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Rick should've said no. He should've declined Evil Morty's call to adventure for the rarest crystals money can never buy. Actually, scratch that. He should've shot the little shit for offering while stealing glances at Morty. His grandson.
The fucking audacity of the prick.
The way there was even worse. Despite having portatled them out of the curve and into his personal oasis, which Rick could only assume was to show off, Evil Morty calmly insisted that they take his ship to the planet where the crystals grew. The same kind he used to power the barrier around his oasis.
Of course Morty didn't mind the extra trip, finding the oasis itself gorgeous and excitedly following Evil Morty inside his mansion for a brief tour before they left. Rick really wished the kid would get better at holding grudges.
It was then that Rick internally prayed Evil Morty somehow had alcohol inside as he reluctantly followed after the kids.
While the boys were busy gearing up in matching golden space suits, Rick was lucky to find a small section in the kitchen meant for wine tasting. So many flavours in so little time.
Finally, the trip towards the crystal's planet started, and Rick was even grumpier. The golden ship Evil Morty had was made to fit only two people at most. So to his cringe, Rick's tall self had to sit in the cramped backseat while the boys shared the driver's seat, their sides pressed together as Evil Morty held Morty's waist.
He claimed it was for safety, that the seat belt wouldn't secure around two people properly, so this was better.
Lying bitch.
Rick cringed at the sight. Every time Evil Morty's hand ever so slowly rubbed down Morty's hip and back up to his side, he wanted to burn his eyes off with a lighter. He was not mentally prepared to watch his grandson be flirted with by a shameless genocidal version of himself.
It was icky enough watching Beth discover masturbation with extra steps. He didn't need this too.
And sure, maybe he was projecting. God knows how many Ricks he got busy with during his hoe phase.
But this was different. Morty was too young and too horny for that level of narcissism.
When they finally landed, and the glass shield of the ship lifted, Rick hopped out first and reached back inside for Morty, picking him up like a cat from Evil Morty's disgustingly gentle grasp and putting him on the ground, giving the eyepatched kid the stink eye.
Evil Morty rolled his eyes and hopped out right after, leaving the ship in park as he stepped closer to Morty, only for Rick to block him with his arm, giving the kid a nasty glare. He felt like a father keeping horny boys off his daughter. Granted, he never got that experience with his daughter, but hey, you gotta start somewhere. Too bad Evil Morty didn't find him intimidating, simply phasing past Rick's arm and taking Morty's hand, suddenly acting as a tour guide for the planet. Smug little shit.
Rick walked behind them, glaring as Evil Morty whispered in Morty's ear, whatever he said making Morty chuckle. Oh God, was this what being a third wheel felt like?
Thankfully, Rick finally had a break when a large, aggressive alien noticed them approaching the crystals and charged at them, probably assuming they were edible. Morty yelped as Rick ran up behind the kids, wrapped his arms around them, and turned his back to the creature as a small laser cannon sprang out of it and blasted it into ash instantly.
The trio watched the ashes sprinkle down as they untensed from the sudden threat, Morty thanking Rick with a quick hug while Evil Morty slipped from the old man's arm, brushing off his shoulders as if Rick's touch was dirty. Honestly, Rick didn't know why he bothered. It must've been his grandpa instincts kicking in cause he knew more than well that Evil Morty could easily defend himself.
After calming down and taking a breath, Evil Morty went ahead and pulled a few crystals out of the ground before Rick and Morty approached him. He casually tossed the large handful of shards at Rick, distracting him long enough to take Morty's hand again and lead him to another patch to grab more.
Rick used a laser from his pinky finger to shrink the crystals into a smaller size before collecting them into a compartment inside his torso. When he looked back up, he saw Evil Morty teaching Morty how to pluck out a few other crystals safely without cracking or breaking them, even gently holding and moving Morty's hands to grip the shards correctly, which Rick scoffed at.
Of course the little shit would try to cop a feel. He'd been doing it the whole trip. It was pathetic, really. Especially since Morty was bad at picking up on subtle gestures. He'd have better luck telling him straight up that he wanted to bone rather than whatever this touchy-feely bullshit was.
Rick approached them once they were done, deciding to be nice for Morty's sake and shrinking the other shards so Evil Morty could put them in his space suit's zipper pockets. Except one, which he gave Morty to keep as a memento. Rick wanted to gag but held back when he saw how hyped Morty was at the gift, eyes softening as he watched the kid's happy stims. He even noticed Evil Morty fiddle with his fingers as he watched Morty with a faint blush, which Rick rolled his eyes at.
On their way back to Evil Morty's oasis, they drove through a beautiful nebula that had Morty mesmerized. Rick wasn't as impressed. Yes, it was objectively pretty, but he was used to seeing these kinda things by now. Besides, he knew this was just another way for Evil Morty to show off more, based on how fondly he was smiling at Morty's reactions to everything. Rick would probably think it was cute if it wasn't him crushing on his grandson. Then Rick felt himself recoil when Evil Morty leaned in and rested his chin on Morty's shoulder to watch the nebula. Rick was so ready to punt the needy prick but held back, not wanting to ruin Morty's fun.
Finally, they made it back to the oasis, and Evil Morty was still not done trying to suck up to his grandson as he offered for the two to stay for lunch. Morty immediately agreed, mostly cause he thought the mansion was cool and wanted to stay longer. But Rick had to put his foot down this time.
He declined the offer... buuut he did permit the boys to call each other whenever. On the condition that Morty only used his phone to do it and always asked him first if they wanted to visit each other. He didn't trust Evil Morty around his grandson, so setting boundaries and seeing if he respected them was a good first step, in his opinion.
Morty pouted at having to leave but agreed to Rick's terms; so did Evil Morty before opening a portal for them. Rick was ready to step into it but stopping to watch Morty step closer to Evil Morty as he wanted to take off the space suit and give it back. But Evil Morty simply smiled and pressed a button on the front of the suit's neckline, watching the suit and helmet dematerialize and compress into the brooch-sized button like a Power Rangers de-transformation sequence. It was really cool. He did the same with his own suit and let Morty keep the brooch, saying he could wear it again when they adventure together some other time. Morty smiled and hugged the other boy, who was stunned for maybe a second before hugging back, smugly sticking out his tongue at Rick from over Morty's shoulder, to which Rick responded to by flipping him off.
Morty pulled back, thanking Evil Morty for the trip and the crystal before kissing his cheek, leaving the other boy frozen with a soft blush. Rick blinked, briefly surprised at Morty's initiative before snorting at the reaction, stifling his laugh. For all his ego and nonchalance, Evil Morty was just as stupid with love as any other Morty.
Morty pulled away after, waving at Evil Morty as he headed to the portal and left through it first. Rick stood there for a moment longer, looking at Evil Morty's blushing face before smirking.
"Congrats. My grandson likes you back. Don't wear it out." he jabbed, chuckling as Evil Morty flipped him off, still blushing.
Finally, he left, now back in his garage as Morty was looking at the crystal Evil Morty gave him. It was still small from Rick shrinking it. "You think this'd make a good necklace?" Morty asked, holding up the shiny red shard.
Rick fell back in his desk chair, slouching. "Probably, kiddo." he stretched his arms with a grunt before grabbing his flask from his lab coat's inner pocket. "So why'd you kiss 'em?" he casually asked, taking a long sip.
Morty paused with a faint blush and chuckled nervously. "Uh, well, i-it was more of a thank you for the fun, but...I-I guess I do kinda...l-like him a bit..." he stammered, fiddling with the crystal between his fingers. "Is that weird?" he looked up at Rick shyly, blushing more.
Rick looked at Morty for a moment before burping out a sigh. "Nah, it's not. Do what you want, y'know?" he rasped lazily, turning around to face his desk. "Whatever happens, just trust your gut. You have a good one." he added as he grabbed a few tools and a spare piece of metal, probably to tinker with it.
Morty watched him, smiling softly as he looked between Rick and the crystal. "Okay. Thanks, grandpa." he said as he left the garage.
Rick couldn't stop the slight smile that crept onto his face. Morty didn't usually call him grandpa, that was more Summer's thing. But when he did, it made Rick's chest feel lighter.