Chapter Text
18th June, 5:34pm
I gaze up at the sky as the soft darkening blue is framed by the still trees. I hang my bow across my back and take a deep breath, and listen as the flowing waters of the river bypass me slowly.
“It's been a while since I've been alone.. Its hard to find a moment to myself huh..? We were always alone, all we ever did was think..”
I chuckle, that wasn't the case anymore. Now I have Rick and the others, and I have people I care about. And now, Lori's pregnant, and soon we're going to have a little ball of happiness crawling around-
“God... you know this is bad. You're not suppose to get attached to them. You're gunna lose someone again..”
'What you doing out 'ere?'
I turn around to see Daryl, crossbow on his back, his bright blue eyes staring at me waiting for a reply.
'Did you follow me?'
'Not everything's about you'
'Okay then Mr.Busy. Why are you here?'
'I'm gunna go look for Sophia..'
'It's getting dark... You should wait until tomorrow. I'll go with you.. more people betters our chances.'
'Nah... You'd slow me down.'
He walks past me and I stare into the distance, gripping my shirt tightly. I’m tired of this. I’m tired of him being so cold, I never seem to know what was going on in his head and he's always so freaking unpredictable! Several times before he'd gone out of his way to make sure I was safe, all the while pushing me away.
'I can take care of myself, I don't need you to do it for me.'
'Never said I would.'
'Okay, then go look for her and let me do what I came here to do.'
And what is that exactly? Cause all we were doing is staring off into space.
I turn my back to him and walk away.
God, he is so frustrating.
Whatever, let him do what he wants. Stubborn asshole, that all he is, there's no limit with him.
'Hey..' he grabbs my arm and I yank away from his touch.
'What? Let me go, you've got other things to do, and so do I.'
'What? You gunna run off cause' your afraid? Afraid of losing us like you lost that other person? You think I didn't hear?'
I stay silent... because its was true. I didn't want to lose someone again, just like I lost her.
Coraline. Long brown hair. Big, shiny brown eyes, and a smile that had washed so much pain away when you both were starving. She was the reason you fought everyday. She was your cousin, but honestly there was no title that could describe how much love you had for that little brat. She was the reason you kept going. Until they got her. Until you told her to look at the pretty flowers and that you'd see each other again.
Until I shot her dead.
'Hey, you alright?'
I shake my head and come back to my senses, you're not crying in front of him, not today.
'I'm fine.' I avoid his gaze because I can't look him in the face and lie. I can't tell him the truth without reliving the moment those things took the only person I cared about.
'You zoned out there'
'Yeah..'
'I'll get you back to the house'
'I'm fine..! I don't need an escort Daryl!'
'Stop being so damn stubborn..!' He grabs my arms and throws me over his shoulder as I try to fight my way off.
'Let go of me..!' I hit his back and pull his shirt hard, why couldn't he just let me be?
'Stubborn little kid.'
'Shutup you annoying old man..! You're always pushing everyone aw--'
I stop.
I stare at the scars that map Daryl's back inside and out. They stretch across his skin... the dark red lines, engraved onto his skin so deeply.
I want to hug him. God, I just want to hug him even if he throws me across this damn forest! Who did this? It pisses me off just to think about some asshole doing this to him, and the fact that I weren't there...
What happened to him?
'Daryl..?'
He drops me onto my feet and pulls his shirt down. I can tell I pissed him off. He always stares at the ground near me when I did. And it scares the shit out of me.
'You' always sticking your nose where it don't belong.'
'What happened?'
'Don't matter..'
'Tell me... I'm not amazing with words but I'll try my best to understand. I just want to help you..'
'....'
'Daryl..'
I step forward and he slowly leans back, so I reach for his hand but hesitate, I don't want to annoy him, force him to think about it. I don't even know if I can help... if he wants me to.
'Coraline.'
'Huh..?'
'Her names was Coraline and she was seven... and she had the biggest eyes and smile you'd ever see in your life...'
I smile softly to myself.
'We got separated from our family so I looked after her. She was the only person I had, she was everything I had, and I'd do anything for her.'
I can feel him looking down at me. I can feel the sorry in his eyes.
'Those things got to her... and I lost myself. I told her she was gunna' be okay and, I didn't shed a tear. I comforted her like I had to of course, after she was gone.. I just.. lost it.'
He brushes his thumb against my arm softly.
'I'm sorry, Y/N...'
'It's alright... I got to say goodbye, most people don't..'
We both stand here. The silence isn't awkward, it's the most comforting thing. We stand there, just appreciating each others company. He was a right asshole, but you never felt so easy around anyone else like you did with him.
Then, you realise the forest was getting dark, and that the others were waiting.
‘We should go..' I begin to grab my bow, but his voice interrupts..
'My dad use to hit me..'
I look at him as he looks past me, I could see the events replaying in his head through his eyes.
'He was a son of a bitch... always yelling bout' something..'
I wrap your arms around him and shove my head into his neck. He feels so warm and smells like dirt... like nature, so I hold onto him tightly, I didn't get to have anyone when she died, so I was going to make sure he did.
'I got you... old man. You didn't deserve it. No one does.'
'Yeah..'
He wraps his arms around my waist slowly.. his touch makes me shiver. I look at him and kiss his forehead softly, my cheeks blushing as warmly as him.
'Weird kid...' he chuckles and smiles to the side, that sly little smile of his.
'Hey, I got a burn on my leg from using a straightener. If it makes you feel better.' I smile and step back, watching as he begins to walk towards the farm.
'C'mon kid, I ain't saving you from no more damn walkers..'
'Yes Sir..!' I skip along his side, and he laughs quietly at me, teasing me about being kid as always.
Stupid old man.
11:25pm
I roll onto my side, and onto the other, and then onto my tummy, only to roll onto my back again.
So when we're safe behind 4 walls and a roof we still can't sleep?
Great. Fantastic stuff.
I stare at the white wooden ceiling. Hershel's house was so peaceful, so serene and calm as it stood in the middle of summer and the hot air.
Too bad the world outside has to ruin it all.
I chuckle. If your humour was a person it would probably be a teen that's always bitching about everything and how the world is pathetic.
Insit up, dangling my feet on the side of the bed. I stand up as the cold wood refresh the sole of my feet while I walk to the window. I open it slowly and as carefully as I can, considering the house is quite old, but still, effort counts.
We don't wanna wake up the entire house now, do we.
I stick my head outside as the soft breeze brushes against my face. It's moments like these that kept me going, after everything thats happened. It's all we really get in a world like this.
I watch as the trees move along with the breeze, dancing with it. The sky is dark and the stars twinkle everywhere like little ornaments, and when I look down at the house's entrance to see Daryl sitting there, picking at his crossbow.
What's he doing up?
I watch him as he pulls at the weapon's metal string, his jaw clenching as he pulled it into gear. I watch as he lifts the weapon into the air, and as he aligns his aim with his eye, I decide to go join him.
I tiptoe down the house like a criminal, trying to avoid any creaky floorboards.
It's not the newest house in the word after all.
After successfully reaching the front door I close it gently behind me, the white fabric of my nightgown brushing against itself as I walk over to him. I walk over to the porch steps, and Daryl looks up to me in slight surprise.
'Watcha' still doing up?'
'Can't sleep.' I sit down on the steps next to him, resting my face onto your hand as your arm rests on your leg.
'It's past your bed time.'
'Hilarious, are you sure you weren't a comedian before everything went to shit?'
He gives me a cheeky little grin to the side of his face as he places the crossbow down onto the porch.
'What are you doing up then?'
'I dunno'.. I've gotten so used to sleeping with one eye open, I can barely rest when I'm really safe.'
'Hm, you ain't ever safe in a world like this, not the way it is now..'
'Yeah... but the closest you can get to feeling safe is being with people we care about. Like Rick and everyone else..'
'Guess so..'
I stay still, watching as the clouds move across the dark sky. Daryl looks down, staring at the ground as if he was about to speak, but can’t quite put the words together.
'Bout earlier..'
'Yeah..?'
'I'm sorry.. I'm sure she was a great kid..'
' It's okay.. she was. annoying too.'
We both chuckle, and as he looks up at the sky, we both sit there watching the clouds pass.
'We'll find her, don't worry.'
'Just.. kills to see Carol like that... watching her sit around, worrying... you know?'
'Yeah... trust me. Atleast when you could of done something, you got yourself to blame. But when you can't, who do you blame? You go crazy trying to figure out what wen't wrong, or where you failed, and you stay up all night thinking about if that person could still be here with you and--'
'Hey... you ain't gotta do this. I can go by myself. Its cool, old man here can handle himself.'
'No, I want to. It's my way of trying to redeem myself for what happened..'
I rest my head on his shoulder. I can feel him tensing up, not sure how to react, but he slowly relaxes and slightly leans his head against mine too.
'We all got our ways of coping.' You whisper softly.
'You forget..'
I look up to him. I look into his bright blue eyes as he looks back into mine, before looking off into the distance.
'I do, but trust me, forgetting takes remembering every single detail of it, to try and erase it from your memory..'
'I know..'
His voice was deep and low, I could hear all the hurt he'd been through in his words.
'Like I said, we'll find her.'
'You bet.' He looks down at me, his eyes mocking me.
I raise my head, kissing his as I got up.
'You're a real gentleman, Mr Daryl Dixon.'
I giggle as he scoffs at me, whipping my leg gently with a piece of cloth as I hop away towards the door.
'Get outta here kid.' He shakes his head as he gets up and grabs his bow.
'Sure thing.' I put up a peace sign as you walk inside the house, skipping away.
He watches as I disappear into the the darkness of the house before going inside too.
'Little kid..'