Work Text:
Alfred woke up on the morning of September 10, 2026 with tears in his eyes. It exactly only 1 year ago when his beloved Charlie Kirk was horrifically shot by the evil Democrats… or maybe… Israel? After all, we all know that the Egyptians are French and the French are Jewish. Anyway, he got up and walked into the Oval Office.
“Donnypoo!” Alfred whined, bellyflopping on a golden couch in trumps office “today is the kirkaversary!! I’m soooo sad!” He whined
Donald Trump was sitting in his office chair, reading one of the concerningly intimate and obsessive letters Natalie Harp sent him. This is the 8th one this week, and it’s only Thursday…
“Ugh I know. The radical left has only gotten crazier, can you believe it? That Hasan piker, and his cunning Turkish ways…Like cmon!” Donny boy said groaning
Alfred breath hitched as the mention of the Sexy Buff Turk™️… he was secretly a hasanabi head and had a stash of socialist theory in his room that Ivan had sent to him during the Cold War (mostly to just piss him off) that he hadn’t bothered reading up until recently, when he started noticing the failures of capitalism within his people and was hearing a call for a new economic system I.e. socialism. Alfred, though he would never admit it, was a democratic socialist, and was a strong leftist. He just couldn’t make public statements about anything people actually cared about because he would either risk getting harmed by this fascist administration or go against everything he believes in and actually lie
Uh oh author is getting a bit too serious back to my kirkification
“Omg, don’t even mention him! That Hasan is so annoyingggggg” Alfred lied thru his teeth.
Alfred looked up at Trump and saw his face go rlly red which meant he was abt to fucking blow up his adult diaper so he ran out of the room. He saw Natalie Harp run in with that creepy smile of hers, probably to change the presidents diaper. Gross yucky ew
He was lwk kinda happy that Kirk was dead like ik I said he was so sad but he dgaf fr bruh Kirk was a Nazi and Alfred hates Nazis okay guys???? Candace Owen’s is a Nazi nick Fuentes is a Nazi they are all NAZIS. He hates them
Ok what is ts author cope anyway
So like Alfred went outside to go to a local unionized coffee shop with trade ethical beans and ordered a matcha as he usually does and he bumped into none other that kiku honda!!!
“Oh… herro America-san! Are you drinkingu matcha??”
“Oh keeks! Yeah I am!!” He smiled
“Wowu! I thought you were super racist!!”
“No no I’m not!! I hate all of those white supremacist Klan members I have to pretend are fit to lead my country! Besides, being racist against the Japanese is sooooo 1940s anyway!!!”
“Oh ok then heh…”
They shared a few beats of silence.
“Wanna be my kirkentine America-san?”
“Fuck yea”
So they fell in love and proceeded to have hot sweaty steamy sexy passionate sex on top of Charlie Kirk’s grave