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Half a Plate

Summary:

13 December 1973

Notes:

Lucille

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By the fourth meal, Lucille knew it was not a matter of preference. The young technician at the end of the galley table had taken eggs, toast and stewed fruit at breakfast and left most of the eggs untouched. At lunch she had eaten a few spoonfuls of soup, half a roll and nothing from the plate of cold meat beside it. Now, at supper, she had worked steadily through the potatoes and then stopped with nearly half the food still arranged in front of her, not pushed away with distaste and not picked over as if she had disliked what was served. She had simply reached a point at which eating seemed to require a decision she no longer wanted to make. Around her, the galley carried on with the dense ordinary noise of the Pole: cutlery against enamel, chairs shifting, somebody asking whether a generator inspection had been moved, somebody else arguing amiably over a card game that had not yet begun. The technician drank water, listened when spoken to and smiled at the right places. If Lucille had not already noticed the other meals, there was nothing about her face that would have demanded attention.

Lucille did not ask her about it at the table. She finished her own meal, let the conversation travel past her for another ten minutes and waited until the young woman carried her tray to the return hatch. The plate went through with the same unfinished portion it had held when Lucille first looked over. A minute later the technician was gone, pulling on the heavier layer she had left near the door before disappearing toward the instrument spaces. Lucille remained where she was until the cook emerged from behind the serving counter with a pan in one hand and a cloth over one shoulder. Warren Pike was a compact man in his early fifties who seemed able to remember what every person in the station had eaten without treating the information as remarkable. Lucille caught his eye and nodded toward the return hatch. "Does she usually leave that much?" she asked quietly. Warren's glance went toward the door rather than the trays. He did not need to ask who Lucille meant. "Last few days," he said. "Was wondering when you were going to ask.

Lucille rested one forearm on the table and kept her voice low enough that the two men still eating near the far wall could not make out the words. "You've noticed before tonight." Warren gave her the expression of a man whose job required noticing whether thirty people had enough food, whether the milk powder was disappearing too quickly and whether someone who normally asked for seconds had stopped doing so. "Tuesday breakfast," he said. "Maybe Monday supper, but Tuesday was when I was sure. She used to clean the plate. Not greedy, just young and working outside a fair bit. Then she started taking the same amount and leaving half." Lucille asked whether the technician had complained about the food. Warren shook his head. "Said the stew was good yesterday and then ate six bites of it. That's not a review I can use." There was no humour in his tone beyond the ordinary dryness of a man describing his work. He set the pan down, folded the cloth once and added, "She's drinking. I watch that more up here. Water's fine. Coffee's down. She looked green at breakfast, though.

The technician's name was Robin Vale, twenty-four, an electronics technician attached to a weather and communications support team. Lucille had spoken with her twice in longer interviews and passed her in corridors often enough to know the shape of her working day. Robin was competent, fast with her hands and inclined to answer technical questions by taking Lucille directly to the equipment rather than explaining from memory. She had also arrived at the Pole later than several of the others and had spent her first week insisting that the altitude was only making her slightly breathless. Lucille had heard enough variations of that sentence by now to understand how much could be hidden inside the word slightly. "Has she asked for smaller portions?" Lucille said. Warren shook his head again. "No. And I'm not starting that conversation in front of everybody. She'll either think I'm policing her or she'll take more just to prove a point." He looked toward the hatch where Robin's tray had disappeared. "I thought about sending something bland over later, but if her stomach's the problem I don't want to guess at it.

That was enough to settle what Lucille would do, largely because it made clear what she did not need to do. She did not need to follow Robin down the corridor and ask a young technician to discuss her appetite with the woman whose presence at the station already made ordinary conversations feel faintly official. She did not need to ask Warren to keep a written record of uneaten meals. She did not need to invent a procedure because two people had used their eyes. Lucille thanked him, and Warren picked up the pan again as if the exchange had concerned the inventory of onions. "If medical tells me to change what she's getting, I'll change it," he said. "Otherwise I'll keep putting food out and mind my own business." Lucille said, "That sounds sensible," and Warren snorted softly. "Don't put that in a report. They'll make me fill out a form.

The Pole medical room was small enough that knocking felt almost ceremonial. Dr. Caroline Hsu looked up from a stack of supply notes when Lucille entered and pointed at the only chair without asking why she had come. Hsu was in her forties, narrow-faced, calm and unsentimental about the particular ways healthy adults could make themselves inconvenient when they were frightened of appearing weak. Lucille had already spent several hours with her discussing evacuation thresholds, work restrictions and the difference between a practical limit and a diagnosis. She closed the door before sitting. "This isn't for the review unless it needs to become one," Lucille said. "Warren and I have both noticed Robin Vale leaving most of her meals. He noticed first. She looked nauseated this morning." Hsu's eyes sharpened without widening. "How long?" Lucille gave her the days Warren had named, then added that Robin was still drinking water and had not complained publicly. Hsu asked two more questions, one about whether Lucille had seen vomiting and another about Robin's work schedule. Lucille answered what she knew and stopped there.

Hsu leaned back and pressed her thumb along the edge of the paper in front of her. "She came in three days ago with headache and nausea," she said. "Vitals were acceptable for someone still acclimating. I told her to come back if the nausea persisted, and I cut one outside block from her schedule for the day. She has not come back." Lucille did not ask for the rest of Robin's medical details. The information already explained enough. Hsu looked toward the closed door and said, "She's embarrassed." It was not a guess dressed as a diagnosis. Hsu had seen it often enough to recognise the pattern. "She asked me whether I was going to tell operations she couldn't handle the Pole. I told her I was going to tell operations whatever restrictions were necessary and no more. She heard me. I don't know that she believed me." Lucille thought of the way absence redistributed work in a station this small, how quickly a person could calculate which colleague would inherit a task if she surrendered it. "Warren thinks she'll eat more just to prove something if anybody asks her in the galley," she said. Hsu nodded. "Warren's right.

They agreed on almost nothing because almost nothing was required. Hsu would find Robin privately before the next work block and ask her to return for a check. Lucille would not be present. Warren would not be turned into a medical observer beyond what he had already done naturally. Nobody would announce that Robin's duties had changed for health reasons. Hsu would send operations a functional restriction if one was needed, not an explanation. Lucille stood to leave and Hsu said, "This is the part people miss when they design reporting systems from comfortable offices. They assume the barrier is access. Sometimes the clinic is thirty yards away and the barrier is that the patient has to eat breakfast with the person who covers her shift." Lucille's hand paused on the door handle. "I know," she said. Hsu looked at her with enough familiarity to make clear that Lucille's earlier illness had not been forgotten. "You know now." Lucille accepted the correction and left.

Robin appeared in the galley at breakfast the next morning ten minutes later than usual. She looked no worse than she had the day before, but she moved with the deliberate economy Lucille had begun to associate with people who were conserving themselves without admitting it. Warren placed a bowl of oatmeal in front of her instead of the usual larger breakfast and added dry toast, sliced pear and a mug of weak tea. He did not ask whether that was what she wanted. Robin looked down at the tray, then across at him. Warren was already serving the next person. She carried the food to the table and sat with two technicians from the construction crew. Nobody asked why her breakfast was different. Lucille was three seats away with a folder open beside her plate and did not look up until Robin had begun eating.

She finished nearly all the oatmeal. The pear took longer. Half the toast remained. Lucille did not feel relief so much as the easing of a question that had been waiting for an answer. Near the end of the meal, Hsu entered, poured coffee and crossed the room without speaking to Robin. Only when Robin rose did Hsu rise too, and the two women left separately enough that anyone not paying attention would have seen nothing at all. Lucille stayed with her notes. Twenty minutes later, a work schedule came through the station office with Robin moved from a long outside equipment check to bench testing and inventory for the day. The change displaced two tasks onto other people, but it did not produce the resentment Robin seemed to fear. One technician complained about the inventory because he hated counting connectors. Another volunteered to take the outside check because he had already planned to be suited up. By lunch the station had absorbed the alteration.

Robin found Lucille in a passageway that afternoon. She was carrying a case of meter leads, light enough to satisfy whatever restriction Hsu had imposed but large enough to make turning around awkward. When she saw Lucille, she stopped. "Did you tell Dr. Hsu about me?" she asked. There was no accusation in it, but there was embarrassment, and behind that a kind of tired irritation that seemed directed mostly at herself. Lucille did not pretend ignorance. "I told her Warren and I had noticed you weren't eating much and that you looked nauseated. I didn't tell operations anything." Robin shifted the case against her hip. "I was going to go back." Lucille believed she might have meant it when she said it. "All right." Robin's mouth tightened slightly. "I didn't want everybody thinking I couldn't manage it here." Lucille glanced down the passageway. No one was close enough to overhear. "Everybody?" she asked.

Robin gave a small exhale through her nose, impatient with the question and then forced to consider it. "People." Lucille waited. Robin adjusted her grip again. "Hsu. The crew. Warren. You. I don't know. It's stupid." Lucille said, "It isn't stupid. It is inconvenient." That made Robin look at her. Lucille continued, "If you go to medical, someone may cover your work. If your duties change, people notice. If you stop eating, Warren notices. There is not much room here for anything to happen without becoming visible. That doesn't mean the conclusion everybody reaches is that you have failed." Robin looked toward the floor, then back at Lucille. "I got sick twice the first week. I thought I was done with it." Lucille did not ask for details. "Bodies aren't impressed by schedules," she said. "Mine certainly hasn't been." Robin's expression changed at that, because Lucille's own enforced rest had travelled through the station despite everyone's best efforts at discretion. "Hsu told me about your argument," Robin said. Lucille's eyebrows rose. "Hsu did not." Robin almost smiled. "No. Warren did." Lucille considered that and said, "That sounds more likely.

The smile arrived properly then, brief and tired but real. Robin shifted the case once more and said Hsu had reduced her outside time for two days, given her medication for the nausea and ordered her to come back if she still could not eat. "She also said if I skip the follow-up she'll come find me in front of everybody." Lucille said, "I would believe her." Robin nodded. For a moment neither moved. Then she said, "Thank you. I think." Lucille answered, "Thank Warren first. He noticed before I did." Robin looked surprised, which seemed to be the useful part of the answer. "The cook?" Lucille nodded. "The cook." Robin looked down the corridor toward the galley, then laughed once under her breath. "Of course he did." She continued on with the meter leads, walking slowly enough that Lucille could see she had finally stopped trying to make every movement look effortless.

At supper Warren gave Robin a smaller plate without ceremony. There was chicken, rice, carrots and less of all three than he would have served her a week earlier. She ate most of it. Halfway through, one of the men at her table asked whether she wanted his carrots, and Robin told him no with enough disgust to establish that her appetite was not the only force governing the meal. The conversation moved to a heater fault. Hsu came in late and took the nearest empty seat. She did not look at Robin's plate. Warren did, because Warren looked at every plate. Lucille watched him register what remained when Robin carried the tray back: a few carrots, a strip of chicken and almost no rice. His face did not change. He scraped the leftovers away and put the plate with the others.

Over the next two days, Robin's meals grew less conspicuous because there was less left on them. Warren continued serving smaller portions and kept bread within reach if she wanted more. Hsu kept her off the longest outside blocks until the nausea settled. The work shifted around her and then shifted back. Nobody held a meeting. No one produced a new station rule. Robin returned to a heavier breakfast on the third morning and asked for another piece of toast. Warren gave it to her without comment. Lucille was at the next table with a draft recommendation in front of her, one paragraph describing medical access in small stations and the difficulty of preserving privacy where everybody knew everybody else's movements. She had been trying to write a sentence about informal observation and had crossed it out twice because every version made ordinary human attention sound like a surveillance mechanism that could be designed and assigned.

Warren passed her carrying a tray of mugs. Lucille stopped him with a finger against the edge of the paper and asked, "If somebody told you that part of your job was to monitor how much everyone ate, would it make you better at noticing?" Warren looked at her as though she had asked whether a thermometer worked better if threatened. "No," he said. "It'd make me stop being a cook and start being a policeman." Lucille nodded and crossed out the sentence a third time. Warren glanced at the page. "You can write that if you want." Lucille said, "I may." He moved on before she could ask anything else. Across the room, Robin bit into the second piece of toast while reading a maintenance sheet, her attention already somewhere beyond the meal. The plate in front of her was nearly empty, and nobody at the table was watching it.