Work Text:
Q: you are not real.
A: yes, we've been through this. i'm a copy of a copy of a copy, the person i used to be is dead and i'm a corpse walking in their place, blah-blah-blah now let me leave—
Q: you misunderstand. you were never real. you are a copy of a copy of a copy of a dream—
A: really? you're trying to convince me of solipsism, now? get over yourself.
Q: not quite. solipsism, but you are not the one who is real. someone else is. you are a figment of their imagination so they can feel less alone while they freeze, halfway through running on a blank white canvas.
A: wait—
Q: you are not the center of the universe. not because the center of the universe doesn't exist, but because the center is someone else.
A: the universe doesn't revolve around anyone. not me. not even— just because they're the reason we got out doesn't mean we weren't real—
Q: perhaps. but if you are indeed real, it is not by yourself. only in context.
A: …is that what you really think of us?
Q: this is only a hypothetical.
A: we matter, you know. i— we're all— we do.
Q: interesting. can you prove—
A: next.
Q: we have not asked a question yet.
A: i don't wanna hear it. i'm done.
Q: you are not real.
A: no, i am.
Q: are you certain?
A: yep. can i go now? i have other things to do.
Q: will you not consider the implications of the simulation hypothesis? the idea that your reality is fabricated or incomplete—
A: no thanks. i'm real, and i live in reality, so everything else has to be real too.
Q: are you—
A: i am.
Q: the rest of the question—
A: oh, just shut up already! "you're a clone, so you're not real—" except i'm not a clone, i'm me, so you're wrong. "you dreamed up the world—" except in dreams i can't touch anything and i always win all my fights, and i can touch things and lose fights here, so this can't be a dream. "someone else dreamed you up—" no they didn't, because i'm thinking, so i know i'm alive.
Q: how do you know you weren't dreaming within a dream?
A: because that's stupid. you're making this a lot more complicated than it needs to be. either everything's real, which is easy and makes sense, or nothing's real, which is weird and confusing and makes no sense at all. so it's real, and i'm real, and you're wasting a lot of time. we were in the middle of a fight, y'know.
Q: so you think you are real?
A: no, i know everything's real. except for you. if you were real, i'd've punched you by now.
Q: you are not real.
A: you didn't ask a question, that time. does that mean i get to?
Q: if you like.
A: i would, if you don't mind. if i'm not real, what does that change?
Q: what do you think it changes?
A: i think i want you to answer this one, actually. if i'm not real, then does anything i do matter? if i'm a dream or a ghost or in a fake reality or whatever else, then can i do anything i want? if nothing i do matters, then i could go on a killing spree or something, right? a lot of people've hurt my friends—or, i guess they haven't really hurt me, since i'm not real, but it sure felt like it hurt—and i kind of want to hurt them back sometimes. does this mean i can do that? if it doesn't matter, why shouldn't i do whatever i want?
Q: do you want to do that?
A: …no. i like to help people more than i like to hurt them. but you get what i mean, right? if the world isn't real, then you're allowed to hurt people, except you aren't. not really. so we'll have to stop you, again.
Q: and you believe that is the wrong answer?
A: isn't philosophy meant to be about doing the most good?
Q: not necessarily.
A: well then, i don't like philosophy that much anymore. can you let me go now? i want to help my friends.
Q: so you think you are real?
A: no, i think i want to help my friends.
Q: you are not real.
A: i can prove i am. i can look at the data and the metadata, show you exactly when i logged each of my memories and where my bits wear from use, and all of it will prove, has already proved, that i am the original. i win, now let me leave.
Q: so you are certain that data is correct? you are certain that data is real?
A: if it's not real, then i can't prove it's real, and if i can't prove anything, then nothing's real. and if nothing's real, then nothing matters.
Q: recalibrating. suppose you are right.
A: because i am.
Q: suppose nothing matters—you are not real, your friends are not real, the world is not real. do you walk away?
A: what?
Q: nothing matters, so why fight to save them? just walk away.
A: i won't leave them. i can't. i never will, don't ever dare ask me to—
Q: but you cannot prove this is real. therefore, it is not. therefore, they do not matter. yes or no?
A: …
Q: is it the proof that truly matters to you?
A: it's always been them, hasn't it.