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The sun had risen on one oddly cold Valentine's day morning, cold for Florida at least. Its bright, warm rays reflected off of the beads of sweat already dripping down Addison’s face. Each laboured swing of his bat temporarily distracting him from what he had just done, possibly the riskiest thing he’d ever done.
That particular morning, he had gotten to the facility two hours earlier than he normally did –at nearly 4 o’clock in the morning– just to be sure that no one would see him with an elegantly crafted love letter in his hands, addressed to none other than Davis Schneider. But just in case someone were to foil his master plan, he didn't actually write any names in the letter itself, he was not willing to take that chance in the event that someone, or rather the wrong someone, were to somehow get their hands on the letter.
Even with Addison seemingly covering all his bases (pun intended :), he snuck through the quiet locker room, each step intentional and gentle, this way of moving being unfamiliar to him, as playing professional baseball required quick, forceful actions to intimidate even the toughest players.
He made his way over to Davis’s locker, a task not easily done in the dark of the locker room, but he managed to find it. He paused before he slipped in the letter, pondering if this is what he truly wanted, if sharing his feelings was worth destroying the only friendship that ever made him feel like himself, but he knew from the first pen stroke that it was, that he would give the world just to be held by him, to be close to him.
He slipped the letter into the locker, and promptly darted away. He headed towards the facility’s gym and began his morning routine, yet the anxious feeling in his stomach never left him.
~
Davis arrived a couple hours later exhausted, he had been up all night playing Catan with Ernie, he knew it was irresponsible but he simply couldn't resist. He stumbled through the locker room, eyes still half closed, and begrudgingly grabbed his gear from his locker, not noticing as a colourful envelope was knocked out and fluttering gracefully to the floor.
Later in the day, while the Jays were out on one of the six outdoor fields, playing an intrasquad game, the custodians were doing their daily rounds cleaning up the inside of the facility. One of them happened to be cleaning the locker room, when he noticed a letter on the floor. Looking at it, he had also noticed that there wasn’t a name on it. Assuming it was garbage, he tossed it into the garbage can, heading out of the locker rooms onto the next area.
~
A few hours later, the intrasquad game had finally finished, the Blue Jays beat the Blue Jays 14-11, it was a rather tight game, until a walk-off 3-run home run in the bottom of the 11th secured the Blue Jays' win over the Blue Jays.
The Jays congregated into the locker room, all hot and sweaty from practicing for hours on end in the blistering Florida heat.
Vladdy walks straight to the garbage can to throw out the packages of sunflower seeds he had emptied on his break time, but before he could toss them in, an envelope adorned with pink sparkles and little stickers caught his eye. He carefully picked it out and examined it, no name, no indication of what could possibly be concealed by its elaborate decoration.
“Hey guys, look what I found in the trash.”
He holds up the very elegantly decorated hand-crafted pink letter, and to Addison’s horror, it was the very letter that he had slipped into Davis’ locker. He immediately felt his heart drop into his stomach, hot sweat turning cold and nervous thoughts flooding his mind. He was worried that this might happen, he had hoped that Davis would keep the letter at the very least, and not just outright throw it into the trash.
“Ooh, is it open?” Ernie says while trying to get a closer look, “Who's it from? Can I see?” he is now trying to snatch the letter from Vladdy's hands. Though he would never admit it, Ernie Clement thrives on gossip, so he needed all the juicy details. But little did he know that each question he asked twisted Addison's stomach till he was nauseous, not just with grief, but with worry, that he somehow missed something, that his teammates would find out, that he wouldn’t just lose Davis –which he was certain he already had– but also everyone else.
By now, most of the guys had gathered tightly around Vladdy and Ernie to take a look at the letter. Addison subconsciously drifted further away to avoid witnessing the last of his dignity quietly moving out, as embarrassment, humiliation and anxiety promptly moved in.
“That was in the trash??? And it's not even opened??”
“Yeah, I guess whoever it was for really didn’t want to read it.” Their words pushed the knife in Addison's heart deeper and deeper, his love splattering like blood all over his clothes. A hard lump formed in his throat accompanied by overflowing eyes, threatening to spill. He chugged what was left in his water bottle and dried his eyes. But when someone called out to him, “Hey, Addy, come and take a look at this letter, judging by the outside, this thing’s gonna be a spectacle for sure!” He wasn't too sure that his eyes would stay that way for much longer. He swallowed hard, trying to forget that he was the author of said "spectacle.”
"Um, yeah, sure, I'll be over in a second.” He quickly shoved his regrets down deeply and approached the circle.
They began to open the letter and examine its contents, reading it painfully out loud. Each carefully thought out word jabbed at him, making him regret every line he had spent countless hours perfecting.
“What am I to do?
I stare into the blue,
only thinking of you,
My heart drives me insane.
To get this off my chest,
You make me feel so blessed,
With you, I’m never stressed,
You alleviate my pain.
Truth is, I’ll be genuine,
All I feel is adrenaline,
I'm sick and you're the cure.
Oh, how I love you so,
I just want you to know,
I'd love to be all yours ;)”
Sincerely yours, your secret admirer
“I wonder who it's for?”
“More like who it's from, I can't tell if it's obsessive or cringe.”
“Or both.”
“C’mon, guys it's not that bad”. Varsho says trying to defend the unknown person, “We don’t know who wrote it, what if it’s someone in this room, imagine how bad they would feel hearing us judge their letter”.
Varsho's words seemed to ease Addison’s worry, unfortunately though, it was short-lived as George Springer responded with “No way man, this letter was clearly written by someone with middle school level IQ, all of us are over that, except maybe Vladdy”. Vladdy rolls his eyes and elbows him. “I dunno, it's pretty cringey”.
Hopefully, he could just sneak out and avoid this conversation, then go home and knock himself out with a metal bat to forget about it. He begins to slowly exit, trying to remain unseen, ‘at least’ he thinks, ‘this situation couldn't get any worse’.
“What d'you think, Addy? You've been quiet this whole time.” Vladdy turns to Addison, singling him out like a spotlight.
…
Well fuck.
I guess it could.
“Uhh, I dunno, I wasn't really paying attention–”
“Thats okay, we can just read it again–” Ernie suggests, unaware of the torture he's been causing for his friend.
Addison immediately interrupts him, “Nope. Nope I’m good thanks, it's too cringey to hear it again.” It stung to say that about the letter he had poured his heart and soul into, but he knew the embarrassment’d sting a lot more if they ever found out he was the one who wrote it.
“See? Addy agrees with us.”
Addison is trying so hard not to break down, to curl up and cry like a heartbroken little girl, and every comment makes it harder and harder to hold back. All he wanted was to feel loved, but now, he's never felt more isolated. He quickly packs his stuff up and leaves.
“I- uhh, I gotta go guys, bye,” he murmured breathily, trying to keep his voice from cracking.
A chorus of ‘bye’ echoed through the room, as he made his way outside.
Just under half an hour later, after he had arrived home, he was unpacking when he noticed that he left his water bottle at the facility and had to hop back into the car and drive all the way back to go and get it. He slowly and reluctantly dragged himself back to the facility, and to his relief, almost everyone had left, aside from a few cars still parked in the parking lot, one of which he recognized as Davis’s.
He trudged up to the locker room doors and opened them, quietly walking in. Luckily, no one was there. All he had to do was walk in, grab his water bottle, and get out, and pray that he didn't bump into anyone.
He tiptoed over to his locker and grabbed his water bottle. He turns around to leave and sees none other than Davis Schneider in his black t-shirt and ripped jeans standing in the doorway with a backpack slung around his shoulder.
“Oh hey, Addy, I thought you left already.” He said as he slowly approached.
Addison did not want to do this right now.
“Oh, uh, yeah I just forgot my uhh,” he holds up his water bottle in his right hand, “my water bottle.”
Davis nods and walks over towards his locker and grabs his own water bottle “Me too,” he chuckles.
Addison really doesn't want to talk about the letter, but he knows he has to find out what happened to it so he can shred it and burn it and then throw it into the lake. He should've never written that stupid letter.
“Where did everyone else go? It's only been half an hour, usually they stick around longer.” He asked.
“Oh they went out bowling, Ernie dug up a free pass for a place nearby so they all went together.”
“Why didn't you go?”
“Eh. Didn’t really feel like it.” He shrugged.
After a few beats of silence, Addison was really hesitant to ask, his stomach doing flips, but he did anyways,
“Umm… what happened… to the letter?”
“Oh, I think they just tossed it back in the garbage. It should still be there if you wanna take a look at it.”
Phew
At least none of them wanted to keep it for some odd reason, if someone were to look at it long enough, they'd be able to tell it was his handwriting.
“Do you… know where it might've come from?” Addison was silently begging that there was just a misunderstanding, and that Davis hadn’t actually thrown it out.
“Nope, no idea,” he let out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. “My guess is someone might've thrown it out, but it's unopened, so it probably got mixed up by accident when the custodians were here.”
“Oh… yeah, I-I guess that makes sense.” He muttered. He didn’t know why but all of a sudden he was trying not to let his emotions take over, and keep a level head. He should've been glad that Davis didn’t actually throw out the letter, but at the same time, now how was he supposed to know that it was for him? His heart ached to think about it.
Without noticing, Davis had somehow made his way over to him and placed his hand on his shoulder. The warm touch took him by surprise and he nearly jumped.
“Hey, are you okay man?” He asked, his voice unusually soft, yet just as comforting. Addison looked at him for a few seconds, contemplating what to say.
“Yeah, no, I'm fine.” He had definitely picked up the ‘yeah no’ thing from living in Toronto during the regular season.
He looked him straight in the eye, “You sure? Cuz you seem… off.” Addison looked away. “I dunno, maybe I'm just looking into it, but you're asking an awful lot about that letter,” His pounding heart dropped into his stomach, somehow even further than last time, “I thought you said it was too cringey to hear again?”
Crap.
“I-...” He swallowed. “It's… nothing, j-just curious.”
“Uhh, okay, if you say so.”
“But, back to the letter, did you… do you think it’s cringe?” oh, how Addison really hoped that Davis didn’t find it cringey, and badly written, after all, the letter had been for him. But he doesn't know that.
He paused for a moment.
“Uhh, no not really,”
Relief washed over him.
“I think that whoever wrote it put in a lot of effort and really wanted to convey how much the other person means to them, y'know?"
…
“Really?”
This is one of the many reasons why he loved Davis in the first place. He somehow was able to make him feel so much better about himself without even knowing. Addison could feel the warmth of hot tears dripping silently down his face, and his breath kept getting caught in his throat. He was a rather ugly crier, but this time, he hardly even noticed he was crying. Davis did though, and almost right away knocked him out of his trance.
“Woah– dude are you okay??” His words were laced with genuine concern, which just made Addison even more emotional. Davis now had both of his hands on Addison’s shoulders. And then it all started coming out.
“I– I-Its just you– you– they all– I don’t know, I j-just…” No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t get what he wanted to say out of his mouth, the words that once made sense had lost their meaning on the way to being said. His breathing was faster and more choppy, he tried to wipe the tears from his face, but they just kept falling.
“Hey, hey, it's okay, take your time.” He reached up to his face, moving Addison’s hands out of the way, and quietly wiped the never ending tears off his cheeks.
“Will you tell me what’s bothering you? You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“I- j-just like everyone's s-saying that like it's s-stupid and l-like– like making fun of it a-and I knew I should've never even written it in the first place and I just- just feel–” He hit himself in the head twice. “God, I feel so stupid!”
Before he hit himself a third time, Davis grabbed his arm and held it away from his head.
“Hold on, big guy, rewind that.”
Addison stared down unblinkingly at Davis, listening to whatever he had to say.
“Did you write the letter?”
He nodded slowly, eyes wide, afraid to be ridiculed.
“Ahh, I get it now,” he smiled before tightly wrapping his arms around Addison’s waist, and pulling him into a warm bear hug, Addison immediately clung to him tightly, afraid to let go. Davis’s head was right next to Addison’s ear, whispering into it, “Don’t listen to what everyone's been saying.” His voice is calm and soft. “The only person's opinion that should matter is the one you wrote it for. If they think highly of it then why should it matter what anyone else thinks? And if they don’t think highly of it then they don’t deserve to have someone who loves them as much as you do.”
Davis is glad that his best friend was comfortable enough that he felt safe to tell him about the letter, but part of him is jealous that there’s someone out there that Addison feels that way towards and it's not him. (little does he know hehehe)
They stay like that for a while, just soaking in each other's warmth. Addison’s sobs slowly quieted and his grip on Davis loosened.
“Thanks.” he muttered quietly, into Davis’s neck.
“Anytime.”
They soon let go of each other, reluctantly.
“Y’know, you can talk to me about anything, right?” Davis affirmed, Addison looked away, avoiding eye contact as he rummaged through his locker, trying to buy some time, not wanting to end the moment just yet, but also not wanting to reply to such a question.
After a quick silence,
“Hey d’you wanna grab dinner and hang out at my place?” Davis offered, trying to cheer one sad looking Addison up.
“I-... yeah okay, I can pay if you want.”
“No dude, I'm paying.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
And with that, they both left the facility.
“Come, we’ll just take my car, overnight parking is allowed by the way.”
“Overnight?” Addison's heart skipped a beat. Overnight? Was he going to stay there overnight? He couldn't remember establishing that. He could feel his face heat up. Maybe he was just overthinking it. Could he be implying that…
“Yeah, when we’re done I'll just drop you at your place.”
Oh.
Yep, definitely overthinking.
“How should I get there in the morning, then, if my car’s here?” Maybe if he was lucky, Davis could read his thoughts. He stopped in his tracks.
“Oh yeah, I hadn't really thought about that.” He turned to look at Addison. “D’you wanna just meet me at my place in like half an hour then?”
Addison quickly made up an excuse on why that wouldn’t work.
“Well, like, I can’t just… y'know like, I live kinda far and like if I’m going to drive home I might as well stay there, so like…”
“Oh okay, then, do you want to just get dinner another time?”
“No, no, I want to, I want to.”
“Tonight?”
“Yes.”
“Alright, well do you want to just stay the night with me instead?”
He froze for a second, a smerk gradually appearing on his face.
“Well, like if it's okay with you, and you- you can kick me out if you change your mind–”
“So yes?” Davis chuckles.
“Yes” Addison blurted nodding.
“Alright, hop in.”
They walk over to the car, Davis in the driver’s seat and Addison in the passenger. Davis starts the engine and they're off.
A moment of silence.
…
“What do you feel like eating?”
You
“Uhh, I’m not really picky, so anything’s good, really.”
“How about just like, pizza then?”
“Yeah sure.”
Davis makes a right and before he knows it, they've arrived at the pizza place.
“What d’you want?”
“Huh? Oh uhh I don’t care.”
“Kay, I'll be right back.”
Davis climbs out of the car and walks into the Pizza Pizza across the street. Addison is now left alone with his thoughts, a dangerous place for him to be;
HOLY SHIT
Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodddd
Okay Addison, be chill.
You’re sitting in Davis’s car, you’re going to eat dinner with him and sleep at his house.
This doesn't mean anything.
Friends do this all the time, no hard feelings. It's totally chill. Totally chill. Yep. friends. Just friends. Nothing else. Yep. uh-huh. For sure.
Just two dudes eating pizza…
And having fun…
And sleeping at his house…
And waking up together…
Maybe even waking up next to him…
- STOP THAT.
Jeez get a hold of yourself, you’re just friends.
Friends…
That word… friends. It stung more than it should. Obviously he knows they're nothing more, despite how much he wants to be more, he has a feeling that Davis wouldn’t. And he doesn’t want to make things awkward between them by confessing, which in a way, he already did. (*cough cough* the letter *cough*) His heart ached thinking about this, he was practically lovesick. He’s hopelessly fallen down, scraped and bruised his knees for him, but Davis was just so perfect, how could he not? He’s strong, physically and mentally, he’s kind, he’s funny, he’s always so considerate of everyone else, and he’s… coming back, with a box of pizza and a bag of what looks like pop.
Addison nearly jumped at seeing Davis appear out of thin air, and tried to chill himself and his thoughts out. He put his kind of cold hands on his very much red cheeks, trying to restore them to a less suspicious hue. Davis opened the car door and handed the pizza over to Addison without even looking, so he could sit down and put his seat belt on, that which he does.
“I just got cheese, because it was the quickest they could make, is that cool?”
“Yep, totally cool.” he struggled to say, heart hammering against his rib cage.
He started the engine.
“Alright, five minute drive.”
“Yep.”
“You look a little tired.”
“Yep.”
“Or are you just hungry?”
“Yep.”
To be frank, Addison didn’t even know what he was saying, because he was too absorbed in staring at him and simultaneously looking away (somehow). Each “yep” got less coherent as he continued staring-but-not-quite.
“You seem more interested in staring at me today,” he called him out on.
“Yep. Wait– huh?” His face heated up instantly, “Sorry, I was– j-just zoned out. Sorry.”
Davis chuckles, revelling in Addison’s flusteredness, secretly enjoying making him blush.
“I’m just teasing you, relax.” He laughs. Addison loves his laugh, but it doesn’t help his chronic blushing. He can barely hold himself together and sinks into his chair, covering his face, trying to avoid eye contact.
“Aww, look at you, you’re blushing so hard.” He teased, unintentionally sending Addison’s mind into a frenzy.
“Sh-shut up.”
“Aww you’re so cute.”
That just about sent him off the edge. Did he just say cute!? Oh. My. God. He sank further into the chair than he thought he could and muttered a rather weak-sounding “Stawwwwp.” Davis just giggled.
“Okay, we’re here.” Davis popped out of the car and Addison followed suit, carrying the pizza box, following his friend (nothing more). They stepped into the elevator and awkwardly stood shoulder to shoulder. It stopped at the 7th floor, they exited it and walked down the barren hallways into the much nicer apartment.
“Sorry for the mess.”
The “mess” in question being a few cans on the counter, probably from having people over, and the random pair of socks on the floor, but besides that, it was perfectly clean.
“I’m so hungry.” Addison sighed, placing the box of pizza on the round table to the side, and plopping himself down on a cushioned chair.
Davis walked up to what was presumably the fridge, and took out the drinks from the bag, placing them inside, before asking, “D’you want anything to drink? I’ve got some beer, pop, milk, whatever you fancy.”
“What I fancy?” He lifts a brow at this.
Davis puts on a terrible old British lady accent, “Yes, what do you fancy, darling?”
Addison’s face heats up slightly (again) at the nickname, and he smiles, “I hate you,” he chuckles, attempting to hide his blushing with a laugh.
“So?”
“Just water’s fine.”
“Just water? You don't want anything else?”
“Nah, I’m okay.”
He walks over to the round table with water for Addison and a can of whatever for himself. He sits down next to Addison and smiles. They both kind of stare at each other, unspeakingly. Addison is completely lost in the sauce and, Davis fully knows it.
“Weren’t you starving a minute ago?” Davis prodded, and opened the pizza box.
Addison grabbed a slice of cheese pizza and took a bite out of it, realizing, he was, in fact, undeniably, indisputably, unquestionably, indubitably, undebatably, incontestably, unequivocally, irrefutably, unmistakably, hungry.
He swallowed, “yes.”
“Heh, you're stupid.” Davis grabbed a slice of pizza.
Addison elbowed him and laughed, “says you.”
~
After they finished the pizza, they were both sipping on their drinks and chatting about nonsense. Addison was finally relaxed, and had almost completely forgotten about the letter, before Davis brought it up again. He really wanted to know who it was for, to make sure that they were deserving of Addison’s love.
“Sooooo… who’d you write the letter to?”
Addison started malfunctioning. His face turned beet red and he forgot how to think. His eyes went wide and was suddenly very interested in the pair of socks on the floor.
He awkwardly laughed.
“Uhh, n-no one you know..” he said, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.
“Why was it in the locker room then?” Davis asked, with curious intent, but still as oblivious as always.
“Oh uh… no reason.” Addison wanted to die.
“Was it for one of our teammates, maybe?” He raised his eyebrow.
Bullseye
Addison completely froze and just stared at him.
“I’m right aren't I?” He interrogated, sounding quite smug in his discovery.
Addison stayed quiet, face turning redder and redder with each passing second. No longer staring, frozen, he turned his head away and averted his eyes at all possible instances.
“Addy?”
He slowly turned his head back and Davis snorted at how red it was.
“C’monnn tell me.” He clung onto Addison’s arm and shook him.
“Nooooooooooooooo.”
“Pleeeeeease?” He begged and gave the biggest puppy dog eyes he could muster, which just made Addison’s heart get in a rocket ship and fly to the moon.
It was like his heart was racing in formula 1, and in first. By a lot. It's not like he didn't want to tell him, but what if he did, and lost him as a result? All he wanted was to be his, was that too much to ask?
An unknown amount of time passes, before Davis eventually says, “It’s okay, man, you don’t have to tell me, it’s your business, and as your friend I can respect that.” sounding a bit disappointed.
“No, no, I'll tell you.” Addison says before his mind could catch up. He immediately regrets saying that, but it's too late now.
“Yes please,” he smirks, and leans closer, propping his head on his hands.
Addison takes a deep breath and mumbles something incoherent that Davis did NOT hear.
“Can you say that again? I didn't quite catch that.”
He mumbles again, slightly louder, yet still, unintelligible.
“Sorry bro, one more ti–”
“It was for you!” He blurts out, completely tearing off the bandaid.
Davis cannot believe what he has just heard. It was for him? No. Freaking. Way. He tried not to scare off Addison, but he couldn't close his gaping mouth no matter how hard he tried. Clearly, Addison took it the wrong way, because he tensed up and looked away, muttering a pathetic sounding “I'm so sorry.”
Davis reached out and laid a hand on Addison's shoulder, his soft touch noticed but not acknowledged.
“Was it really for me?” He asked, gently.
Addison just nodded, too afraid to say anything more, hoping they could at least still be friends after the bomb he had just dropped.
But instead of the ridicule he expected, Addison was taken by surprise by arms wrapped around him from behind, similar to earlier in the evening. Davis rested his head on Addison’s shoulder and didn’t say a word, just hugged him. Addison’s mind was reeling, he didn't know what this meant whatsoever but could only hope for the best. He was hesitant to return the gesture, afraid he was mistaking Davis’s intentions. But his thoughts were quieted by Davis’s soft words, “I love you,” he confessed.
“I always have, and truth be told, I should've told you sooner, but I was so sure that you were straight, and I didn't want to make it awkward between us.”
They stopped hugging, and Addison turned around to look at him, with half-scared, and half-relieved eyes.
“Really?”
“Yes really.”
“You're not just saying that to make me feel better?” His voice cracked.
“No jokes.”
“Are you sure?”
“100%”
“And you seriously mean it? Not just trying to pull my leg?”
“Oh. My. God. Addison, respectfully, shut the fuck up.”
“Are you sure–”
Davis was totally fed up with Addison’s nonsense, because he suddenly swooped in for a kiss, one hand cupping Addison’s cheek, and the other on the back of his neck, that being the only way he could think of to convince him that he was serious.
Addison, although clearly shocked, finally allowed himself to believe what Davis had said, and melted like plastic sandals on a hot day in Arizona, into the kiss. He wrapped his arms around Davis’s neck, pulling him closer. It was a sweet kiss, not too rough or desperate, but the intention was there. Addison could feel all the tension scurry away, as Davis kissed him harder. He let Davis completely manhandle him, controlling every soft movement between the two. Slightly caressing the soft skin of Addison’s cheek, which his hand lay on. Addison was so consumed by this simple kiss, that he didn’t even notice the quiet whine that had managed to escape his throat. God, he must be depraved. Neither of them bothered to focus on anything else except the warm touch of each other's lips. Yet, as much as he didn't want the lovesick kiss to end, they still had to breathe.
They separated, breathing heavily, and stared at each other.
“You really meant it.”
“Yeah no shit.”
He paused, breathing in deeply.
“C-can we do that again?”
“We can do it as much as you like.”
The end <3