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They exited the Disaster in a mishmash. Jaekwan got up first and walked away. He would go find their bicycles, and they'd return to the bureau as if nothing happened. He needed to erase this memory from his mind just as much as he needed to forget about Choi.
They walked around the sidewalk for a while, trying to go back to where they began. Why were the streets so complicated? They weren't this confusing that long ago.
Jaekwan felt the presence behind him before any words were spoken. Maybe it was because he smelled the familiar ooze of faint cigarette smoke, or it could've been the whistling tune that cut off just a few steps away.
Silently, Choi wrapped his arms around Jaekwan, one hand lying at his waist and the other pressing against his stomach.
Choi's head fell down and rested on Jaekwan's shoulder a moment later, as if it was clicking into place, a missing piece that was always meant to belong there.
"Hey, it's okay," he said, ushering him into calmness, "things happen."
It took everything in Jaekwan to stay still. Everything in him was begging him not to move and cause even more strife within their working relationship.
Jaekwan messed up in a crude way. He should've known that Choi was purposely letting him down with every blissful moment skipped over or shattered by a bad joke.
It was Choi's way of letting him down.
Jaekwan breathed in slowly through his nose, trying to reason with himself that Choi was doing the proper thing. They were coworkers. They were teammates. They were servants of the government. Jaekwan was Choi's employee to take care of.
It'd be a mess if they actually got together.
Yet, it was almost worse to know that Choi had been aware this entire time, but never said anything in an attempt to spare Jaekwan's feelings.
"You'll move past this," Choi murmured, his voice low and soft while his tone was full of false emotion. "Nothing could have happened anyway."
He was lying.
Jaekwan detested himself in this moment. This moment when his breath hitched, and he wondered, 'Do I have a chance?'
He knew how Choi sounded when he lied. Jaekwan had been by his side for years. He could tell when Choi was annoyed, joyful, vexed, in pain, and, of course, lying.
"Agent Choi," he hedged carefully, not trusting his voice to stay calm and his heart to stay logical, "why are you lying?"
"Hmm?" Choi's head leaned against Jaekwan's. He was acting dumb, pulling the same trick he'd used to get out of trouble ever since he joined the bureau.
"You're lying," Jaekwan said, more confident this time.
The hands wrapped around him froze, no longer rubbing comfortingly. They merely caressed where they rested, unintentionally driving Jaekwan mad.
Jaekwan turned his head, meeting Choi's eyes. "Why are you lying about something like this? Why are you lying to me?"
Choi didn't react the way Jaekwan expected him to.
He thought Choi would push himself off of Jaekwan and lie again. Say that nothing mattered, that it was all in Jaekwan's head. That Jaekwan just felt justified because he had been rejected. That he was seeing things that weren't there because…
Because Jaekwan kissed Choi—a heat-of-the-moment type of thing—only to be pushed away with a shaking hand and startled blue eyes.
Jaekwan thought it was all over, then. He was ready to accept that he was infatuated with the wrong person. That no feelings were returned. But then Choi had spoken, giving a rehearsed speech about relationships at the bureau, and how much paperwork there'd be, and how Jaekwan shouldn't do this again unless HR needed to be involved—
And it all made sense. Choi had prepped that speech. He had likely spent years rehearsing it in his head for whenever Jaekwan finally gave in and told Choi his feelings.
Yet here Choi was, lying about how them being a together couldn't happen. As if Choi had thought about it, but told himself not to think of the possibility, and was filled with needless guilt over it.
"You like me," Jaekwan accused, softly spoken but sharp.
He grabbed Choi's hands, squeezing them into his own. The heat was intoxicating, and the way that Choi flinched was even more so.
Choi was uncomfortable. Not because Jaekwan was making something up, but because he was correct.
"You're not even lying well, agent." Jaekwan gripped the hands in his harder. He traced his fingernails over Choi's palms. "You want me to know, is that it? You just didn't want to say the words yourself."
Choi didn't turn angry. He didn't get upset.
He closed his eyes and rested his head back down on Jaekwan's shoulder.
"You'll never know if you're right," he said after a long moment of them just standing there.
Jaekwan considered giving up for all of a moment. It'd be interesting to leave Choi hanging. To bury these feelings and both pretend that nothing mattered. That nothing happened between them.
But Jaekwan was stubborn in ways that Choi had learned to love. He must be doing this on purpose. It's a test of how far Jaekwan's feelings go.
Jaekwan couldn't be blamed for smiling softly, hating Choi just as much as he loved him, and lifting his head to press a kiss to Choi's cheek.
It was chaste, lasting less than a full second, but it felt more fulfilling than their first kiss.
This one, Choi had expected. This one, Choi accepted. He smiled, bowing his head into the crook between Jaekwan's shoulder and neck, hiding his face.
Jaekwan released a puff of air. It wasn't from annoyance, only relief. He did it—after years of psyching himself up for it, he finally kissed Choi.
It was worth all the misery. This embrace was all that Jaekwan had wanted. A sign that Choi was listening and paying attention to him. An acknowledgement that there was something between them.