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The ground opened beneath Faustus' feet, the flames crawled up-to the back of his thighs, and demons in black garb surrounding him inched closer to him at his feet. With every step they took he could feel the presence of Lucifer in the flames under him. He looked in Mephistopheles' direction.
His face was unreadable, his red lips were arranged in a straight line, and his yellow eyes stared into Faustus' soul.
Which was all he was at this point.
He looked up. God. God! His God! He must be here! He had always been with him! Just as much as when he was a sinner than when he was a scholar!
Faust raised his head and hands to the sky, and prayed, "My God, my god, look not so fierce on me! Adders and serpents, let me breathe a while! Ugly hell, gape not! come not, Lucifer!-"
Lucifer appeared before him in that hour. He stared him down.
"You know what? Fine!"
Suddenly all the fire dissipated, and Mephistopheles, Faustus appeared in an endless white room.
"Okay, so we are doing this, yeah sure," Mephistopheles pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Mephisto, what could thou be-" Faustus looked over at him quizzically.
"Hi, I'll start. I'm Lucifer."
"I am already aware."
"No, dude, I am the Lucifer. I am not the Lucifer of "The Tragical History of the Life and Death of Doctor Faustus", I am actually Lucifer."
"Of Hazbin Hotel fame." Mephistopheles groaned.
"I'll kill your dog!"
"I don't have a-"
"I doth require a proper explanation-" Faustus started.
"Oh lose the fancy speech Faustus, please."
"I...can't. Wait. Oh."
Mephistopheles and Lucifer stared at him.
"What is going on here?"
"Look, Faustus. The play isn't profitable anymore. No one besides absolute snobs actually shows up to the theatre."
"Play? Theatre?"
"Mephistopheles will explain later." Lucifer turned his head, "So I've decided to change things up a little,"
Suddenly, the room changed and Faustus and Mephistopheles were pushed onto a plaid sofa, in front of a glass and wood coffee table. The walls were covered with weirdly corny posters, ranging from quotes such as "Caution, I run on eternal flames!" to an image of a cat wearing horns hanging from a noose that said "Hang in there!". The room followed a red, yellow, black and blue color scheme. On the surrounding was every other character from the play.
"What the-" Faustus pointed at everyone as he counted, "Wagner? Valdes? Cornelius? the Pope? Wait...Helen!?"
"Sir, why am I here?"
"Well, Faustus, hell-related animated adult sitcoms are really in fashion as of late! I wanted to make my own. That's all! Straight from the Malificarum! And you!" He pointed in Faustus' direction, "Are the perfect protagonist!"
Lucifer adjusted his suspenders, "You're human. You're nerdy. You have a demon sidekick. You have a lovable side cast of characters! And the chorus can now be a laugh track!"
Mephistopheles chipped in, "Well, that's not really a hallmark of adult animated shows-"
Lucifer glowered at Mephistopheles.
"Well, you have all the instructions, so i guess this can all be left to you."
Mephistopheles didn't bother to argue, and he watched as Lucifer was swallowed by flames and disappeared.
"Oh well."
Rafe stared at Robin. Robin stared back.
"Well, I didn't know what else I expected from conjuring." said Robin.
Faustus head swirled with questions. He looked down at his body.
"What am I wearing!?"
"Oh yeah, that's Lucifer's conception of fashion."
Faustus inspected himself wearing a red T-shirt with Baphomet on it, wearing sunglasses and huffing a blunt, over a striped long sleeve shirt, khakis and black converse. His hair was still long and wiry but the top part was tied into a man bun, and a pair of wireframe square glasses sat on the bridge of his nose.
"I swear this man gets all his cues from Vivienne. Just conjure a gown or something, it will make you feel better."
"Oh, conjuring still works here."
"This is hell. Why wouldn't it?" Mephistopheles raised an eyebrow.
Faustus felt stupid for asking anything.
"I will excuse myself to the lavatory" he said.
Mephistopheles nodded as though Faustus needed the permission.
Faustus locked the door behind him inside the wonderfully tacky doom bathroom that Lucifer had created. He stared at the version of himself in the mirror totally divorced from the man he was a few moments.
"Wow, Hell truly does suck."
He stared for a few more minutes before he remembered what the task at hand originally was. Right. Conjuring.
"Where are my books? How am I supposed to conjure without them?" He looked up.
"Oh. You're a reflection." He looked down. He closed his eyes and focused.
Take me back to the ways things were. With my tomes, scriptures, research and job.
Right that instant, so suddenly that it didn't occur to Faustus 7 seconds later, the mirror burst open as a Faustus shaped figure was thrusted upon him with a force that it knocked him over. Both of them dropped next to the toilet as mirror shards shattered around them.
Both were silent for a few moments, then Faustus pushed them onto the ground.
"What the fuck, dude!"
The figure groaned and rose up. It was him.
Faustus shook his head. No it wasn't. He looked over him again.
A pale, blond man sat dazed in front of him. He wore a Nike compress shirt that hugged his biceps along with jorts, with long socks and Sketchers. He had a faint glow that often came in Faustus' dreams about Heaven.
"My name is F-Faust..."
"No fucking way."
"Heinrich...F-Faust"
Faustus extended his hand but the stranger didn't take it.
"Johann Faustus. Its a pleasu..."
Oh wow, he didn't even notice the pale, tall blonde woman standing right behind them, seemingly having busted through the doorway.
Faust looked at him and started crying.
"Gretchen, please, pleaseeeee, I didn't mean it."
She aimed a pistol emanating light towards Heinrich Faust as he wept. Her finger rested on the trigger.
There was a knock on the door.
"Hey Faustus, its me Mephistopheles. Uh, is everything okay in there?"
Faustus was about produce a sound from his open mouth when Gretchen shoved a gun in it.
"Everything's fine! Everything's peachy!"
Mephistopheles sighed. Faustus' shoulders dropped despondently as he felt Mephistopheles leave.
In a moment, the door bust open and Mephistopheles held a gun to Gretchen's head.
"Well, it was a matter before our two canons collided. Gretchen, drop the revenge plot."
"Oh yeah," Gretchen spoke for the first time, "Like Mephistopheles has any right to-"
"It is God's will that Faust is sent to Heaven. I empathize that your desire for redemption was misconstrued to make him avoid punishment but that does not mean you should be chasing him down to hell?"
"This is hell?" Gretchen and Faust spoke in unison, then Gretchen furrowed her brow and pointed her gun back at him.
"Well, actually, I can believe it but she can-"
"Shut your mouth, whore." She glared at him.
"Oh." said Mephistopheles, "She's alive. She canon jumped while alive."
Everything flew over Faustus' head.
"Can we get out of the bathroom? I think that it would be best."
"Oh, I'm getting out" said Gretchen.
In a moment the fabric of reality split open into a portal and she disappeared into it. Without any explanation.
"Great." said Mephistopheles, "We supervise a fatass now."
"He's not that fat." said Faustus. He dragged him out and lay his body on the ground.
Mephistopheles phoned Lucifer, "We need to send someone back to Heaven."
Lucifer replied in a pitch so loud that Faustus could hear it
"Hoo! No we can not! Out sitcom show just turned into an action adventure comedy! You can't take this away from me! The world will eat it up!"
"Oh my Demons."
"Look at the potential dude! You and Faustus have long con slow burn potential, Faustus and Gretchen have star crossed lovers potential, Faust and Gretchen have second chance romance potential, and Faustus and Faust have selfcest potential!"
"Gross!" said Mephisto, "Why is it all about shipping?"
"Its really all fans care about. The other alternative is theorybait and we dont have the potential for that everyone already knows the lore of like...Abrahamic religions."
"Well, whatever, I'm hanging up."
"Wait no! Let me talk to Faustus!"
Mephistopheles held a phone to Faustus.
"Hey there bub! Look I left in kind of a hurry but just to let you know I've made a room for you upstairs and there's plenty of books on like, conjuring and this new world you're gonna live and show business so make sure to go through all that. Do note though I was not counting on you actually bringing your alternative canon clone into this house so you might have to share the one bed in your room. Just remember, if you start to develop any feelings for him that's totally normal and natural-"
"What?"
"Oh my Hells, are you talking about selfcest again!?" Mephistopheles shot upright.
"Whoops. My bad."
"B-but, I'm not a homosexual..."
"Dude, its hell. Its legal here. Be free. I am the only person here who is unequivocably not a homosexual here, but, you're free to explore as long as you keep the fans happy."
Faust stirred, mumbling to himself.
"Oh yeah, Faust. Better put him to bed. That's my call! See ya!"
And with that, Lucifer disconnected.
Faustus got to work on dragging Faust upstairs. Mephistopheles grabbed his leg with one hand.
"Here, let me help you."
"Thanks."
"Don't mention it."
There was a ruckus downstairs in the lounge. The kind you'd expect when a clown, a pope, two dinguses, 2 other dinguses, 2 angels, an apparition of a Greek heroine, and the 7 deadly sins and a butler get together in one room. Faustus shuddered. The set Faust onto his bed and he got ready to leave.
"You can stay here. Today has been hectic. I'll deal with everyone downstairs."
"I see. Thank you."
"And I'm doing this because I want to, not because I'm still bound to you by contract."
"Is that still a thing here?"
"You have the research tools at your disposal."
"Right." Faust looked back at his sleeping clone, "Thanks anyways."
"Mhm." said Mephistopheles, then left quietly.
Faustus sat at his study, with his cranium hurting like every headache ever combined. He scanned the books in front of him. Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind, sounds boring. The Communist Manifesto, too many novel words. The Holy Bible: King James Version, well at least its different than Jerome's Bible. Oh there it is.
He took out a copy of "Faust" by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.