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r/HollanderPicsDaily
u/DogzDogz_Dogz
FUCKING ROSE LANDRY
Is this sub entirely dedicated stupid Rose Landry photos now? Nobody likes her. She is in the worst movies. She has been kidnapped FOUR times already. I bet she gets kidnapped in the next X-Squad movie too.
Hollander doesn’t date anyone ever then dates her? Boring. Predictable. So sick of seeing pictures of them together. This a HOLLANDER forum. Keep stupid Rose Landry out of it.
=>u/HollanderSCORES 15m
He’s never gonna date you, sweetie
=>u/HollzyDoesIt
Its nice to see him happy. Look at that picture of them smiling. I don't think I've ever seen a smile that big from him before. What do you have against happiness?
=>u/DogzDogz_Dogz
Everything.
=>u/HollzyDoesIt
Like SCORES said. He’ll never fuck you, sweetie.
=>u/DogzDogz_Dogz
I do not want him to fuck me.
=>u/HollanderSCORES
That aint how it sounds from this end, Friend.
=>u/DogzDogz_Dogz
I am not your friend.
***
r/HollanderPicsDaily
u/HockeyWild
CUTE COUPLE DESTROYED BY SCHEDULING
That’s too bad about Hollander and Rose Landry. I guess scheduling issues can take down even the most perfect of OTPs.
=>u/DogzDogz_Dogz
I had to look up this OTP. This was definitely not OTP. They were a NOtp. He is too good looking for her anyway.
=>u/HollanderSCORES
He still isn't going to fuck you, sweetie.
=>u/DogzDogz_Dogz
Eat my entire ass. I do not want him to fuck me. I am happy he is no longer unhappy.
=>u/HollanderSCORES
You are delusional, Friend.
=>u/DogzDogz_Dogz
Not your friend.
***
r/HollanderPicsDaily
u/Hollanov4Ever
THEY ARE IN LOVE
Did you see the press conference? Those two are absolutely doing it.
=>u/DogzDogz_Dogz
Just say fucking. Why is Reddit like this?
=>u/Hollanov4Ever
We already know you hate love.
=>u/DogzDogz_Dogz
I LOVE LOVE, GODDAMNIT. I just think you should say fucking if you mean fucking.
=>u/HollanderSCORES
Aren't you going to say something shitty about how he can’t possibly be fucking Rozanov because Hollander is too hot for that or some shit?
=>u/DogzDogz_Dogz
He can’t fuck Rozanov but I fully support this OTP.
=>u/HollanderSCORES
You are fully crazy, Friend.
=>u/DogzDogz_Dogz
Not your friend. Still.
***
r/HollanderPicsDaily
u/DogzDogz_Dogz
I AM GOING INSANE. STOP.
How many times will we see the grainy video screencap of Hollander and Rozanov? It is the only thing crossposted to either group for three days. This is very boring.
=>u/HollanderSCORES
And like clockwork, Dogz shows up out of nowhere because there is a Hollander controversy. It figures you haunt the Rozanov forums too. Neither of them are going to fuck you, Friend.
=>u/DogzDogz_Dogz
Again, I am not your friend.
***
Before Shane was even out of bed, Hayden had sent him a link.
Hayden: Remember Dogz? OMG this guy is at it again! I love this guy so hard. He’s always there for you.
Hayden: LINK
Before tapping on it, Shane looked over his shoulder at Ilya, who was still dead asleep. Good. They’d had a long couple of days, rest was important.
He saw it was a preview from Reddit, and Shane knew what it was even before the page loaded. Well, he didn’t know what the specifics were. But it was Reddit, so he knew the broad strokes.
When he read the subject of the post, he had to choke down a laugh, though.
r/HollanderPicsDaily
u/DogzDogz_Dogz
EVERYBODY ON THIS SUBREDDIT NEEDS TO GET OFF SHANE HOLLANDER’S DICK
Sometimes you trip. That is life. Tripping sometimes. Go outside and touch grass. Do not sit at home on this stupid website bashing out hundreds of posts about how him sucking Rozanov’s cock lead to your team’s defeat. They lost because they are secretly terrible if it comes down to one goal. Go like a better team and STFU about Hollander.
Shane glanced over at his sleeping fiancee again with a fond smile. That post really did warm his fucking heart after how things had gone down since The Incident.
Well, they couldn’t call the tripping thing The Incident. The fucking video that had turned a bit of bad video management into a fucking storm of controversy was already The Incident. Maybe he could call it “The Other Incident.”
He got another text from Hayden
Hayden: Did you read it?
Shane: Yeah. It’s kind of sweet.
Hayden: It is, in its own weird way. Dude must be crushing hard. Dogz has been at it for years, off and on. He always pops up whenever a bunch of fans start piling on. Love his enthusiasm.
Shane: You know that’s Ilya, right?
Hayden: Whaaaat? Ok. I can see it. The guy also never lets up on shitting on you, either. Should have known.
Shane: Yeah. He could just give me flowers like a normal boyfriend, but instead he does this.
Hayden: Very Rozanov, though.
Shane: Very.
Hayden: Things still going ok?
Shane: Yeah. We’re kind of ignoring the outside world for a few days and focusing on some wedding stuff.
Hayden: Cool. Sorry to show you outside world stuff, if you’re shutting it out.
Shane: Nah. It was sweet of him. I have all my alerts shut off, so I wouldn’t have seen the post otherwise.
Hayden: Ok. Read the replies. He calls one dude a polished turd of a human being. Or the lady he says ‘he was never going to fuck you, Monica’ to. That one made me snort. I’d give it maybe an hour before the whole thread gets locked.
Shane: I’ll skim it. Not really in the mood to hear shitty opinions of me today.
Hayden: Got it. How goes the wedding plans?
Shane: I’ve had an amazing idea.
Hayden: Paying someone to handle it for you? Cos…
Shane: Hear me out.
Shane: No chairs.
Hayden: Pay someone to handle it for you. You fucking need chairs, bud.
Shane: You’re not hearing me out.
Hayden: You said no chairs.
Shane: But it’s so the wedding is really short.
Hayden: Yeah. People will want to sit after that.
Shane: No. Because then they’ll go.
Hayden: Have you ever actually been to a wedding before? I mean, other than mine. What about the reception?
Shane: Then no one will want to stay at the reception.
Hayden: You’re insane.
Shane: This is the best idea I’ve ever had in my life.
Hayden: Including proposing?
Shane: Fuck you. Not including that. That’s a separate thing.
A hand grabbed his ass.
He threw the phone on the bedside table and turned around. “Good morning,” he whispered into Ilya’s lips. “Sleep ok?”
“I was up very late,” Ilya responded dreamily, eyes still closed.
“Oh, I know. Hayden showed me some of your handiwork.”
“Hmm?”
Shane wrapped his arms around his future husband. “DogzDogz_Dogz was telling the internet to get off my dick last night.”
A sleepy smile spread across Ilya’s lips. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I appreciate having a little angel who tells people to step off my dick on Reddit every once in a while.”
“Only when they get very, VERY stupid,” Ilya promised. “Or I would spend all my time on there.”
Shane pressed his lips to Ilya’s nose. “You know I don’t pay attention to those sites,” he whispered.
“That is why I pay attention for you.”
Shane let out half a laugh. “Thanks, I think.” He amended himself, though. “No, thank you for real. It’s sweet.”
Ilya’s lips brushed his. “How long did you know?”
“Since the first time I DMed you,” Shane said with a faint smile. “The first time you waded into that cesspool to defend me.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Was I very obvious?”
Shane closed his eyes, contemplating going back to sleep if he could do it in Ilya's arms. “Yeah. The liberal use of the word boring gave it away.”
“I don’t know why,” Ilya’s lips brushed said, his lips curling into a mischievous smile. “Everybody says it.”
“You said it like a hundred and fifty-two times in one night.”
“It could have been anyone.”
Shane’s nose brushed along Ilya’s cheek. “You are so full of shit.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. You’re perfect. Never change.”
“Never intended to,” Ilya promised. “You should also never do that.”
“I can handle that.”
Ilya kissed him slowly. When he pulled away, he stared into Shane’s eyes. “CatzCatz_Catz” is a terrible screen name based off and awful screen name.”
“I couldn’t think of anything. The only username I have that doesn’t have my name on it is from when I was twelve and involves Pikachu.”
“That is delightful,” Ilya’s lips brushed assured him.
“Where did yours come from?”
“I like dogs?”
Shane laughed quietly, trying not to wake the dog tangled around their feet. "Also delightful."
"Have you rethought your stance on chair?" Ilya asked, hand sliding down Shane's side and cupping his rear.
Humming happily Shane smiled again. "Hayden thinks it's a terrible idea. I am now more committed than I was yesterday."
Ilya pressed their foreheads together "Whatever you want."
"Whatever?"
"Whatever."
That sounded... maybe too open-ended. "For the wedding?" Shane asked clarifying.
"Or anything."
"Just buy me flowers instead of fighting on Reddit?"
Ilya grinned. "Can I do both?"
Shane brushed their noses. "No chairs."
Ilya rolled his eyes. "I already said no chairs."
"So yeah, you can do both."
Ilya kissed him audibly with a closed mouth. "Alright. Flowers and Reddit fighting forever."
"Forever?" Shane asked skeptically.
"Yeah. Forever."
Shane slid his arms around Ilya's neck. "Can you get a different username?"
"No."
THE END