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Jamil didn't do people.
He didn't find comfort in them.
They were always a source of work, or anger, or... pain
Especially Kalim...
The thought came bitterly to Jamil.
But one day... it all just... got to be too much...
Because all that control... stops being control when it has nowhere to go... except flow out of him on the balcony of Scrabia Dorm.
His day was Shitty.
Not more or less than any other day... His grade dropped again because Kalim flunked a test and he couldn't get higher than him, and right after all of that, he was forced to cook and prep for another goddamn party.
One second Jamil was gritting his teeth and keeping his head low, waiting on people, keeping an eye on Kalim, the next, he was shaking, knelt beside the railing with one hand keeping his steady against it, the other cupped over his mouth. The only thing stopping him from screaming out
get it together. Get. It. Together.
But he couldn't.
Not when his muscles were already tensing and lungs drawing breaths against his crushing ribcage
And even worse?
Someone saw him.
Jamil's eyes, blown wide, darted towards the person standing at the balcony doorway.
Azul... it just had to be Azul.
Jamil couldn't focus...
Couldn't control this.
He snapped instead.
Jamil doesn't exactly remember what he said, well... yelled,... just that the doors shut quickly and he was alone again. Alone long enough to compose himself.
like it never happened
Like this hadn't been happening more recently...
Like he wasn't battling for an ounce of autonomy that was actually his
That he didn't have to keep the crumbling tower upright or risk him and his family.
maybe Kalim was right. I worry too much.
That thought made Jamil grit his teeth and caused his stomach to turn its bile
Kalim being right for once...
What an idea.
Jamil bit his cheek and walked back into the festivities, continuing the night. He knew Azul saw him... he caught the way Azul's eyes tracked him as he walked back in. But no words were exchanged.
Slimy Octopus...
Jamil sighed silently
I'll deal with it later.
Because Kalim wants another snack...
___
should've dealt with it sooner.
Jamil stood outside Azul's office deep in the monstro lounge. The lounge hadn't even opened yet and was eerily silent in the usually bustling place, not that he ever chose to spend time there anyways.
According to Jade and Floyd? Azul wanted to talk with him... just the two of them.
Jamil scowled at the memory. He should've just declined, then he wouldn't be here... or sevens forbid he actually keep his shit together long enough for one party so that some coning sleazebag wouldn't find him there
The word weak comes to Jamil's mind and that same ache and frustration washes over him
No. Not weak-
His hand came to rest on the handle of the office door
Nothing.
And Jamil wanted to keep it that way... for now.
He opens the door and walks in to find Azul sitting on the couch where most of his deals were made, a book in his hands with a cup of steaming Tea sitting in front of him on the coffee table. Azul's eyes flick up and Jamil swears he sees a smile perk under the pages of the book
Jamil resists the urge to roll his eyes
"You wanted to see me?"
Jamil asks, his arms crossed. His tone was a tad snappy, but nothing rude enough... yet.
Azul hums, waving a hand over to the couch across him without putting down his book
"Jamil! Yes, please sit."
Jamil crosses the couch and sits, his feet firm on the ground, arms still crossed
"Is this going to take long? I can't exactly leave you know who for-"
"Dont worry about Kalim." Azul interjected "the twins are perfectly capable of tending to his needs. Can I offer you tea?"
Azul stood, closing a marker into his book before walking towards a coffee machine in his office.
Jamil watched him, eyes slightly wide
what?
"Floyd and Jade are with Kalim?"
"Well of course."
Azul scoffed, but not unkindly
"We both know he's not exactly the most self reliant."
"So what? That's your plan? Using me to get to Kalim? Or maybe you're trying to embarrass him for some kind of social leverage?"
Azul turned, hands still half occupied with brewing tea. He looked almost properly shocked, then, he burst out laughing, deep from his chest like it was the hardest he's laughed in weeks
So that's it. He really is trying to use me. Is he going to blackmail me or Kalim? Does this have something to do with Kalim's status?
Jamil's thoughts started racing and he felt sick again
I have to go. I have to find Kalim. I have to-
He stood, desperate to leave, to stop whatever was going to unfold, but before he could, a hand on his shoulder stopped his racing thoughts. It was warm. Smelt like earl grey.
"Sit, Jamil."
Jamil's eyes flicked to Azul, he wasn't laughing anymore, his gaze was almost... gentle... but Jamil could mistake it for calculating if he gave it too much thought.
Jamil slowly eased back onto the couch, but watched Azul with sharp eyes.
Azul set the tea on the coffee table in front of Jamil, and he sat himself right next to it. He was sitting in front of Jamil, much closer than if he were on the opposite couch
"I don't have any ulterior motives, Jamil."
Azul said, trying his best to sound as reassuring as possible, more so than if he was trying to strike a deal or get something out of it
"You haven't given me the main motive"
Jamil hissed back
Azul hummed
"Isint it obvious?"
Azul's hand came up, resting on Jamil's shoulder again. He instinctively retreated from the touch, and Azul didn't push it further
"You need a break"
Jamil blinked
a break?
thats What this is about?
Jamil let out a scoff, almost offended. What was he getting at? That Jamil couldn't handle himself?
Azul smiled softly, leaning back
"No matter how average you attempt to appear, you simply can't escape everyone's interest, Jamil..."
Jamil almost didnt know how to take that... didnt know what to make of it. Did Azil care or was he just trying to rack up favors with Scrabia?
"I dont know what youre talking about"
Jamil murmured
Azul smiled a little wider at that, deciding to play along.
"Then let me be a little more clear..."
He stood, walking around the couch to behind Jamil, talking as he did
"There's potential in you Jamil... and I think you're severely passed over."
He took his jacket off his shoulders, before draping over Jamils
"Not to mention overworked."
Jamil tensed, but the garment was large and warm... oddly so for someplace like a cold dark sea.
"But I'm not here to talk about the coulds... I want to talk about how you should... be treating yourself."
"What do you mean?"
Jamil turned, gaze following Azul as he made his way back towards the front of the couch to sit directly next to Jamil
"Even the most common jewels are subject to break when put through enormous pressure... and you are no exception my Viper."
Azul picked up the tea, offering it to Jamil
"All this stress... it's no wonder you acted the way you did on the balcony..."
Jamil's hand wrapped around the cup, desperate to feel it even if it was still scalding
"I was..."
Azul hesitated
"Worried.... about what led you there."
"It wasn't that."
Jamil interjected quickly. Usually he didn't care if someone got the wrong idea, but that implication was particularly troublesome.
Azul nodded, but it did little to ease the worry he wasn't trying to hide anymore... he sighed
"So I wanted to offer something that could be of help... a place you can just be. Without judgements. Or just a place to escape even. My office is your oasis if you desire, and there's usually an hour right after classes end and before the monstro lounge opens when I'm here... but even if I'm not, you're free to come whenever you want."
Azul's hands flexed in his lap before one reached up, almost like it wasn't his anymore.
His thumb grazed Jamil's cheek, threatening to cup the entire cheek, half kissed by his deep brown hair. Jamil turned, his eyes locking with Azuls. Azuls breath caught. Those eyes... always so striking... he could swim in them like open seas...
Jamil's eyes widened just a fraction like he too just realized their eyes were locked
His lips started to move, to recite.
The one you behold-
before he stopped himself.
What good would that do?
He thought.
Azul didn't notice a thing as his fingers ran off Jamil's cheek and fell to the pocket of his jacket that was still around Jamil's shoulders. A single chained key rattled out and Azul offered it, almost with a tense anticipation
Jamil looked down at it. The offer was so tempting... somewhere he didn't have to control himself... but that place wasn't here... and not with him.
Jamil then set the tea down, not having taken a sip, and stood, letting the jacket fall off his shoulders
"Ill have to think on it."
Jamil muttered
"But Kalim is probably getting hungry... no use making him starve if he refuses the others."
Azul stared up at Jamil still holding his breath, but now with a tightness in his chest... was it... heartbreak?
He then forced himself to release it.
"Ah... I see."
Azul nodded, reaching up and dropping the key into his breast pocket
"Well then, you know where to find me."
Jamil nodded, only half looking back
"I do now."
He muttered, before turning, and heading towards the door, offering no pleasantries past that.
Azul watched him leave, his chest aching as he watched him go, before he managed a smile. It wasn't a loss to him.
It was a challenge.