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Derek is happy. For the first time in a very long time.
Derek doesn’t know when it happened. He doesn’t understand it either. And now, he’s trying to convince himself that he doesn’t want it. That he didn’t miss it. That he doesn’t deserve it.
Because he doesn’t. Bad people like him don’t deserve happiness.
And for a long time, he convinced himself of that. He let the guilt of all his bad decisions, his mistakes, convince him that he is the last person in the world that should wake up smiling.
He knew that. He let himself live believing that.
Then all of a sudden it changed. He was starting to not believe that anymore.
All of a sudden, something, no, someone was telling him how wrong he was. He was telling him with every shy glance, with every comforting touch, with every gentle kiss, with every “I love you so much”. Someone was finally making him realize that all those bad decisions, all those mistakes he’d made when he was younger were just that. Bad decisions, mistakes where he couldn’t have known any better because he was so young and genuinely did not know any better.
That someone was reminding him that if his family were still alive, they’d all probably smack him silly for letting himself believe for so long that everything was his fault, that he deserved to live this pathetic “woe is me” lifestyle.
That someone is probably the best thing to have ever happened to him.
One day that someone was an annoying, hyperactive little shit constantly badgering him with questions that made no sense, and the next, he was the reason Derek could smile and laugh with his pack and not feel like the biggest fraud because he finally meant every snort or bark of laughter (pun intended since it’s apparently thing he does now). He could look at his pack and not just see a ragtag bunch but a family. Something he didn’t think he’d ever have again.
Don’t get him wrong, No-One-Will-Ever-Actually-Know-My-First-Name Stiles Stilinski is still and will forever be an annoying, hyperactive little shit that constantly badgers Derek with nonsense questions, but he is and will forever be Derek’s annoying, hyperactive little shit. And at this point, Derek wouldn’t dare ask for better.
Mostly because better did not exist.
Stiles broke down the walls Derek had built; he’d brought back a Derek that was thought to be long gone and never to be returned. Stiles saw all his faults and little imperfections and loved him anyway.
Stiles loved him unconditionally. And to be loved unconditionally is an incredibe feeling.
So if Stiles could love him this way, and make him love others this way, maybe, just maybe, he could love himself the same way too. Maybe just maybe, Derek could actually be happy about being happy.
End.