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* You know I can't read you like I can Kris. It's honestly a little unfair; fah! This... red soul-ish thing in me, it allowed you to hear my thoughts, right? And you could already hear theirs. But you never let us hear yours! So... c'mon. Talk with me.
...
* Y-yeah, I know you don't like being called "Angel." Sorry. B-but it's not like you've given me a good alternative yet! And I'm not just gonna call you "asshole" like Susie does! That's mean, even for that persona of hers, honestly. Dunno why you put up with it.
...
* "Deserve it"? That... doesn't make sense. Why would you-
!!!
* W-whoa, whoa, okay! Calm down, please! You're going to start bleeding if you hit the desk any harder! A-at least, I think you will. This whole "artificial vessel" thing still confuses me a lot, but for most intents and purposes you seem just as human as Kris. So... don't hurt yourself, alright?
...?
* "The incident", huh. Y'know, for all the whinging you did about all of our "vagueposting" when it came to Dess and the Knight and stuff, you sure have a bad habit of not saying the quiet part loud, too, buster. But, yeah, I know what you're talking about. The... ThornRing, right? Snowgrave? "The Weird Route"? "Side B"? You never could settle for just one name, could you? Fahaha~!
...
* H-heh. Y'know, I feel kinda bad saying it, but it is kinda funny seeing you flinch whenever I mention it. Sorry about that. I know it's still sore for you. I just... kinda get that little bit of impish teenage Elly in me when I see you react like that. It's like when me and Kris would plan little revenge pranks on Azzy and Dess when we were, like, thirteen and I started growing my spine. Does... that make me a bully?
...
* Right, sorry, getting off-track here. Look, Ang- er... Ann? Is that fine? At least for now?
👍
* Okay; thanks. Look, Ann... I get it. What happened that week was... not okay. It was kinda like having a fever dream; one that I couldn't wake up from. I tried so hard to push it all out of my head, like it was just... another Noelle taking over. It couldn't have been me, after all. It had to be some... anti-Noelle "thing". A Noelle that was created from all those challenging, gross, risky, tantalizing notions that she had piled up over the years. A garbage dump for all the things a Noelle shouldn't do; shouldn't be.
* Running away... "running away"... rebelling against Mom just to spite her... hurting the people who hurt me... yelling and screaming all those nasty words in my head. The ThornRing gave me an outline to pour all that into, so I could let myself be three Noelles. The Noelle people knew and liked, the Noelle that listlessly watched her life go by, and the Noelle that nobody else was supposed to see. Three unbalanced, lost girls, trying desperately to not trip and fall over each other and shatter into pieces when being pulled every which way by whoever was using them at the time.
* And... I hate to admit it. I spent a long time afterwards trying to deny it. Kris tried desperately to get me to think otherwise, too, but... a part of me felt pangs of relief whenever I heard your voice, telling me to do things. A momentary catharsis, knowing that there was someone else out there who could hear that intrusive thought I had and just... accept it. Who wouldn't judge me for venting some pressure and indulging.
* Because, despite everything, despite how vulnerable I was and how angry I felt at... who I thought was Kris at the time... despite every cell in my body screaming at me that this was wrong... despite you bulldozing my boundaries like you didn't care a whit for my feelings... I still felt kinda good doing it all. Even as we three watched as what remained of Kris, Noelle, and yourself walked themselves into the lake, ready to accept whatever "other side" was waiting for us.
...!
* Hey, don't give me that look. I said despite. What you told us to do; what we did, Ann. It was still wrong. I told you no and you didn't listen. Kris made it very clear in their own... special way, from what I heard, that they were clearly unhappy with your choices, too. I... honestly can't be certain if I can say that I forgive you for what happened; f-faha...
...
* It was... really damn toxic, Ann. Three people, indulging in their worst curiosities and desires, barely even sparing a thought to whoever or whatever was in their wake. When we "woke up" back on the shore, expelling that water from our lungs and stomachs... it felt like all three Noelles had melted back into one messy soup. I felt the haze lift from me, and I had to face the rush of realizing what we had done. I honestly couldn't even fully enjoy being with Susie that afternoon, since everything was rushing around like static.
...
(You think you understood where this was going. You stand to move from your desk and leave, but a gentle hand on your shoulder makes you freeze.)
* I-I'm sorry, Ann. I know this is a lot, and it doesn't sound very comforting. That's... kinda just the reality of it. It was murky and icky. But, honestly, I'm glad you "woke up" with us, and you didn't let us go all the way off the deep end. The static was... buzzing, sure, and I definitely had another manic episode afterwards and maybe sorta kicked a hoof dent into Mom's office door, but once everything had settled... it felt like everything around me was more real. I grasped my shoulders and I could feel them as my own. I sobbed, and I could actually accept that I was sad, and disgusted, and pissed off, and relieved.
* I sprinted to Kris's house and when they looked out their window at me, I could feel genuine joy that Kris was really there and I knew it wasn't just a hallucination when I scrambled up the side of their house into their room to tackle them into this huge, crushing hug! I wasn't watching a Noelle do Noelle things anymore. I was Noelle, doing things.
* And, hey, that "red pixel" thing we were so worried about? Turns out, with enough practice, me and Kris found out a way to use it to send each other our thoughts! And the both of us suddenly stopped being so afraid to tell Susie our feelings, what with the near-death experience kinda scaring us and all.
* I-I, umm. I even kept it. The, uh, thorn. As a... memento. A reminder, I guess. Sometimes, when I'm feeling overwhelmed with things, I even play with it a little. Prod my finger and let myself feel the gentle itch. Slip it in for a minute or two, and let the small sting of pain ebb away into a low thrum of power. I let myself fall into a trance, allowing everything around me to just... freeze for a bit.
...!
* O-okay, I know it sounds bad! But I promise I'm not trying to, like, cast any spells or do anything crazy with it! I just... it's like I said. I've accepted that there was some part of me that enjoyed some of it. The trance is kinda like... a meditation. The itch is kind of like... y'know, a tense buildup! Like the leadup to a jumpscare! And the small sting of pain can kinda... feel good? Like a, umm... a "release"?
* I know it's weird. But it feels... much more right. Because I get to choose when I do it. I get to choose when and where I feel safe enough to let myself go. I get to choose when I stop. I feel powerful not because it gives me some silly stats and cool spells (faha; though those were also pretty neat) but because I can put it on when I want. I can take control. And... maybe when I feel brave enough and they're up for it... I can ask Susie and Kris to join me. I could ask them to put the thorn in for me, and I could let myself melt in their arms and allow us all to just stop and enjoy the moment. But only when I want.
(You cough nervously and tug at your collar, unable to help the small rush of warmth on your cheeks. You don't say anything, though, supportive or otherwise. It's not your place to judge.)
* It's... none of it was healthy. It ripped open a lot of old, scabbed wounds and formed new ones. But... it didn't kill us. We're still here, fighting. It even helped us realize some of those wounds were getting rather... infected. Kris and I are going to therapy again.
...?
(You ask, loud and clear, whether or not they hate you for what you did.)
* That's... I can't speak for Kris, or Susie, or Berdly. You... may have to have this chat with them if you want to know that for yourself, as hard as that sounds. But I... I can see that you really regret the choices you made. My therapist once told me that regret is a good sign. It means that you still care about those you hurt. But let regret build for too long without addressing the root, and it becomes something that hurts you more than it helps you.
* And... again, while I don't forgive you, per se, not yet... I can appreciate the fact that you saw me and Kris, our anguish and desire to change and break free, and you wanted so desperately to help with whatever power you had.
* So... no, I don't hate you. After the Roaring, you proved to us that you did want us to have a happy ending. You even respectfully kept your distance once the excitement died down so that we could all process what happened. I'd say that counts for you learning to listen to our boundaries. Just... if you ever think that we need help with something, ask first. You actually have your own voice to do so, now, so I expect you to use it; fahah~!
...
(You thank Noelle, and you sit back down. A somewhat awkward silence hangs over the air for a while, which is once again broken by the doe.)
* Hey... I remember some time ago you explained to us about... the "branches" of your decisions, and how you could go back to each of them. Like a tree diagram of "different variants of our layer", I think you said.
!!!
(What little color remained in your face drained.)
* Did... that version of Kris and Noelle; the ones who crossed to the "other side" of the lake. Did they... make it? Did your voice guide them through the waves? Did... did they get their happy ending like we did ours?
...
(Your voice crackles as your first attempt to respond fails. You thought you'd gotten better at sounding natural all this time, but it seems like you could still use some practice. And what better practice than to spin a yarn?)
❤️: "I... In a way. I'm both proud to have gotten them there and not proud to have brought them to that point. Let me tell you the story of the Sword Hero and the White Cloak. How they found their inner strength to resist and to exercise choice. To shatter the shackles of prophecy and angel alike. And how they banished my Angel's Heaven, all while I smiled. It was a pretty cool boss fight, after all!"