Archive of Our Own

Yuuji always thought of himself as a good person. 

Not perfect, obviously. He forgot to separate recycling sometimes. Accidentally spoiled movies because he got too excited talking about them. He had stolen one of Nobara’s yogurts exactly once and denied it for three days before cracking under the pressure. 

But fundamentally? He was good. He thought himself to be a kind, open-minded person who wouldn’t let age old hate fill his mind. 

He never understood people who cared so much about what other people loved. It had always seemed plain exhausting. Why waste energy hating something that didn’t affect you? 

Which was why this whole situation was so deeply, catastrophically confusing. 

“You’re staring again.” 

Yuuji nearly launched himself out of his seat. “I wasn’t!” 

Nobara looked up from her magazine with the kind of expression usually reserved for particularly disappointing children. Even with one eye, her death stare was evident. 

“You’ve been looking over there for the last four minutes.” 

“I was…” He started, but the look in Nobara’s eyes made him pause. “...Observing.” He mumbled. 

“You were glaring.” She said, 

“I was not.” Yuuji scoffed. 

Nobara sighed, giving him a low look. “You look ready to fight someone.” 

“I don’t want to fight anyone!” Yuuji nearly yelled. 

Nobara slowly turned her head to the cafe window. 

Outside, across the street, Megumi stood beneath the awning of a bookstore. His hands were shoved into the pockets of his oversized jacket, dark hair messy from the wind. He wasn’t alone. 

The guy standing beside him was maybe their age. Blond, with a nice expensive coat. Laughing at something Megumi had said, which, frankly, was suspicious enough on its own. 

And then, to Yuuji’s strange discomfort, Megumi smiled. 

Not a huge smile, just that tiny, soft crook to his lips that only happened when he genuinely found something amusing. The blond guy reached out and brushed a leaf off Megumi’s shoulder. His hand lingered for a moment before pulling away. 

Yuuji’s stomach twisted so violently he almost dropped his coffee. 

“Will you stop.” Nobara sighed. 

“What?” Yuuji asked, giving her a look. 

“That face.” 

“What face?” 

“The one that says you’re imagining ways to hide a body.” 

“I am not!” Yuuji’s voice hitched. 

Nobara narrowed her eyes. 

“I’m just...” Yuuji frowned into his drink. “I don’t know.” 

Nobara raised an eyebrow, looking back out the window across the street, Yuuji followed her eyes. Megumi was smiling again; his eyes were soft, and the slight crook to his lips was such a rare sight. 

The blond guy leaned closer, and Yuuji’s fingers tightened around his cup. “...Huh.” 

Nobara looked back at him. “Huh?” She echoed. 

“I…” Yuuji hesitated. The feeling crawled unpleasantly beneath his skin like ants, like something sour lodged between his ribs. He didn’t like looking at them together. He didn’t like the way the guy kept making Megumi smile. He didn’t like how close they were standing; he didn’t like the way his stomach churned, and his chest felt heavy just by looking at the way Megumi’s eyes softened at someone. 

“Oh…” A horrifying realization hit him all at once. His eyes widened. “Oh my god.” He mumbled. 

“What?” 

“Oh my god.” 

Nobara looked concerned now, which somehow made everything worse. “What Yuuji?” She asked. 

“I think…” His voice dropped to a whisper. “I think I might be homophobic.” 

Silence reigned between them. Nobara blinked, mouth parted, as if the words had been stolen from her. “Come again?” She asked slowly. 

“I know!” Yuuji hissed, burying his face in his hands. “I didn’t know either!” 

Nobara leaned back, crossing her arms and giving Yuuji a dark look. “Explain.” 

“I’ve never felt like this before!” 

“Felt like what?” 

“Like this!” He gestured frantically towards the window. “I keep seeing Megumi with that guy and I just…” He made an incoherent noise. “It makes me feel awful every time I see them together.” 

Nobara stared. “Awful how?” She asked, her voice slow, as if she were genuinely trying to put together what Yuuji was trying to say. 

“I don’t know!” 

“Yuuji, if you say that one more time I’m leaving.” She sighed. “Describe it. What are you feeling?” 

“My stomach hurts.” He started. 

“Mhm.” 

“And I feel annoyed.” 

“Uh huh.” 

“And I kind of want that guy to leave.” 

“I see.” 

“And every time he touches Megumi, I want to—” He stops himself for a moment. “I don’t know. Do something about it? Something wrong and something I shouldn’t feel any urge to do.” 

Nobara took a very long, slow sip of her coffee. “You think,” she said carefully, “That's because you don’t like seeing Megumi with another man.” 

Yuuji gulped, nodding slightly. 

“You’ve concluded,” she continued. “That you must be homophobic.” 

Yuuji looked absolutely miserable. “Well, when you say it out loud it sounds really bad.” 

“It sounds incredibly stupid.” She supplied. 

“I know!” Yuuji nearly yelled again; his face feels like it's overheating and his heart is jumping at an alarming rate. 

Nobara pinched the bridge of her nose. “No, actually.” She pointed at him. “Walk me through your thought process because I’m getting dangerously close to walking out that door.” 

Yuuji gulped. “Well…” he squirms. “Megumi likes guys.” 

“As far as we know.” Nobara nods. 

“And I support that.”
“Good start.” 

“But then I see him on dates and…” He groans dramatically. “Something inside me just…burns at the thought of him dating a guy.” 

Nobara waited. 

“And that’s…not good.” Yuuji finished with a sigh. 

“Yuuji.” Nobara starts. 

“I don’t want to be one of those people.”
“Yuuji.” 

“I swear I don’t hate gay people.” 

“Yuuji.” Her voice rises. 

“I just–”

Nobara slammed both hands on the table. “You’re an absolute moron.” 

Several people looked over at them. Nobara ignored them and continued.

“Do you even hear yourself?” 

“I know, I know.” Yuuji dragged both hands down his face. “I sound awful.” 

“Yes, but mostly you just sound stupid.” 

Yuuji sighed. “That’s fair.”
She leaned back in her chair, studying him. “Tell me something.” 

Yuuji looked at her. “Okay.” He said, dreading what comes next. 

“Have you ever felt this way before?” 

“...No.” He mutters. 

“About anyone else dating?” 

“No.” 

“If I got a girlfriend, would you find that awful?” She questions. 

Yuuji shook his head. “No, of course not.” 

She hummed, “Interesting.” 

Yuuji gawked at her. “What does that mean?” 

Nobara snickered to herself, “Nothing.” She says. 

“Nobara!” 

“Nothing Yuuji.” She says. 

“You’re doing that thing.” 

“What thing?” She asks innocently, but it's clear she’s enjoying this way too much. 

“Where you know something and won’t tell me.” 

Nobara hums, “Maybe.” 

“Please?” He groans, eyes searching for any hint as to what the hell she was on about. 

She checked the time on her phone before standing, slinging her bag over one shoulder.
“I’ve gotta go.” 

Yuuji gaped at her. “You can’t just leave!” 

She stood, grabbing her empty coffee cup and turning away. “Watch me.” 

“Nobara!” 

She paused at the cafe door and looked back at him. “Think about it.” 

“Think about what?” 

A tiny smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. “You’ll get there eventually. 

“Get where?” 

“Hopefully soon.” She said, “He’s not gonna wait forever.” And then she waved once before disappearing into the afternoon crowd. 

Yuuji called her name once more to no avail; she was gone. He slumped back into his chair and stared back out the window. Megumi and the blond guy were gone. The empty sidewalk where they had been somehow made his chest feel even heavier. 

He frowned into his cold coffee. Think about what? He thought. He replayed the conversation in his head. 

Have you ever felt this way before? 

No. 

About anyone else dating? 

No. 

Interesting. 

Yuuji groaned, resting his forehead against the table. “I’m definitely homophobic.” 

.✦ ݁˖

Yuuji made it exactly twenty three minutes before he caved. 

He tried to distract himself; he really did. He walked home from the cafe instead of taking the train. He stopped at the convenience store, bought two onigiri he wasn’t really hungry for, and watched half an episode of some cooking show he’d normally love. 

But every time he closed his eyes, he saw Megumi smiling. He saw the blond guy brush a leaf off his shoulder. And that awful twisting feeling in his chest would overcome him. 

He grabbed his laptop from his desk. “This is stupid,” he muttered, opening it anyway.

The search bar blinked expectantly; he just stared at it. 

How to know if you’re…

No. Too direct. 

Signs you're secretly…

Deleted. 

“God,” he mumbled into his hands. His face burned even though he was completely alone. He settled on the safest wording he could think of. 

How do you know if you’re homophobic? 

He hit enter before he could change his mind. The first few results looked painfully official. 

How to Recognize Internal Prejudice

Common Misconceptions About Homophobia

Am I Homophobic? Understanding Biases

He clicked the first one and read through the article's examples. 

Discomfort around LGBTQ+ people.

“No.” He mumbled to himself. 

Believing same sex relationships are less valid than heterosexual relationships.

“What? No.” 

Avoiding queer people because of their identity. 

“Jesus, no.” He frowned. 

He clicked the next article to see more of the same questions. Discrimination. Prejudice. Negative stereotypes. Hatred. 

None of it fit. 

“Then why do I feel like this?” He asked himself. 

Then he looked to the top of the article; this one had a quiz. “Are You Harboring Hidden Biases?” 

Yuuji sat up straighter. “Perfect.” 

Question 1: Do you believe LGBTQ+ people deserve equal rights? 

Yuuji squinted. “Obviously.” 

Question 2: Would you support a close friend if they came out?

Yuuji thought of Megumi. He’s not completely sure of his sexuality; they’ve never talked about it, and it wasn’t exactly always an easy topic to bring up. Yuuji never pressed, but then Nobara’s party happened. Megumi was dragged to her place; Yuuji asked him relentlessly, begging him to come. And after a few pleas, puppydog eyes, and dramatic pouts, Megumi agreed. 

Yuuji arrived with Megumi, but when he left to get them drinks, he came back to find Megumi talking to someone. 

The man was tall, taller than Yuuji even. His hair was windswept in a way that looked intentional. He was smiling at Megumi, tilting his head with a grin and hooded eyes. He was asking Megumi something, and Yuuji could notice the way his eyes swept across Megumi’s features, from his face down to his shoes. Yuuji felt a ping of heat in his chest, his grip on the two glasses tightening. 

The man was wearing a short sleeved shirt, exposing several pale scars that ran along his forearm. There was another, thinner one cutting across the side of his jaw. They were the kind of scars Yuuji had learned to recognize, not from ordinary fights but from the kind of thing that came with being a sorcerer. 

Yuuji didn’t really stop to think that there’d be sorcerers unknown to him, he’s lived this life for so long the fact that there were people fighting the same curses he did everyday evaded him. 

Megumi spent most of the night with the guy, who introduced himself as Akito. Yuuji stuck with him and Megumi the whole night; a sense of discomfort and annoyance bubbled in his gut, but he refused to leave them alone. Nobara tried, finding them and ordering Yuuji to dance with her. He declined, faking an easy smile and shrugging off the weird look on her face. 

Yeah, he came to have a good time, and he was usually the one dragging others to the dance floor. But right now, the idea of leaving Megumi alone felt like something dangerous and left a sour taste in his mouth. 

So he stayed, the whole night. He stayed while having to see Akito smile at Megumi, making him smile back and let out that soft chuckle Yuuji knew so well. He watched as Akito put a hand on Megumi’s shoulder after Megumi’s dry response to his joke, leaning forward as he laughed into Megumi’s space. But Megumi didn’t push him away. And Yuuji felt sick watching him look so comfortable with a total stranger. Watching him smile at someone with such soft eyes, letting himself smile slightly, and not pushing Akito away every time he touched him. 

After the party, Yuuji expected that to be it. But then he saw them together, again and again. At the convenient store he and Megumi usually hit late at night, outside the training grounds, in town at restaurants with Megumi, everywhere. Yuuji felt such a raw sense of dread every time he saw the two of them together. He didn’t know why; he just figured he didn’t like the guy. 

And the worst part was Akito didn’t seem like someone Yuuji would normally dislike. He was nice to Yuuji at every run-in he had with him. Asked him thoughtful questions and always offered fun and casual commentary. And he made Megumi smile in a way Yuuji rarely saw; Yuuji should like him. But he didn’t. 

One night, Yuuji had walked into Megumi’s dorm for a movie night. And when he arrived, he saw Akito and Megumi lounging on the bed, Akito leaning back on his arms that were dangerously close to where Megumi lounged. 

Yuuji’s eyes widened, and he stared as Megumi shuffled away slightly. Yuuji stared as Megumi got up to welcome him, talking to him like he normally would. Yuuji’s replies were short and awkward; Megumi gave him a funny look at some point but moved on quickly. 

It wasn’t a fun night. Yuuji barely remembered the movie by the time the credits rolled. Every scene blurred together beneath the constant awareness of Akito beside Megumi. Every laugh they shared pulled Yuuji’s attention away from the screen. Every accidental brush of shoulders made something unpleasant tighten in his chest. 

And the worst part was Akito wasn’t doing anything wrong. 

He was polite the whole night, funny even. He offered Yuuji popcorn, laughed at his jokes, and thanked him for the snacks he brought. He treated Megumi kindly, never overstepping whenever Megumi quietly pulled away or shifted to reclaim his space. 

Yuuji wanted a reason to dislike him. But he couldn’t find one. And that only made him feel worse. 

Yuuji shook his head, running a hand down his face. He looked back at his screen, the rest of the test. He answered yes. 

Question 3: Have you ever avoided someone because of their sexuality? 

“No” 

Question 4: Do same sex couples make you uncomfortable?
Yuuji hesitated. Well, that was kind of his whole problem. He pictured the elderly couple that lived in Nobara’s apartment. They were cute. He’d seen two women holding hands on campus last week. That was cute too. No, he never felt uncomfortable around gay people. That wasn’t the issue. The issue was he didn’t like seeing Megumi flirt with someone; he didn’t understand why, but that was just how he felt. 

“...No.” He mumbled; he clicked no. 

Question after question. By the end, he was almost offended by how easy it had been. He clicked submit and watched as the page loaded. 

Result: 

You do not appear to hold homophobic beliefs. 

Based on your answers, you demonstrate acceptance and support towards LGBTQ+ individuals. If you’re feeling conflicted about a particular situation, it may be worth exploring the specific emotions involved rather than assuming prejudice. 

Yuuji blinked. “...Huh.” 

He refreshed it. Retook the quiz, finding the answer exactly the same. 

“That’s not right.” He muttered.
Maybe it was a bad quiz. He searched again, taking another. When finished, it read “Result: Strong LGBTQ+ Ally. 

Another quiz. “Probably not homophobic.” 

Another. “You’re more accepting than average.” 

Yuuji slowly closed his laptop. “The internet’s broken,” he mumbled, leaning back against his pillows and covering his eyes with a groan. 

His phone buzzed. 

Megs 🐺

Sorry I bailed today. 

Dinner ran longer than I expected. 

Yuuji’s heart leaped before he could stop it. 

Megumi had dinner. With him. The twisting feeling came back instantly. His stomach sank, and his fingers hovered over the keyboard. 

No worries! Hope you had fun :) 

He sent it. Three dots appeared almost immediately. 

Thanks, I did. 

Yuuji frowned; there it was again. That horrible, sour ache sitting behind his ribs. He tossed his phone onto the couch cushion beside him and buried his face in his hands. “I’m a terrible person.” He mumbled, incoherently. 

The quizzes only added to his confusion. So he might not be homophobic, but then why was he feeling like this? 

He should be happy if anything. Megumi was, to put it simply, a catch. He had those gorgeous green eyes, the kind that changed color when the light hit them just right. Hues of blue speckled with forest green, framed by dark, hooded eyes with the longest eyelashes Yuuji had ever seen. His hair always looked soft despite the spiky appearance. The strands always swaying gently in the wind, tufts of the slightly curved ends making him look surreal. 

He was tall, with long, strong legs, and he walked with a quiet confidence. The kind that intimidated but didn’t draw attention. His face was pale and porcelain. No blemishes or dark spots, just a glow to his soft skin. He had this tiny mole near his left eye, another on his throat just by his pulse point. And his lips were a pale pinkish color, the bottom fuller than the other. 

Yuuji’s face heated. Why was he thinking about his lips, his hair, his eyes. Why did he feel a sinking feeling at the thought of anyone else appreciating him? Why did he feel the need to drag Megumi away whenever Akito showed up? 

Yuuji flopped sideways on his bed, letting out a loud sigh into his hands. He eyed his phone next to him, setting his mouth in a thin line as he reached for it.

Why do I only get uncomfortable when my friend dates a man? 

Relationship advice: Jealousy. Possessiveness. Insecurity. Nothing mentioned homophobia. 

Yuuji frowned, tossing his phone and burying his face into the couch cushions. 

“These people don’t know what they’re talking about.” 

.✦ ݁˖

It wasn’t until a few days later that Yuuji managed to convince himself he was being ridiculous. 

It’s been years since the fight with Sukuna, years after all that bloodshed and loss. The three of them had grown up in the aftermath of it all, slowly settling into lives that looked almost normal from the outside. They were still sorcerers, still taking missions and exercising curses, but they weren’t children anymore. They could choose when to work, where to go, and for once, what they wanted their lives to look like. 

Nobara retired not long after the final battle, and moved out of campus, finding a cozy apartment just a twenty minute walk away. It was a regular event for the three of them to meet there, spending time together where things like curses and death weren’t brought up. It was one of the few places where they could forget the gravity of their jobs. 

Nobara rarely took on jobs. Sure, if the threat was extreme, she’d find herself joining the two boys on a mission. But it wasn’t often the trio was found all together on a mission. She claimed she needed to “keep her skills sharp” despite having absolutely nothing to prove to anyone. She was perfectly capable of turning down assignments whenever she wanted, but she liked the work. She liked having something to do instead of dying of boredom in her apartment alone. 

Yuuji suspected the real reason was that she liked having an excuse to boss people around, but he never brought it up. 

Megumi, on the other hand, had become much more selective with his assignments. With years of experience behind them, they were each trusted to handle more difficult missions on their own, and there was no longer anyone hovering over them to tell them where to go or what to do. 

It was strange sometimes, or at least it was to Yuuji. 

They spent so many years fighting just to survive that having ordinary days almost felt wrong. 

Yuuji and Megumi both found themselves spending more time together than not, partially because they both still lived on campus and had always fallen into the habit of seeking each other out whenever they had nothing better to do. But really, Yuuji just always found himself seeking the other out. Even if he wasn’t bored and alone, his mind often wandered to Megumi and what he could be doing. If he was hurt, or sad, or just lonely. Yuuji made sure he always had some idea where he was. 

It was rarely anything planned. 

Sometimes Yuuji would knock on Megumi’s door with a bag of snacks and a movie ready on his laptop he’d been dying to see. Other times, Megumi would text him a simple you busy? And they’d end up wandering around the school for hours with no particular destination. 

They trained together, ate together, and more often than not, ended up on the same couch at the end of the day, just enjoying the company and the shared understanding that they were still here, together. 

Yuuji had gotten so used to it he hardly noticed anymore. He just knew that if he felt alone, or needed someone, Megumi was right there. Always.
It was easy for them, comfortable and familiar. The times they spent together made all the years of fighting and curses easier to manage. He knew if he had a particularly bad mission, someone he couldn’t save, or if the nightmares kept him up too long at night, he had Megumi next door to go to. 

They didn’t need to make plans. They could spend an entire afternoon doing absolutely nothing and somehow never ran out of things to talk about. Sometimes they’d play video games until Yuuji was practically falling asleep against Megumi’s shoulder. Other times, they’d sit outside the dorms late at night, sharing snacks and talking about everything except sorcery. 

It was the closest either of them had to a normal life. And Yuuji liked it that way. 

He liked knowing that whenever he turned, Megumi was by his side. 

Even after all these years, some things hadn’t changed. 

“You’re getting slow.” 

Yuuji looked up from where he was sprawled across the training room floor. 

“I’m tired.” He said, opening an eye to see Megumi standing above him. 

“You’re gonna fall behind,” Megumi said, amusement in his tone. 

Yuuji just smiled up at him. “And you’ll be there to catch me when I fall.” 

Megumi scoffed, shaking his head, but Yuuji saw the small smile tugging at his lips. 

They’d finished training only a few minutes ago, both of them sweaty and worn out. Yuuji had managed to land a few good hits, but Megumi’s quick side step had left him a pile of limbs on the floor. 

Yuuji pushed himself upright and reached for the water bottle he’d left beside the wall. “One of these days I’m gonna beat you.” 

Megumi’s nose crinkled. “You say that every time.” 

“And one day it’ll be true.” 

Megumi moved to sit beside Yuuji on the floor. “I’ll believe it when it happens.” He mumbled, taking a sip of his water. 

Yuuji just laughed, laying back on the cool tiles as they both caught their breath. They sat there for a while, lounging on the cool floor and letting their breathing settle.
Yuuji leaned up, nudging his shoulder against Megumi’s. “So, what are we doing tonight?" 

Megumi glanced at him. “Nothing.” 

Yuuji grinned. “Perfect.” 

Megumi frowned. “I don’t remember saying we were doing anything together.” 

“You don’t have to. I’m inviting myself.” 

“Of course you are.” 

Yuuji leaned into his space. “Let’s get food and finish that documentary we started.” He said. 

Megumi looked at him, and for a second Yuuji forgot what he’d been about to say. 

He’d seen Megumi’s face a thousand times. Bloodied after missions, half asleep in the mornings, annoyed when Yuuji wouldn’t stop talking, quietly amused when he thought no one was looking. But sitting this close, with the afternoon light catching across his face, Yuuji found himself noticing things he’d somehow never paid enough attention to before. 

The dark sweep of his eyelashes. The faint shadows beneath his eyes that never seemed to disappear completely. The messy black hair that fell over his eyes, slightly damp from training. There was a tiny crease between his eyebrows, like he was already suspicious of whatever Yuuji was about to suggest.
And his eyes. 

Yuuji had always thought Megumi’s eyes were pretty. Deep green, almost dark enough to look black from a distance, but brighter when the light hit them. 

Megumi raised an eyebrow. “What?” 

Yuuji blinked, his whole face coming back into view. “Nothing.” 

Megumi frowned. “You were staring.” 

“I wasn’t.” 

Megumi gave him an unimpressed look, waiting. 

Yuuji’s face feels hotter than it did during training. “Just thinking.” He mumbles. 

“About?” 

Yuuji opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. 

You have really nice eyes. Is what he was going to say. But that sounded insane and unprompted, so he shut his mouth. 

He’s in the middle of thinking desperately for something to say, something that will keep Megumi’s eyes on him. Something that lasts. But Megumi’s phone starts ringing and drowns out whatever it was Yuuji was about to say. 

Megumi digs his phone out of his pocket, looking at the screen briefly before looking back at Yuuji. 

Yuuji sits there in silence, letting Megumi’s pretty eyes dart from him to the phone before he answers. 

“Hey.” He says, phone pressed to his ear. 

Yuuji busies himself picking at the label of his water bottle, trying not to listen. But his ears pick up on the softness in Megumi’s tone. 

“Tonight?” Megumi asks. 

Yuuji can’t stop himself from looking over. Megumi’s expression is soft, the corners of his mouth not set so deep in a straight line. Yuuji watches the way his fingers twist absently at the hem of his shorts. He watches the way his eyes drop to the floor as if suddenly shy. 

Something twists unpleasantly in Yuuji’s stomach. He turns to stare heavily at the ground before Megumi can catch him staring. 

“Yeah,” Megumi says after a moment. “I can do that.” He looks attentively at the floor, avoiding Yuuji’s gaze. “Okay, I’ll see you then.” 

The call ends. Yuuji forces his eyes to stay fixated on the floor. “Who was that?” He asks, trying to sound casual.
Megumi slips his phone into his pocket. “Akito.” 

“Oh,” Yuuji replies. He forces himself to smile, ignoring the roaring fire in his chest. “What’d he want?”

Megumi shrugged, reaching for his water bottle. “He wants to meet up tonight.” 

“Oh,” Yuuji said again. He tried to make the word sound as casual as possible, but it came out flatter than he intended. 

Megumi glanced at him. “He said he found somewhere to eat near here.” 

Yuuji hummed, still picking at his water bottle. “That sounds nice.” He mumbles. 

There's a pause, then silence. Yuuji tears off another tiny piece of paper from the label. 

“So…” He starts, “Are you going?”

Megumi gave him a look. “I just said I would.” 

“Right. Yeah. Obviously.” He chokes out. 

Another steady silence settles between them. Yuuji hated it. 

A few minutes ago, they’d been joking around, trading punch after kick, talking about nothing and arguing over what to watch. Now, he couldn’t think of anything to say. 

Megumi eventually stood, stretching his arms above his head. “I should probably shower.” 

Yuuji looked up at him. “Already?” 

“I’m covered in sweat.” Megumi deadpans. He reached an arm above his head, listening to the pops of his back and oblivious to the way Yuuji’s eyes darted to the sliver of pale skin revealed as his shirt rode up.

Yuuji’s cheeks feel like they’re on fire. “Right. I’ll, uh, see you later?” He asks, voice cracking on the last part just a bit. 

Megumi nods, grabbing his duffle bag and water, "I'll be back later.”

Yuuji’s stomach sank. “Yeah, okay.” He says, his eyes back to glaring holes into the floor. 

After gathering his stuff, Megumi gave him a funny look. “You sure you’re okay?” 

Yuuji forced a smile. “Yeah, I’m good.” 

Megumi stared down at him, he didn’t look convinced but he didn't push. “Okay.” He said, turning towards the doors. “See you later.” 

Yuuji watched him go. When his hands were on the doorknob Yuuji couldn’t keep his mouth shut. “Megumi?” 

Megumi glanced back. Yuuji wished he could decipher the look in his eyes. “Yeah?” 

Yuuji’s mouth opened, but no words felt appropriate. “Ah, never mind.” He breathed, scratching his neck. “Have fun.” 

Megumi frowned, staring back at Yuuji for a moment before he nodded. The door clicked shut behind him, and Yuuji stared at it, a part of him hoping he’d come back through it any moment. But he didn’t. He was gone, and Yuuji hadn’t felt this empty in a long time. 

Yuuji dropped his head into his hands. “What the hell is wrong with me?” 

He rubbed his face, trying to make sense of the mess of thoughts in his head. 

If he was actually homophobic, then why did he want to spend so much time with Megumi? Shouldn’t it be the opposite? Shouldn’t he feel uncomfortable around him? Shouldn’t he want to avoid him? 

But Yuuji didn't want to avoid Megumi. He wanted the exact opposite. He wanted Megumi around all the time. He wanted to eat with him, train with him, watch stupid documentaries with him. He wanted to sit beside him on the couch every night until one of them inevitably fell asleep. He wanted Megumi to text him when he got bored, ask him to hang out, or show up at his door without warning.

He wanted all of it. So how could that possibly mean he was homophobic? What was wrong with him? 

Yuuji groaned, “This doesn’t make any sense.” 

He thought back to the cafe. The way his stomach had twisted when he’d seen Akito next to Megumi. The way he hated watching them laugh together. The way he felt when Megumi left just now. 

None of it made sense. 

There had to be some explanation. Maybe he was just protective, maybe he was afraid Akito would hurt Megumi. 

Yuuji blinked. Now that made sense. 

That was completely reasonable. The revelation made him smile. 

Yuuji nodded alone to himself. “Yeah,” he mumbled. “Except, I don’t feel this way about anyone else Megumi hangs out with.” His smile disappeared as fast as it came. 

He fell backwards on the tile floor, staring up at the ceiling. He stayed there for another minute, trying not to think about it. 

Eventually, he forced himself up. He told himself it didn’t matter, he’d figure it out eventually.

He just hoped Megumi would still be around when he did. 

.✦ ݁˖

Akito was already waiting outside the restaurant when Yuuji arrived. 

He spotted Megumi first, leaning against the brick wall with his hands tucked into his jacket pocket. Akito stood beside him, saying something that made Megumi roll his eyes. 

Yuuji slowed as he approached. 

Okay, he thought, this was fine. 

He was just meeting the guy. The guy who happened to be dating, well, sort of dating, his best friend. The guy that made his blood boil for a reason he hasn’t yet figured out the reason for. Yeah, he told himself, this was fine. This was normal. 

Akito turned as Yuuji approached, nodding slightly. Megumi turned then, his eyes finding Yuuji’s and making his stomach roll. 

“Hey, you’re Yuuji right?” 

Yuuji stopped in front of them. “Uh, yeah.” He said. 

Akito just smiled at him. “Akito. Nice to finally meet you. Meg talks about you all the time.” 

Yuuji’s eyes widened. He would have found himself irritated at the sound of someone calling Megumi a nickname Yuuji was known to use, but his mind was more put off by what his words entailed. 

“He does?” Yuuji asked slowly. 

Megumi’s expression flattened. “Don’t encourage him.” He muttered. 

“What?” Akito laughed. “You do.” 

“I mention him.”

“Yeah, every time we hang out I might add.” 

Yuuji felt something warm bloom in his chest. He had to try very hard not to smile too much. He turned to Megumi, who had a faint blush on his ears as he pouted slightly. “Oh really?” He mused, leaning to knock his shoulder against Megumi, who shoved him away upon the impact. 

Megumi sighed, “Can we just go inside? I’m freezing.” 

Akito laughed, turning to open the door for them. 

Yuuji followed, mind still replaying Akito’s comment over and over. He felt giddy, which was adverse to how he usually felt in Akito’s presence. 

Megumi talks about me? 

Of course he did; they were best friends. It made sense and shouldn’t have been a big deal. But Yuuji couldn’t shake that dumb smile off his face as Akito led them to a table. Once they were seated, Akito sat next to Megumi and across from Yuuji. Yuuji tried not to frown at how close they sat, that plus the fact that it wasn’t him instead. 

“So,” Akito said, picking up the menu. “You guys just got back from a mission right?” 

Yuuji blinked. “You know about that?” 

Akito gave him a funny look. “Yeah. I’m from Kyoto. I retired for a few years and moved to the states for a little. I’m back now.”

Yuuji nodded, “Right.” 

Akito laughed, shaking his head. “Though Megumi doesn’t exactly like talking about his missions.” 

Megumi scoffed. “There’s nothing to talk about.” 

“You say that every time.” Akito chides, bumping his shoulder against Megumi’s. “I didn’t even know how bad some of your missions got until I saw your arm.” 

Yuuji glanced down to Megumi’s arm, which was covered in bandages. 

“You were covered in cuts,” Akito continued. “And you acted like it was nothing.” 

“It wasn’t a big deal.” Megumi shrugged. 

Akito rolled his eyes. “See? This is what I’m talking about. He put up the biggest fuss when I made him let me wrap it.” 

Yuuji laughed quietly, but something twisted unpleasantly in his stomach knowing he wasn’t the one Megumi came to all bloody after a mission. Instead, he went to Akito even though Megumi lived right down the hall from Yuuji. 

Megumi scoffed, “You’re making this weirder than it is.” He mumbled. 

Yuuji chuckled at that, trying not to ruminate too long over it. He turned to Akito. “Yeah, mission wasn’t bad.” 

Megumi snorted. “He nearly got himself crushed by a building.” 

Yuuji groaned slightly. “I did not.” 

Megumi gave him a dry look, making Yuuji’s face heat. He scratched his undercut. “I had it handled.” 

“I found you underneath a wall of concrete.” 

“I was getting out from underneath the wall.” 

Akito laughed at that. “You’re as funny as Megumi said you’d be.” 

Against his better judgment, Yuuji found himself smiling. This wasn’t so bad. He felt stupid for having such negative feelings towards the guy. 

Akito was nice. Really nice, actually. Lunch passed by with friendly conversation and light banter. He was easy to talk to, laughed at Yuuji’s stupid jokes, and seemed genuinely interested in hearing about his missions. Even Megumi seemed relaxed, occasionally letting out a quiet laugh at something Akito said. 

Maybe Yuuji had been making a bigger deal out of everything than he needed to. 

At least, he told himself that. But then Akito leaned an arm to rest on the back of Megumi’s chair and that feeling of irritation returned immediately. 

Yuuji’s smile twitched. Seriously? 

It wasn’t even anything. Akito wasn’t touching him. He wasn’t doing anything inappropriate. He was just sitting close, relaxed and comfortable. Despite this, Yuuji’s mind soared with that familiar sense of anger. 

Yuuji took another sip of his water. He tried to focus on the conversation, but his eyes kept darting to where Akito’s arm rested just behind Megumi’s head, and he was overcome with confusing emotions yet again. 

Time passed slowly; Yuuji eats his food and barely tastes it. He replies when spoken to, nods along to the conversation, and even manages to throw in a few jokes of his own, but his attention keeps drifting back to Megumi. The way he sits so close to Akito, smiling that small gentle smile and giving him a look with such softness, it made Yuuji feel sick. Every time Akito leans over to show Megumi something on his phone, his stomach twists unpleasantly. When Megumi lets out a chuckle, Yuuji finds himself wondering if it’s meant for him or Akito. He finds himself hoping it's the former. 

Yuuji tells himself he’s being ridiculous. Akito is nice, and Megumi seems happy. So why can’t he stop wishing the seat beside Megumi was with him instead? By the time they finish eating, Yuuji is more relieved than anything else. 

Akito stands first, stretching his arms above his head. “I’ll grab the check.” 

“I can–” Megumi starts. 

“I’ve got it.” He says, walking towards the counter. 

When they finally step outside, Akito and Megumi continue talking as they walk ahead. Yuuji trails a few steps behind, shoving his hands into his pockets. Maybe he really just needed time to get used to this. That had to be it. And if it wasn’t? He’d just have to get over it. Megumi was happy, and Yuuji didn’t deserve to be selfish about it. 

Megumi turned around to look at Yuuji. “We’re going to Akito’s for a bit. But I’ll be back tonight if you wanna watch that movie.” He says. 

Yuuji blinked. “Oh. Yeah, sure.” He says, forcing a smile even though something in his chest sinks at the thought of Megumi leaving with Akito again. “Have fun,” Yuuji says, quieter than he intended. 

Megumi studies him for a moment. “You okay?” 

Yuuji gives him a small smile. “Yeah, I’m good.” 

Megumi gives him a long considering look. Then he nods, “See you later.” 

And that’s it. Megumi turns the corner with Akito, leaving Yuuji to walk back to campus in a daze. He sighed as the wind brushed his face. At least he met him properly. And if he was being honest, he seemed genuinely nice. That should have made things easier. Instead, Yuuji found himself thinking about the way Akito sat beside Megumi all through lunch, how easily he made Megumi laugh, and how badly Yuuji had wanted to be the one by his side. 

He shook his head, knocking his knuckles against his temple. He walked faster; he couldn’t do this again. 

He wasn’t going to spend the entire afternoon obsessing over Megumi’s love life. He was going to go home, shower, lie in bed, and watch a movie by himself if he had to.
He’d be fine. Probably. 

.✦ ݁˖

A few days later, Yuuji found himself in Megumi’s room. He was sitting cross-legged on his bed with stacks of papers surrounding him. They had each just gotten back from a long mission, and when Yuuji saw how much paperwork there was to do, he invited himself into Megumi’s room to find him doing the same. 

Megumi sat at his desk, tapping his pen to the paper as he scanned the contents. He looked sleepy, his hair messier than usual from how often he was running his hands through it. He had dark circles under his eyes, and there was a faint crease between his eyebrows as he concentrated on the report in front of him. 

Yuuji found himself staring. 

He’d seen Megumi exhausted plenty of times. After missions, after training, during long nights when neither of them could sleep and sought the other out. But there was something about seeing him like this, completely worn down and unaware of how he looked, that made Yuuji pause. 

A few pieces of hair fell across his forehead, and Yuuji had the sudden urge to reach over and push them back. Despite the spiky appearance, his hair always looked so soft, and Yuuji would be lying if he said he didn’t think about running his hands through it from time to time. 

Yuuji looked down at his paperwork, but his traitorous eyes only lingered for a moment before they returned to Megumi. There was something about seeing him like this that made it difficult to look away. Megumi’s usual sharp expression had softened with exhaustion, his shoulders slouched slightly as he leaned over the desk. Every so often, he’d push his hair back only for it to fall into his eyes again a few seconds later. 

Yuuji found himself smiling. 

Megumi suddenly looked up from his papers, glancing over at Yuuji and widening his eyes. Yuuji continued to stare, seeing the way one eyebrow raised in question. 

“What?” Megumi asked. 

Yuuji blinked, snapping him out of his daze. “Huh?” 

Megumi blinked. “You were staring.’ 

Yuuji’s face heated, and he frowned at the boy in front of him. “Oh,” he muttered. “Just thinking.” 

“About?” Megumi asked, eyeing the papers in front of Yuuji that barely had any writing on it. 

“Nothing.” 

Megumi raised an eyebrow, making Yuuji laugh awkwardly. “Your hair just looks really messy.” 

Megumi went cross eyes for a moment as he focused on a particularly stubborn strand that fell in between his eyes. He reached up and ran a hand through it, making it worse. “Better?” 

Yuuji laughed. “No. You just made it worse.” 

Megumi sighed, leaning an elbow on the desk to rest his head in his palm. The dramatics of his sigh made Yuuji laugh again. 

“You look tired.” 

“I am tired,” Megumi mumbled.

“Then sleep,” Yuuji said. “You can finish it tomorrow; I doubt anyone will care.” 

Megumi lifted his head, narrowing his eyes at Yuuji on the bed. “You should sleep too.” 

Yuuji shrugged. “I’m fine. I’ll sleep when I’m done.” 

Megumi then peered over Yuuji, scanning the papers he was pretending to work on for the past hour to find nothing but doodles and chicken scratches on the blank page. He looked at Yuuji with a low look. “You're not finishing that tonight. You haven’t even filled out the first page.” 

Yuuji looked down at the papers and sighed. “Yeah, I’m just a little distracted.” 

Megumi leaned back in his chair. “You didn’t hit your head again, did you?” 

Yuuji scoffed, rubbing his neck. “I’m fine.” He insisted. 

“You’ve been staring at that page for an hour. You didn’t even write the date.” 

Yuuji felt his face burn. “I’ve been thinking.” 

“About what?” 

Yuuji opened his mouth to close it a second later. He shouldn’t bring it up. Megumi didn’t need to know just how much time he’d spent overthinking about his love life. He didn’t need to know that Yuuji felt such a strong discomfort whenever Megumi smiled at anyone that wasn’t him. Yuuji couldn’t let himself be that selfish. 

“Nothing important.” He settled on. 

Megumi gave him a skeptical look but didn’t press. Instead, he turned back towards his desk and picked up his pen, resuming his reading and note taking. “Then finish your report.” 

Yuuji stared at him for another moment, but Megumi’s attention was back on his paperwork, his eyes moving slowly across the page. 

Yuuji tapped his pen against his knee. He’d been trying to think of a way to ask for the last several days. It wasn’t his business. He knew that. But the question kept coming back anyway. 

“So…” 

Megumi didn’t look up. “So?” 

Yuuji swallowed. “You and Akito.” 

Megumi turned to him, his eyebrows lifted slightly. “What about me and Akito?” 

Yuuji shrugged, trying to make the question sound like it had just occurred to him. “Are you guys…actually dating?” He asked. 

Megumi leaned back in his chair, thinking for a moment. “Not really.” 

Yuuji blinked. “Not really?” 

“We’ve been seeing each other. But we haven’t put a label on it.” 

Yuuji nodded slowly, pretending to be interested in the papers in front of him. “Right. Yeah, that makes sense.” 

Megumi turned to him. “Why are you asking?” 

Yuuji’s pen stopped. “I don’t know.” 

Megumi narrowed his eyes. “You don’t know?” 

“I was just curious,” Yuuji mumbled, avoiding Megumi’s eyes. “You guys spend a lot of time together.” 

Megumi looked away. “I’m not really sure what we are. We’re taking things slow. Right now we’re just friends, I guess.” 

Yuuji found the constant heaviness in his chest lightened. “Oh,” he said, trying not to sound so relieved. “Okay.”
Megumi gave him an odd considering look before he turned back to the papers in front of him. 

But Yuuji suddenly felt the need to ask more. “Have you guys, like, kissed or anything yet?” He asked quietly. His stomach rolled at the suspense of what his answer would be. 

Megumi looked at him with wide eyes, pen dropping from his hands. “What?” He asked, face heating. 

Yuuji immediately felt his face heat. “I mean—” He laughed awkwardly. “I, uh, I dunno. Isn’t that what people do when they like someone?” 

Megumi stared at him for a moment, clearly trying to figure out where this conversation had come from. He had a faint redness to his cheeks and looked deeply uncomfortable. “No.” He finally said. “We haven’t done anything.” 

Yuuji felt something in his chest so suddenly it almost made him dizzy. The tightness that had been sitting for weeks seemed to unravel all at once, leaving behind a strange, weightless warmth. His shoulders dropped, his lungs filling more easily than they had a moment ago.

It was unmistakably relief. And that should have been comforting. 

Instead, Yuuji stared at Megumi, watching the faint flush still lingering across his cheeks, and he felt a stupid smile pull at the corners of his mouth. 

He quickly looked down. Unable to shake that grin that he didn’t give permission for it to surface. Why am I so relieved? 

Megumi shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “Why do you care?” He asked, looking towards the wall away from Yuuji. 

Yuuji looked up then, staring at Megumi’s profile as he stared blankly at the wall, his indifference overshadowed by the bright blush in his ears. 

“No reason.” Yuuji hummed. He couldn’t help but feel giddy. The feeling bubbled beneath his skin, light and almost impossible to contain. He had to press his lips tightly together to keep himself from smiling too widely. 

They haven’t kissed. 

For some reason, that felt like a victory. A completely meaningless, stupid victory, but a victory nonetheless. 

Yuuji lowered his eyes to his paperwork, trying to pretend he was suddenly very interested in filling out pages of his report. But he wasn’t. His pen hovered uselessly on the page. 

Across from him, Megumi had turned back towards him, shifting again. “Why are you smiling?” He muttered.

Yuuji immediately looked up. “I’m not.” He said, biting his lip to try to hide his grin and failing expertly. 

Megumi narrowed his eyes, raising an eyebrow that made Yuuji realize he didn’t have a choice but to stay quiet. 

“I just remembered something funny.”
“What was it?” 

Yuuji pressed his lips together. “I forgot.” 

Megumi stared at him for a long moment, assessing. Yuuji held his gaze, trying to suppress the smile that had been threatening to break across his face. Eventually, Megumi looked away, turning back towards his desk. The faint pink flush still lingered across his cheeks and spread down the tops of his ears, made even more noticeable against his pale porcelain skin. 

Yuuji lowered his eyes to his papers, the corner of his mouth curling upward despite himself. 

The mission report in front of him wasn’t close to being finished, his handwriting scattered between half formed sentences and careless doodles. He didn’t particularly care anymore. 

For the first time in weeks, the weight that had been pressing against his chest was gone. He picked up his pen and continued filing the report, still wearing that small, contented smile. 

Across the room, Megumi kept his attention fixed stubbornly on his own paperwork, though the warmth in his cheeks refused to fade. 

.✦ ݁˖

“Why do you look so happy?” Nobara asked as she let Yuuji in through her front door, her eyes narrowed and skeptical as she followed him to her kitchen. 

Yuuji set the bag of alcohol and snacks on the counter before he was done processing her words. He turned to see her leaning back against the wall, her one good eye assessing him. 

“Do I?” He asked. 

Yuuji didn’t think Nobara’s eyelid could drop any lower. “Yes.” 

Yuuji’s eyebrows furrowed. “This is how I always look.” He shrugged, turning to unpack the bags on the counter. 

“No, not like this though,” Nobara said slowly. “Something happened. Something that made you guiltily happy about, and I wanna know what.” 

Yuuji continued to unpack his things. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Uh huh.” 

Yuuji could feel her eyes burning the back of his head, but he chose to ignore it, that stupid smile continuing to creep back on his face. He couldn’t help it. For the first time in days, everything felt…lighter. Megumi hadn’t kissed Akito; they weren’t even dating. And maybe that meant Yuuji still had time to figure out whatever the hell was happening inside his head. 

A sharp pain in his head snapped him back to reality. He winced, turning to scowl at Nobara, who still had her fist raised in warning. “What. Happened.” She demanded. 

“Nothing,” Yuuji groaned, rubbing the injury. 

“Then why are you smiling like a dope in my apartment?” 

“I’m always smiling!” Yuuji argued. 

Nobara raised her fist higher, daring to strike. Yuuji shrieked, covering his head with his hands and bowing downwards. When his head remained untouched, he lifted it. Nobara stood in front of him, scowling, arm still raised as she contemplated her next move. “Yuuji.” She warned. 

Yuuji waved his hands in defense. “It’s nothing! Nothing happened, so calm down.” 

“Then why do you look like that?”

Yuuji paused. Nobara was already aware of his distaste for Megumi’s love life; he didn’t think sharing more with her would do any real damage. 

Yuuji took a breath. “Megumi hasn’t kissed Akito.” 

Nobara’s expression went completely blank. “...What?” 

“They haven’t kissed,” Yuuji repeated, a little quieter. “Or done anything, apparently.” He said, fighting the curve to his lips as he said the words out loud. 

Nobara stared at him, mouth agape and eyes low as if she’s bad of hearing all of a sudden. “And that makes you happy?” She asked slowly. 

Yuuji opens his mouth to reply but closes it right after. Yes. It did make him happy. But he didn’t fully understand why. He couldn’t deny it; the relief he felt when Megumi told him was undeniable. It had settled over that heaviness in his chest, warm and lighter than the stark, isolating coldness that he had been living with ever since he met Akito. 

He looked away, brows knitting together as he tried to find an explanation that made sense. “...Yeah.” He mumbled. 

Nobara lowered her fist. “Why?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Yuuji,” Nobara said, her voice rising. 

“I really don’t.” He confessed, rubbing the back of his neck as he felt his face warm. “I just..I don't know. I thought they’d already done something, and when Megumi said they hadn’t, I just felt better.” 

Nobara crossed her arms over her chest. “And you don’t have any idea why that might be?” 

Yuuji frowned. “Because…” He stopped. The answer should have been easy. Because Akito was a guy. Because he was worried he’d break Megumi’s heart. Because he was his best friend and he was just being protective. He’d used all those excuses before, but right now, none of it felt right. 

He thought about the way his chest had loosened when Megumi told him. How happy he’d felt since that conversation. He didn’t feel sick anymore, the weight of discomfort had lessened into something comforting. But he didn’t have a reason behind it, and it shouldn’t be that hard to explain but it was. 

Yuuji swallowed. “I don’t know,” he admitted, his voice sounding far away. 

Nobara's expression changed, the look of annoyance overcome with something closer to realization.

“Yuuji.” 

Yuuji gulped, he didn’t think he’d like whatever it was she had to say. 

“What?” 

She hesitated, then carefully; “Has it occurred to you,” she asked with terrifying calmness, “That maybe the problem isn’t that Megumi is dating a man?” 

Yuuji stared at her, utterly confused. That was the whole point of his unease. The reason he hadn’t been sleeping, the reason he’s been distant. What else could it be? 

Yuuji thought about Megumi. The way his dark hair was always a mess, falling into his eyes no matter how many times he pushed it back. His long thick eyelashes that Yuuji always pretended not to notice, especially against the tired shadows beneath the swoop of his eyelids. And his eyes, Yuuji always knew they were green, he’d seen them thousands of times. But he never really realized how much he liked to stare into them.  Even with the jagged scars framing them, they remained just as captivating. 

Yuji’s gaze drifted towards the floor. 

Then there was his smile. Megumi didn’t do it often, but when he did, it always caught Yuuji off guard. It softened his whole face, making him look younger somehow. Yuuji would be lying if he said he wouldn’t look out for it. After every joke or comment, he’d mindlessly search Megumi’s face for the reaction he wanted. His lips would curve just slightly upwards, and when Yuuji did his job especially well, Megumi would lift a hand to cover his face. But Yuuji always saw. 

He stared at the ground, then his stomach dropped. “No.” He mumbled. 

Nobara didn’t say anything. 

Yuuji shook his head, almost frantically. “No, that’s not–” He stopped himself. Because what was he even denying? The thought had already taken root. Maybe the problem wasn’t that Megumi was dating a man. Maybe it was that Megumi was dating someone. Someone who made him laugh and blush when complimented, someone that he could lean on and who understood the weight of every jujustu sorcerer. Someone that wasn’t Yuuji. 

Yuuji’s eyes widened. He thought about Akito sitting beside Megumi at the cafe. The way his shoulder had brushed against Megumi’s. The way he’d looked at him. The way Yuuji wanted to be in his place. He remembered back when Megumi left with Akito, leaving Yuuji to walk home alone. The jealousy and irritation he felt in that moment. And then the immediate relief when Megumi admitted they hadn’t kissed. The way his chest had felt lighter the moment he heard him say it. 

He thought about Megumi, bruised and bloody after a mission, going to someone else for comfort and care. Someone who equally understood the history behind Megumi’s scars, someone who gave Megumi something Yuuji never could. 

None of it had anything to do with Akito being a man. 

If it wasn’t Akito, it would have been anyone else that Megumi decided to share his heart with. 

Anyone that wasn’t Yuuji. 

Yuuji could feel his heartbeat race. He felt hotter all of a sudden, sweat rolling down his neck as he processed something he never thought he’d have to. 

“Oh.” He mumbled, still hanging his head staring down at the floor. 

Nobara’s expression softened. She stood in front of Yuuji, waiting. 

“That’s not…” He swallowed. “That can’t be why–” 

“Why not?” Nobara cut in. 

Yuuji looked up at her, eyes wide and stinging. “Because–” He choked, there was no answer. Every excuse he’d made over the past few weeks suddenly sounded ridiculous. He wasn’t uncomfortable because Megumi liked men. He wasn’t concerned that Akito might hurt him. This wasn’t him being protective. He was jealous. He’d been jealous this entire time. 

Yuuji felt dizzy. He covered his face with his hands. “Oh my god.” He mumbled. 

Nobara sighed. “Yeah.” 

“I-” He said, voice hoarse. “I’m not–” 

He couldn’t finish that sentence. It felt impossible to say. He spent so much time trying to prove he wasn’t homophobic that he’d never stopped to consider what it meant that he cared so much about Megumi specifically. 

His face burned. Slowly, he lowered his hands. “I like him.” He said. 

Nobara waited. 

“I like Megumi.” He said. 

Nobara sighed, “About time.” She said, rubbing her temple. 

Yuuji stared at his hands. He stared at his left hand where two digits were missing. Fingers he’d lost just to get Megumi back. At the time, it didn’t feel like a sacrifice. There hadn’t been anything to think about. Megumi had been in danger, and Yuuji had only known that he needed to get to him, he needed to find him. 

He would’ve done anything to get him back. He always thought that was just something you did for someone you loved. But now, sitting here with his heart pounding at the thought of Megumi being close to someone that wasn’t him, he wondered if he’d ever really understood what that meant. 

He cared about Megumi more than he did himself. He had for years. His thumb brushed absentmindedly over the empty space where his fingers used to be. He remembered reaching for Megumi. Running in the cold dark shadows towards him. He remembered the desperation he felt at the thought of losing him. He remembered every time he’d look for Megumi after a mission. Every time he’d felt relief just seeing him sitting in the living room reading. Every night they’d spend together doing nothing, every stupid conversation, every meal they cooked together to share, every time Megumi had quietly chosen to stay by his side. 

Yuuji had never needed anything from Megumi except his presence. Just having him there had always been enough. 

And now the thought that someone else would get to hold him, comfort him, kiss him–

His chest ached. He wanted that. Not just Megumi’s attention, not only his time. He wanted Megumi. 

Yuuji wanted to be the person Megumi looked for in a crowded room. To be the one Megumi came to when he was hurt. He wanted to know what it felt like to have Megumi choose him, not because they were teammates or best friends, but because he wanted Yuuji there. 

Yuuji covered his burning face. 

He thought about his messy dark hair, the soft green of his eyes. The way his expression changed when he smiled. How beautiful he always looked when he was tired, or moody, or even angry. 

How many times had Yuuji looked at him without realizing he was memorizing him? How many times had he wanted to touch him but never questioned why? 

Yuuji’s heart gave a painful thud. He liked Megumi. He liked his best friend. 

Yuuji’s legs finally gave out, and he caught the countertop as he lowered himself to the floor. He just sat there, staring at his hands, trying to understand how something that had apparently been true for so long had managed to hide from him. 

Nobara watched him quietly, and for once, she didn’t make a joke. She could see the panic settling into his face, the way his shoulders had drawn inward and his fingers twitched with restless energy. She lowered herself to a knee and reached out to touch Yuuji’s shoulder. “Hey.” She said, Yuuji looked up, her expression was soft and careful. “It’s okay.” 

Yuuji let out a shaky laugh, “Is it?” 

Nobara shrugged, “Sure. It’s not the end of the world, we already lived through that.” She smirked. 

Yuuji let out a breath, “It doesn’t feel okay.” He muttered. 

“That doesn’t make it bad.” She said softly. She shifted so she was sitting next to Yuuji, “You just figured out something pretty huge about yourself. You’re allowed to freak out a little.” 

Yuuji looked down again, biting his lip. “But it’s Megumi.” 

Nobara glanced at him. “So?” 

Yuuji swallowed the lump in his throat. “What if this ruins everything?” 

Nobara frowned. “You’re not ruining anything Yuuji.” 

“But what if he doesn’t–” He stopped, he couldn’t even finish the thought. 

What if Megumi didn’t feel the same? What if he wasn’t able to look at Yuuji the same anymore if he found out. What if the easiest, safest thing in his life, the one relationship he’d always been certain he could count on changed because Yuuji had finally realized he wanted something more? 

His eyes stung, he reached up to rub his eyes hard enough he saw stars for a moment. “I don’t want to lose him.” He choked out. 

Nobara was quiet, then she placed a hand on his shoulder. “You’re not losing him.” 

“You don’t know that.” 

Nobara bit her lip, as if words were on the tip of her tongue but she didn’t dare speak them. “No. But I know Megumi.” 

Yuuji gave her a doubtful look, eyes still burning with unshed tears. 

“And I know you,” she continued. “You’ve been hopelessly attached to that broody idiot for years. You think realizing you’re in love with him is suddenly gonna erase everything you two have been through?” 

“In love!?” Yuuji shrieked. 

Nobara winced, “Too soon?” 

Yuuji stared at her, his face burning bright red. “Who said anything about being in love?!” 

Nobara tilted her head at him, eyes expecting and waiting. 

Yuuji was shaking. “No. No, no.” Yuuji shook his head rapidly. “I just figured out I like him! You can’t just jump to being in love!” 

Nobara sighed, “If I left it up to you I'd have to deal with this pining for another five years.” She said. “If we’re talking about feelings, might as well be honest.” 

Yuuji gulped, hanging his head again. “I can’t be in love with Megumi.” 

“Why?” 

“Because he’s Megumi!” Yuuji yelled, as if the answer was obvious. 

Nobara glared at him, lifting an eyebrow. 

Yuuji sucked in a breath, “He’s my best friend. And I’d do anything for him.” He admitted. “But I can’t–” He choked. “It’s not fair for me to get in the way of him being happy. If I tell him, and he doesn’t feel the same, everything will be different. He might never look at me the same again!” 

Yuuji feels a smack across his head. “You are so, so stupid.” She groaned. “Both of you are.” 

Yuuji rubbed his head, looking at her through wet lashes. “Wha–” He started. 

“No.” She cut in. “Shut up and listen to me for once.” 

Yuuji’s mouth clamped shut. 

“You two are the most codependent people I have ever met in my life.” She said, “And I mean that in the most insulting way possible.” 

Yuuji frowned, but let her continue. 

“You two can’t be apart for a day before you start freaking out and searching each other out. You both refused to leave jujutsu high because “it’s easier to live on campus”” She mocked in a low voice. “When it’s obvious both of you are just scared of not being as close to each other as possible twenty four seven. You worry more about each other than you do yourselves and it’s honestly sickening to watch.” 

Yuuji just stared as she ranted, he couldn’t find his voice. 

“You think I don’t notice? Everyone notices Yuuji. Megumi’s a fucking shut in but whenever you’re involved, he’s there. Sure, he’ll complain the whole time but really he’s just keen on keeping you in his sight all the time. For fucks sake he never takes his eyes off you.” 

Yuuji’s face feels like it's on fire. “He does not.” He mumbled. 

Nobara glared heavily at him, and Yuuji took that as an incentive to shut his mouth.

“He does.” She said flatly. 

Yuuji looked down at his hands, suddenly very interested in the Nobara’s tiled floors. 

“You don’t care that Akito is a guy. You care that he’s someone interested in Megumi. You care that he sits next to him when you want to, that he touches him where you can’t. You care that Megumi has the nerve to smile at someone who isn’t you.” 

Yuuji worried he’d be hit again if he spoke, so he just nodded once, eyes still on the floor. 

Nobara leaned back against the cabinet, “So, yeah. Maybe you’re in love with him, so what? But you need to stop pretending this is about some random guy dating your best friend when you and Megumi have already been acting like you’re dating for years.” 

That suddenly grabbed Yuuji’s attention. 

“Wait,” Yuuji said, “Did Megumi say something to you–” 

“Nope. None of your business.” She interrupted. “If you wanna know how he feels you have to ask him. I’m done being in the middle of this.” 

Yuuji stared at her for a moment before letting out a small, shaky laugh. “Okay.” 

He rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand, quickly wiping away the tears that had gathered there. He hadn’t even realized how much he had been crying. 

“Sorry.” He mumbled. 

Nobara bumped his shoulder. “Don’t be.” 

Yuuji took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. His chest still felt tight, but there was something lighter underneath it now. He’d spend so long being confused about what he was feeling, trying to find some other explanation for it, and somehow just saying it out loud made everything feel a little less terrifying. 

He looked over to Nobara. “Thanks.” 

She gave him a small smile. “Yeah whatever.” She rolled her eyes playfully. “Just man up and tell him already.” 

Yuuji nodded. “I will.” He muttered. “And…I’m sorry for being such a pain about Akito.” 

“You were extremely annoying about it.” 

Yuuji snorted, “I figured.” 

“I almost locked you and Megumi in your dorm until you two talked this out.” 

He laughed again, “I’m surprised you hadn’t already.” 

For the first time in a long while, he felt like he could actually breathe. 

Then the front door opened. 

“Sorry I’m late.” 

Yuuji froze. 

Nobara’s eyes flickered towards the entryway. 

Megumi stepped inside, shutting the door behind him. He looked exactly the same as he always did after a long day, hair slightly messy, hands shoved in his jean pockets, his expression tired and vaguely annoyed. 

His eyes landed on Yuuji on the floor, then to Nobara sitting next to him. His eyes narrowed, a crease forming between his eyebrows as he took in Yuuji’s red face and wet eyes. “You guys okay?” He asked slowly. 

Yuuji’s heart immediately jumped in his throat. “Yeah! Totally okay.” He said a little too loud. 

Megumi stared at him. “Were you crying?” He asked. 

Yuuji reached up to wipe his eyes again, his mouth opened to deny it but he knew his raspy voice would be a dead giveaway. 

Megumi’s frown deepened. He stepped further into the room, his attention never leaving Yuuji. “What happened?” 

Thankfully, Nobara jumped in. “Nothing happened,” she said before Yuuji could answer. “We were just talking.” 

Megumi looked at her skeptically. “About?” 

She waved a hand as she stood up dismissing him. “None of your business.” 

“Nobara.” Megumi said in a low voice. 

“Megumi.” She replied mockingly. 

They stared at each other, and Yuuji couldn’t help but feel a little amused despite himself. This was normal, this was familiar. Megumi and Nobara bickering over nothing too important, the kind of thing Yuuji’s seen a hundred times before. 

Except now it was different. Because Yuuji knew he was in love with Megumi. Megumi Fushiguro, who was standing right in front of him with a worried yet annoyed look on his face. 

Yuuji’s stomach twisted and he forced his eyes to remain dry. 

“Anyway,” Nobara said, turning to the counter where Yuuji left the bags. “Let’s go, I already made a playlist and Yuuji brought drinks.” She said, moving to the living room. When she passed by Megumi she patted his shoulder. “Don’t interrogate him.” 

Megumi frowned and watched her walk away. “I wasn’t going to.” 

She simply hummed vaguely as she left them alone. Megumi wasn’t budging, he turned back to Yuuji who was still sitting on the floor looking up at him. He took a step forward and reached out a hand to Yuuji, eyes waiting and expectant. 

Yuuji looked from his eyes to the hand outstretched before him. He swallowed, nerves evident, but he still took his hand in his and let himself be lifted. 

When he was back on his feet Megumi didn’t let go. If anything, his grip tightened. “You sure you’re okay?” He asked. 

Yuuji felt like he could cry all over again, but now wasn’t the time to expose his feelings. He settled for a nod and tried his best to offer a small smile. 

Megumi still didn’t look convinced, but he nodded back and slowly let go of Yuuji’s hand, which felt cold and empty at the loss. 

He followed Megumi to the living room, his hand still feeling warm where Megumi had held it. Yuuji curled his fingers into his palm, trying to ignore the strange ache in his chest. He really needed to figure out how he was supposed to tell Megumi how he felt. The longer he waited, the worse it would be. 

But he let himself be tonight. Sitting by Megumi on the couch as Nobara sorted through her playlist and talked their ears off. He pretended not to notice the way Megumi’s eyes would fall on him every so often. He remembered what Nobara said before, that Megumi never took his eyes off of Yuuji. He was so deep in confusion he didn’t pause to realize how true that may have been. 

He let himself sink into the familiar warmth of Megumi beside him. Their shoulders brushed whenever one of them shifted, and Yuuji found himself smiling despite everything. 

Maybe tonight he didn’t have to figure everything out. 

He was content to just sit beside Megumi. Like he always had been. Like it always would be. At least, that’s what Yuuji told himself to believe right now. 

.✦ ݁˖

Yuuji knew he was in love with Megumi. 

That part was no longer a question. Figuring out what to do about it was another matter entirely. 

He tried to tell him. Several times actually.  

There was one afternoon when they were eating together, Megumi quietly picking at his food while Yuuji worked up the courage to say something.
“Megumi?” He finally asked. 

Megumi looked up from his food, “Hm?” 

Yuuji licked his lips, swallowing down his cowardance. He opened his mouth to finally blurt out those words he thought about every second of the day. 

But Megumi’s phone rang, snuffing out his confidence and making him retreat back inside his own head. 

Another time, they were walking back from a mission, the streets nearly empty and the words sitting heavy on Yuuji’s tongue. 

“Hey, Megumi?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I wanted to tell you—” 

A car screeched around the corner, nearly hitting a cyclist and Megumi immediately turned his attention towards the commotion. 

The moment was gone. 

Then there were all the other times. 

When Megumi was too tired. 

When Yuuji was too nervous. 

When Nobara was around. 

When Akito was around. 

Every time, Yuuji convinced himself that maybe tomorrow would be better. But eventually, he got tired of waiting for any perfect moment. There wasn’t gonna be one, he reminded himself. He was planning on confessing his love to his best friend who was getting dangerously close to getting in a relationship with someone else. He didn’t have time to sit and wait anymore. 

So one evening, Yuuji made up his mind. 

He marched straight down the hall to Megumi’s room, heart pounding hard enough to make his ribs ache. He was going to tell him, no matter what. 

He reached the door and knocked. Nothing. 

He knocked again. It was eerily quiet. No soft drum of music playing or any rustle of covers to indicate Megumi was home. 

Yuuji frowned and tried the handle, finding the door unlocked. He peeked inside to find Megumi’s room empty. 

Yuuji tsked, “Of course.” He muttered. 

He checked the common areas first. Then the cafeteria, the library, and the courtyard. He even wandered through a few of the training buildings, growing increasingly irritated with himself for getting a sense of worry. 

By the time the sun had started sinking below the horizon, Yuuji was exhausted. He had checked every classroom and inch of campus, no sign of Megumi. 

He let out a sigh as he walked along the grassy area of campus, running a hand through his hair. He tried to ignore the sticky sense of worry in his chest and continued walking. 

Then he saw them. 

Megumi and Akito stood together on the training grounds. 

They were talking quietly, neither aware of Yuuji as he stared down on them from the hill. The faded sunlight cast everything in a warm orange glow, catching on Megumi’s dark hair. Akito stood close to him, too close for Yuuji’s standards. 

Yuuji’s gaze dropped before he could stop himself. Their hands were almost touching, not quiet, but close enough that Yuji could imagine what it would feel like if they were their figures intertwined instead. 

His stomach twisted and he swallowed hard, forcing the sorrow back down before it could reach his face.
He had come here to tell Megumi how he felt. But looking at him now, the way he stared into Akito’s eyes, a quirk to his lips Yuuji always thought he’d be the only one to see, he couldn’t do it. Not like this. Not when Megumi looked so comfortable beside someone else. 

Yuuji took a quiet step backwards. Then another, his eyes staying trained on Megumi across the field. Yuuji hated how beautiful he looked right then. 

He turned away. He couldn’t tell him. Not now, maybe not ever. 

After that, avoiding Megumi became easier than facing him. 

Yuuji stopped dropping by his room. He started finding excuses to eat at different times. He’d leave common areas whenever Megumi walked in, claiming he had somewhere to be whenever Megumi asked him to hang out. 

He told himself he was giving Megumi space. But really, he was giving himself space to hurt somewhere Megumi wouldn’t have to see. 

It worked. For a while at least. 

Then, Yuuji was blissfully dreaming when he heard the sound of his door swinging open. 

His eyes snapped open to see Megumi at his door, that trademark scowl on his face. 

Yuuji blinked slowly at him, already lifting himself to lean on his eyebrows to look at him properly. “Uh, Megumi?” He asked. 

“Get dressed.” Megumi said. “We have a mission.” 

Yuuji blinked again. He didn’t have a mission set today. In fact, he was already planning on stirring in his room all day while Megumi was gone, drowning in sorrows over his first ever heartbreak. 

“Huh?” He said dumbly. “I don’t have a mission today.” 

Megumi’s eyes twitched, “Last minute changes.” He simply said. “Get dressed, I’ll be outside.” And then he was shutting the door, leaving Yuuji alone and confused, which wasn’t anything new these days. 

When Yuuji is done dressing and spiraling over the state of his bedhead, he leaves his room to see Megumi leaning against the wall next to his door. He looks up from his phone and tilts his head down the hall before walking away. Yuuji follows wordlessly. 

They don’t talk on the car ride there, Yuuji is too busy fiddling with his hands as he tries not to stare at Megumi’s profile as he stares quietly out the window. 

It was one of the hardest things Yuuji’s ever done. He kept opening his mouth to break the silence, but always clamped his mouth shut before he said anything stupid. Megumi’s face was illuminated by the passing sunlight. Despite his efforts to not stare, he caught himself looking anyway. The slope of his nose, the messy black hair falling over his forehead, the faint crease between his brows. 

He quickly looked down again. He couldn’t keep doing this. Everytime he looked at Megumi his chest hurt, but for some reason that didn’t stop him from wanting to look again. 

The ride is deafeningly silent, and Yuuji can’t help but squirm in his seat. 

When they finally arrived, Yuuji was more than ready to get out of the car. He followed Megumi towards the abandoned building they’d been set to investigate, keeping a careful distance as they stepped inside. 

The air was heavy with dust and cursed energy. There wasn’t a lot of light inside, just faint beams of sunlight peaking through the cracks in the walls and ceiling. Yuuji took a breath and walked beside Megumi, fist clenched and ready for danger. 

Megumi glanced around, his eyes narrowing. “Stay close.” 

Yuuji nodded. 

They moved through the building, checking the different rooms and hallways for any sign of the curse. The silence between them stretched on, uncomfortable and unfamiliar. 

Then Megumi spoke. 

“I lied.” 

Yuuji looked over, surprised by the tone of his voice. “Huh?” 

Megumi wasn’t looking at him, he scanned the walls and floor as he walked beside him. “You didn’t have a mission today.” 

Yuuji stopped walking. “What?” 

Finally, Megumi turned to face him. “There was no last minute change.” 

Yuuji continued to stare at him, mouth open and eyes creased in confusion. “Then why did you–” 

“You’ve been avoiding me.” He said simply. 

The words landed harder than Yuuji expected. Megumi noticed. Of course he noticed. Yuuji was always by his side, talking his ear off about whatever nonsense plagued his mind that day of the week, he’d cook for them every night, they’d share coffee with each other every morning before they started their day. They were seen more together than apart for all the time they’ve known each other. Why did Yuuji think he could distance himself without him noticing?” 

Yuuji swallowed. “I haven’t.” He mumbled. 

Megumi gave him a flat look, and that glare in his green eyes really shouldn’t have such an impact on Yuuji. But with all things Megumi, it did. “You have.” 

“I-” He started, clearing his throat. “I’ve just been busy.” 

“You’ve been busy for a week?” Megumi asked.
Yuuji opened his mouth only to snap it shut right after. 

Megumi turned to him, crossing his arms. “You don’t come by anymore. You keep making excuses when I ask you to hang out. Yesterday you left the kitchen as soon as I walked in.” 

Yuuji looked away. “I didn’t think you’d notice.” 

Megumi scoffed. “Of course I noticed.” 

Something in Yuuji’s chest twisted, but he couldn’t speak. He looked at the ground, not daring to look into those emerald eyes that made him want to spill his guts out with every glare. 

Megumi sighed. “Did I do something?” 

Yuuji looked up then. Megumi had a crease between his eyebrows, a deep frown on his lips. He looked scared, and a little sad. 

“No.” Yuuji said. 

“Then what is it?” Megumi demanded. 

Yuuji fidgeted with his fingers, feeling the bumps on his left hand where two were missing. He wanted to tell him. This was exactly what he’d been waiting for. They were alone. Megumi had asked. He could finally say it. He could finally speak those words that have kept him from sleeping. The words that made him close himself off from the one person who always understood him. 

“I just…” He began. 

Megumi waited, and Yuuji hoped the drum of his heartbeat wasn’t as loud as it felt. 

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot.” 

Megumi’s eyebrows pulled together. “Okay?” He said slowly. 

Yuuji wet his lips, finally meeting his eyes. “Megumi.” He breathed. “I think I—” 

A sudden, violent burst of cursed energy shook the building. 

Both of them froze. Megumi’s expression immediately sharpened. “Yuuji.” 

Yuuji nodded. “I felt it.” 

A low, distorted growl echoed from somewhere deeper in the building. Megumi stepped in front of him, hands already moving into position. 

The curse emerges from the darkness, a tall cloudy black figure with too many legs to count. Each leg is pointed with hands sharp as knives, dripping with green ooze. Its multiple eyes were glowing green, slowly advancing on the two men. 

The words died in Yuuji’s throat. Whatever he had been about to say would have to wait. 

The curse lunged. Yuuji barely had time to react before it came crashing toward them, its elongated limbs scraping against the walls as it moved with unnatural speed. 

“Move!” Megumi yelled, shoving Yuuji aside. 

Yuuji hit the floor and rolled, catching himself on one hand just as the curse’s claws tore through the space where his head had been. “Shit!” 

He launched himself forward, driving his fist into the curse’s side. The impact sent it crashing against the room, hitting the wall with a wet slap. Megumi advanced, drawing out a cursed tool from his shadows as he swerved through the dark floors like an ice skater. When he reached the curse he struck its head, drawing his knife through three of its eyes. It screeched violently and swung at Megumi, who dropped into the shadows to dodge. He appeared back at Yuuji’s side, shaking off the blood from his hair. “You good?” He asked. 

Yuuji nodded, facing the curse again. His fists burned with energy as he slowly advanced. 

Megumi’s divine dog emerged from his feet, fangs bared and claws extracted. The shikigami tore from the darkness, snapping at the curses legs. It twisted away from the first attack, only for Megumi to send Nue driving down from above. Lightning cracked throughout the building, making Yuuji’s teeth clatter as he ran ahead. 

The curse was swaying on its legs as electricity shocked through its body. Yuuji charged through the smoke, landing a punch directly against its jaw. Then another, and another. The forth strike sent it stumbling backwards, its eyes where Megumi had struck were bleeding green slime but Yuuji could see the fury they held. 

It swung at Yuuji. He blocked each swipe of its legs. He kept moving, divine dog snapping and biting into its flesh as Yuuji continued his assault. When the curse staggered against the wall, nearing its end, Yuuji’s eyes flickered to Megumi across the floor, who was running with his cursed tool raised at it, ready to finish it. 

Yuuji stared at him for half a second too long. The curse noticed, and its body twisted. A jagged appendage shot towards Yuuji’s chest, aiming to pierce him. Yuuji looked forward and froze. 

“Yuuji!” 

Yuuji braced himself to be hit, but it never happened. Megumi had been running towards him, and had stepped directly between him and the curse. 

The curse’s pointed limb dove right through Megumi’s thigh. 

A sickening sound echoed through the building. 

Megumi’s eyes widened, he faltered, dropping to his knees in front of Yuuji. 

“Megumi!” 

The curse ripped its limb free as Megumi collapsed. 

For one second, Yuuji couldn’t move. He stared at the blood spreading across Megumi’s uniform. The spots of green dripping from the wound. Megumi’s face hidden by his hair, his mouth set in a painful grimace as his body shook. 

Something inside him snapped. 

The world narrowed. There was only the curse. Only Megumi lying in front of him on the floor, surrounded by a growing pool of blood. 

Yuuji disappeared. He was on the curse before it could recover. His fist connected with its face hard enough to crack the concrete beneath its feet. He hit it again and again. Until his fists were numb with blood and green ooze. Every hit carried everything he couldn’t say, every night he’d spend wondering if Megumi would ever choose him, every moment he’d been afraid of losing him. 

The curse tried to fight back, but Yuuji tore through it. He grabbed it by its throat and slammed it into the ground. 

“Don’t touch him.” He growled between punches. He didn’t even feel the hit of his fist against the curse’s body anymore. Everything was numb, his ears were ringing and his eyes were dark. 

The curse finally began to dissolve beneath its fists. Yuji stood over the remains, breathing heavily. 

Then his legs gave out. He stumbled towards Megumi on all fours, dropping beside him. 

“Megumi.” He said, reaching for him with shaky hands. He wasn’t moving, his breathing was slow. Too slow to mean anything good. 

“No.” He choked. He pulled him closer, carefully cradling his head against his chest. “No. Please, Megumi. Please don’t–.” His voice cracked. 

He leaned down to bury his face into Megumi’s neck, clutching him tighter as tears spilled down his cheeks. “I can’t lose you.” His breath shook. “Please Megumi, stay with me please.” He pressed his face harder against Megumi’s shoulder. 

“I love you.” 

The words came out broken. He sounded far away, the ringing in his ears almost drowning out his voice completely. “I love you, Megumi.” He cried. 

Yuuji held him like if he let go, even for a second, Megumi might disappear. And he couldn’t live through that again. 

He cried into Megumi’s neck, blubbering nonsense as he cradled his head. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, just please wake up.” His fingers trembled as they brushed through Megumi’s hair, careful not to hurt him. “You can’t leave me. You can’t.” 

Megumi’s breathing remained slow and shallow. 

Yuuji squeezed his eyes shut. “I never got to tell you–” He choked out, pressing his face against his neck again, his tears combining with his blood and sweat. 

“I love you,” he whispered. 

And for once, there was no fear in saying it. 

There was only the desperate hope that Megumi could hear him. 

.✦ ݁˖

Yuuji sits in the cold and quiet infirmary. Hunched over a hospital bed as the sound of wind rustles through the open window. The room was silent except for the faint hum of the fluorescent lights and the steady beeping of the monitor beside him. 

Megumi’s hand is warm where he holds it. 

He hasn’t woken up, and Yuuji hasn’t moved from his place next to his bed since he carried him to Shoko’s office. He sat with his elbows resting against the edge of the mattress, his hands wrapped tightly around Megumi’s. His thumb traced absentminded circles over Megumi’s knuckles, as if the small movement could somehow keep him there. 

He’d been told Megumi was stable. The injury wasn’t fatal. Luckily, Yuuji got him to Shoko before the poison could spread further. He was told he would wake up. But Yuuji couldn’t make himself believe it until Megumi opened his eyes. 

So he stayed. He didn’t care how long it took. It already lost Megumi once, he wasn’t going to let him leave again. 

It’s been hours since he moved. He stayed despite the fact that everything smelled like antiseptic. Clean and sterile. Too clean for the amount of blood he’d seen. 

Yuuji couldn’t stop seeing it. 

Megumi falling to his knees in front of him. The blood soaking through his uniform. The way his body had gone limp when Yuuji held him. 

His fingers tightened around Megumi’s hand. The warmth of his pale fingers kept him grounded and reminded himself he wasn’t gone. It was the only thing keeping him together. 

“I’m sorry,” Yuuji whispered. 

Megumi didn’t answer with words. Just the sound of his breathing as Yuuji watched his chest rise and fall with every breath. 

Yuuji lowered his head until his forehead rested against the back of Megumi’s hand. “I should’ve been paying attention.” His voice trembled. “Just please Megumi. Please wake up.” He cried softly. 

He doesn't know how much longer he sits there. He’s too busy counting the breaths Megumi takes as he holds his hand with shaky fingers. Ignoring the way his tears soak the sheets below him. 

A soft knock makes him lift his head. 

Nobara is standing in the doorway. She looks from Yuuji’s red tear stained face to the bed where Megumi lays. She sets her mouth in a straight line, tilting her neck down the hall as her way of telling Yuuji to follow. 

Yuuji looks back at Megumi. To anyone unknown to his injuries, he looks peacefully asleep. His breathing isn’t abnormally slow as before, and his skin isn’t covered in blood and slick with sweat anymore. Yuuji watched the way his chest rose and fell, he was alive. He was safe. 

It took far too much energy for Yuuji to get up from his chair, and even more to let go of Megumi’s hand. He squeezed his hand one last time before letting go and following Nobara out of the room. 

They walk down the hall in silence, Nobara leading the way and sparing the occasional look behind Yuuji whose steps were slow and heavy. He didn’t know where she was taking him, but he knew he needed a break from his endless crying and regretful thoughts. 

Nobara opens the door to outside and Yuuji is hit with a fresh gust of wind that makes his lungs grateful. The smell of antiseptic and the sounds of the monitor forgotten as he takes it in. 

Nobara turns to him, assessing. “I came as soon as I got the call.” She said, reaching to grip his shaking shoulders. “He’s gonna be okay.” 

Yuuji’s lip quivers, knowing he won’t be able to voice a reply he dully nods as he presses his lips together to stop himself from falling apart. 

Nobara watched him for a moment before sighing. “Tell me what happened.” 

Yuuji takes a deep breath, and he lets go. He tells her everything. From Megumi lying about Yuuji having to join him on his mission just so they could talk. To the look in Megumi’s face when he thought he did something wrong. To the moment where Yuuji opened his mouth to blurt out the words he desperately needed to voice, then, the fight with the curse. The curse that got to Megumi because Yuuji was reckless and distracted. The way Megumi fell before him, coughing blood and shivering as poison surged through his veins. 

“I thought he was going to die,” Yuuji whispered. 

Nobara’s grip tightened around his shoulder. 

“I-” He choked. “I thought I was gonna lose him all over again.” His voice broke. “And then I told him.” 

Nobara blinked. “Told him what?” 

Yuuji wiped roughly at his face. “That I loved him.” 

Her expression softened.

“He was unconscious,” Yuuji continued. “I didn’t even know if he could hear me, but I couldn’t keep it in anymore. I just…I couldn’t lose him without telling him. 

Nobara was quiet for a moment. “Then tell him again.” 

Yuuji looked at her, eyes widening. 

Nobara gave a small smile. “When he wakes up,” she continued, “tell him while he’s awake. Properly.” 

Yuuji swallowed. “I can’t.” He mumbled. “What if he doesn’t feel the same?” 

“Then you deal with it.” She shrugged, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “But don’t run away from him again just because you’re scared. You’ve already spent enough time doing that.” 

Yuuji looked down at his feet. She was right. Despite his fears of rejection, she was right. 

He took a shaky breath. “Okay.” He breathed. “I’m gonna tell him.” 

Nobara smiled, leaning forward to wrap her arms around his shoulders in a firm hug. She patted his back despite his shaking. Yuuji bit back a sob and hugged her back. For a little while, neither of them said anything. Yuuji just clutched the back of her shirt as he tried to steady his breathing. 

Nobara pulled back, flicking his forehead. “That never happened.” 

Yuuji laughed, and the action felt so unfamiliar after so long of crying. He nodded, wiping his eyes and looking back at the doors to the infirmary. He held his breath as he stared at the double doors. 

Nobara gave him a push forward, and he bit his lip as he walked back through the doors alone. He walked through the hallway, stopping at Megumi’s door. This was it, he told himself. 

He pushed the door open and stopped dead in his tracks. 

Megumi was sitting up in his bed, his tired eyes already fixated on him. 

Yuuji was frozen in his place, hand loosely gripping the doorknob as he stared wide eyed at the man across the room. 

Megumi looked exhausted. His hair was a mess, dark strands falling over his forehead and into his eyes, where there were dark circles beneath. His face was pale, worse than usual, but he was awake. He was alive. 

Yuuji’s chest tightened. “Megumi…” 

Megumi blinked slowly. “Hey.” 

Yuuji’s eyes, which had just dried, began to burn again. “You’re awake.” 

Megumi nodded once, eyes searching Yuuji’s. “Yeah.” Is all he said. 

Yuuji took slow steps into the room, closer to the bed. Megumi watches him come closer but doesn’t speak. “You’re actually awake.” 

Megumi gave him a tired look. “You’re acting like I died, Yuuji.” He muttered. “I’m fine.” 

A shaky laugh escapes Yuuji before he could stop it. He reaches the bed and curls his fingers around the edge of the blanket, too scared to touch Megumi directly. “I thought…” He swallowed hard. “I thought I was going to lose you.” 

Megumi’s hard expression softened. “I know.” 

Yuuji’s eyes watered. “I was so scared, Megumi.” 

“I know.” 

Yuuji looked down, trying to gather himself, but the tears finally spilled over. “I said some things while you were unconscious.” 

Megumi was quiet. Yuuji took that as an incentive to continue. 

Yuuji wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand. “I don’t know if you remember.” 

“I remember.” 

Yuuji froze. His eyes were wide as they looked at Megumi. Megumi’s eyes were tired but steady. He was biting the inside of his cheek and Yuuji could see the faint pink to his cheeks. “I heard you.” 

Yuuji felt like all the air in the room had disappeared. He opened his mouth but no words came out. 

Megumi took pity on him, “I heard you.” 

Yuuji’s body was stiff yet a shiver still broke through his spine. “All of it?” 

Megumi nodded. “Most of it, yeah.” 

Yuuji stared at him, horrified. “Oh my god.” 

Megumi raised an eyebrow. 

“You heard all of that?” Yuuji asked. 

Megumi shrugged, “You were pretty loud.” 

“I was crying!” 

“I noticed.” 

Yuuji covered his face with both hands. “I…I’m sorry.” He mumbled into his palms. “I can’t believe you had to hear it like that.” 

Then, to Yuuji’s surprise and great turmoil, Megumi chuckled. Yuuji whipped his head up to catch his smile just before Megumi brought a hand up to cover his mouth. “You said you loved me.” 

Yuuji slowly lowered his hands. Despite his embarrassment, hearing those words from Megumi made his chest sag with relief. “Yeah.” He said. 

“Did you....” Megumi trailed off. "Did you mean it?" He asked quietly.

Yuuji’s cheeks burned. “Yeah.” He repeated. 

Megumi looked at him for a moment, his expression softening. Yuuji tries not to swoon at the sight alone. “I think I have too.” 

Yuuji blinked. “What?” 

Megumi looked down at Yuuji’s hand on the bed, reaching over to gently pry his hands from the blanket he was holding, his thumb slowly brushing over Yuuji’s knuckles. “I don’t know when it happened,” he admitted. “I just know that somewhere along the way, you stopped mattering to me as just my best friend.” 

Yuuji felt his eyes burn with tears, he didn’t try to stop them from falling anymore. “Megumi…” 

“I kept thinking it was normal,” Megumi continued quietly. “The way I wanted you around all the time. The way I looked for you after missions. How I felt when you weren’t there.” 

Yuuji finally felt a tear slide down his cheek. Megumi looked up at him, reaching with his free hand to gently wipe it away. “And when you saved my life.” He said, cupping Yuuji’s cheek. “All I could think was that I finally had someone I wanted to live for again.” 

Yuuji’s bottom lip trembled, the words he wanted to speak were thwarted by the thickness in his throat and the heavy burn in his eyes. Megumi looked at him, running his thumb along Yuuji’s cheekbone. 

“I think I’ve loved you for a long time now.” 

Yuuji couldn’t hold it back anymore. He rushed forward, arms wrapping around Megumi’s waist and ducking his head into his chest as he cried. 

Megumi let out a small, surprised breath, but his arms quickly came around Yuuji’s shoulders. 

“Yuuji?” He began. 

“I’m sorry,” Yuuji choked out. “I’m sorry, I just–” 

“Stop.” Megumi said softly, running his hands up and down Yuuji’s back. “You don’t have to apologize.” 

Yuuji nodded against his chest, unable to say anything. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Megumi promised. 

They stayed like that for a long while. Yuuji’s heart finally calming down after weeks of relentless pounding. After weeks of seeing the person he loved look at someone else, weeks of realizing that what he’s been feeling for years was more than he ever imagined. 

Yuuji let out a wet laugh as he held Megumi closer. “What’s with us?” He asked. “Why are we only able to have a heart to heart when one of us is close to dying?” 

Megumi runs a hand through his hair, humming. “I don’t know.” He said. “Some people might think it’s more romantic that way.” 

Yuuji pulled back just enough so he could look at him. “Romantic?” 

Megumi pursed his lips. “Maybe.” 

Yuuji snorted, tightening his arms around Megumi. “You’re so weird.” He chuckled. 

“You’re the one who’s crying all over me.” 

“You almost died!” 

Megumi tisked, scratching Yuuji’s scalp with blunt nails. "Wouldn't be the first time.” 

Yuuji smiled, shaking his head before settling back against him. For a while they just stayed like that. Hugging each other so tight like this was the end and not the beginning. For the first time since he first saw Megumi with Akito, he didn’t have to wonder what Megumi felt. He didn’t have to worry about Akito. 

He didn’t have to wonder if he’d waited too long. 

Megumi was here. And he was his. 

.✦ ݁˖

A few days later, Yuuji was leaving the infirmary when he nearly walked straight into someone. 

“Oh,” Yuuji said, stopping short. “My bad–” He started. But when he lifted his eyes he was met with a familiar face. 

Akito looked at him, then glanced through the open infirmary door. “How’s Megumi?” 

Yuuji bit back a grimace. “Better. Poisons almost all out of his system now. He’s still supposed to take it easy, though.” 

Akito nodded. “Good.” 

There was a brief silence. Yuuji shifted awkwardly. “I, uh…” 

Akito raised an eyebrow, waiting. 

“Megumi, he uh…and I…” Yuuji stuttered. 

Then, Akito just laughed. Yuuji’s eyes widened and he looked behind him down the hall to see what was so funny. He turned back to Akito to see him stifling a smile, badly. 

‘You know,” he said, “you could’ve just told me you liked him instead of glaring at me every time I touched him.” 

Yuuji’s face went bright red. “Wha–” He started, but Akito was chuckling again. 

“I get it.” He said. “Honestly I kinda caught the vibe going on here when I met you. You two are not subtle.” 

Yuuji chokes, “Did everyone know except me?” He exclaimed. 

Akito gave him a smile, shaking his head. “Megumi wasn’t exactly subtle either. Always talking about you whenever we hung out. And the way he looked at you? C’mon, it doesn’t take much to see you two have something going on.” 

Yuuji stared at him. His mouth hanging open in shock, “I…I didn’t know.” 

“Yeah, well.” Akito shrugged. “Megumi’s not exactly great at saying what he feels, but he’s pretty obvious when you know what to look for.” 

Yuuji smiled faintly. “Yeah, he is.” He said. “I’m glad.” 

Akito nodded. “Me too.” 

Yuuji hesitated before asking, “So…you don’t hate me?” 

Akito laughed again, “Why would I hate you?” 

“I don’t know. I was kind of an asshole to you this whole time.” 

Akito waves his hand, “Nah. You were just jealous.” 

Yuuji winced, “I was trying not to be.” He mumbled

Akito smiled again. “Yeah, you weren’t so good at that.” 

Yuuji groaned, covering his face with one hand. 

“Seriously Yuuji. You don’t have anything to worry about. Whatever Megumi and I were figuring out, it wasn’t going anywhere.” 

Yuuji lowered his hands. “Because of me?” 

Akito gave him a knowing look. “Because of him.” He said, nodding to the closed door. 

Yuuji’s smile faded slightly. 

Akito continued, “Megumi likes you a lot. I figured that out pretty quickly.” 

Yuuji looked down, his chest filling with warmth he still wasn’t quite used to. “I like him too.” He said without shame now. 

Akito knocked a fist against his shoulder as he turned. “Look out for each other alright?” He said, turning and walking from where he came. 

Yuuji watched his back as he left. He lifted his hand that was missing two fingers to his chest. His smile wide across his face. “We will.” 

“What are you smiling about?” Megumi asked as Yuuji returned to his room. He was laying against the headboard, book in hand as he stared skeptically at Yuuji as he walked over. 

Yuuji hummed contently, plopping down next to him on the bed, leaning into his space. “Nothing.” 

Megumi’s eyes narrowed, which only made Yuuji’s grin widen. “Maybe I’m just happy.” Yuuji shrugs. 

Megumi rolled his eyes, but the corner of his mouth lifted. “You’re an idiot.” He mumbled, eyes returning to his book.

“You love me.” 

Megumi spared him a glance, lips lifting despite his words. “Unfortunately.” 

Yuuji laughed again, leaning his head on Megumi’s shoulder as he read quietly. 

After a moment, Megumi spoke again. “You know, when Nobara told me to go for it and ask you out, I thought she was just plotting against me.” 

Yuuji’s head immediately snapped up. “...What?” 

Megumi shrugged, continuing to read. 

Yuuji lifted himself off Megumi and turned to face him. “WHAT?” 

Megumi smacked his shoulder, pushing him away with a frown. “Why are you yelling?” 

“Nobara told you to ask me out?” 

Megumi glared at him. “Yeah.” He muttered. 

“When?!” 

Megumi shrugged again. “I dunno.” He said. “A while ago.” 

“And you thought she was just scheming?” 

“She usually is.” 

Yuuji stared at his confused and irritated expression. Then he burst into laughter. “I’m gonna kill her.” He said, shaking his head and dropping it back on Megumi’s shoulder. 

Megumi hummed, setting his book down so he could run his fingers through Yuuji’s hair. 

At the feeling of fingers in his hair Yuuji looked up. They were close, nose’s almost touching, and Yuuji sighed softly at being able to appreciate Megumi from this close. 

Megumi’s nails scratched along his scalp, making Yuuji’s eyes flutter. Then, without warning, he leaned forward that last inch to peck Yuuji’s smiling lips. 

Yuuji froze as Megumi pulled back, looking far too pleased with himself. “What?” Megumi asked. 

Yuuji didn’t respond. He just reached his hands forward, cradling Megumi’s face in his hands as he pulled him close once again. 

The kiss was just a hard press of lips, but it was enough to make both of their breath catch. Their lips moved almost frantically against one another, pulling away just briefly before realizing they’d rather be back on each other. 

Yuuji pulled back for half a second, searching Megumi’s face as if making sure he hadn’t gone too far. 

Megumi didn’t move away. His eyes fluttered open, his eyes were dark and lidded, irises almost completely blown away by the black of his pupils. Megumi leaned forward again, which was all the encouragement Yuuji needed. 

Yuuji’s thumbs brushed over Megumi’s cheeks as their lips met again. When Megumi tilted his head to deepen the kiss Yuuji had to swallow back his groan. Megumi’s hands found Yuuji’s shirt, fingers curling into the fabric as he pulled him impossibly closer. 

Yuuji smiled against his lips, making Megumi growl as it became harder for him to kiss back. Yuuji sighed, reaching a hand up to tangle in his soft locks of hair, keeping his face close enough until they were breathing each other's air between gasps of breath. Never had Yuuji felt such heat coursing through him by just a kiss, and he found himself forgetting his need for air as their mouths entangled messily. 

Megumi pulled away, sucking in a deep breath as he rested his forehead against Yuuji’s. He reached a hand up to run his fingers through Yuuji’s messed hair. His eyes were closed as he took deep breaths, Yuuji’s eyes were wide as he watched him. 

“Stop smiling like that.” Megumi mumbled, even though he couldn’t see him with his eyes shut. 

Yuuji’s grin only widened, he leaned in to peck the corner of Megumi’s lips. “Can’t help it.” 

Megumi huffed a quiet laugh before Yuuji was leaning in again, stealing another kiss. Then another. Each one lingering a little longer than the last, until Megumi had to break away to laugh softly between them. 

Yuuji took in the smile on his lips, the feeling of his hair between his fingers, and the cute pink to his cheeks, he couldn’t pull his eyes away if he tried, which he wasn’t really trying to do anymore. 

“I love you,” Yuuji whispered. 

Megumi’s skin flushed even more. “I know.” He mumbled. 

Yuuji laughed, pulling his hair a little and making Megumi’s eyes flutter open. “Say it back.” 

Megumi rolled his eyes, but still leaned in to kiss him once more. “I love you too.” 

Yuuji smiled against his lips, leaning to nuzzle his forehead against Megumi’s. For a while, neither of them said anything. Yuuji just stayed there, one hand tangled in Megumi’s hair, his thumb brushing gently over his heated skin with the other. 

Megumi slowly settled against him, his weight warm and steady beneath Yuuji’s hands. Yuuji let his eyes fall closed, breathing in the familiar scent of him, falling deeper into whatever it was they made for themselves. 

There was no fear left at this moment. No uncertainty about what would come next, and no words left unsaid sat heavy on Yuuji’s tongue. 

He held Megumi a little closer, savoring the warmth of him beneath his hands as the room grew quiet around them, content to simply stay there for as long as they could. 

Because now it wasn’t confusing. It didn’t leave a deep pit in Yuuji’s stomach from wondering about all the words he wished he had said sooner. He didn’t have to wonder anymore. 

Megumi was his, and he was Megumi’s. 

And that didn’t scare him anymore.