Work Text:
"It's not a Fucking Foxglove, it doesn't have any aphrodisiac properties… so that crosses off Carnal Cravings Carnation as well…" Shen Yuan paced from wall to wall, looping around the small room as he mumbled to himself.
Shen Jiu laid in the bed, the only thing in the room besides the two men. His chest rattled with each shallow breath, eyes closed in restless sleep.
Shen Yuan's voiced dropped quieter again. "It was a deep red at the center, so it can't have been a Pink Pearl Chrysanthemum, or a Lustful Lilac. It looked a little like a lily, but there were pieces that definitely weren't, so maybe a Devoted Daffodil..? But those aren't red at all, so—"
A knock at the door interrupted his spiralling panic. Only the thought of waking Shen Jiu kept him from yelling at whoever was on the other side of the door.
"What?" He snapped as he opened the door just enough to fit half his body in the doorframe. Shang Qinghua was on the other side, fidgeting with the papers in his hands so violently that any other time Shen Yuan would've worried if they were going to end up ripped.
As it was, he couldn't bring himself to care.
"We couldn't find anything," Shang Qinghua said, "there were no flowers left in the field we found him in at all. They were all just… gone."
"And the description Shen Jiu gave isn't ringing any bells for you? Nothing at all? Not even from the System?"
Shang Qinghua shook his head, a miserable look on his face. "Nothing. The System won't say anything other than 'Happy Ending Achieved'."
A croaky voice came from inside the room. "A-Yuan?"
In an instant Shen Yuan was at Shen Jiu's side, clutching his hand as tightly as he dared. Shang Qinghua closed the door quietly before leaving.
"Jiu-ge. I didn't wake you, did I? Are you feeling any better? Can I get you anything?" Shen Yuan's words spilled out of him at a frantic speed, as though he might not get a chance to say them all if he went any slower.
"Slow down," Shen Jiu said. "I'm fine. Same as every other time I've woken up."
"So in pain."
"I'm fine."
Shen Yuan frowned at him, squeezing his hand reflexively. The squeeze he got back was weak and barely there, but the squeeze on his heart was the worst it'd ever been.
"Do you remember anything else about the flower? Dark red, lily but not, the only one..?" Shen Yuan asked, instead of thinking too hard about that second squeeze.
"A-Yuan. You're not going to find anything." Shen Jiu said. Shen Yuan could see the resignation in his eyes, and he hated it.
"I will. There has to be something out there, some way to fix it, and I'll find it. I promise," Shen Yuan said, pleaded, begging for the words he spoke to be true.
"Don't make promises you can't keep, A-Yuan." It was the gentleness in Shen Jiu's voice that broke him. Tears came streaming down his face, tears that had been building and building since Shen Jiu had come back from that fucking night hunt.
"I can keep it," Shen Yuan insisted, burying his face in Shen Jiu's chest. He could feel his lover's ribs under his forehead as he sobbed. "I have to."
Shen Jiu didn't respond this time, just held him close. The only sounds in the room for a while were Shen Yuan's crying and Shen Jiu's breathing.
Eventually, after the tears no longer felt so prevalent, Shen Yuan broke the silence. "Do you remember… when we first met? You were a rude little bastard, and I was a bratty bitch, and somehow we got along like a house on fire." He snorted at his own phrasing, a messy thing on the verge of blubbering. "Literally."
"Mn. You made the streets worth it."
"Jiu-ge…"
"If I hadn't had you to return to, I think I would've given up a long time ago."
Shen Yuan stared up at Shen Jiu, who just looked back calmly. The love in his eyes made Shen Yuan's stomach churn. If he couldn't save Shen Jiu, then who was he to receive his love?
Shen Jiu moved on to another memory. "Remember when we finally made it here? We were so exhausted, only to find out they weren't accepting disciples."
A smile flickered across Shen Yuan's face. "You yelled at them so much they went and got a peak lord anyway."
"And then I yelled at him too." Shen Jiu said, clearly still smug about the incident.
"I was so afraid they would kick us straight down the mountain, but I was also angry enough at the thought of having come up for nothing that I didn't really want to stop you."
"Mn. It paid off, though; he let us in as special cases."
"And then the fucker split us up."
Shen Jiu laughed, before it devolved into a cough. Shen Yuan sat up, helpless to do anything but hold his hand and rub at his back. They had established early on that qi only made everything worse.
Once Shen Jiu caught his breath, he kept talking. "You kept sneaking over to see me. I had made grand plans to go over to your peak and steal you away from anything you might be in the middle of. Then you showed up and sat down in my class like you belonged there."
"It felt wrong, not spending the whole day with you. I wanted to see you," Shen Yuan said. He tried to smile but it felt too fake to hold it up for long.
"I'm glad you did it."
Shen Yuan blinked away more tears.
They talked for a while, reminiscing on their past together. Shen Jiu kept saying sweet things, and Shen Yuan kept crying, and they could both feel that the sand in the hourglass was almost out.
Shen Jiu's breath got more ragged and strained, and he had to pause longer and longer in between sentences. Shen Yuan got distracted, mind still trying to figure out which flower he had come across, because maybe if he could figure it out he could save Shen Jiu and they could still be happy—
Then Shen Jiu would say something and Shen Yuan would be dragged back to the present, to spend time with Shen Jiu before he didn't have any time left to spend.
Now, they were in a lull in the conversation. Shen Yuan had made his way onto the bed with Shen Jiu at some point; Shen Jiu was curled up half-on his lap as Shen Yuan stroked his hair and back.
"…Jiu-ge?"
Shen Jiu stirred, looking up at Shen Yuan. There was a dull, foggy edge to his eyes before he focused in on Shen Yuan.
"Can I kiss you before you go?" Shen Yuan whispered. It felt… wrong, asking for a kiss from a sick and dying man, but if Shen Jiu died without ever giving Shen Yuan one last kiss it might haunt him forever, potential for catching whatever Shen Jiu had be damned.
Shen Jiu huffed lightly, but turned his body more towards Shen Yuan. "Just one."
Shen Yuan's heart broke and mended all at once. He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Shen Jiu's lips, etching the feeling of them into his memory. He knew that in the future the memory would always be too sharp and too foggy.
When he pulled away, Shen Jiu was staring at him wide-eyed, gaze clearer than it had been since the night hunt.
"…A-Yuan." Shen Yuan was startled at the sheer amount of disbelief in Shen Jiu's voice.
Then the strength of said voice hit him. "Jiu-ge? Did that… did that do something?? Do you feel better??"
Shen Jiu blinked up at him, mouth opening and closing. "That worked. It's gone."
Shen Yuan sat back, stunned. "It's gone? Nothing is wrong anymore? You're sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. Your sappy little kiss fixed everything," Shen Jiu said, undermining the sarcasm in his voice with a massive smile.
Shen Yuan laughed, feeling all the tension in him drain away. He slumped against the back of the bed and Shen Jiu moved in order to properly hug him.
"Next time we should try kissing sooner," Shen Yuan mumbled into the crown of Shen Jiu's head. "Either it'll fix it or we'll go down together."
Shen Jiu hummed against Shen Yuan's collarbone. "Let's not have a next time."