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I'm here hold on

Summary:

After the Crucible is activated, Kaidan finds Shepard in the rubble.

Notes:

This fic is based around the Blink-182 song Not Now, specifically these lines;
And now I have come to realize
That you are the one who's left behind
Please stay until I'm gone
I'm here hold on
To me I'm right here waiting

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The rubble shifted beneath Kaidan's biotics. He gritted his teeth and pushed harder. Something cracked overhead, and dust poured through the air, coating his face, his armour, his lungs. His shoulder screamed with every movement, blood running warm beneath the torn sleeve of his exposed underarmour, but he barely noticed. There was only one thing that mattered.

Her.

"Come on." He breathed. "Come on, Shepard.."

The slab finally lifted and he threw it aside dropping to his knees. For one terrible second, he couldn't breathe. She was there. Half buried beneath the wreckage, twisted against the broken floor. Her armor was scorched nearly black in places, fractured and torn apart in others. Blood streaked her face, her neck, her hands. Bruises were already blooming beneath the grime. One arm lay at an angle it shouldn't have. "No..." Kaidan reached for her, his hands trembling. "No, no, no..." He gathered her carefully, using his biotics to pull the remaining pieces of rubble away before they could fall on her again. He dragged her free and cradled her against his chest, his biotics still flickering faintly around them, as though he could hold her together with them. 

"Shepard."

Her heavy eyelids fluttered open. "Kaidan..."

"I've got you." He pressed his forehead against hers. "I've got you. You're going to be okay."

She tried to breathe, but the sound was thin and wet.

Kaidan's eyes darted over her, searching for something he could fix. Somewhere to put pressure. Something broken that could be stabilized. Something he could do. "It's okay." He looked around the ruined battlefield. There had to be someone, a medic, an evac team...anyone.  "I need to get you out of here." He shifted his weight beneath her, trying to stand.

Her fingers caught weakly against his armor. "Don't."

Kaidan froze. "I'm just going to get help."

"Don't leave me." The words barely existed above a whisper but his face crumbled at the sound of her voice. "I'm not leaving you." He looked back toward the ruined cityscape. "I'm getting a medic. That's all. I'll be right back."

"Kaidan.." 

He looked down, her eyes found his, and suddenly he understood.  The world around seemed to disappear. The alarms, the fire, the distant shouting. Everything faded because he noticed how tired she looked. Not afraid, not angry...just tired.

"I don't think.." She swallowed, the effort made her wince. "I don't think I'm going to make it."

"Don't say that."

"Kaidan..."

"No." His voice cracked. "No, you don't know that." He pulled her closer, shaking his head. "We're going to get you out. They're going to fix this." His voice became more desperate with every word. "You've survived worse."

She gave him the smallest, saddest smile. "Not this time." She coughed into her mangled hand and fresh blood painting her palm. Kaidan stared at it his mind going blank at the sight. After a moment he took her hand gently in his and wiped the blood away with his thumb, though there was nowhere for it to go. "Just-" His voice broke. "Just stay with me."

She looked at him for what felt like a lifetime and quietly, through the struggle it was to keep talking. "I don't want to be alone."

His breath caught. All the years between them seemed to collapse into that one sentence, all the missions, all the distance, all the times they'd almost said something and didn't, all the time they'd thought they still had.

"Please stay..."

Kaidan closed his eyes, a tear escaped despite his desperate attempt to hold them all back. "You won't be alone." He pulled her fully into her lap, one hand supporting the back of her head. "Not this time."

Her breathing became shallower. Kaidan could feel it, every breath, every pause between them. He instinctively held onto her tighter. "You remember what you told me?" She didn't answer and Kaidan swallowed hard at the silence. "You said we'd get through it." A small, faint breath came from her. He clung to it. "So we're going to." His voice shook. "Okay?"

Her fingers moved weakly against his chest. He looked down. She was trying to hold onto him. "I love you." The words were so quiet he almost missed them but Kaidan's face broke to hearing them. "I love you too." He kissed her forehead, then her cheek, and finally, gently, he kissed her lips. It wasn't desperate or dramatic. It was gentle. It was loving. It was the kind of kiss that belonged to a beginning, and neither of them had one left. When he pulled back, her eyes struggled to open. When they did, she looked up at him and Kaidan saw everything. The woman he'd fought beside. The woman he'd waited for. The woman he'd loved for far longer than he'd ever allowed himself to say. For one last moment, he didn't see the blood. He didn't see the broken armor. He didn't see the war.

He just saw her.

Her expression softened and her fingers loosened against his armor. "...Shepard?" But there was no response from her as his eyes searched hers.  "Hey." He touched her cheek. "Hey, come on." She remained silent.  "Stay with me." His voice became smaller. "You've got to stay with me." But she wouldn't respond, she couldn't. His forehead fell against hers. "No." His arms tightened around her. "No, no, no..."

His biotics flickered and without warning, a violent shockwave exploded outward from him in every direction except hers, throwing dust and fragments of rubble into the air. For one brief second, the ruined battlefield seemed to tremble with his grief, but the biotics faded out completely.

Kaidan's hand moved to the side of her face and he waited. For another breath, one more....just one, but it never came. He couldn't move, he couldn't breath. He lowered his face into her matted down hair and closed his eyes. His shoulders finally began to shake, and for the first time since he'd found her beneath the rubble, he stopped hoping he could save her. 

There was nothing left to save, so he just held her and let the tears fall.

Notes:

Love, I hope I did your idea justice.