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Maya stood in front of the mirror, staring at her reflection. She didn’t look great, her skin was paler than usual, there were faint shadows beneath her eyes, and her hair was still slightly damp from the shower she’d taken in the station bathroom.
She looked tired, but that made sense because she’d barely slept. It had been a long shift, one of those shifts that seemed to stretch on forever, and she’d spent most of it running from one call to the next. Her body felt heavy with exhaustion, her muscles aching in that familiar way they did after too many hours on her feet.
So, yeah. She looked tired, but that was all it was.
Maya leaned closer to the mirror, examining herself critically before reaching for the concealer she’d brought with her, she could fix looking tired.
What she couldn’t fix was the fact that she was already questioning whether going on this date was a terrible idea given how she felt.
She paused with the concealer in her hand. No, she thought to herself, she wasn’t doing this. She’d already cancelled enough things in her life because work got in the way. She wasn’t cancelling tonight simply because she was tired.
More than that, she wanted to go on a date with Carina. Their first date had barely lasted half an hour before Carina’s pager went off. Maya had understood, Carina had apologised, and Maya had told her it was fine.
But she’d been looking forward to seeing her again ever since. She’d spent the past week remembering little pieces of that first date, the way Carina laughed, the way she listened, the way she’d looked at Maya across the table like she genuinely wanted to know her.
Maya wanted to find out what would happen when they actually got to finish a date. So, she picked up her concealer and started covering the shadows beneath her eyes.
“You’re fine,” she told her reflection. Her voice sounded a little rough, but she coughed to clear it. Definitely just tired, she nodded, but her reflection looked unconvinced.
By the time she arrived at the restaurant, she’d almost managed to convince herself that everything was fine. Carina was already waiting outside, and somehow, seeing her made everything else fade into the background, because she looked beautiful.
Maya smiled before she could stop herself.
“Hi.”
Carina’s face brightened immediately, “hi.”
There was a moment where neither of them moved, both apparently remembering that their first date had ended before they’d really figured out what came next. Then, Carina smiled wider and stepped forward.
“Second first date.”
“Second first date,” Maya agreed.
“No pagers tonight,” Carina joked, as she stopped just in front of Maya.
Maya laughed softly, “please don’t tempt fate, I’d like to get to the end of this one.”
“I am not tempting fate,” Carina said also laughing, “but I am not on call tonight, and they have been warned to not interrupt my very important plans.”
“Very important, huh?” Maya grinned, almost feeling the nerves that were bubbling in her stomach, settle.
Carina held the restaurant door open for her, “come on, before fate decides to go against us again.”
Maya followed her inside.
For the first twenty minutes, everything was perfect.
They were seated at a small table tucked against the wall, away from the louder groups, and Maya found herself completely relaxed. Carina had a way of making conversation feel effortless. There weren’t any awkward pauses to fill, no pressure to impress each other. They talked about everything and nothing.
Maya told her about the strangest call she’d had that week and Carina told her about a patient who had spent ten minutes trying to convince her that an internet diagnosis was more accurate than hers.
Maya laughed so hard she had to put her glass down.
“I like you,” Carina said.
The words came so casually that Maya almost missed them. She looked across the table to see Carina was smiling. Maya felt something warm appear in her chest.
“I like you too.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
They smiled at each other for another second before Maya glanced down at the menu.
They ordered a starter to share, something Maya would normally have happily demolished after a long shift. When it arrived, it smelled incredible. She picked up her fork, took one bite, then took another, then she stopped.
Her stomach turned, so Maya lowered her fork.
Carina was still talking, hands moving animatedly as she described something that had happened at work, and Maya nodded along.
“You okay?” Carina asked.
Maya looked up.
“Yeah.”
Carina’s eyes flicked briefly to the untouched food.
“You don’t like it?”
“No, it’s good.”
“Then why aren’t you eating?”
Maya glanced at the plate. She hadn’t even realised how little she’d eaten until Carina pointed it out.
“I guess I’m saving myself for the other courses.”
Carina studied her for a moment, but it was enough of an explanation that Carina accepted it, although Maya could tell she wasn’t entirely convinced.
When the waiter came to check on them, Maya ordered water instead.
Carina raised an eyebrow.
“Water?”
“Yeah.”
“You don’t want another drink?”
Maya shook her head.
“Maybe later.”
When the water came, she reached for the glass and took a careful sip, hoping her stomach would settle under the plain fluids.
Carina watched her over the rim of her own glass.
“What?” Maya asked, realising she was being watched.
“Nothing.”
Carina tilted her head and Maya already knew that look. It was the look of someone who didn’t believe her. She leaned back in her chair and gave Carina her most reassuring smile.
“Really. I’m fine.”
Carina held her gaze for another moment, then she smiled.
“Okay.”
Maya smiled back because she was fine, she had to be. This was their second first date and she wasn’t going to let being tired ruin it. Except, as the waiter cleared away their plates, Maya became aware of something else. She was cold, not just a little cold, but her hands were freezing.
She felt a shiver travelled down her spine, raising goosebumps along her arms. She rubbed her hands together beneath the table in a bid to warm them up, but as she moved, a heat prickled across the back of her neck and down into her shoulders. She couldn’t decide whether she wanted to wrap herself in a blanket or stick her head in a freezer.
Carina didn’t say anything when Maya rubbed her hands together beneath the table. Just like she didn’t say anything when Maya shifted in her seat, pulling her arms closer to her body.
She noticed, though, it was difficult not to. Years of medicine had trained her to pick up on small changes almost without thinking. Like the slight flush high across Maya’s cheeks, and the way her eyes looked a little glassier than they had when she’d first arrived.
Carina watched her reach for her water and noticed the way her fingers curled tightly around the glass, as though she were trying to stop them from shaking.
“You’re cold?”
Maya looked up immediately. There was a fraction of a second where something uncertain crossed her face before the familiar smile appeared.
“A little.”
Carina glanced towards the restaurant’s heating. It wasn’t cold, if anything, it was warm. Warm enough that Carina had already taken her cardigan off and draped it over the back of her chair.
“You want my jacket?”
“No,” the answer came too quickly, but Maya smiled anyway, "I'm okay.”
Carina held her gaze, she could feel the doctor in her wanting to ask questions. How long had she felt like this? Was she feverish? Did she have a headache? Any other symptoms?
But the woman sitting opposite her wasn’t a patient. She was Maya, and this was their second first date.
Their first had ended because Carina had been called away, and Carina was painfully aware of how easily concern could become something else when you were a doctor. She didn’t want Maya to feel like she was being examined.
So, she let it go, for now at least .
“Okay,” she said.
Maya smiled.
They returned to their conversation. Maya was still engaged, still asking questions, still laughing at the right moments, but Carina started noticing the spaces between things.
She took longer to answer questions, sometimes seeming to need a second to gather her thoughts. She wasn’t drinking much either. Her first drink had barely been touched before she’d switched to water, and Carina noticed that every sip was careful.
Carina told herself not to overthink it, that Maya had just come off a long shift and was probably exhausted. That would explain the pale skin and the tired eyes. It would explain the shivering too, perhaps. Except it didn’t explain the way Maya’s hand occasionally moved towards her stomach or the way she swallowed hard after taking a sip. But still, Carina didn’t say anything, not yet.
Their main courses arrived and Maya brightened slightly when the plates were put down.
“This looks really good,” she said, seeing the food in front of her.
“It does,” Carina agreed, picking up her fork.
Maya did the same, she cut off a small piece and ate it. Carina watched without meaning to. Maya chewed slowly, swallowed, then sat back.
“You okay?” Carina asked casually.
“Yeah.”
Maya picked up her water. Carina nodded and returned to her own food. For several minutes, everything seemed normal again. They talked, Maya even laughed, but she didn’t really eat. Carina counted three more small bites. Each one seemed to take more effort than the last. Then, Maya stopped entirely, her fork rested against the edge of the plate.
“You don’t have to finish it,” Carina said gently.
Maya glanced up.
“I know.”
“You don’t look hungry.”
“I’m not.”
There was something about the way she said it that made Carina pause. The flush in her cheeks had deepened, but at the same time, the tips of her ears were pink from the cold. Carina also noticed her hairline was slightly damp.
Carina frowned.
“Maya.”
“What?”
“Are you feeling warm now?”
Maya blinked, almost trying to register exactly what she was feeling, “maybe a little,” she shrugged.
Carina’s fingers twitched against the table. She wanted to reach across and touch her forehead, but she didn’t. That felt too intimate for a second date.
Instead, she said, “maybe we should get you somewhere comfortable.”
“No,” Maya immediately shook her head.
“No?” Carina raised an eyebrow.
“I’m fine.”
“You’ve said that several times.”
“Because I am.”
Maya smiled, but the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. For a few more minutes, they tried to continue and Carina deliberately changed the subject. She asked Maya about something she’d mentioned earlier in the week, and Maya answered. They talked about travel, then books, then the ridiculous price of parking in the city.
Maya suddenly went very still and Carina noticed immediately.
“Maya?”
Maya swallowed, once, then twice before her hand moved to her stomach. The colour had drained from her face so quickly that Carina’s stomach tightened.
“Hey.”
Maya looked at her, her eyes still glassy.
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine.”
“I just,” she stopped, swallowed again, then pushed her plate away.
“Do you feel sick?” Carina’s voice softened.
Maya hesitated, it was only a second, but it was long enough for Carina to know the answer before she spoke.
“A little.”
Carina nodded.
“Okay.”
She reached for her water and nudged it closer to Maya.
“Small sip.”
Maya did as she was told.
Carina watched her carefully. The doctor in her was becoming increasingly concerned. The other part of her was mostly worried that Maya was going to be sick in the middle of a restaurant. But neither part of her wanted to embarrass Maya.
After another minute, Maya opened her eyes.
Carina could see how hard she was trying to stay upright, how much effort it seemed to take just to keep her expression neutral.
She wanted to take her home, not because she wanted the evening to end with that, but because she wanted Maya somewhere comfortable. Somewhere she didn’t have to pretend she was okay.
Carina leaned forward slightly.
“You really don’t feel well, do you?” Carina asked quietly.
Maya looked at her. For the first time all evening, she didn’t immediately answer. Her eyes dropped to the table.
“I really don't."
“Okay,” she said softly. “Maybe we should call it a night then.”
“No,” Maya shook her head and instantly regretted it.
“Maya, it’s okay. You need to go home.”
Maya nodded slowly. She knew Carina was right, she just didn’t want her to be. She looked down at their half-finished dinner.
This was their second date, the one she’d been so excited about. The one she’d promised herself she wasn’t going to let anything ruin.
And now Carina wanted to leave, but Maya couldn’t blame her. She wouldn’t want to sit across from someone who looked like they were about to throw up either.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
Carina frowned.
“For what?”
Maya shrugged.
“This, for ruining our date.”
“You have nothing to apologise for.”
“I do.”
“No.”
Maya looked at her. Carina’s voice was gentle.
“You’re sick, Maya. You didn’t plan this.”
Maya swallowed. She wanted to tell Carina that she didn’t want to go home yet. That she wanted to stay here with her. That she had been looking forward to tonight for days, and she didn’t want another date to end before it had really begun.
But she couldn’t make Carina stay, and she certainly wasn’t going to ask her to sit there while Maya was pale and shivering and barely managing to keep her stomach settled.
So, Maya simply nodded.
“Okay.”
Carina gave her hand a gentle squeeze before letting go.
“Maybe the universe is against us having a first date.”
Maya’s heart sank, maybe we shouldn’t be doing this. Maybe the universe was telling them something. Maybe Carina had decided that whatever spark Maya had felt, wasn’t there for her. Maybe this was her way of making the decision without having to say it.
Maya forced herself to smile.
“Yeah,” her voice came out quieter than she intended, “maybe.”
Carina didn’t seem to notice the change. She was already looking towards the waiter, clearly thinking about getting them the bill, and getting Maya somewhere she could lie down.
Maya looked away, she felt stupid for being disappointed. Of course, Carina didn’t want to continue the date when Maya was sick. She couldn’t blame her for that, and she couldn’t force her to stay.
So, she picked up her water and took another small sip, trying to ignore the uncomfortable twist in her stomach that had nothing to do with nausea.
“Let’s just go,” Maya said softly, when Carina returned. She didn’t look at her again. She was too afraid that if she did, Carina would see just how much she hadn’t wanted this night to end.
The drive back to Maya’s apartment was quieter than the restaurant had been. Carina seemed determined not to let it become silent. She talked about the restaurant. About how she’d been considering trying the dessert, but had decided that it could wait for another time. Then went onto talk about something a patient said that morning.
She talked about easy things, things that didn’t require Maya to respond with anything more than the occasional hum or a quiet laugh.
Maya appreciated the effort because she just couldn’t seem to find the energy to give much back. She sat in the passenger seat with her head resting against the window, watching the city slide past in blurred streaks of light. Her body felt heavy, and somehow both hot and cold at the same time. Her stomach still churned unpleasantly, and every bump in the road seemed to make it worse.
But none of that was what occupied her thoughts because she liked Carina, and Carina had said she liked her too. Well, until Carina had said maybe the universe was against them having a first date.
Maybe she’d imagined all of it, or maybe Carina had changed her mind. Maya couldn’t blame her, Carina was amazing and beautiful and funny and kind, and she had this way of looking at Maya that made her feel like she was the only person in the room.
Why would someone like that want her? Maybe Maya wasn’t worthy of her.
The thought came easily, too easily. Maya frowned at the window. Maybe that was just her sick brain talking, she wasn’t sure anymore.
Eventually, Carina pulled up outside her apartment. Maya stared at the building, at her home. She should feel relieved, instead, she felt strangely disappointed.
“Thank you for driving me,” Maya said as she reached for the car door handle.
“You’re welcome.”
“And, I’m sorry again for….”
“Maya,” Carina warned, but Maya continued on anyway.
“…for ruining the date.”
“You didn’t.”
Maya gave her a small smile, one that said I don’t believe you, but I appreciate you saying it anyway.
“Goodnight, Carina.”
She opened the door.
“Maya,” Carina said again, making Maya pause. Carina had already unbuckled her seatbelt, Maya watched as she climbed out of the driver’s side and walked around the front of the car and came towards her.
Maya frowned.
“You don’t have to,”
“I know.”
Carina opened the passenger door fully, holding her hand out for Maya to hold onto after seeing how unsteady she was walking from the restaurant to the car. As if she would have let Maya make her own way home.
Maya stared at her.
“Come on, let’s get you inside.”
Maya didn’t know what to say to that. She slowly got out of the car, and Carina waited until she was steady before closing the door behind her.
They walked inside the building together, and Maya expected Carina to stop at the door. Maybe give her one last smile or tell her to get some sleep. Maybe she’d say goodnight. Instead, Carina followed her into the apartment.
Maya was almost sure the sickness had affected her vision because she was watching Carina taking off her jacket, whilst remembering the words maybe the universe doesn’t want us to have a first date. Maya wasn’t sure how those two resulted in what was happening right now.
“Do you want a shower or a bath? A bath might be better if you’re aching.”
Carina continued as though this were the most normal thing in the world, while Maya stared at her wondering if her fever had caused hallucinations.
“Do you have soup? And tea?” Carina asked wondering into the kitchen.
Carina began opening cupboards, clearly looking for something.
“Thermometer?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know where your thermometer is? Where do you keep your medicine?”
“Bathroom, maybe.”
Carina disappeared down the hallway, but Maya remained exactly where she was. Her brain was too slow to catch up. She had expected Carina to leave, she’d thought that was what Carina wanted.
Instead, she was listening to the sounds of opening cupboards and Carina searching through Maya’s bathroom cabinet like she’d been doing it for years.
“Carina?”
“Yes?”
“Why aren’t you leaving?”
There was a pause before Carina appeared again, looking genuinely confused.
“Why would I leave?”
Maya looked at her.
“Because…” She couldn’t quite finish, Carina waited and Maya took another breath before continuing, “you said maybe the universe was against us.”
Maya looked away, “I thought you meant…” She didn’t finish, she didn’t have to because Carina stepped closer, taking one of Maya’s hands in her own.
“Maya.”
Maya looked up.
“I meant this date.”
Maya’s eyebrows pulled together.
“This date?”
“Yes,” Carina smiled gently, “this particular date, and the last one maybe. The universe has already interrupted one of our dates, and now you are sick during this one.”
“Oh.”
“I was trying to make you laugh.”
“I thought you were saying you didn’t want to date me.”
“I would very much like to date you,” Carina smiled, squeezing Maya’s hand and taking hold of her other one. “But I would like you to enjoy the date too, so tonight was not the night.”
Something inside Maya loosened, she didn’t know whether it was relief or exhaustion, or maybe both.
“I just want to lie down,” she admitted.
“Okay,” Carina squeezed her hand, “come on.”
Maya let her lead her towards the bedroom, she was too tired to argue anymore. Maya followed her into the bedroom, still holding her hand until they reached the edge of the bed.
“Sit,” Carina said gently.
Maya sat. The mattress dipped beneath her weight, and for a moment she simply stayed there, elbows resting against her knees, staring down at the floor.
Carina glanced around the room.
“Where are your pajamas?”
Maya pointed vaguely towards the drawers.
“Somewhere in there.”
“You are very helpful,” Carina smiled, and although Maya couldn’t see it, she could hear the lightness in her voice.
“I’m sick,” Maya responded, as if that answered everything.
After a moment, she pulled out a pair of soft sweatpants and an old T-shirt.
“These?”
Maya nodded and Carina placed them beside her on the bed.
“You change. I’ll get everything else.”
Maya looked at her.
“You’re really staying?”
“Yes.”
The answer came so easily that Maya’s chest tightened. She left the bedroom, and Maya slowly stood. Every movement seemed to require more effort than it should. She changed out of her clothes and pulled on the sweatpants and T-shirt, grateful for anything soft against her skin.
While she changed, she could hear Carina moving around the apartment. Cupboards opening and drawers closing. The quiet clink of a glass being set down.
She’d never had someone do this for her on a second date. She’d never had someone do this for her after any number of dates
When Carina emerged from the hallway, she walked in with a glass of water.
“Here,” She handed it to Maya, and Maya took it carefully.
Carina had also brought an extra blanket and placed it neatly at the foot of the bed. Then Maya noticed the small trash bin sitting beside her side of the bed. She looked at it and then at Carina who simply shrugged.
“Just in case.”
Maya’s heart did something strange, something she didn’t quite have a name for, but something she didn’t want to leave either.
Carina pulled the blanket back for Maya to climb beneath it, settling against the pillows before Carina adjusted the extra blanket over her legs. Carina hesitated for a moment before sitting on the edge of the bed beside her.
“You don’t have to stay.”
“I know.”
For the first time since they’d left the restaurant, Maya felt the tension in her shoulders ease. She shifted slightly beneath the blankets.
Then, because she was Maya and apparently incapable of leaving a moment alone, she looked at Carina and said, “This isn’t usually how I get women into my bedroom after a date.”
Carina stared at her for a moment then she laughed. She really laughed because, despite Maya feeling awful, she was still there. The woman who had grabbed Carina’s attention weeks ago, still had a hold on her. And, if she was honest, this isn’t how she had imagined ending up in bed with Maya either.
“That’s how you make a joke,” Maya mumbled, the blush on her cheeks no longer a result of the fever alone.
“You are impossible,” Carina shook her head.
She reached out and placed her hand against Maya’s cheek, her thumb moved gently across her skin, brushing beneath her eye before her fingers settled against her jaw.
“Even when you’re sick,” she whispered, “you bring the biggest smile to my face.”
Maya’s eyes softened, because she never wanted to stop bringing a smile to Carina’s face.
“I’m sorry I got sick on our date.”
Carina’s thumb brushed her cheek once more.
“I’m sorry I got paged on ours.”
Maya’s smile grew. She shifted beneath the blankets, making room beside her. Carina understood immediately and slipped beneath the covers, settling carefully beside her.
Maya turned onto her side, facing her.
For a moment, neither spoke, then Maya’s eyes began to close.
“Third time lucky?” She asked, hopeful.
“Third time lucky,” Carina agreed.