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The amber glow of the flames in the fireplace flickered, casting the only light in the room as Elijah stared out the window lost in his thoughts. He tried to stop himself from reliving the day he most hated himself for but couldn’t, it was all he seemed to think about. Months had passed by since that day and his guilt still consumed him. He had done horrible, unconscionable things. He had told himself it was okay that the end justified the means. After all, the things he had done had been in the name of family. But he couldn’t forgive himself, he wouldn’t. He had done those things to Elena. Sweet, innocent Elena.
A huge but silent sigh escaped him as he closed his eyes. As soon as he had left her a letter trying to explain the reason he had done the things he abhorred was because of the one thing he valued most, his family, he had left Mystic Falls as fast as he possibly could. He couldn’t risk seeing the burning hatred she must feel for him shining in her eyes. It was the one thing he was sure would crush him.
“You did what you had to do.”
Elijah opened his eyes and turned to face his brother as he shook his head. “That’s such an easy thing to say isn’t? How odd that it doesn’t help.”
His brother rolled his eyes. “Oh for the love of... Enough of this self pity. If you feel this strongly about it why don’t you go to her, tell her the way you feel?”
“Don’t you see that is impossible? After the things I have done to her...”
Kol quickly interrupted. “And again I say you did what you had to do. You didn’t do it out of malice you did it to protect your family. And Elena being Elena will understand. If anyone would it’s her.”
For a brief moment a spark of hope flared in his heart before he quickly extinguished it. There was no hope, no act of contrition he could do that would earn him her forgiveness. Nor did he deserve it. What he hadn’t realized until it was too late was that he valued Elena as much as he ever did his family. “It’s too late. There are some things that are not forgivable. And I could never go to her and ask...” Elijah didn’t even bother to finish his sentence before he turned around and stared out the window once more.
“Then it’s a good thing you don’t have to, isn’t it?” A self satisfied smile graced Kol’s face as he sank down into the chair closest to the fireplace.
Elijah quickly turned to face his brother. There was something about the way he had phrased his question that gave him pause. “What have you done?”
His brother shrugged his shoulder. “I only did what you couldn’t.”
“Kol.” The tone of his voice was deceptively soft as he spoke each word slowly through clenched teeth. “What. Have. You. Done?”
A volatile silence lingered through the room stretching his nerves to the breaking point as Elijah waited for his brother’s answer. If Kol didn’t explain what he meant soon then he wouldn’t be held responsible for his actions.
“Elena’s here.”
“What? What do you mean she’s here?” His eyes narrowed with anger. “Are you mad. What if Klaus...?” He wanted to think that Klaus no longer had any use for Elena but for some reason he couldn’t quite make himself believe it.
Kol waved his hand. “Whose idea do you think it was?” He damn sure didn’t want Elijah thinking it had been his idea. His idea of fun ran more towards torture and maiming not playing errand boy or chauffeur but when Klaus said jump it was usually a lot healthier just to do as he wanted unless he preferred a dagger in the chest... again.
“Niklaus, told you to...” Once again Elijah was at a loss for words.
He nodded his head as a smile once more began to spread across his face. “Despite the differences between you, Klaus does care for you and wants you to be happy.” As long as Elijah’s happiness didn’t conflict with Klaus’ own wants didn’t need to be said that was something they both understood, perfectly. Slowly, Kol put his arms over his head and stretched his body before he stood. “Why a teenage girl, a human one at that would be what would make you happy is beyond me but to each his own, I guess.”
Elijah stood staring unblinkingly at his brother. This couldn’t be happening. Elena was here. He could... Elena was here! His eyes darkened as a red rage filled him. “You kidnapped Elena! You broke into her home and frightened her! Hasn’t she been through enough, suffered enough, because of me?”
Quickly, Kol raised his hands as he took a step back. “Wait a second. There was no suffering. I didn’t kidnap Elena. I didn’t have to.”
“Explain.” Elijah hands were clenched into fists at his side. His blood boiled beneath the surface of his skin.
“It’s been months since you did...” Kol paused and cast a glance toward his brother. “What you did.” At Elijah’s nod he continued, “And in that time we’ve watched you become a shell of your former self. You rarely speak and then only if spoken to and a smile from you is even rarer. So we had a talk and we all agreed, well except for Rebekah she doesn’t think Elena is...” Once more he paused, he was positive Elijah was aware of his sisters feelings concerning Elena and didn’t need to be reminded. “Klaus came up with the idea and I executed it.”
“And Elena came with you willingly?” The doubt in Elijah’s voice was unmistakable.
A wicked grin pulled at the corners of his mouth but as he caught a glimpse of the look on Elijah’s face, his smile abruptly disappeared. “Well, actually at first she adamantly refused to listen to me. She called me all sorts of names. Some I’m not sure she even knows the meaning of and she threatened to cave my skull in with a bat. I had to talk to her through the door. Do you have any idea how humiliating that was? I wanted to...”
“Kol.”
At the sound of his name he hastily got back on topic. “But the minute I mentioned your name...,” He snapped his fingers. “Just like that she opened the door. And as soon as I had explained what was going on with you she agreed to come with me.” He shrugged his shoulders. “And the rest you know.”
Elijah didn’t doubt for a second that there was more to the story than that and he wanted to hear every single bit of it but for now he wanted to see Elena more. “Where is she?”
“She’s waiting in the study.”
Without another word Elijah turned and walked away leaving his brother staring at his retreating back with a smug smile on his face.
For a moment he paused in front of the room, unsure how to proceed. Finally, he gathered his determination and quietly opened the door.
“Elena.” Her name was a whispered caress on his lips as he walked into the room and shut the door behind him.
A beautiful smile lit her face as she turned towards him. “Elijah.”
He didn’t know what he would say, what he should say to her. He had been so sure that anger and possibly even hatred would shine out of her eyes. How could it not after the things he had done, that he had allowed to be done to her? But he couldn’t see any anger or hatred in her eyes. Hastily, he began to speak before hope could curl itself around his heart once more. “Since becoming a vampire I have done a lot of terrible things. Things I would rather you not ever know about but the one thing that I am most ashamed of is my treatment of you." He paused to gather his thoughts. “I should apologize.”
Her dark brown hair bobbed against her shoulders as she nodded her head. “Yes, you should.”
He stared into her eyes as he took a small step closer to where Elena stood in the center of the room. “I am sorry, Elena. I can only hope someday you will find it within you to forgive me for my deplorable treatment of you.” How could she forgive him when he couldn’t forgive himself? “I realize it is a lot to hope for considering...”
Elena pushed her hair back from her shoulders as she walked closer towards him. “That’s not what I was hoping to hear.”
For a minute he was taken aback but he quickly recovered. “I should never have left you that note. If I had been a better man I would have explained to you the reasons I had done the things I did to you in person before I left.” A disgusted sound escaped him. “That’s not right either. If had been a better man I wouldn’t have done those things at all. I would have asked for your help instead of letting my anger and disappointment cloud my judgement and threatening you.”
She shook her head slowly. “No. That’s not it either.”
He made a gesture with his hand almost as if reaching out to touch her but quickly stopped himself. “What do you want from me, Elena. Tell me what it is you wish me to say.”
Her hair fell across her eyes as she once more shook her head. “I can’t tell you what to say, Elijah.” She brushed the hair from her eyes before she reached out and gently stroked the side of his face. “I understand why you trapped me in the tunnel with your sister. You wanted to protect your family. I would have done the same thing if I were in your shoes. I would do anything to keep Jeremy safe. So, I can’t blame you for that.” She dropped her hand to her side as she glared up into his eyes. “But there is one thing that I can blame you for and that makes me so angry with you.”
She should be angry with him after trapping her... Wait. She said she understood his reasons. Then what...? It took him a minute to work it out but then the only other reason it could be finally came to him.
Elena took his silence the wrong way and with one last look she pulled her eyes away from his face, slipped passed him and began to walk towards the door.
She had barely walked by him when he reached out, grabbed her by the arm and spun her around to face him. “I am sorry, Elena. Sorry for all the things I have already mentioned and I am sorry for leaving Mystic Falls. But most of all I am sorry for leaving you. I thought I was doing what was best for you but it turns out I was only hurting us both.”
Tears filled her eyes and threatened to overflow, at the remembered pain of his leaving with only a short note. “You didn’t even say goodbye.”
The tears in her eyes sliced into his heart. “I couldn’t face you. The thought of seeing the hatred you must have felt for me in your eyes was more than I could take. So, I....”
“You left me with a note instead of giving me a chance to tell you how I felt.” She reached into the back pocket of her jeans and retrieved a piece of paper. Her hands shook slightly as she carefully unfolded the letter and began to read it out loud.
Elena,
Today I did things I abhor to protect the one thing I value most, my family. If anyone can understand it, it's you. Your compassion is a gift, Elena. Carry it with you, as I will carry my regret.
Always and forever.
Elijah
“That letter was a lie but I refused to acknowledge the truth until it was too late.”
A look of confusion crossed her face as she slowly raised her head and looked up into his mesmerizing eyes. “I don’t understand, Elijah. What do you mean?”
Something she had said before she’d read the letter out loud dawned on him. “What did you feel, Elena?”
“You can’t answer a question with a question, Elijah.”
A small smile began to curl his lips. “I’m an original.” He said the words as if they were his ticket to do as he pleased and in most cases he was right. “Tell me.”
She laughed. “You first.”
“At the time I thought I valued my family above all else. I would do anything, no one was safe from me, from my anger and my determination where my family’s safety was concerned.” He curled his lips in disgust. “As you found out much to my dismay.” He slowly slid his hand down her arm. “But what I didn’t realize because I refused to entertain the idea was that you meant more to me than you should.”
Goose bumps covered her skin as her body tingled from his touch. Her eyes widened at his words. “I do?”
He nodded his head. “More than you will ever know.” Ever so slowly, carefully gauging her reaction, he began to slide his arms around her waist. “Your turn.”
“When I found your letter a part of me died inside. I knew before I ever read it that you had left Mystic Falls." Her voice broke. “And I wanted to hate you. Not for trapping me with your sister, or for any of the things she said or threatened with your blessing but because you left me. I didn’t get a chance to tell you that I understood that I could forgive you and I didn’t get to tell you...” Her lips trembled as she stared into his eyes.
Hope once again flared to life inside of him but this time he couldn’t stomp it down. He wouldn’t. Although, he knew he didn’t deserve her, she should be with someone who had never hurt her; who would never bring tears to her lovely eyes but the thought of another man loving Elena, his Elena was more than he could stand. “What didn’t you get to tell me, Elena?”
“Elijah, I...”
No one noticed as the letter fell silently to the floor.
He couldn’t wait any longer. Elijah pulled her body tighter against his until her every curve molded against him. He could feel her love surrounding him and he would hear the words from her just as she would from him but later, much later. For now he had to kiss her. He paused, his lips mere inches from hers as he searched her eyes. Gently, he traced the curve of her lips with his tongue before dipping in the cavern of her mouth seeking the warm depths hidden inside wringing a moan from her as he deepened the kiss.
Elena clutched the front of his shirt in her hands as wave after wave of pleasure shot through her. Finally, after so many months of waiting, wanting and fearing this day would never come, Elijah was kissing her. Kissing her as if she was the only thing in his world. Which was a good thing since he was the only thing in hers. She couldn’t wait to tell him. Another moan escaped her as he tightened his arms and dipped her further back into his embrace. In that moment all thoughts of talking left her, all she wanted was for Elijah to continue to hold her, to kiss her.
Always and forever.