Work Text:
Your name is DAVE STRIDER. And you are not okay right now.
It’s inevitable that a certified coolkid like you is bound to lose his cool once in a while. Maybe get into a heated discussion… say something you don’t mean… stuff like that. It’s a bit less inevitable that it’d be directed towards yourself. For the purposes of this self-centered, coolkid ideological exercise, you aren’t going to confirm or deny such a thing actually occurring, of course. Coolkids don’t waste their time on stuff like that.
But, regardless of what may or may not have happened, you are not okay. On a scale of 1-1000, where either end means the opposite of the other for the purposes of metaphor, you’re definitely near the end that would indicate being extremely un-okay. Such a thing would then inspire someone to ask, “are you okay?” to which you’d shoot them an incredulous look. No, were they listening to your metaphor? Or at least, that’s what you think would happen. You’re very much alone right now.
Being stuck on this meteor is pretty much only cons as far as you’re concerned, but there’s a few exceptions. Namely, it’s very easy to get away from people when you need to. Right now, the line between “need to” and “want to” is pretty blurry, but again, you don’t waste time on stuff like that. You could very easily disappear for any amount of time, so long as you showed your face before you finally reached your destination. You could suppose that is a con, and not a pro, due to everyone on this meteor being a bunch of stupid teenagers, yourself included. One breakdown and you’ll never see someone ever again.
Kinda hypocritical of you. You went pretty far this time.
It’s not entirely clear to you how you ended up where you are. Whatever the hell this meteor was up to before you and the others decided to commandeer it, it sure seems like there’s a lot of technology around. At first, you thought the computer lab you’re in was the main lab that everyone uses. From what you do remember, because you’re still feeling it, your heart could not have sunk further. You remember your desperate attempt to hide your fear and your neck tensing up. Luckily for you, it seems that this lab is abandoned. You’re not even sure if anyone’s come here yet. But that’s fine, more time for your totally un-fucking-cool brooding rituals.
You slump into a corner, but decide to move some of the computer desks out of the way and slouch against a wall facing the door into the room instead. A much better, and cooler, look. Yeah, you own this pity party; it’s your pity party. Sorry you didn’t get an invite, random person who came to check on me. If you didn’t bring a present, then there’s the door. And it better be, like, a present that has a pie-trap inside it. Totally fucking clown on me and my sadness serenade. Well, you think that only the clown dude would do something like that, but he’s “tied up” with something right now. Or John. Actually, yeah, probably him, given that the clown dude would probably just actually fucking kill you at this point.
You miss John. You wonder if he’d poke fun at you for being all visibly distressed, or sit down with you and talk to you. You’re becoming increasingly aware that you’re forgetting who your friends are on the inside. Past Dave would be better at something like that, he’d know what flavour of pie John would use. What colour the present would be. Then again, Past Dave wouldn’t be thinking about this at all, because that’s something Present Dave does, and that’s who you are right now.
And what Present Dave thinks Present Dave needs right now is some good old-fashioned destruction. That shit needs no introduction. You’re gonna get your smash on, filled with passion, kiss that ass gone. Ugh. You’re completely off your game, you really need this.
You equip your sword and start swinging at monitors. Sparks fly. Important looking computer parts clatter against the hard floor. You pick up one of the PC towers and chuck it across the room, just because you can. You’re grunting and yelling as the room becomes unrecognizable from your fit. Monitors and PC towers become desks, and desks become everything that isn’t bolted into the fucking ground. You become grossly aware of the sweat dripping down your forehead, yet too ashamed of it to wipe it away. This isn’t easy work, you know. If someone came in, they should be able to see how much effort you’re putting into all of this. You’re a god-tier, unimaginably strong, but damn if some of these desks aren’t heavy. If you weren’t sweating, you’d just seem like a little kid throwing a few toys around the room.
You really want to throw some more shit around right about now. You don’t even really know why? But at this point, you’re sick and tired of all this questioning. Coolkids aren’t supposed to ask questions. They nod, push their dope-ass sunglasses up their nose, bust a few sick-ass rhymes, and have a good-ass time. See, you even did it there, and you weren’t even meaning to. That’s how you know you’re a coolkid. You’d question why you even care so much about being a “coolkid” and not a cool kid, like why are you so fucking obsessed over this weird title as opposed to a perfectly normal descriptor, but you’re not asking questions right now. You’re heaving a dead potted plant over your head and smashing it to the floor.
Imagine if you were this strong all the time. You wouldn’t be resorting to impromptu rage rooms as outlets for discomfort and angst.
You take a good, long deep breath and gaze upon the destruction you’ve wreaked. Gog, did these poor computers deserve all this? Sorry little computers, you say. You’ll be sure to give them a proper space burial some other time. Probably when you’ve had enough growth, and done enough self-discovery for such an act to feel appropriate and tug at your heartstrings. Oh, and by space burial, you totally mean chucking all this shit out of the nearest window and forgetting about it like four (7) minutes later.
This surely is not foreshadowing anything.
You feel your palmhus– shit, no, your phone buzz in your pocket. Goddamn troll lingo. Goddamn trolls trying to message you on phone. Goddamn goddamn. You have to admit to yourself, you almost forgot about everyone else for a moment there, and the realization that you are very much still hiding from them makes you clench a fist. You just tell yourself, fuck it, and check your notification. With any luck, it’s just some old spam robot that survived the end of the world. What you wouldn’t give for hot single ladies in your area right about now.
But it’s 100% not that. It’s a Karkat instead. You can’t bring yourself to check your actual chat log, not right now. Making very fucking sure to not click on the notification, and only scroll it down enough to show the actual messages, you hope that he’s not asking about where you are.
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 4:13 --
CG: DAVE.
CG: WHERE ARE YOU.
Well, that fucking sucks for you, doesn’t it?
That’s all you’re able to see without actually logging onto Pesterchum, but you can see that he’s sent you a few more messages besides those two. You don’t remember if you set your status to idle earlier. So, there’s a 50/50 chance you get to see what he’s saying without him knowing, or him getting even angrier at you for ignoring him while literally watching him type. Well, not that you know he’s angry.
But let’s be pretty fucking honest here, he is. It’s Karkat. If he had to choose between being angry or being happy, he’d kill himself, angry that you’d ever even ask such a thing. He’d tell you to get your head out of your nook and be real. There’s no world where he isn’t angry.
Or is even that uncharacteristic of him? You’re not really sure. You haven’t really talked to him in a bit. Not with your full attention on him, anyways. Maybe he’d sit there and actually contemplate your yeah no he definitely wouldn’t. That guy narrates his entire thought process 24/7. It’s a bit inspiring, honestly.
You want to question why he of all people is messaging you right now, but you’re not really in the question business anymore. You closed up shop a while back, moved towns. You’re just the janitor at fuck it we ball inc. now. They say you should respect the janitor just as much as the CEO, you know. So long as you have respect, it’s okay, you’re okay.
But, like, and purely hypothetically speaking here.
Wouldn’t it be so fucking ironic? If you, like, did question this? Maybe even checked your phone, ironically? Like, haha, look at you, resident coolkid being un-coolkid-ly? You think it’s got potential. This irony is torrential. You’re locked and loaded, your brain is irony-coded (beep boop), the kinda thing you’ve always promoted, call yourself a priest the way you’re devoted (amen). Yeah, this is 100% the right course of action. You bet even Karkat would agree, and he hates it when you rap your course of action. Or you think he does? Whatever.
Dave Strider is your name, and ironically facing the consequences of your own actions is your game. Dare you say you’re a pro, nowhere else to go, if it’s too cold to rain it okay actually enough of that, that was gonna be straight ass. Your rap skills are deteriorating faster than your faith in your “irony”-ridden plan.
So, fuck it, you say, whipping out your phone again and brazenly opening up Pesterchum.
You feel exceedingly stupid when your status shows you as active, and you immediately see a new message pop up. You close your eyes and quickly scroll up a bit, so you get the full chronological order of Karkat’s messages to you that you’ve been ignoring for… two hours? It’s been two (two) fucking hours? Gog, you are a horrible fucking friend. Honestly, it’s no wonder you just up and ran away.
No, not the time. The longer you take to read all this bullshit, the angrier you’ll end up making Karkat. Let’s just take a good old look at all of this, you mutter to yourself.
CG: OKAY, SO, I HAVE A WHOLE LOT OF QUESTIONS RIGHT NOW.
CG: TEREZI WAS ACTING ALL WEIRD AND ASKED ME IF I KNEW WHERE YOU WERE.
CG: CLEARLY I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT WAS GOING ON EARLIER.
CG: OR IF ANYTHING EVEN *WAS* GOING ON, BECAUSE SHE WON’T FUCKING TELL ME. BUT THAT’S BESIDES THE POINT.
CG: THE POINT IS THAT SHE’S WORRIED. HER AND VRISKA HAVE BEEN HAVING A FEELINGS JAM ABOUT IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF ALL OF US.
CG: THEY’RE STILL DOING IT DESPITE ME ASKING VERY NICELY FOR THEM TO MOVE IT SOMEWHERE ELSE.
CG: TEREZI IS PRETENDING THAT SHE’S DEAF TOO NOW. SPECIFICALLY ONLY DEAF TO ME.
CG: LIKE IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU TO MAYBE, OH, I DON’T KNOW, DISCUSS YOUR PRIVATE STUFF IN *PRIVATE*? AND I KNOW VRISKA IS JUST IGNORING ME LIKE THE NOOKSNIFFER SHE IS.
CG: SORRY, GETTING DISTRACTED. BUT YOU’D AGREE IF YOU WERE HERE, WHICH VERY FUCKING ANNOYINGLY, YOU ARE NOT.
CG: THIS IS VERY UNLIKE YOU, AND I’M BEGINNING TO THINK I SHOULD BE WORRIED AS WELL.
Oh, lovely. Now everyone gets to hear about how much of a fuck-up you were earlier. Jegus, is anything private on this fucking meteor?
CG: IT’S NOT LIKE I CAN HEAR WHAT THEY’RE SAYING. SO I CAN ONLY ASSUME IT ISN’T GOOD.
Perhaps you were a bit too hasty in your assessment.
Well, actually, scratch that. Vriska knows now, so you’ll never have a happy moment ever again without her making sure to rub it in, say she’s over it, repeat ad nauseam. Fuck, what is Terezi telling her? You don’t even remember what it was you said. You didn’t say anything to her, right? It was just about you, right??
CG: OKAY I INTRUDED IN ON THEIR JAM LIKE A TOTAL WASTECHUTE.
CG: TEREZI DROPPED THE DEAF ACT AND TOLD ME WHERE SHE THINKS YOU STARTED RUNNING OFF. SO I’M COMING FOR YOU WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
CG: DON’T EVER FUCKING QUESTION MY COMMITMENT. I *WILL* FIND YOU, STRIDER.
Oh fuck. Oh no. You grab your phone so tight you hear it crack slightly. He can’t find you, not like this. There’s no way he’d come all the way out here, right? No, definitely not. You slump back against a wall and, with shaky hands, keep reading his messages. Yeah, no, still perfectly ironic. You’re about to go catatonic, the chance ain’t astronomic.
CG: DAVE, ARE YOU OKAY?
CG: I’M GOING TO HOPE THAT THE VERY LOUD CRASHING AND BANGING AND YELLING WASN’T YOU I JUST HEARD.
CG: I’M GOING TO HOPE THAT WE JUST PASSED THROUGH A DREAMBUBBLE AND SOMEONE GOT REALLY FUCKING ANGRY ABOUT IT AS PART OF THE DREAM, AND NOT AS PART OF YOU DESTROYING A BUNCH OF POTENTIALLY IMPORTANT SHIT.
CG: EITHER WAY, I’M EXTREMELY CONCERNED NOW.
CG: YOU ONE HUNDRED PERCENT HAVE YOUR PALMHUSK ON YOU, STRIDER. IF YOU USED YOUR THINKPAN FOR MORE THAN ONE SECOND, YOU MIGHT THINK, HEY, I SHOULD *TURN IT ON* AND RESPOND TO KARKAT.
CG: BECAUSE IF ALL THAT NOISE *WASN’T* YOU, AND I POTENTIALLY PUT MYSELF IN GRAVE FUCKING DANGER, IT SURE WOULD SUCK IF YOU, THE CLOSEST FUCKING PERSON TO ME, DID NOT SEE MY DESPERATE PLEAS FOR HELP, AND I GET MY SPINE LUMP TORN OFF OF MY MOTHER GRUBBING BODY.
CG: OR MAYBE MY PUSHER RIPPED OUT OF MY CHEST.
CG: (IN CASE YOU COULDN’T TELL, I’M VERY POLITELY ASKING YOU TO, MAYBE, CHECK YOUR PHONE. I DIDN’T COME OUT LOOKING FOR YOU FOR FUN.)
He’s gonna find you. He’s gonna find you, and he’s joking around about it. Or is he actually angry? Fuck, you should really be able to tell by now. If he’s upset you might break down. You shouldn’t have been so loud; you shouldn’t be so fucking immature. Coolkids aren’t immature. They’re cool, and you’re anything but, and that just can’t be true. You have to force yourself to read the last few messages he sent you, the ones he’s sent since you’ve logged back on. You grit your teeth so hard they could easily shatter.
CG: DAVE.
CG: HOW NICE OF YOU TO FINALLY CHECK IN ON YOUR FRIEND, YOU NOOKWIPE.
CG: I HATE TO INTERRUPT YOUR FLOORTIME.
CG: IF YOU DON’T MIND, WHICH AT THIS POINT I COULD NOT CARE LESS IF YOU DO, BECAUSE THIS TOOK SO FUCKING LONG, DAVE.
CG: LOOK UP FROM YOUR PALMHUSK.
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 6:12 --
You pretend to have not already noticed him standing in the doorway, pretending that you haven’t read that far down yet. It seems like he doesn’t take the bait, and very loudly clears his throat to get your attention, which you’re not able to ignore. You try to avoid making eye contact, but acknowledge his presence.
KARKAT: HOW FUCKING ENGROSSED WERE YOU IN YOUR PALMHUSK.
KARKAT: I’VE BEEN STANDING HERE FOR MULTIPLE MINUTES, DAVE. DO YOU REALIZE HOW EXCEEDINGLY AWKWARD IT IS, WATCHING YOU FUMBLE AROUND WITH YOUR “PHONE” WHILE I’M RIGHT FUCKING HERE FOR *MULTIPLE MINUTES*?
KARKAT: I’LL GIVE YOU A CLUE. IT’S VERY FUCKING AWKWARD.
You don’t say anything. Your eyes trail down from his chin to his feet, and eventually to yours. Karkat takes a shallow breath and walks up to you.
KARKAT: WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH YOU, DAVE? WHAT HAPPENED EARLIER?
He asks it with a controlled temper. It’s surprising, and you do find the courage to look up at him. Of course, he can’t help but say what he means in a slightly rude way, but the tone is something you haven’t heard before. His expression is still that of a very tired, exhausted, and annoyed troll, though. You look back down and look at your hands.
DAVE: how stupid do i look right now
DAVE: scale of one to a thousand
KARKAT: THAT DEPENDS.
KARKAT: WAS ALL OF THIS DESTRUCTION YOUR FAULT?
DAVE: yep sure was
KARKAT: OKAY. AND *WHY* DID YOU DECIDE THIS WAS THE BEST COURSE OF ACTION?
DAVE: thats not an answer dude
KARKAT: I’M FUCKING GETTING THERE, OKAY, “DUDE”?
KARKAT: SO TELL ME. WHY.
You have to fight to force out your next words. You wish more than anything that you’d had even a few more minutes to yourself. Maybe run back and pretend nothing happened. Expecting this was the worst thing about it. You can’t run from this now, even though your legs keep trying to move on their own.
DAVE:
DAVE: was angry
KARKAT: THEN YEAH, DAVE, ON A SCALE OF ONE TO A THOUSAND, ALL OF THIS IS PRETTY FUCKING HIGH UP THERE.
KARKAT: BUT YOU DON’T *LOOK* STUPID.
DAVE: huh
DAVE: what
KARKAT: YOU *ARE* STUPID FOR RUNNING AWAY AND BREAKING A BUNCH OF SHIT. YOU *ARE* STUPID FOR ASSUMING THAT I WOULDN’T FIND YOU, CONSIDERING HOW FUCKING NOISY YOU WERE A LITTLE BIT AGO. BUT YOU DON’T *LOOK* STUPID, STUPID.
KARKAT: YOU *LOOK* HURT AND UPSET.
Well, damn if that ain’t the truth. You casting your gaze away from him alerts him that he’s right on the money, and he takes a deep breath as he sits across from you, somehow crossing his legs in an annoyed way, which you honestly shouldn’t even fucking put past him at this point.
KARKAT: YOU’RE NOT IN ANY TROUBLE OR ANYTHING. UNLESS I FIND OUT YOU DID SOMETHING REALLY HEINOUS AND FUCKED UP, IN WHICH CASE YES, YOU ARE IN TROUBLE, STRIDER.
KARKAT: AND THAT’S NOT AN ASSUMPTION THAT WOULD BE CRAZY TO MAKE. YOU LITERALLY RAN AWAY.
KARKAT: BUT TEREZI DIDN’T SOUND UPSET WITH YOU. JUST WORRIED. SO I’M GIVING YOU THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT IN THAT REGARD.
KARKAT: AND YOU DON’T LOOK PARTICULARLY REMORSEFUL OR ANYTHING, SO, YEAH.
KARKAT: THE FUCK IS UP, DAVE? I’VE NEVER SEEN YOU LIKE THIS.
DAVE: uh well of course you havent
DAVE: i hide when im like this
KARKAT: WHAT?
DAVE: sorry no
DAVE: bad joke
DAVE:
DAVE: im
DAVE:
KARKAT: YOU’RE WHAT?
Oh no, you can practically feel it coming. You’re about to dump everything on your mind. Fuck, you know if you start you won’t stop. You can’t do that. Not now. Not with Karkat. He’ll just,
Make fun of you or something.
Or would he?? God fucking damnit, why can’t you tell. This is supposed to be predictable.
Is it? Should your friends be predictable?? God, this is not the fucking time to start having a crisis about that. Or anything. Be cool, you have to be cool, please. Please if ever there was a time to–
KARKAT: DAVE? ARE YOU FEELING ALRIGHT?
Karkat, you’re fucking… too concerned for your own good, you think to yourself, as he puts an arm on your shoulder, which you quickly push off. And you don’t even know why he would be.
DAVE: okay fucking fine if you want me to be perfectly fucking honest
DAVE: no im most definitely not feeling alright
DAVE: i kinda figured the you know
DAVE: completely wrecked computer lab were in right now gave it away but i guess not
DAVE: no karkat im really really angry
DAVE: and now im just
DAVE: embarrassed about it
DAVE:
DAVE: yeah im embarrassed about it
DAVE: you can keep looking at me like that
Karkat is frowning with pursed lips.
DAVE: is that satis fucking factory
DAVE: the fucking coolkid aint so fucking cool after all
DAVE: like it wasnt blindingly obvious this entire time
DAVE: why do you think i wear the sunglasses haha
DAVE: thats a joke dont look into that too much please
DAVE: but really dude
DAVE: its no secret
DAVE: i mean fuck i dont even remember the last time i spoke to like kanaya or rose as a matter of fact
DAVE: and i dont remember when we did either
DAVE: and then terezi is finally the one who steps forward and tries to make some sort of fucking contact with me
DAVE:
DAVE: and then i just do what im doing right now
DAVE: and take it too far
DAVE: and just have to
DAVE: you know go
DAVE: and she doesnt deserve that and shit neither do you
DAVE: haha how cool is that karkat
DAVE: isnt that something special
DAVE: i could totally just go back in time and change that
DAVE: or maybe i couldnt maybe its just one of those universal constants
DAVE: but fuck that time bullshit im so done with it
DAVE: again blah blah reluctant hero blah blah what fucking ever
KARKAT: DAVE.
DAVE: so now im just sitting here
DAVE: cant stop making the same mistakes
DAVE: shouldve never left my room today you know
KARKAT: DAVE!
DAVE: and the thought of going back is so fucking gross to me
DAVE: shit this place aint that bad
DAVE: could alchemize some pillows and blankets and shit spruce it up you know
DAVE: home away from home away from home
KARKAT: DAVE PLEASE FUCKING STOP.
DAVE: oh
DAVE: fuck im sorry
DAVE: shit
Karkat is resting his arms on his knees with his head in his hands. It’s pointed towards the ground, but his eyes pierce right through you. It kinda looks like he’s hiding his expression from you.
Whatever it is, it can’t be good. No way.
DAVE: i shouldve shut up im sorry
KARKAT: NO, DAVE, NOT LIKE THAT.
KARKAT: I’M SORRY FOR THAT OUTBURST, BUT.
KARKAT: FUCK HOW DO I EVEN EXPLAIN THIS?
DAVE: explain what
KARKAT: …
KARKAT: OKAY LET ME JUST GET THIS OUT OF THE WAY FIRST.
KARKAT: I’M NOT UPSET WITH YOU.
KARKAT: I MEAN I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED IF YOU DIDN’T RUN SO FUCKING FAR AWAY, BUT I’M FULLY PAST THAT AT THIS POINT.
KARKAT: THAT’S MY ATTEMPT TO MAKE YOU LAUGH. DID IT WORK?
DAVE: uh no but
DAVE: whyd you ask haha im literally right here
KARKAT: THAT WAS A LAUGH! YOU JUST LAUGHED! HAHAHA!
KARKAT: FUCKING GOT YOU!
DAVE: haha yes i concede your royal funniness
DAVE: you got me
DAVE: right through the fucking heart with your joke bow
DAVE: that shoots arrows with jokes written on the shaft like popsicle sticks
KARKAT: WHAT?
DAVE: oh gog do trolls not have little japes on the sticks of your popsicles
DAVE: that might just be the fucking saddest thing ive ever heard in my entire life now
DAVE: no wonder alternia sucked so bad holy shit
KARKAT: OKAY WEIRD HUMAN CULTURE ASIDE, BECAUSE IT IS *SO* FUCKING WEIRD.
KARKAT: AGAIN, I’M NOT UPSET WITH YOU DAVE.
KARKAT: BUT LIKE I TOLD YOU EARLIER, I OBVIOUSLY DON’T HAVE THE FULL PICTURE. AND TEREZI STARTED PLAYING DEAF AGAIN ONCE SHE TOLD ME WHERE YOU RAN AWAY. I DIDN’T MENTION THAT BUT IT WAS REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING AND SHE WILL BE HEARING FROM ME ABOUT IT ONCE SHE’S DONE WITH HER INFINI-JAM. UNLESS SHE’S STILL FUCKING DEAF! WHICH I DON’T EVEN GET IF WE’RE BEING HONEST RIGHT NOW.
KARKAT: SHE ASKED ME IF I KNEW WHERE YOU WERE, BUT WHEN *I* TRY TO ASK *HER* WHAT HAPPENED SHE FUCKING IGNORES ME? SOMETIMES I CAN’T STAND HER.
KARKAT: UH, NOT IN THAT WAY THOUGH. GODDAMMIT I’M GETTING OFF COURSE AGAIN. WHERE WAS I. RIGHT, FULL PICTURE.
KARKAT: IT DOESN’T EXACTLY TAKE A FUCKING GENIUS TO FIGURE OUT THAT YOU’RE REALLY UPSET WITH WHATEVER HAPPENED EARLIER.
KARKAT: SO, DAVE, IF YOU DON’T MIND, I’D LIKE TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY.
You gasp.
DAVE: wait
DAVE: isnt this like
DAVE: some troll flirting thing
DAVE: moirail or whatever
KARKAT: DAVE!
DAVE: it totally is isnt it
DAVE: youre asking me about my feelings and shit
KARKAT: DAVE STOP IT.
KARKAT: IT’S, IT’S NOT LIKE THAT.
DAVE: normally id agree but you just said thats what terezi and vriska are doing right fucking now
DAVE: like the same terminology and everything
KARKAT: DAVE STRIDER STOP IT.
KARKAT: NO I AM NOT TRYING TO DO “SOME TROLL FLIRTING THING”. I’M ACTUALLY TRYING TO HAVE A SERIOUS CONVERSATION WITH YOU, WHICH YOU’D KNOW IF YOU’D GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR FUCKING NOOK.
KARKAT: WE ARE *GOING* TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION DAVE. NO GETTING OUT OF THIS ONE.
KARKAT:
KARKAT: UNLESS YOU DON’T WANT TO RIGHT NOW, BUT WE *WILL* BE HAVING IT EVENTUALLY.
KARKAT: SO.
KARKAT: IF YOU WANT TO, YOU COULD ALWAYS TRY GOING FROM THE START?
DAVE:
DAVE: uh
You haven’t given your answer yet, but Karkat seems to be expecting you to say “yes sir!” and immediately get to work on justifying your computer genocide. He’s sitting very upright, almost like he’s about to start taking notes or something.
Shit, you don’t even know where you’d start. You thought Karkat would be so… angry, for some reason. But he’s just sitting there patiently, waiting to hear you out. Why isn’t he angry? You feel strongly that he should be. You’re kinda crumbling in front of him, and he’s supposed to be able to rely on you. You can’t get important shit done like this.
It just won’t get out of your mind. You have to ask.
DAVE: okay first i uh
DAVE: have a question
KARKAT: WHAT?
DAVE: god this sounds so stupid probably
DAVE: but
DAVE: why aren’t you like angry at me right now karkat
KARKAT: DAVE.
KARKAT: DID I, NOT EVEN A FEW MINUTES AGO, NOT TELL YOU THAT I WASN’T UPSET WITH YOU.
KARKAT: WERE YOU EVEN FUCKING PAYING ATTENTION.
KARKAT: WHY WOULD I EVEN BE ANGRY WITH YOU RIGHT NOW?
DAVE: i
DAVE: i dunno it just seemed like it would be the case
DAVE: you know since its you and all
DAVE: uh no offence sorry
KARKAT: ALL TAKEN.
KARKAT: IF ANYTHING, I’M MORE OFFENDED AT THE FACT THAT YOU THOUGHT I’D COME ALL THIS WAY OUT JUST TO YELL AT YOU. I CAN VERY EASILY DO THAT AT ANY MOMENT AND I WOULD FUCKING RELISH IN IT.
KARKAT: MY BULGE JUST ENGORGED THINKING ABOUT IT. I MIGHT HAVE TO TAKE MY PANTS OFF, THE PRESSURE IS SIMPLY TOO FUCKING MUCH TO TAKE DOWN THERE, FROM HOW UNBELIEVABLY INCREDIBLE SUCH A THING IS TO THINK ABOUT.
DAVE: okay are you absolutely positive that you arent hitting on me
KARKAT: I’M NOT FUCKING HITTING ON YOU, NOOKWIPE!!!
You give him a look as if to say, you totally fucking are hitting on me dude, complete with one eyebrow fully cocked.
KARKAT: OKAY, FUCK, LOOK DAVE.
KARKAT: NO, I’M NOT ANGRY AT YOU. AND IT’S BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T DONE SHIT TO MAKE ME.
KARKAT: IF YOU ASK STUPID FUCKING QUESTIONS LIKE THAT THOUGH, I MIGHT BECOME ANGRY. SO IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT, GO RIGHT A FUCKING HEAD.
KARKAT: IF NOT, THEN YOU KNOW THE DRILL.
DAVE: okay okay fuck
DAVE: i mean if youre gonna force my hand here
DAVE: totally yank my hand and start puppeteering me like some fucked up little pinocchio
DAVE: actually his whole thing was being his own guy wasnt it
DAVE: uh nvm that analogy didnt make sense
KARKAT: DAVE.
DAVE: yeah im stalling but like
DAVE: i think im okay with
DAVE: maybe talking about what happened but its more that i uh
DAVE: dont really know where to start
KARKAT: DID I, NOT EVEN A FEW–
DAVE: yeah yeah dude start from the beginning i know
DAVE: but i dont know what the beginning is
KARKAT: WOULD YOU LIKE SOME ASSISTANCE?
DAVE: what do you mean
DAVE: like pick a starting point for me
KARKAT: PRETTY MUCH.
KARKAT: WOULD THAT HELP RIGHT NOW?
You really don’t understand why he’s so insistent on talking with you. You’re still in a bit of disbelief about why he isn’t upset with you, but you’re a bit afraid he might beat the shit out of you if you ask again. He’s got that kind of look on his face that says, ask me again and I’ll kill you. So, just a slightly more pissed off face than normal.
There’s still the feeling from earlier, the feeling that you need to get out of this room ASAP. The thought of spilling your guts any further makes you want to physically spill your guts out. But that wouldn’t be fair to Karkat; he’s obviously being sincere here. It’d be really uncool of you to run away again. You don’t think a coolkid should be all about running away, and you hardly think Terezi thought as much when she gave you that little moniker.
At least trying would be pretty cool, right? Is this still ironic? Eh, fuck the irony of this.
DAVE: shit somethings better than nothing
DAVE: if the ball dont get rolling soon were gonna be here forever
DAVE: starve to death probably
DAVE: im already kinda hungry youre looking like a big juicy steak right now
KARKAT: DAVE.
DAVE: uh
DAVE: yeah id like that i think
KARKAT: ALRIGHT, HOW ABOUT WHEN YOU WOKE UP?
KARKAT: YOU COULD START FROM THERE.
DAVE:
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: yeah that works
DAVE: my minds kinda fuzzy right now but ill try
>>>
You are still DAVE STRIDER. But now, you’re the PAST version of yourself.
You’re back in your old apartment, in the middle of the living room. The walls and floors seem to morph in spiral patterns, and you’re immediately put on edge. Whirring from cameras all around you. You swear you hear a puppet squeak just behind you. Did your Bro’s puppets even make noise? Fucking whatever, not the point. Your heels don’t even touch the ground as you spin around and around, convinced that something, or someone, is going to be right there. Banging at the front door. Banging from your door. Banging from the fridge. God, it’s all around you. Is the whirring getting louder? Where are the cameras?
You instinctively try to equip a sword that you do not have. Fuck, you’re not prepared for this at all. This place is fine when you’re prepared.
You think you might puke, but what if something gets you while you’re down? Would whatever that is STOP WITH THE BANGING????
You only realize you shouted that when it all falls silent. Your clothes shuffling are the only sources of sound now. The lights get clicked off, and the lightswitch isn’t there anymore. You’re up against a wall.
One of the doors creak open. You hear two resounding footsteps, sprinting towards you. You gasp as you feel a hand take hold of you by the neck, but as soon as it happens…
You’re awake. You don’t shoot up; you don’t even move. You lay in your bed and the only thing you do is clench a sheet with your hand.
It’s that same fucking dream again. And you felt even less prepared than last time. Was it always that bad? You don’t remember it being that bad. You ask this every single time you have this dream. Your heart is beating out of your chest and you’re really not cool with that. But, no, you’re not gonna dwell on it right now. What if someone saw you like this? You have to be prepared. You find the strength, again, to push through the feeling.
You don’t bother to check your phone this morning. You probably have some missed messages, probably from Rose, or Kanaya on behalf of Rose. Terezi too, you know she’s been messaging you a lot, to the point that you muted her messages. You want to punch yourself for doing that. She doesn’t deserve that for just talking to you.
You’re just not prepared for her. Not yet. You have to be prepared–
*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!!*
…
Maybe,
Maybe if you just sit right here, and don’t move,
Whoever that is will think you left.
Who even would be knocking at your door?? This doesn’t make sense.
TEREZI: D4V3?
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU 1N TH3R3 COOLK1D?
No. No no no no this cannot be happening right now. Is the door locked? Oh, please Past Dave, PLEASE have locked the door… please please.
TEREZI: OK4Y 1M M4K1NG TH3 3X3CUT1V3 D3C1S1ON TO COM3 1N!
TEREZI: TH3 DOOR 1S UNLOCK3D SO 1F YOU'R3 N4K3D OR 4NYTH1NG YOU B3TT3R M4K3 YOURS3LF KNOWN NOW!
Fucking Christ. Can’t Vriska like mind-control her away? God, if you’re listening, please make her do that.
You aren’t naked or anything, so you don’t say anything. Not like she could really tell, anyways. You’re just sitting on your bed, counting the milliseconds before she sees you, sees that you’re not okay, and then proceeds to ask if you are anyway. Or, uh, smells that you’re not okay. Besides the olfactory element, you cannot wait to have this extremely predictable and short exchange before continuing to wallow in your self-pity, fuelled then by the fact that you are, once again, pushing her away from you. Probably in the process, making her think this is her fault. Or not. You can’t ask her something like that.
Let’s just get this over with, you whisper to yourself, therefore alerting her to your presence.
DAVE: terezi
DAVE: you uh
DAVE:
DAVE: sure are in my room
TEREZI: Y3S 1 4M! >:]
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 4S W3LL
DAVE: wow what an astute observation
DAVE: seriously you deserve like an award for that
DAVE: real problem sleuth over here
DAVE: heh
Terezi doesn’t really respond to your joke. Through bright red shades, she’s just looking towards your direction with a confused look on her face.
TEREZI: D4V3
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU OK4Y?
Welp, here we go.
DAVE: what do you mean
DAVE: i’m the fucking paragon of okay
DAVE: my middle name is literally okay
DAVE: duh
TEREZI: MOST P3OPL3 WHO 4R3 OK4Y DO NOT SUDD3NLY STOP T4LK1NG TO TH31R FR13NDS 4ND S1T 1N TH31R ROOM 4LL D4Y LONG
DAVE: well most people are fucking dead right now so
DAVE: i guess im not seeing your point
TEREZI: >:[
TEREZI: YOU KNOW TH4TS NOT TH3 PO1NT 1M TRY1NG TO M4K3
DAVE: then what is your point terezi
TEREZI: 1TS B33N D4YS S1NC3 YOUV3 SPOK3N TO 4NY OF US 1N P3RSON D4V3!
TEREZI: 4ND 1TS B33N 4 B1T S1NCE YOU’V3 3V3N CH3CK3D YOUR PHON3 TOO
DAVE: okay and
TEREZI: 1 JUST W4NT TO T4LK TO YOU 4G41N! 1'V3 B33N TRY1NG TO BUT YOU STOPP3D M3SS4G1NG M3
TEREZI: 1 S3NT YOU 4 R34LLY COOL DR4W1NG OF YOU 4ND YOU H4V3N'T S33N 1T Y3T
TEREZI: 4ND YOU K33P W4LK1NG P4ST 3V3RYON3 TO G3T FOOD L1KE W3’R3 NOT 3V3N TH3RE
TEREZI: 4ND YOU DON’T 3V3N DO TH4T 4S MUCH 31TH3R!
TEREZI: 3V3N SOM3ON3 4S BL1ND 4S M3 C4N S33 TH4T SOM3TH1NG'S GO1NG ON
TEREZI: 1F SOM3TH1NG’S BOTH3R1NG YOU W3 COULD T4LK 4BOUT 1T!
TEREZI: M4YB3?
DAVE:
TEREZI: 1 DO C4R3 4BOUT YOU D4V3! 3V3RYON3 DO3S!
TEREZI: 1 DON’T KNOW WH4T’S GO1NG ON BUT–
DAVE: no
DAVE: no you really dont actually
DAVE: and you wanna know why
DAVE: its because if you did you wouldnt have fucking barged in here just now
DAVE: you dont get it at all
TEREZI: 3XCUS3 M3?
DAVE: thats all everyone says
DAVE: you know i see the notifications whenever i do actually work up any fucking modicum of courage to open my stupid phone
DAVE: dave if you wanna talk
DAVE: if something happened
DAVE: holy shit is it predictable with everyone
DAVE: its not like anyone actually fucking means it anyway so
TEREZI: YOU DON’T M34N TH4T!
DAVE: oh so now you get it
DAVE: just miraculously you understand exactly what i do and dont mean terezi
TEREZI: YOU H4V3N’T S41D 4NYTH1NG 4BOUT TH1S! 1'M NOT S4Y1NG 1 UND3RST4ND
TEREZI: 1 4M PL4C1NG MY GOOD W1LL 1N YOU B3C4US3 1’D L1K3 TO TH1NK 1 KNOW WHO YOU 4R3
TEREZI: W3'R3 NOT TRY1NG TO PROS3CUT3 YOU D4VE! 1'M ON YOUR S1D3
TEREZI: SO 1 DON’T TH1NK YOU M34NT TH4T JUST TH3N
DAVE: then are you sure you know me
DAVE: did you stop to think that maybe
DAVE: just maybe your good will is potentially misplaced in me
TEREZI: >:O
TEREZI: 1T 1S NOT!
DAVE: im sure it isnt
DAVE: jegus fuck with all the nagging lately
DAVE: you sound like someones mom
TEREZI: 1 ST1LL DON’T KNOW WH4T YOU M34N BY MOM D4V3
TEREZI: 4ND TH4T’S V3RY HURTFUL 4ND 1 KNOW YOU DON’T M34N TH4T
DAVE: you wanna know who you know on this fucking meteor
DAVE: vriska
DAVE: why dont you stop wasting your time talking to me and go actually spend it doing something helpful like talking to her
TEREZI: 1’M NOT W4ST1NG MY T1M3 BY T4LK1NG TO YOU D4V3
TEREZI: 1 C4M3 TO YOU OF MY OWN VOL1T1ON B3C4US3 1 W4NT TO >:[
TEREZI: 1 DON’T W4NT YOU TO TH1NK TH4T 1 V4LU3 YOU L3SS JUST B3C4US3 VR1SK4 4ND 1 SP3ND 4 LOT OF T1ME TOG3TH3R NOW
TEREZI: 4ND DON’T YOU TH1NK TH4T 1F 1 D1D V4LU3 YOU L3SS TH4T 1 WOULDN’T H4V3 BOTH3R3D?
DAVE:
TEREZI: DO 1 NOT T4K3 TH3 T1M3 TO T3XT YOU?
TEREZI: OR 4SK 1F 4NYON3 H4S H34RD FROM YOU?
TEREZI: 4ND M4K3 THOS3 S1CK-4SS DR4W1NGS OF YOU? >:]
DAVE: well you shouldnt
DAVE: dont do that
DAVE: please
DAVE: its a waste of your time whether you want to acknowledge it or not
DAVE: its not important
DAVE: i am not important right now
TEREZI: D4V3?
DAVE: fuck terezi just
DAVE: this shouldnt
DAVE: fuck
TEREZI: H3Y D4V3 1T’S OK4Y!
DAVE: no it fucking isnt
You feel your heart pounding even harder than before as you stand up and begin to pace around the room. Terezi follows the sound of your voice with a fearful look on her face and her arms close to her sides, fidgeting with her fingers in front of her.
DAVE: but again you dont fucking get that
DAVE: no one does
DAVE: no one will
DAVE: because im just too fucking stubborn to ever do anything about it
DAVE: just give it a few weeks and ill be back to normal promise
DAVE: just forget about all of this bullshit please
TEREZI: NO!
DAVE: im asking one thing of you
DAVE: just one its just a drop in the bucket really
DAVE: sorry buckets are taboo or whatever the fuck
DAVE: its my only fucking request i never ask for anything around here
DAVE: why is that so hard to do
DAVE: just why
TEREZI: B3C4US3 TH4T’S NOT F41R!
DAVE: what to me or to you
DAVE: you have plenty of people to talk to
DAVE: talk to karkat or vriska or whoever the fuck
DAVE: shit you and rose would probably get along better than with me
DAVE: the fucking mayor is the shit you should spend time with the mayor terezi
DAVE: i shouldnt even be in the pool of options
DAVE: not for you not for anyone
DAVE: i should just fucking
DAVE:
DAVE: disappear
Terezi stops you when she puts her hands on your arms, which you quickly brush away, unable to look at her.
TEREZI: D4V3 NO
TEREZI: TH4TS NOT TRU3 4T 4LL COOLK1D >:[
TEREZI: 1 DON'T W4NT TH4T
TEREZI: YOU DON'T W4NT TH4T
DAVE: terezi
DAVE:
DAVE: if i were really so cool then id be the same as when we met
DAVE: im not who you think i am i dont deserve to be called that
DAVE: i have to go
TEREZI: WH4T? NO!
TEREZI: D4V3!
Terezi’s protests fall on your deafening ears as you push past her and rush out of the room. You don’t look back, you don’t slow down. You just have to go anywhere. Anywhere but here.
You fucking did it again. How could you?
>>>
You’re now back to being PRESENT DAVE STRIDER. You’re just finishing up your story to Karkat, who is listening extremely intently.
DAVE: i guess thats uh
DAVE: thats pretty much all that happened since this morning
DAVE: and now here we are
Karkat is looking at you with wide eyes. He’s hardly blinked at all since you really got into your story. You suppose you remembered more than you thought you did.
KARKAT: …
KARKAT: FUCK, DAVE.
DAVE: yeah i know
DAVE: im sorry karkat
KARKAT: NO, WE’RE NOT DOING THAT RIGHT NOW.
KARKAT: THIS IS JUST A LOT TO TAKE IN. YOU KNOW?
KARKAT: AND YOU BETTER NOT EVEN FUCKING THINK ABOUT BEING SORRY FOR THAT EITHER.
KARKAT: IF YOU’RE APOLOGIZING TO ANYONE, IT’D BETTER BE TO TEREZI. BUT, AFTER THIS. WHEN YOU’RE UP TO IT.
DAVE: yeah i
DAVE: i really need to do that huh
DAVE: she just
DAVE: and i just
DAVE: fuck man
DAVE:
DAVE: why do i suck so much right now
Karkat physically recoils from what you say, and has to cough out a response from pure shock.
KARKAT: DAVE I WILL KICK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU.
KARKAT: YOU DON’T SUCK.
KARKAT: AND BEFORE YOU CHIME IN WITH SOME SNARKY BULLSHIT, LET ME ACTUALLY FUCKING SPEAK, OKAY?
You nod.
KARKAT: OKAY, GOOD.
KARKAT: YOU’VE BEEN VERY ELUSIVE FOR THE PAST TEN DAYS OR SO. I DON’T THINK I’M MAKING ANY INSANE LEAPS OF JUDGMENT BY SAYING THAT THERE’S SOME UNDERLYING REASON FOR THAT, THAT MAY POTENTIALLY BE LINKED TO YOUR PAST.
KARKAT: NOT THAT I’M ASKING YOU TO CONFIRM THAT. BUT A TROLL CAN MAKE AN EDUCATED GUESS BY HOW VISCERALLY YOU DESCRIBED YOUR DREAMS.
KARKAT: MAYBE I DON’T UNDERSTAND. MAYBE, EVEN IF YOU EXPLAINED, I STILL WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND FULLY. HUMAN EXPERIENCES SEEM SO STRANGE TO ME STILL, YOU WOULD NOT FUCKING BELIEVE IT.
KARKAT: I DON’T THINK PERFECT UNDERSTANDING IS REQUIRED TO BE HERE FOR YOU, THOUGH. OBVIOUSLY WHAT HAPPENED EARLIER WAS A VERY FUCKING UNFORTUNATE COINCIDENCE.
KARKAT: AND YES, IT FUCKING SUCKED FOR YOU. NOT THAT IT EXCUSES HOW YOU TALKED TO TEREZI, BUT WE’RE GOING TO ADDRESS THAT LATER, OKAY? NOT BLAMING YOU FOR FREAKING THE FUCK OUT IN A MOMENT OF PERIL.
KARKAT: DREAMBUBBLES AND SHIT MAKE IT REALLY WEIRD TO THINK ABOUT NORMAL DREAMS. THEY DO FEEL A BIT MORE REAL THAN I WOULD LIKE, AND I GUESS THE SAME HAS BEEN TRUE FOR YOU.
KARKAT: IT’S OKAY TO BE SCARED, DAVE. I MEAN, FUCK, WE’VE ALL GOT A LOT HANGING OVER OUR HEADS RIGHT NOW, RIGHT? NO ONE IS IN A MORE ASTRONOMICALLY FUCKED POSITION THAN US RIGHT NOW, AND THAT’S *JUST* THE GAME, NOT EVEN COUNTING YOUR LIFE OUTSIDE OF IT.
KARKAT: WHICH DID GET BLASTED TO ACTUAL FUCKING SMITHEREENS. SO IF IT’S ANY CONSOLATION?
DAVE: it would be if it didnt still show up in those dreambubbles
DAVE: the apartment is always empty but its scarier that way i think
KARKAT: HOW SO?
DAVE: because thats always the worst part of the normal dreams
DAVE: when all the noise disappears and the lights go out
DAVE: its
DAVE:
KARKAT: OVERWHELMING?
DAVE: yeah i guess thats a good way to put it
DAVE: you do get used to it
DAVE: all the constant traps and shit
DAVE: so when it suddenly just stops youre just waiting for something to happen
DAVE: and sometimes it does sometimes it doesnt
DAVE: you cant fucking rest because what if thats the moment you get a bunch of puppet phallus in your face
KARKAT: PUPPET PHALLUS?
DAVE: oh gog i am not even fucking getting into that right now
DAVE: yes puppet phallus
DAVE: pinocchios back from earlier and guess what
DAVE: hes got a dick nose and its twelve fucking inches long
DAVE: watch out for splinters yo because hes going in unpolished
DAVE: gonna get straight demolished
DAVE: asshole gonna be astonished
DAVE: haha
KARKAT: …
KARKAT: IS THIS SOMETHING YOU’D LIKE TO TALK ABOUT AT SOME POINT?
DAVE: karkat dude youre not my therapist
DAVE: thatd be so sad if all we talked about was this sob story bullshit all the time
KARKAT: OKAY, FAIR POINT.
DAVE: but um
DAVE: if im ever feeling like itd be a good time
DAVE: maybe but thats a hard maybe
DAVE: okay
KARKAT: OKAY, DAVE.
There’s a moment of silence where neither of you say a word. Karkat and you are sitting side by side against the wall, staring forward. You have a lot of things you’d like to say right about now. It’s… nice, to have things to say to someone. Things that you mean. Things that you can’t wait to say.
Can’t wait to say this, though. Nope. At this point, it’s long overdue.
DAVE: thanks karkat
DAVE: for uh
DAVE: coming to find me and stuff
KARKAT: YEAH YEAH, SURE. JUST DON’T MAKE ME DO THAT AGAIN.
KARKAT: THE FINDING YOU PART, I MEAN. IF YOU WANT TO TALK, I’M ALL AURICULAR SPONGE CLOTS, BUT SERIOUSLY FUCK YOU IF YOU MAKE ME GO ON A FUCKING EXPEDITION LIKE TROLL LEWIS AND TROLL CLARK AGAIN.
DAVE:
DAVE: are you actually fucking kidding
KARKAT: WHAT?
DAVE: troll lewis and
DAVE: no you know what
DAVE: conversation for another time i think
KARKAT: OKAY??
KARKAT: SO DOES THAT MEAN YOU’RE FINALLY REJOINING EVERYONE AGAIN? INSTEAD OF WALKING AROUND LIKE WE DON’T FUCKING EXIST? YOU CAN’T PRETEND WE’RE GHOSTS, DIPSHIT, BECAUSE WE CAN FUCKING SEE GHOSTS.
DAVE: im still really sorry about that i wanted to talk but
DAVE: it just
DAVE: seemed so hard at the time to actually commit
DAVE: fuck i have so many apologies to give people holy shit
KARKAT: WELL, I THINK WE CAN CONSIDER THIS WHOLE THING MY APOLOGY. SO CROSS THAT ONE OFF OF YOUR LIST.
KARKAT: IF YOU’D LIKE, I COULD AT LEAST START WITH TELLING TEREZI YOU’RE OKAY?
DAVE: id say yes but
DAVE:
DAVE: thats something i really should do myself
DAVE: i think ill start with talking to her
DAVE: thank you for offering though man i appreciate you
KARKAT: YEAH, OF COURSE, DAVE.
KARKAT: SO, DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOOD TO START HEADING BACK?
DAVE: well
You are, at least you feel pretty ready now, but you do have just one thing nagging at the back of your mind. You know Karkat is the caring type, despite his overall fuck you demeanour. But still, ever since you saw that he was looking for you, you’ve wondered something.
DAVE: can i ask a question first
DAVE: why did you come looking for me actually
DAVE: it uh
DAVE: doesnt seem like something youd do
DAVE: at least not so quickly after the fact and definitely not going so far to do so
Karkat’s eyes widen and practically bulge out of his face. He’s probably happy he wasn’t looking right at you when you said that, because from what you can see, he has a decently dumb look on his face. Even if he had hid it from you this entire time, you’d have learned his blood colour from the faint red on his cheeks just now.
KARKAT: WELL.
KARKAT: WE ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH FUCKING DUMBASSES ON THIS SHIP AS IS, AND SOMEONE HAS TO KEEP TRACK OF THEM.
KARKAT: IT MIGHT AS WELL BE ME, WHO HAS LITERALLY NOTHING BETTER TO DO.
DAVE: so youre calling me a dumbass is that it
DAVE: wow and i thought we were having a really nice moment there too
Karkat quickly shakes his head and blinks hard a few times.
KARKAT: I– NO. YES. EVERYONE HERE IS A DUMBASS IN THEIR OWN RIGHT.
KARKAT: YOU’RE NOT DOING THIS RIGHT NOW, STRIDER.
DAVE: ohhh im so intimidated by your sudden use of my last name to seem more threatening than you really are
KARKAT: FUCK OFF!
KARKAT: WAS THAT ALL YOU WANTED TO ASK, OR ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP ME HERE UNTIL I KEEL THE FUCK OVER FROM OLD AGE?
DAVE: haha yeah dude thats it
DAVE: but actually wait
KARKAT: OH MY FUCKING GOD YOU ACTUALLY ARE.
KARKAT: AND I CAN’T EVEN CALL FOR HELP SINCE WE’RE IN THE METEOR EQUIVALENT OF NOOK FUCK NOWHERE.
KARKAT: MY LIFE IS OVER.
KARKAT: THIS HAS TO BE SOME SORT OF CRIME RIGHT, THIS CAN’T BE LEGAL. I’VE DONE NOTHING TO DESERVE SUCH A CRUEL FATE.
DAVE: okay dude cmon itll take a few seconds
DAVE: i just need your help with something
KARKAT: WHAT??
You gesture around at all the smashed up monitors around the lab.
DAVE: i cant leave without sending these little guys off
DAVE: space burial karkat
KARKAT: WHICH CONSISTS OF WHAT, EXACTLY?
DAVE: dude
DAVE: obviously were gonna chuck them out the nearest window and watch them float into space
DAVE: what kinda stupid ass question is that
KARKAT:
KARKAT: OKAY FINE LET’S GET THIS OVER WITH.
DAVE: sweet
You and Karkat get to work, taking all the monitors to the closest window and launching them as far as you can. It’s not easy, since you really did a number on these poor guys. You tell them all that you’re gonna live on in their memory, and that no one will ever forget them for as long as you do. Karkat shoots you increasingly concerned looks the longer you do this, which is around four (7) minutes.
Finally, you have the last monitor. Its monitor friends and family are floating out in the distance, spinning and twirling through the stars. You… struggle to let go of this one. You hold it up to the window, before bringing it back down.
You hug the little monitor tight. You also hear Karkat snicker a bit…
DAVE: dude
DAVE: uncool
KARKAT: SORRY, SORRY.
KARKAT: THAT’S JUST VERY…
DAVE: very what
DAVE: what could be so very about a dude hugging a monitor that he destroyed himself
DAVE: cmon enlighten me karkat
KARKAT: UH, VERY…
KARKAT: DUMB. IT’S SILLY.
DAVE: you just dont get the bond between a guy and his estranged monitorian family
DAVE: so um maybe
DAVE: you could learn a bit about it by helping me let this little guy go
KARKAT: OH.
KARKAT: SURE. I’LL TAKE YOU UP ON THAT, DAVE.
DAVE: sweet
Karkat helps you lift the monitor away from your chest, gives you a little nod as you put the monitor through the window, and you both push the little guy out. It’s remarkably still as it floats away, almost like it’s watching you watch it. A little tug at your chest as its goodbye message.
DAVE: they grow up so fast dont they
DAVE: our little ones just left the nest karkat
KARKAT: WHAT??
KARKAT: ARE YOU INSINUATING THAT WE’RE THOSE MONITORS’ LUSII??
KARKAT: OR WHATEVER “PARENTS” ARE TO YOU??
DAVE: dude read the room
DAVE: of course thats what im doing
DAVE: duh
Again, Karkat hides his expression from you. He conveniently has to scratch his face, and turns to leave.
KARKAT: WE’VE BEEN GONE LONG ENOUGH, SO IF THAT’S ALL THE BULLSHIT YOU HAVE IN MIND, SHALL WE GO?
KARKAT: OR AM I GOING TO HAVE TO DRAG YOU BY YOUR FUCKING LEGS THE WHOLE WAY BACK? BECAUSE I WILL, STRIDER.
KARKAT: I WILL.
You wave the wayward monitor goodbye one last time, and give it a thumbs up. You’d like to think it does the same in its own, monitor-y way.
DAVE: yeah lets blow this popsicle stand
DAVE: i still uh
DAVE: need to talk to terezi and the others
KARKAT: YOU DO. IF YOU NEED ANY–
DAVE: yeah if i need you to jerk me off while i do it yada yada
DAVE: ill be sure to talk to you if i need help karkat
KARKAT: OKAY, GOOD.
KARKAT: ACTUALLY, SPEAKING OF POPSICLES…
KARKAT: DO HUMAN POPSICLES REALLY HAVE JOKES WRITTEN ON THE STICKS?
KARKAT: REALLY?
DAVE: woah why are you bringing that back up
DAVE: is the idea truly so shocking to you
KARKAT: I’M TRYING TO BE CULTURALLY SENSITIVE, NOOKWIPE.
KARKAT: YOU HUMANS SEEM TO BE VERY INTO JOKES. CONSIDER ME CURIOUS, IS ALL.
DAVE: well we got a long walk back so
DAVE: do you wanna learn about some human stuff
KARKAT:
KARKAT: YES, ACTUALLY. I DO.
Yeah, you think to yourself. Maybe this isn’t so bad after all. You could actually be okay. Fuck, you’re still shaken up from earlier, and you won’t lie and say the thought of talking to Terezi isn’t kind of mortifying. But you got through this, right? Dealing with Karkat for any length of time should be something you get medals for. And, silly as it sounds, it’s nice to have him with you right now. Yeah, you got this. Shit, this is gonna be a walk in the park. You’ve got a newfound spark, you can’t miss the mark.
Damn, if you aren’t gonna be the coolestkid in the whole motherfucking universe. Mic fucking drop.