a nineteen year old boy. And it is eight in the morning.
Sofia cocks her head, and gestures down to her very round and pregnant belly.
Her words are starting to click in his brain. Especially the words pregnant and yours. He opens the door wider, “Right, do you want to sit down?”
Sofia peers past Jason into his safehouse. It is a small run down place, one that she has seen before. She moves in and sits on his couch. Jason thinks about how they had round one over the arm of this very couch. It makes a blush rise to his cheeks.
Sofia isn’t similarly affected at all. She looks determined, like she is going to war.
That isn’t a great sign, Jason realizes.
There is a long silence, Jason isn’t sure how to break it. Sofia’s fists clench and unclench on her knees.
“So, you’re pregnant?” Jason finally prompts, when the silence stretches out too long. He sits on the couch as well, as far as he can from Sofia.
“I was going to do this by myself!” Sofia says suddenly, “I was going to do it all on my own! I was never going to tell you, figured it didn’t matter. But I can’t. I just can't, I’m not ready to be a mother.”
Jason nods slowly, taking the words in. Sure. Good to know that even his one night stands don’t think he is worth anything. Didn’t even think it was important to tell him he was going to have a child.
Tears are welling in Sofia’s eyes, they are wide and brown and scared. And even if Jason sees green threaten the edges of his vision, he keeps his hands safely folded in his lap.
“So I figured, I would give you the … option of taking her – the baby, she’s a girl. Either that, or I am going to give her up for adoption.” Sofia finishes.
It is on the tip of his tongue to tell Sofia to put the kid up for adoption. Because what kind of father would Jason be? A terrible one.
He has only ever had terrible father figures. Willis, the bastard’s horrible parenting probably ran in his own poisoned veins. And Bruce? What a joke, a father that saw his son as nothing more than an extension of his crusade. What does Jason know about parenting?
But there is an image in his head. Of Catherine holding Jason in her arms, her hand smoothing over his curls. And of Alfred smoothing a bandaid over a skinned knee despite Jason claiming he was too old for such treatment.
He doesn’t have to be his father, either of them. He can be better than both of them. Jason can do this. He wants to do this.
Knowing that a baby is coming changes his plans immensely. Red Hood had been making Gotham a powder keg, trying to bait Batman into killing the Joker. And since that plan had failed miserably, he had just been cleaning up Crime Alley, throwing whatever supervillain came his way into the path of the Bats.
Now? Now that plan doesn’t cut it. Because there is no way that Jason is going to allow his daughter to live in a world that the Joker still breathes.
It doesn’t need to be a spectacle anymore. It just needs to be done.
He goes to his men, in his Red Hood gear, “I am going to kill the Joker.”
Anthony, his second, looks up from the money he had been counting with a grin. Beside him Cheryl, his lead enforcer, cracks her knuckles.
“You got a plan boss?” Anthony asks.
“I am going to tie him up at Amusement Mile, kill the son of a bitch, and then to make sure the bastard is really dead I’ll blow the place up.” Jason says easily. So maybe there still will be a bit of a spectacle. Sue him, he’s dramatic.
Cheryl frowns, “And what do you want us to do?”
Jason grins under his helmet, not that anyone can see it. “I need you to cause a distraction. A big one. Keep the Bat off my back.”
He can tell that neither of them like this idea. Cheryl and Anthony have been at his side since the inception of the Red Hood gang. Jason knows that Anthony will do well to take over, he is tough but fair and Cheryl is good with the street kids, almost better than he is. They're good people.
In his pocket, Jason’s phone vibrates. He pulls it out, and reads the message. It was from Sofia. A picture of the baby’s sonogram. Jason hadn’t gone to any of the prenatal appointments, but Sofia had kept the pictures. This was the most recent.
Jason looks at the grainy picture, sees the outline of a head and a nose. His finger traces over the image, and he knows that he is doing the right thing.
Jason goes to his first prenatal appointment. He meets Sofia outside of the doctor’s office. She smiles at him warmly, now that she knows the baby is going to Jason she seems more sure in her interactions.
A nurse leads them into a room, and tells Sofia to sit up on the table.
Jason is uncharacteristically anxious. His knee bouches up and down as he waits for the doctor to come in.
“Are you nervous?” Sofia asks.
Jason snorts, “Why would I be nervous? Not like I am getting that cold lube on my stomach.”
Sofia laughs good naturedly. She is too calm for Jason, he doesn’t deserve her patience. Especially when he snaps angrily and she just shakes her head.
God, Jason hopes this baby has her temperament instead of his. Even as a kid he was quick to anger, will this little girl have his fiery streak that gets her into as much trouble as it got him into?
“Have you thought of a name for her?” Sofia asks instead of rising to Jason’s bait.
Jason pauses, his body frozen suddenly. Because he has thought of a name, and name that he really wants. But this little girl doesn’t feel real, doesn’t feel like it is his yet. He kind of assumed that Sofia would be the one to name the kid.
“You didn’t want to?” Jason asked quietly.
Sofia looks down at her stomach. She seems a little sad, but then she looks up at Jason and smiles, “She won’t be mine, not really. You should name her.”
He had thought about this. Since the moment that he found out that he was having a daughter. The first name came to him immediately, Catherine, for his mother. He imagines his mom finding out she has a granddaughter, one named for her. He hopes wherever his mom is now, she likes the idea.
“Catherine Jane.” Jason says the name for the first time. Speaking it into existence.
“Catherine Jane.” Sofia says the name, rolling it over her tongue, “I like it.”
Just then the ultrasound tech comes in, “Hello, Miss. Sofia, how are we feeling today?”
The two make small talk before the tech puts gel on Sofia’s stomach. Sofia flinches, and laughs, “You were right, it is cold.”
Jason laughs, but stops short when a sound comes from the machine. It is a heart beat, the sound swoops in pitch and beats fast. It is somehow both the most beautiful and terrifying sound that Jason has ever heard in his life. And he heard the count down of a bomb.
Sofia reaches out her hand, Jason takes it glad that he has something to ground him.
Tears are welling in Jason’s eyes as he looks at the image.
“It’s so fast, is that normal?” He asks.
Sofia laughs, “I asked that the first time I heard too. It is normal.”
Jason squeezes Sofia’s hand once. And then suddenly on the screen the image moves, a kick flash. Sofia makes a little gasp.
“She’s got a strong kick.” The tech says.
“That’s our little CJ.” Sofia responds.
And in that moment, Catherine Jane – CJ– becomes real. She isn’t an image on a screen or an idea from Sofia. She is a baby, one that kicks and moves and breathes. And she is Jason’s.
The tech and Sofia talk some about prenatal vitamins, and due dates that are only three weeks away. Jason listens vaguely, his head still playing the heart beat.
When they can go, Jason walks Sofia to her car.
“Hey, stay inside tonight.” Jason says as Sofia opens her driver’s side door.
Sofia stops to look Jason over. Jason feels exposed, flayed open for Sofia to see. He is scared that she will see him as the monster he is and will decide to take the baby away.
“Be careful,” She says after a long moment, “You have a daughter to live for.”
Jason nods once tersely.
He has a daughter to make a new world for.
Upper Gotham is on fire. The Red Hood Gang stormed the Diamond District. Black Mask has retaliated. The ensuing fire-fight is an all Bats emergency. Jason listened over the comms as Batman directed Nightwing and Robin to contain different areas.
“Tell me if either of you get eyes on Hood.” Batman had said gruffly.
Jason snorted, turning off the coms. The Bats won’t find the Red Hood uptown. Because he is slipping silently into Amusement Mile.
Getting past the Joker’s goons was laughably easy. And finding the Joker in his office, tinkering over something child’s play. Jason sneaks into the room, he is now alone with the Joker.
Maybe because he wasn’t trying to make a scene. Red Hood was simply coming to finish a mission.
So of course now was the moment that the edges of Jason’s vision twinges with green. Anger floods his veins, like the venom of a snake. If it is this easy to sneak into the Joker’s lair, if it is this easy to get the man in his scope why did Batman never do it?
Why wasn’t Jason ever worth it?
The office is more of a workshop with different plans and blueprints scattered over every surface available. The Joker is in the back of the room, his back turned to Jason. The Joker is hunched over a workbench, a screw driver in hand.
Jason tries to shake the green from his vision. Because he isn’t doing this for the Lazarus rage. He isn’t even doing this for himself, he is doing it for his daughter. He is going to give Catherine a safer world.
“I can hear you there.” The Joker says, back still turned, “And you'd better have a good reason for interrupting me.”
Jason doesn’t say a word. He just raises his gun higher.
The green is swimming, trying to take over his vision. But Jason breathes in once.
“Don’t make me turn around. If I have to look away from my work I will be very unhappy. And you wouldn’t like me when I am not happy.” The Joker says.
Jason takes another steady breath. The world is almost completely washed in green now. But the Joker stands in stark contrast.
The Joker straightens, dusting his hands, “Now see you’ve made me angry.”
Jason grits his teeth, he checks to make sure the safety is off on his gun.
The Joker turns, “Oh, if it isn’t my fav–”
Whatever the Joker was going to say is lost in the sound of the gun shot. It rips through the Joker’s chest. And suddenly the green is gone. The world is in screaming color.
There is a second, that the blood doesn’t pump, but then crimson red erupts from the wound.
The Joker looks down, slowly and stupidly. Like he isn’t used to pain. Then the Joker sinks to his knees.
Jason moves forward, as if in a trance.
The Joker’s hand is over his wound, trying desperately to keep his life blood inside his body.
Jason almost laughs at this, “I didn’t expect you to bleed red. Don’t know why I thought you would have black blood. Poisoned and toxic like you are.”
“Aww, Hood you say the nicest things –” The Joker is cut off again. This time with a gun shot to the jaw. Blood and bits of bone spray across the ground.
Jason shoots him twice more for good measure, both in the stomach.
Then Jason takes off his helmet.
The Joker is still alive, if only barely. He is making wheezing noises that make even Jason wince in pain.
“I am making sure you can’t hurt anyone ever again.” Jason says darkly.
He leans into the Joker’s face. He wants the last thing that the Joker sees to be his face. To know that Jason has won.
The Joker’s ruined face moves slightly, and the Joker, despite his injuries, moves quickly. The screwdriver was still in his hand, and he struck at Jason’s arm, the one carrying Jason’s helmet.
“Fuck!” Jason shouts, dropping his helmet.
It thuds between the Joker’s knees. And Jason swears he hears the Joker try to laugh.
Without thinking, Jason shoots one last time. This shot lands between the Joker’s eyes. And finally the Joker slumps backwards dead.
Dead.
The Joker is finally dead.
Jason takes a deep breath, he expected to feel better, for a weight to be lifted off his shoulders. But Jason feels the same.
He feels broken and scared.
He is still the kid in Ethiopia. Still the Robin whose wings got clipped.
Jason kicks the Joker’s body, hoping it will make him feel better.
It doesn’t.
All Jason feels is angry. Still.
Jason grabs at the screwdriver, still embedded in his forearm, and drops it on the ground. His own blood drips down, mingling with the Joker’s. It makes him sick.
So, Jason goes to the workbench to see what the Joker had been working on, and can’t help but laugh.
A bomb.
Of course it is a bomb, isn’t it always?
Well? He had been planning on blowing the building up anyways. So he sets the device for ten minutes.
Jason looks at his red hood. It still lays next to the Joker. The HUD screens are completely dark.
This feels like a fitting end. The Red Hood can end here with the Joker. His mission is complete. Jason made the world safe enough that he feels okay bringing his daughter into it.
So Jason leaves the helmet and watches from a few streets away. Amusement mile goes with a bang that shakes the very foundation of Gotham.
Jason doesn’t stay to see if Batman comes to try and save the Joker. Even he isn’t that much of a glutton for punishment.
It is a week before Catherine Jane’s due date when Jason gets the call from Sofia. Jason had been putting the final touches on nursery when his phone started to ring.
“Sofia?” Jason asks with nervous energy coiled in his chest.
“Jason, it's time. I am heading to Gotham General.”
Jason is out the door before she even gets the full sentence out. Somehow he makes it to Gotham General before Sofia does. When she arrives, sweat already on her brow and short staccato breaths, Jason is terrified.
It takes 16 hours of screaming and hand holding for Catherine to be born.
His baby girl comes into this world screaming.
“Dad, do you want to cut the cord?” The doctor asks.
Dad. Jason realizes that is him. He is a dad. He is the dad to this tiny perfect human being.
Sofia doesn’t allow Jason too much time to ponder that wonderful fact, “Jay, cut the cord right now so I can get cleaned up or so help me God!”
Jason knows better than to argue with a woman who just gave birth.
They clean Catherine up, and give her to Sofia. She is squalling and moving her tiny arms around in the air, but the moment that her little body touches Sofia’s bare chest, her cries muffle.
Jason stares in amazement. And he is suddenly so scared that Sofia is going to take this baby, this perfect little being away from him. Because she is only a few seconds old, and Jason already knows she is the most perfect creature on this planet.
But Sofia looks at Jason, with her warm brown eyes, “Are you going to come over here and hold her? Or what?”
Jason takes the most precious thing he has ever seen, and holds her to him.
Catherine was born on October 18th at 1:57 AM. At the time of her birth, she was 7 pounds and 4 ounces. Jason memorized the facts about her as he is told. He sits in Sofia’s hospital room, Catherine held securely in his arms.
Sofia is hormonal and soppy. She keeps sighing and taking pictures of the two of them. She promised to send Jason each of the pictures. And Jason will deny it, but he is secretly ecstatic to have photos of him and his baby.
There is a knock on their hospital door. Jason looks up, to see a kindly woman with a computer on a rolling cart.
“The Shaw family?” The woman asks.
They had given Sofia’s surname to the hospital. Sofia hadn’t questioned it, she seemed to know Jason didn’t want a record of himself in the hospital. And Jason didn’t volunteer the fact that he is secretly the dead son of the billionaire Bruce Wayne.
“Yes, that’s us.”
“Congraulations on your bundle of joy. I am here to get her a birth certificate. Could you tell me the name you picked out.” The woman says.
Jason opens his mouth to say the name he had picked. Catherine for his mother and Jane for Austen. But something stops him. The words die in his throat.
Instead of Catherine Jane, a name that flows beautifully and works, he says, “Catherine Martha Shaw.”
Sofia tilts her head at the new middle name, but doesn’t say anything.
Catherine makes a small smacking noise in his arms.
“It seems little Catherine likes her new name.” The woman laughs. “We’ll have the birth certificate for you soon.”
After she leaves, Sofia turns to look at Jason, “I won’t be able to call her CJ anymore.”
“Sorry, I don’t know what came over me. Martha was my grandmother – I never even met her.”
“It’s a beautiful name. Even if it doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.” Sofia says easily. Then she reaches out making grabby hands, “Come here my little CMS.”
Sofia cringes slightly at the initials, but Jason laughs. He easily transfers Catherine into Sofia’s waiting hands.
Sofia sniffs Catherine’s head, before smiling at Jason, “I still don’t want to be a mom. I’m not ready, but I want to be in her life. Can I? I can be a cool aunt who comes over and spoils her rotten. You don’t even have to tell her that I gave birth to her.”
Jason lets out a breath, because he had been terrified that now that baby Catherine was born Sofia would want to keep her. He is beyond grateful that she is letting him keep her all to himself.
“Of course, you will always be her mother. You don’t have to ask to be in her life.” Jason says easily. Because it is easy. Maybe if he had known Sheila was his birth mother he wouldn't have been so inclined to go with her. Maybe if Willis had been honest from the start, the idea of her wouldn't have been enough to mystify and blind a young fifteen year old.
It is because Sofia is still hormonal and tired from literally giving birth, but Sofia breaks down sobbing. She holds Catherine close to her, with one hand, and uses the other hand to squeeze Jason’s hand.
“Thank you!” She cries, “You’re an amazing friend, and an even better father.”
And it is because Jason is hormonal and over tired from the ordeal of the birth, but he starts to cry too.