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Preface, October 5th, year before.
Morgan’s gut was packed full of butterflies as he felt the weight of the tiny black box in his pocket. His fingers were twitching, his palms were sweaty, his eyes were dry, his throat had a sizeable lump in it, and his toes were curled in his dress shoes. He was nervous enough to blow chunks all over himself which is partly the reason why he shouldn’t have eaten so much at dinner. But, now, he was that weird, standing nauseous where his stomach was churning and he was getting awkward mouth sweats.
He was nervous.
He was so fucking nervous.
If he wasn’t so sure about this, he’d probably turn tail and quit right then and there. But, he couldn’t stall this not one more day. Not one more hour, or minute, or second. His future depended on this. Their future depended on this. When he saw himself living out this next year of his life, it was with the contents of this tiny black box adorning the left hand of the man he loved. He saw himself out of his bachelor pad of an apartment. He saw himself making extra dinner every night and buying enough shaving cream for two and never being alone ever again.
Morgan saw himself married . And happily so.
He started dating Dr. Spencer Reid two years ago. It began as a crush, of course. I mean, what else could it have been? Every time he’d see the young man, his heart would make a break for it. He couldn’t be in the same room as him without wondering what his lips felt like, or how his hair smelled when he was fresh from the shower, or what his voice sounded like when he’s mid-orgasm, or how his shoulders hunched over when he’d just woken up in the morning all grumpy and warm from sleep.
He knew the instant he met Dr. Spencer Reid that he wanted this man to feel safe. And cared for. He knew that it would become his life’s mission to make sure the young doctor never wanted for anything. That he was always smiling and carefree and well fed, with a hug and a listening ear whenever he needed it. He knew that he could easily fall in love with him. And, he did.
But, Morgan was stubborn and anxious and riddled with self esteem issues you’d never think for a second he struggled with. He’d been through a lot in the past forty-ish years of his life and he’s not the best bedfellow (waking up to a seasoned federal agent having a panic attack fucking sucks). He has days where he just starts crying for no reason. He also throws up sometimes. And breaks things. His anger issues are insane. He’s slept with way too many people. He still has a serious problem with his own bisexuality and his skin still crawls with disapproval every time he notices the attractiveness of another man. He’s a mess. A complete and total shit show. Reid wouldn’t want a guy like him. No way in Hell. Then, again, Reid struggles with most of these things too and would understand him better than anyone, but that’s not how anxiety works. It’s not rational. So, he wrote Reid out of his equation all together. Morgan told himself, he couldn’t have him. So, he didn’t.
What he wasn’t prepared for were Reid’s feelings. And, boy, did Reid have them. Anxiety and self esteem issues run through that boy’s bones like the marrow inside of them, and he damn sure wasn’t going to make a move. Not if his life depended on it. If Morgan thinks he’s got problems, multiply that shit by twenty and you’ll have Reid. But, Reid pined anyway. Oh, God, did he pine. Heavy. There were times when Morgan could feel Reid’s eyes on his body like a physical caress, and they would just stare at each other and stare at each other for minutes on end trying to somehow eyefuck the other to climax. Sometimes, Reid would come into work early specifically to have the time to both eyefuck Morgan and get his paperwork done. Bitten lips, flushed skin, played in hair, and heated bedroom glances galore, Reid was giving it . But, Morgan was too afraid to take.
Until he did.
They were on a case. It was difficult. Lives were on the line. Blah, blah. They do this every week. Except this time, it was less difficult and the team solved it in hours. They all got to spend the night in Portland of all places. They stayed at this cute, cosy inn. Throw rugs and kitschy posters and knick knacks everywhere. They all got their own rooms too, it was a pretty sweet deal. Rossi and Hotch and JJ all went to see a vintage late night horror flick down the street. They invited Morgan and Reid, but Reid stayed back and said he wasn’t feeling well and, being the overprotective dork he was, Morgan couldn’t agree to hang with them. His heart wasn’t in it. He didn’t even make it to the front of the movie line before he gave some bullshit excuse and turned back to keep an eye on the little dork.
Morgan knocked on Reid’s door that night and when he opened it, the kid was red faced and tear stained. Something about this case made him think about his mom, whom he misses dearly. He had tried to call her when Morgan went with the team, but the orderlies wouldn’t let him talk to her until they understood how she was responding to a higher dosage of medication. Which means she’s doing worse, not better. Which means Reid’s worried. And in Oregon. And not with his mother when she needs him. It was tearing him apart.
He sat with Reid on the small patchwork loveseat in the inn room and listened to him talk. He listened to him weep for three hours. Until his eyes were dry and he remembered how to smile again. During that time, Morgan dared to put a comforting arm around Reid. He always fit perfectly. Only a few minutes into their slowly brightening conversation, Reid scooched in a little closer and -- a moment later -- rested his head on Morgan’s chest. They talked, and talked, and talked; laughing as they did so. Reid’s feet were tugged up onto the loveseat and he was leaning fully onto Morgan, who was trying to drape his arm just far enough over Reid’s shoulder that he might just hold his hand. A few more minutes in, Reid started casually playing with Morgan’s fingers, asking quietly if it was alright if he kept doing that. Morgan said it was, and so Reid flexed his fingers and curled them around Morgan’s. His hand was so big. And gentle. Morgan rubbed his thumb along the back of Reid’s hand. Reid said shyly, “It would be fine, you know? I’d let you.”
So, Morgan did it. He kissed him. It was hands down the best kiss he’d had in his entire life. All of that sexual tension bubbling to a boil in that hot, soft moment of “finally”.
Reid and Morgan got to second base together for the first time on that very couch. Morgan took Reid’s shirt off and got to kiss his neck and everything. As they parted and gazed into each other’s eyes, Reid started to laugh, covering his blushing face with a bashful hand, “I’ve wanted to kiss you for thirteen years.”
Morgan answered with a beaming smile, “Ditto.”
They started dating almost immediately, and after they decided to just bite the bullet and do the whole monogamy thing already, their entire lives just fell into place. Yeah, they had their issues. Yeah, they fought. Yeah, their cases brought out the worst in them. But, there was no mistaking the strength in what they had for each other. It was love. It was real, pure, unmitigated love. And, that alone was enough to get Morgan up in the mornings.
He knew the moment their lips touched that they belonged together. Forever. Period. And, two years later, he just couldn’t wait any longer.
So, he stood outside of Reid’s favorite Italian restaurant in the freezing fucking cold of October, waiting for his boyfriend to get out of the bathroom so that they can take a walk down the block to visit the pumpkin patches so that Morgan can get down on one knee and propose already. Everything’s set up. He’s supposed to get there at exactly 9:45pm so that they can meet Rick to shadow them on a tour. Rick, has already been paid twenty dollars to film the whole thing on his phone and text it to Morgan when it’s done. But, if they get there a minute late, they might not get paired with Rick, which is imperative if they want to have this important moment captured forever so that they can watch it when they’re old(er) and grey(er).
When Spencer came out of the restaurant, he damn near skipped over to Morgan with a grin on his face, asking Morgan to guess who just stole a cookie from the kitchen. Morgan couldn’t even get the word “chocoholic” out of his mouth before Reid was two bites into the stolen pastry. He smiled and kissed his cheek as Reid munched on his snack and guided them along to the pumpkin patches.
They got there in time to pass Rick. Morgan gave the guy a wink and they were followed into the pumpkin fields. As they walked through, Reid pointed at his favorites and Morgan restricted him to three pumpkins. Reid could look at whatever he wanted, but Morgan would be damned if he ended the day with a house full of fruit because Reid thought it “looked festive”.
The chill of the October air was enough to keep him on edge, but not enough to bother him. He noticed Reid tightening his scarf as he excitedly rambled on about gourds and how their uniqueness is what makes them prime decorative themes. Reid was cold. He didn’t want to make a big deal of it, which is why he didn’t say anything, but Morgan knew. Morgan’s taken to wearing layered shirts and keeping a jacket on his arm “just in case”. He never ends up needing the jacket due to his strategic layering, and Reid won’t ever admit to being cold or not wearing what he needs to keep comfortable, so it’s kind of a win-win for them both. Reid gets to keep his integrity and Morgan gets to keep an eye on his boyfriend without seeming clingy or obsessive.
Morgan started doing that a long while ago, before they started dating, taking care of Reid without it looking like he was taking care of Reid. Keeping an extra everything on him just in case. Heck, Morgan’s traveled with an Android charger on his person since 2010. Morgan’s been Team iPhone since its inception and is a self proclaimed Apple whore, but Reid’s had the same HTC Droid Incredible for the last six years. The kid runs through data like it’s his fucking job and he couldn’t be paid enough to keep track of his charger. His phone dies more often than Dean Winchester does, and nothing worries Morgan more than not being able to get in contact with Reid. You know. Just in case. Morgan stocks up on chocolate covered espresso beans and knitted scarves and boring books. His ultimate goal in life other than being content in himself is making sure that Reid never needs anything. It started out as a hobby, but now it’s a full blown obsession. A couple of months into their relationship, Morgan had his profiler goggles on and fastened tight when it came to Reid and two years into it, anticipating his needs became commonplace.
And, he kind of wants it to stay that way.
God forbid Reid moves on to another woman, or man, and they give him everything he’s ever wanted. God forbid Morgan loses the love of his life. He wouldn’t ever see himself without Reid. He wouldn’t. His life was so much better with that goofy, sneaky, kind, brilliant, sarcastic, grumpy, shady little dork in it. Morgan was happy with him. Happier than he’d ever been.
Morgan glanced over at his boyfriend and tugged him close in the chill, taking the leather jacket from his arm and wrapping it around Reid’s shoulders. Reid looked over at him with a flat look in his eyes that said “I never said I needed this and you didn’t have to do that”. So, Morgan sent back a look that said “I know”. Reid grudgingly pushed his arms through the jacket and when his fingers reached the bottom, he rolled it up a little and grabbed onto Morgan’s free hand with his icy fingers, “I’m not cold.”
“You’re never cold.” Morgan said simply.
Reid glared at him.
Morgan glared back. He could play this game all fucking day.
Reid raised his free hand and pointed it at Morgan, “You’re going to have to stop being so perceptive for like five seconds. I never need anything when I’m with you and I’m starting to get lazy. One of these days, you’re going to have to just let me freeze so that I remember to bring my own crap and stop bumming off of you for every little thing. I mean, Jesus, you gave me a stick of gum yesterday.”
Morgan shrugged, “So what? People do that all the time.”
Reid looked at Morgan through slitted eyes, “Derek. You don’t chew gum.”
Morgan replied, “Yeah, but you do.”
Reid stopped walking and pulled his hand from Morgan’s, turning to fold his arms across his chest, “That’s the point. You’re always taking care of me and it’s putting all of this pressure on me to do the same for you, but I never end up doing it and you always do it and I feel like I’m taking from you. Like this jacket. What’s up with this jacket? What if you get cold?”
Morgan answered easily, mirroring his folded arms subconsciously, “I’m wearing four layers right now. Honestly, I’m kind of warm.”
Reid tossed his hands up into the air, “Then, why did you bring it?”
Morgan replied, “For you.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me to bring my own jacket?” Reid asked.
Morgan smiled back fondly, “Because you would give me an attitude and say you’re perfectly fine the way you are and when we got to the pumpkin patches, you’d have been all shivery and moody.”
Reid gave him a firm look, “But, then you’d be in the right and it would be all my fault I was cold, so why do you care either way when it doesn’t affect you?”
Morgan took a step closer and placed his hands tentatively at Reid’s elbows, “Because I don’t want you to be cold in the first place. Fault has nothing to do with it. It doesn’t matter to me who brought the jacket, as long as it’s here when you need it.”
Reid sighed with frustration, “But, you’re making it your problem when it’s mine to deal with.”
Morgan kissed Reid’s cold forehead, “See? That’s the thing. It’s not a problem. You’re my boyfriend and I want to make sure you’re safe.” Morgan kissed him again, “And comfy.” Morgan kissed him one more time, “And warm. Because I love you and when you’re taken care of, I’m extremely happy.”
Reid let out a slow smile, “Well, hearing that benefited my mood. So…”
Morgan grinned back, “Good. I like that. I want to keep that going for the rest of my life.”
Reid blushed and pushed a lock of hair out of his face and tucked it behind his left ear, “Yeah. Me… uh, me too. That would be amazing.”
Morgan gave Reid a firm look as he pulled him in closer, “For real? Being with me for the rest of your life? That’s a big commitment.”
Reid smiled at Morgan’s lips, “I know. And, I know it’s crazy, but if I had to choose someone…”
Morgan asked, “It would be me?”
Reid leaned forward and hid his face in Morgan’s shoulder, “Well… yeah. Sorry if that’s a little much for you to hear right now, but… we’ve been dating for a couple of years so it’s not that hard to imagine. I have a key to your place. We’ve talked about moving in together. And things are going so good. It’s not too weird, is it?”
“Fuck, I hope not.” Morgan pulled the little jewelry box with the ring in it out of his pocket and clenched it in his fist as his other arm came up to hold Reid close to him, “Because we’ve got like twenty feet until we reach the exact spot where this is supposed to happen.”
Reid popped his head up from Morgan’s shoulder with wide, shocked eyes, “Are you serious?”
Morgan held up the box, “Does this look serious?”
Reid glanced at the box and covered his mouth with both hands, “Oh, my God. You’re proposing.”
Morgan scratched at the back of his neck with a shy laugh, “Well, not just yet. Hold your friggin’ horses kid. We have to get to our marks. I got a camera guy so that I can send it to my mom.”
Reid said quietly through his hands, “Yes.”
“Wait, kid, wait!” Morgan smiled as a rush of relief poured through his body, grabbing Reid’s arm and tugging him through the path of pumpkins to the biggest, prettiest set, “Now, act surprised.”
Reid gasped, “I am surprised!”
Surveying the area, he noted that everything was in place, the tiki lights, the pumpkin arrangements, the swept ground, the camera guy holding up a phone just a few feet away. Everything was perfect. Morgan got down on one knee before Reid and held up the box.
Reid smiled so wide his eyes were nearly shut, “Yes.”
Morgan rolled his eyes, “I didn’t even say anything yet.”
Reid laughed blissfully, “I know, but--”
“No! I have a speech prepared, and you’re going to hear it.” Morgan said seriously, holding up the box, “Dr. Spencer Reid. For as long as I’ve known you, I’ve loved you. You’re incredible, and when we’re together, everything just makes sense. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life. We fit together, man. We’re damned perfect for each other. I love you so much. And, I know you love me too--”
Reid started to tear up, “Is it cool if I cry, because I can feel it coming and I know it’s going to be an ugly one.”
Morgan started to laugh as he opened the box, “Fine, I’ll hurry it up. Reid, will you--”
Reid sniffed and nodded as the tears started to fall, “Yes.”
Morgan grinned, trying to get it all out through his bright smile, “Reid, will you marry --”
Reid wiped the tears off of his face with the side of his hand, “Uh huh.”
Morgan tried a final time, “Reid. Will you marry me?”
Reid laughed through his tears, looking a downright hysterical mess of adorableness, “Yeah, dude, I already said I would like four times now. I don’t know what else you want from me.”
Morgan chuckled, picking the ring out and gesturing at his boyfriend--fiancee, “Oh, my gosh. Chill. Jesus. Give me your hand, you weirdo.” Reid held out his right hand impatiently and Morgan glanced back up at him, “For real?”
Reid started to laugh and replaced his hand with the left one, “I’m sorry. I’m a little distracted. It’s cold and I’m crying and I’m marrying you.”
“Thank goodness it fits.” Morgan slipped the ring onto Reid’s finger, “You don’t know what it was to get your size. I had to measure your hand in your sleep like a psycho. Lose this thing and it’s your ass, alright?”
Reid chuckled wetly, “I sure hope so.”
“Oh, my--dude, come on.” Morgan said, running a hand down his face in exasperation, “This video is going to my mom. Let’s keep the dirty jokes to a minimum.”
Reid laughed through his tears as they started flowing and he stared blissfully down at the ring on his finger, “I’m sorry, but you set yourself up for it. I was doing my duty as your boyfriend… wait. I’m not your boyfriend.”
Morgan kissed Reid’s hand, “No, you’re not.”
Reid sniffed, whining out as he cried, “I’m your fiancee.”
Morgan stood and met him in a hug, “Yeah, man. You’re my fiancee.”
Reid leaned over and kissed Morgan’s lips gently, “We’re about to build a life together. A home. A family. There’s so much in store for us. I couldn’t be any happier, Derek, I couldn’t.”
Morgan kissed him back, “Me too.”