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As Kaiser sat on the curb opposite of the car that drove him here, he wondered what led him to all this. What led him to confess to Ness? What led him to even see something in Ness? Why couldn't he control his feelings? Better yet, why couldn't he control the speeding car that was aimed right at his beloved Ness?
——
Kaiser was in his room, replaying the events of the day. Yet all his outcomes seemed to lead back to the one person he didn't want to acknowledge. Alexis Ness. The U-20 "magician" midfielder hailing from Germany. A wonderful player, A wonderful (albeit annoying) person. But no player should ever have clouded his mind so much, so why has Ness managed to accomplish that so easily? What did Ness have that made him different from others? Was it maybe the colour of his eyes, how they glimmered in the sunlight, or maybe his warm smile that could somehow brighten up a room, or maybe his bubbling personality.
Kaiser would have never thought of this to continue on for more than a few weeks, and he especially would have never thought of it to be a crush, as he's been purposefully ignoring the signs. But would ignoring the signs make it any less true? He was only delaying the inevitable, but why? Why was Ness special to him like no one else was?
That was the first—and as kaiser promised himself— the last time he would ever think of Ness as a potential partner.
Kaiser would then go on cycles of ignoring and clinging onto Ness. He knew very well what the rebound effect was, but surely that doesn't work with crushes too, right? Surely if he ignored Ness long enough, his heart would deem Ness useless to care for, and he could finally continue his old, repetitive life, right?
——
"What'd ya wanna talk about, Kaiser?" Ness waved as he jogged his way over to the tree Kaiser was leaning on, facing slightly left as to 'prove' he wasn't watching as Ness's hair moved with the rhythm of the wind, as his muscles flexed every few seconds or as Ness's chest moved up and down with every breath he took. Kaiser pretended to wake up as he stretched, making it look like he just noticed Ness arriving. When Ness finally came over, out of breath and heaving, Kaiser finally took a few seconds to admire his beautiful, bittersweet face. How can he possibly find another man attractive? Why is Ness different? Most of all, why does he feel an impending sense of doom just looking at his dearest's smile.
"I, uhm.. I wanted to tell you- something" Was this it? Was he really going to confess now? He hasn't even planned this out, was he moving too fast? Maybe he should give Ness a break first, should they get icecream? Is he too forward with this? What if Ness says no? Would they still be friends? Would they still hangout? Would Ness still bother to talk to him?
...
But what if Ness liked him back.
What if, on the one in a billionth chance, Ness liked him back.
What would Ness even like about him? His pessimism? His way of bringing down others?
What if Ness saw him the way he saw Ness?
What if Ness saw Kaiser, Michael Kaiser, as someone more than a pretty face and a bitchy personality? Is that even a thing? What if Ness could hold him right now, and they could stare into eachother's eyes, as Kaiser would slowly lean in, and—
"Hellooo? Kaiser? Earth to Kaiser?" Kaiser's eyes widened. Ness was, unfortunately, not holding him.
"Did you seriously bring me here so you could stare off into space?
"Uh-, give me a m-moment.." why was he stuttering? It was unlike Kaiser to stutter. Was he nervous? No. He couldn't possibly be nervous now.
"Soo, What'd ya wanna tell me? You mentioned wanting to tell me something shortly before you spaced out." Ness leaned in and tilted his head a little to the left, giving Kaiser a confused, but undeniably cute look.
"Ilikeyoupleasedontbreakcontactwithmeicantbearnotseeingyouagainilovethewayyoureyesglimmerinsunlightandthewayyourhair—"
"Slow down!" Ness flinched as he backed away a bit, not noticing the disappointed expression on Kaiser's face as he did so "can you repeat that please!? Slower this time."
Kaiser took in a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale.
"I..like you."
Infact, I think I love you."
Ness stood still. His eyes widened as he stared back at Kaiser, his cheeks slowly growing a cherry color. Kaiser failed to notice this, and took it as a sign of rejection .
"I completely understand.. Two guys together? I know you don't like me back. But.. can we maybe please stay as friends. I can't bear messing up so bad and not being able to see you again. You and your annoyingly adorable smile, your stupidly stunning face. I don't like how breathtaking you are. You—"
Kaiser was cut off when his lips came into contact with a soft, pillowy object. Also, was that Ness's hair? Why was it so close to his face? Why was Ness closing his eyes shut? Why was—
And then it came to him.
Ness was kissing him.
Ness was kissing him.
Ness was kissing him.
Ness was kissing him.
Before he had the chance to reciprocate, Ness was already pulling away, which disappointed a bit, but did nothing to help the raging blush growing on his face. The same could be said Ness.
"I..uhm, i was actually thinking of confessing first, but I figured I'd wait a bit longer. Guess i was too late, huh?" Ness nervously chuckled, looking down at the curb separating them, as if that would make this situation any less embarrassing "but..I like you too, Kaiser— no- i love you too."
...
Kaiser would have preferred if this was their happily ever after. If they went back home and cuddled all night long, if he could wake up to Ness's beautiful face everyday. But alas, the universe had something in-store for him. As it always had.
Kaiser stared ahead, not moving an inch of a muscle, some would mistake him for being paralyzed. He couldn't hear as the driver got out of the car to check on his beloved. He couldn't hear as the driver called for the ambulance on his beloved. He couldn't as the ambulance arrived to save his beloved. He couldn't hear as the ambulance carried his beloved into the stretcher and onto the vehicle. He could only blindly follow the nurses as they helped him into a spare chair, convinced he couldn't walk on his own. And maybe he couldn't.
The sound of beeping was all Kaiser heard as they rushed him into the hospital room. He was dazed, he was panicking, and most of all, confused. Why? Why did it have to turn out like this? His breath quickened and hitched. He couldn't get that moment out of his mind. Ness, covered in blood that shouldn't be his, or anyone's, for that matter. His Ness, being wheeled onto a stretcher and taken into a hospital room. His beloved Ness, with tubes sticking out of him and monitors surrounding his hospital bed. What did Ness do to deserve this? If the universe wanted to punish him, why hurt Ness? Ness would end up hurt because of Kaiser's selfishness. Because Kaiser wanted Ness to himself.
—
The sound of a thud echoed through the near-empty cemetery, driving a few crows perched on the fence away. Kaiser slumped onto the only place next to Ness's grave that wasn't littered with gifts and presents he would never get to see Ness open. He rested his head on the grave, his head replaying the moment over and over, whether he wanted it or not.
"I miss you, Ness.
...
I wish it were me instead.
Therefore..
you wouldn't have suffered the consequences of my selfish desires."