Chapter Text
Sasuke stays up late at night and walks around the village when he can’t sleep.
Walking calms him down and tires him out to sleep (or try to sleep) better when his head hits the pillow. There are certain places he visits. When thinking about his older brother becomes unbearable, he visits the newly made honorary grave Kakashi has set up for Itachi close to the past Uchiha grounds and burns incense. On better nights, he patrols the streets and shamefully plays the Konoha Police Force with his last stop being the street Sakura lives in for…safety measures. It is such a night when he lands on the roof of her house and realizes that she is not there. Frowning, his Sharingan activates to see the big clock tower ticking towards an ungodly hour. The hospital, perhaps? He thinks, and makes his way to her clinic to make sure she is at least sleeping in her office, but she is not there either.
Sasuke closes his eyes and tries to concentrate on her chakra signature in the village. Hers is a fresh chakra, sweet and soothing. He knows it very well. If it was anyone else besides Naruto and perhaps Kakashi, he wouldn’t be able to tell where the person is, but his intimate knowledge of her is enough for him to detect that she is right beside the gates.
What?
He jumps from roof to roof first to reach her, then starts to use flash-step when he realizes that she is almost out. It cannot be a mission, because she would have told him like she always does. At least when having lunch, or through a bird summon and a note. Even through Kakashi. He finally sees her bright hair under the moonlight and jumps down to confront her. There can only be one explanation.
''You're leaving.''
It's not proposed like a question and it's not meant to be. Sakura looks at him with guilt-ridden eyes and a full backpack so Sasuke knows. Moon shines above them and brightens the same battered road, the same old gate. Next to Sasuke, the bench he left Sakura on years ago stands out like a sore thumb. They are still tangled in this unnamed thing between them, even after all these years, so cruel time takes this matter in its hands. History repeats itself, whether their roles are reversed or not.
''This is very nostalgic, isn't it?'' Sakura smiles at him sheepishly, also aware of what this looks like. Sasuke responds with an even deeper frown. She holds on to her backpack like an anchor and says, ''Though confessing this time would be in poor taste, wouldn't it?''
''Sakura,'' Sasuke breathes, feeling more than unsteady. ''Go home.''
''Why?'' Sakura counters quickly, narrowing her eyes. ''You both had your own journey, so why can't I?''
''Want to be a missing-nin? I'm sure you would score a sweet spot on the Bingo Book.'' He hisses and repeats, ''Go. Home.''
''Thank you for the back-handed compliment, Sasuke-kun.'' Sakura grins, waving a hand. There is an unfamiliar sharp edge on her lips, inside her eyes. ''But I've informed Tsunade-sama and Kakashi-sensei that I'll be leaving.''
''And they just let you?'' Sasuke frowns and blurts out, ''What about the clinic?''
''Tsunade-sama will take care of it while I'm gone.'' Sakura says.
''Konoha needs you, Sakura.'' Sasuke presses again, ''You have surpassed Tsunade.''
Sakura's eyes gleam with something akin to pride and she smiles again, this time more honest.
''You have seen the mess the war left behind up close, Sasuke-kun. If anything, people outside of Konoha need me more. I could be of help there.''
Out of excuses, Sasuke stares into her eyes, the only bright thing in the dead of the night besides the moon. She does not shy away. Sasuke clenches his sole fist and grits out, ''Why? Is that the only reason?''
Sakura presses her lips together and averts her eyes from his hard gaze. Now, she looks nothing like the woman who stood her ground against Uchiha Sasuke. But this demeanor lasts short.
''I'm sick of going around in circles when everyone is moving on, settling down.'' She says firmly, like she practiced saying this to a mirror. As soon as those words come out of her mouth, a familiar ache whenever he thinks of her begins to bloom: guilt. Sakura does not accuse him but she doesn't need to. Sasuke reads ''you did not give me an answer'' and ''all of my friends have found their significant other except me'' between the lines. He may not be the sole reason for her decision, but it's clear he had played a role.
Sakura continues wistfully. ''I'm feeling uneasy, lost. I'm stuck in routine. I thought it might be because I haven't left Konoha for so long, and never saw the world outside of it properly. Maybe I can find something out there. Maybe helping out strangers will soothe this hurt. You understand, don't you?''
''You could do that with me.'' Sasuke blurts. His cheeks gradually turn warmer, either from embarrassment or shame. He doesn't know which is worse. ''We could go together. Wasn't that what you wanted?''
To his surprise, Sakura only shakes her head. She does not smile or throw herself in his arms like she used to when they were younger, but perhaps expecting that now is an insult to her character. Sasuke is reminded of how much she changed over the years, how mature she got while he was away.
''Thank you for your offer. I think I would have accepted it if you asked me a few weeks earlier.'' She grins and scratches the back of her neck. She drops her hand, along with her smile. ''But I feel like I'm forcing you to bring me with you this way. I don't want that.''
''No one can force me to do anything.'' Sasuke growls like a chained animal, his heart feeling even heavier. ''Not even you.''
''Then why didn't you offer before?'' Sakura asks, impossibly calm. ''Why now?''
Why now indeed. Sasuke frowns and turns his head away, as if looking away will make her expectant face disappear. What can he say? That he didn't ask her to come with him because he hasn't faced his feelings or guilt yet? That he knows he feels something towards her and only her, but he can't put a finger on this delicate thing yet? That this was too sudden and he came up with anything that would make her stand by his side?
He can only apologize. ''I'm sorry.''
''You don't need to be.'' Sakura waves a hand, frustratingly calm. ''It's not like...you promised me anything. It's okay.''
Sasuke does not answer.
An uncomfortable, unnerving silence stretches between them. Beside them, cicadas sing from the trees and fill in the void. Sasuke absently notices that the trees are taller than they used to be. And so are they.
Sakura turns towards the gates only slightly, but Sasuke notices and holds his breath. Sakura stops moving when she looks at his face, whatever she sees Sasuke doesn't know, and stares into his eyes. She opens her mouth and closes it immediately after, like she reconsiders her words. Her lips become a straight, neutral line. Her eyes remain softened around the edges though, sweet as honey, the only aspect of her unchanged from her childhood.
She takes a deep breath and asks, ''Will you miss me when I'm gone?''
His mind, now defeated by his heart, screams yes, yes, I will, who would wait for me if not you, but Sasuke presses his lips together and stays silent. This moment is crucial, he knows. Yet he can't bring himself to talk, nor move. He can't give her unjustified hope anymore, not after what he has done. He still doesn't know if it would bring her more harm than good if they are together. He doesn't know if he deserves this. He doesn't know if he is taking away her chance of happiness by being next to her, accepting her love selfishly, without anything to give back. So he does not answer. He can't.
She waits for him to speak but when it's obvious that he won't talk, Sakura averts her eyes and nods to herself like his response, or lack thereof, is enough. She does not look particularly upset or furious. Deflated, maybe. It looks like she was expecting him to stay quiet, or worse, deny it. Sasuke's blood boils but he doesn't know if it's caused by her acceptance, or himself who made her feel this way.
She turns away.
''I'll see you soon, Sasuke-kun.'' She whispers. She does not face him. Her voice trembles at the end but her straight spine does not fail her. It feels wrong, wrong, wrong but he can't do anything about it. He watches their fate unfold.
Sakura does not knock him out like he did years ago so Sasuke stands there, still as a statue, and watches her disappear into the night, her back mocking him until he can no longer see her.
—
After a week of her disappearance, Sasuke realizes that she hasn't let anyone know about her departure. Not a single soul, except for Tsunade and Kakashi. There is no other explanation on how he constantly hears her name whispered in the streets, haunting him. If she had, this kind of thing would've started after a few months, not a week later. A kunoichi being away from the village for a mere week shouldn't have started such talk. It must have started at the hospital, from her coworkers, when she didn't show up at work she religiously never misses. Then it must have spread, as gossip always does, and Sakura had become the new hot topic of the village.
It shouldn't come as a surprise, Sakura is a war-hero and a widely known medic. She treats hundreds of patients and gets to know many, from civilian to ninja, so the impact of her absence is normal. But Sasuke finds himself shocked at how many times he hears her name uttered around him. He hears middle aged women talk about her in the middle of the grocers', young girls theorizing why she left in the market, ANBU grieving over losing their best medic in front of the Hokage's office. He doesn't know whether it's his hearing ability that is too strong or his...interest in her, like he is waiting for someone to mention her name. Either way, his stomach drops when he hears people talking about her.
Although Sasuke spends most of the year on feet traveling the world, his feet stutter every time he steps out of the threshold of his small apartment. He becomes even more unwilling to go outside after that night but he refuses to allow himself to think what that could mean. The first days are productive, to say the least. He does not get much sleep in so he spends his time reading the scrolls he has piled up in his living room. A man of habit, he always heads to the kitchen before he starts reading and prepares himself a cup of tea. Placed on the corner of his kitchen counter is where he puts his tea packages in, as his mother did. He drinks anything but his favorite. It's separated from the rest in a different box which has Sakura's name under it in scrawly handwriting, placed above the counter on a shelf, a gift she had given him a few months ago. He refuses to reach out to the wooden box, but his eyes betray him and glance up to it every time he steps into the kitchen. It takes three days for him to consciously not look at it, but it makes him aware that he is aware of its presence and pisses him off even more. He places another, bigger box in front of it on the fifth day and refuses to drink green tea. He refuses to think how she knew his favorite too, even though he had never told her.
He thinks of the dimensions he has visited so far and thinks about the connection between them. He takes notes to bring it to Kakashi and Shikamaru later, and even visits them a few times in the Hokage Tower. Naruto is absent as he is in a diplomatic mission in Suna, which Sasuke thanks the stars for, since he is not ready for a screaming match with him yet. They always go out to eat or drink afterwards and it eases his heart, just a little. They do not talk of Kaguya outside the office, but make almost casual conversations, which surprisingly pleases him. He never talks much but doesn't leave until the end either.
He does anything he can to avoid thinking about her. It works, to some extent, but his effort goes to waste when Naruto shows up to his door, screaming his head out. Honestly, Sasuke is surprised he took so long.
He almost doesn't answer. Almost. He only opens the door when he is sure that the blockhead is going to wreck his apartment with his knocking. When he opens it, Naruto is just about to land a kick to the wood, so he kicks back and watches the man stumble in surprise.
"What, dumbass?" He hisses, "Are you trying to kick the whole place down?"
"If you opened it sooner, I wouldn't have to!" Naruto screams back, and marches towards the entrance without saying anything. When Sasuke doesn't move and blocks his way, he lands a heavy finger on his chest and says, "It's about Sakura-chan, bastard. It's important. We gotta talk."
Sasuke closes his eyes and lets out a deep sigh. The guilt he has tried so hard to ignore shows its head and makes him step back, letting his friend in. He closes the door behind him with a soft click.
"She is gone." Naruto starts, and throws himself on Sasuke's old sofa. Sasuke sits on the single couch in front of him and prepares himself for this conversation and the unavoidable headache it will bring.
"I thought it was strange she went to a mission without telling me. She never goes without telling, Sasuke. She didn't even send a letter!" He brings his hands over his head and leans forward, "Then I asked Kakashi-sensei about it when I went to his office and he told me she was not on a mission, but left the village because she wanted to! On her own! Can you believe?"
Sasuke stands very still.
"Do you think she is on some secret mission Kakashi can't tell us? Or is this some vacation and she wants to be left alone?" Naruto hums, rubbing his chin like an old man with a beard. He suddenly perks up and screeches, "Or did she run away like you? She couldn't have, right? Right, Sasuke?! I'm not ready for dragging back anyone else again, you know!"
Sasuke's face sours at the mention of his departure, though he is not sure which departure he means, and his already pale face loses color. He does not answer.
"What the hell is with that reaction bastard," Naruto growls, but his anger evaporates when he sees his face. "Wait." He points an accusing finger. "You knew. You knew, didn't you?"
Sasuke shrugs.
"How could you not tell me?" Naruto hisses. Then, more loudly, "How could she not tell me! When did you talk? When is she coming back?" He stands on his feet now, towering over Sasuke. Sasuke stands up as well. The tension in the room suddenly multiplies, as if they are about to fight. Sasuke wonders if they will.
"Tell me why." Naruto demands.
"She said she is tired of going in circles." He blurts, then the rest comes easy. "She is tired of...waiting."
Naruto sneers immediately, almost like a reflex. "Tired of waiting for you?"
"Whatever." Sasuke shrugs, giving him his back. He wants to get out of here, even if it is his apartment.
Naruto places a firm hand on his shoulders and turns him around. If Sasuke were not so sleep deprived, he wouldn't let him move him so easily. He frowns and meets the other's bright eyes.
"Don't give me that," Naruto pleads, and squeezes his shoulder before letting him go. "I know you. I know you care. Don't hide your feelings." He shakes his head. "Not in front of me."
Sasuke feels like a lid to something he had covered carefully is ripped apart. He has always been so emotionally vulnerable in front of this man, his brother, that even now he can't seem to hide his feelings properly. His hardened face softens to one of defeat.
"What does it matter? She is gone."
Naruto barrels ahead as if he didn’t hear him. “You can bring her back, you know?”
“And take her arm?”
“Fuck you.”
Sasuke clicks his tongue. “She looked like she made up her mind, loser. And she is right.” He sighs. “She shouldn’t have to wait anymore.”
The blond throws his hands. “So what? Are you okay with her leaving?” Have you heard of consent before asshole, Sasuke thinks, keeping his mouth shut.
Naruto continues pushing him. “What if she finds someone else out there?” Sasuke feels his eye twitch uncontrollably. “What if she settles down somewhere else? She is very popular, you know! They would kill to have her! Would you be okay with that?”
“Enough, Naruto!” Sasuke finally snaps and points to his almost broken down door. He is done with the what ifs and this conversation. “Enough.Leave.”
Naruto moves as slow as Sakura’s small Katsuyu summon, feet dragging on the floor. “You should have told her, asshole.” He points a finger and Sasuke smacks it away.
“Leave!”
Naruto closes the door behind him slowly as if to fuck with him. Just as Sasuke is about to kick him out, Naruto says “Just bring her back, Sasuke.”