Work Text:
After waiting in the doorway all day, Thomas was just about to lose hope entirely. How could Alison tease him with the hanging of a mistletoe and then avoid him all day? His heart ached and his legs cramped but he had to keep on waiting. Christmas was not quite over and he couldn't help but feel like he was still missing his gift. Finally, there she was, doing one last clean up after everyone else had gone to bed. "You alright Thomas?"
Thomas jumped a fraction, almost surprised she was paying him any attention at all. "I've been waiting for you," his voice cracked after being unused all evening. He nervously glanced to the door frame above him, begging that Alison would finally get the message.
Her eyes followed his up to the hanging plant and she sighed, although there was no malice to it. "Thomas I'm married. You know I shouldn't be snogging other men, dead or not."
Thomas's mouth went dry—it didn't sound like an immediate 'no', but Alison continued on "You wouldn't like it anyway, trust me. I thought it felt terrible for you guys to touch people who are alive?"
"But Alison, the pain of going a moment longer without acting on our chemistry is much greater, can't you see? I would face the wrath of a thousand suns if it meant I could share one moment with you." His eyes were big and pleading and Alison did not doubt that he believed the sentiment. And yet, she was still sure it'd be an experience he would find entirely unpleasant.
She considered it for a moment, with a small smile growing on her face, "And if I kissed you, would you be happy then? Maybe even satiated enough to leave me alone for a while?"
Thomas could not believe his ears and let out an embarrassing squeak that somewhat resembled a "Yes." He then composed himself with a smirk, "although I'm sure after kissing me, you would not be able to resist more." He ignored the tiny laugh that drew from Alison.
"Well alright then," Alison said, setting down whatever she was carrying and positioning herself in the doorway, just inches from Thomas. Suddenly everything was in slow motion as she leaned in towards him. His vision blurred and his heart drummed in his ears as he braced himself for heaven.
But then suddenly, all of that was replaced with something... just awful. Something well and truly awful.
He felt the wrongness seeping deep into his chest and he wanted to gag, but somewhere in his mind he knew he couldn't waste the opportunity, so he shut his eyes tighter and tried to kiss Alison back in earnest. Almost as if he tried harder, and put on a better technique, then maybe it would start to feel okay. Maybe even good.
But that never came and before he knew it, Alison had pulled away. Thomas resisted the urge to suck in huge heaving breaths once they were separated. Alison gave him a smile and bounced off, "G'night Thomas!" and Thomas forced a smile back for long enough until she was out of sight. Then he doubled over, holding himself up with his hands on his knees and beginning to hyperventilate. He played back the moment over and over in his mind. It was the exact thing he had longed for, for years. And yet it was nothing like he had dreamed. Everything about the experience felt viscerally wrong and he wasn't even sure if he'd do it again if given the chance.
Before he knew it, tears were falling down his cheeks. Ever since he met his beloved Alison, he was sure there would be some way they could enjoy a future together as a couple. But then all at once, his dreams came crashing down. Alison had voluntarily kissed him and he never wanted to do it again. Everything he knew to be true about himself was falling apart in front of his eyes.
Even then, it felt like a mistake to throw away his dreams so readily. He was in love with her and if there was one thing that Thomas knew, it was that true love would always prevail. So maybe it was supposed to feel like that. Like it was some sort of test from the fates above and that Thomas deserved to feel that wave of discomfort, as some sort of proof to his devotion. Then there was the fact that Thomas hadn't kissed anyone in a very, very long time. For all he knew, maybe it always felt that way.
Those thoughts and a million more raced through his head as he stared at the wall and tried to make sense of the situation. After a while of morbid contemplation, Thomas found his feet dragging himself to the TV room. He wasn't entirely sure why, as usually he would aim straight for his bedroom, but he supposed there was some part of him that wasn't ready to be alone that night.
His gut feeling was correct, as he stumbled upon Captain and Julian chatting while some Christmas movie played on in the background. Whatever they were talking about was interrupted abruptly when Julian spotted Thomas walking through the door. He eyed him up with a mischievous and anticipatory look, "Well?"
Thomas stared back for a moment, genuinely not sure what the man could be referring to, "Well what?
"Me and a few others had a bet on for whether you'd actually get any action from Alison tonight, with the mistletoe 'n all. So didya?"
Julian awaited eagerly as Thomas replayed the kiss in his head for the now one hundred and first time. He was unable to hide his dismay as he leant over the back of the couch and groaned. "I did... but if I may confide in you two," he paused to gauge their expressions. Julian was hanging onto his every word, while Captain appeared mildly flustered about the whole situation. "it was awful. To be put bluntly."
Julian, who still seemed rather excited about the result, gave him a sympathetic "Aww," and then a bit more patronizingly, "Lacking practice after 200 years are you?" He snorted and Thomas shot daggers in his direction.
"It wasn't that I'll have you know! It was.." he faltered, averting his gaze from the two men. He was still too ashamed and heartbroken to admit that the whole thing with Alison might not work out after all.
Before he could finish, Captain awkwardly shifted beside him. "Now that's quite alright. No need to go into any detail Thorne."
Julian only rolled his eyes at that, "Buzzkill. Anyway I'm off to find Robin to tell him that he owes me a tenner" and waltzed out of the room.
So then it was just Thomas and the Captain in the dimly lit room, Thomas still depressingly slumped over the sofa and Captain standing off to one side, being extra fidgety with his swagger stick. After a moment or two of silence, he pointed to the sofa cushions, "Would you like to watch this film?" he trailed off, as if he were going to say "with me". But he did not wait for any response before taking a seat. Thomas sighed and pushed himself up, walking around the couch to join the other man.
He did come to this room for company, so he supposed it would be silly of him to reject it, even if Captain was not always his first choice to get along with. Still though, the Christmas film, whatever it was, made for a comfortable backdrop as he settled into his spot to the right of the Captain. The two of them watched the movie in silence for a while before Thomas noticed the Captain fidgeting with his stick again out of the corner of his eye. A surefire sign that he was about to speak.
"Say Thomas," there it was. "I really am sorry to hear about your experience this evening. It know it rather meant a lot to you."
Thomas had already been trying to block the memory from his mind, so he was hoping that conversation had left the room with Julian. Apparently not, but it was hard to be too upset with it sounded like there was a genuine concern to Captain's voice rather than the mockery he had anticipated. "Of course it did." Thomas could not hide how bitter he felt. "I truly love her but.. if that is what love is supposed to feel like.." Thomas shivered.
Captain stared at him as if he were an idiot. "You know I'm sure it felt uncomfortable simply because Alison is alive, correct? Walking through livings is painful enough so I can only imagine it would not be very nice."
Thomas's head dropped to his hands. "Alison told me the same thing before indulging me. But I thought that our love would persevere and it would be a moment naught short of magical. I feel like such a fool.."
Captain studied him and gave Thomas a sad look as he continued, " I couldn't even feel her properly. Her lips sort of phased through mine and all I could feel was that wretched nausea in my core."
"Now tell me Thomas, would you still want to pursue—er—date Alison if every kiss felt like that?"
Thomas winced at the thought, but he felt his mouth moving before his brain properly caught up, "Of course. I'd endure anything to be with her." He was not even sure if he believed it anymore but Alison comprised so much of his identity at this stage, it was scary to consider any alternative.
The Captain made a tutting noise and turned more fully towards the poet, "You deserve better than that, you know."
Thomas was taken aback, "Pardon?"
"Now I don't claim to understand your viewpoint when it comes to love.. but surely it is not meant to be this painful. What I mean to say is you deserve at the very least to not double over in bouts of nausea whenever you kiss someone."
Thomas blinked a few times, the last part of his sentence ringing in his mind. "You truly believe I do?"
Captain nodded at him as if it were the most obvious fact in the world. "I mean no one does, of course. But really ask yourself if all of that is worth it. You know Thomas, kissing isn't meant to feel unpleasant."
Thomas found himself scrambling through his memory bank, feverishly trying to recall the last time he had kissed someone and enjoyed it. Frustratingly, his traitorous brain could only conjure up images of Isabelle kissing him against the tree he died beneath. According to Robin, that one didn't even count.
Thomas didn't realise he was thinking aloud until he heard his own voice, "I can't remember.."
“Hmmm?”
“I can’t remember the last pleasant kiss I’ve had.”
Captain flashed him a look that Thomas couldn’t quite decipher, although there was an air of pity to it. "That's a bally shame Thomas."
Thomas felt that shame bubbling up inside of him again. Captain was being kinder than expected, but still he had an inkling that he was being judged and he hated the feeling as Captain's stare bore into him. Heat rose through his neck and he could hardly stand another moment of humiliation.
But just as he was about to stand and retire for the night, Captain spoke again, "Would you like one?"
Thomas was sure he had misheard the Captain, but when he did a double take towards him, he looked so painfully earnest. "A kiss? From you?" he tried to not sound offended, although it came out rather high-pitched.
Captain gulped and sheepishly averted his gaze. "Er well yes... Not as anything between us or anything of course. Just something small to replace your bad memories."
Thomas stared at the man incredulously. Never in a million years would he have expected such a proposition from the man. So that's why it surprised both of them when he eventually nodded, "Alright then, why not"
Captain suddenly looked like he wanted to bolt but he took a deep breath and seated himself closer to Thomas. He kept his hands firmly in his lap, still clinging onto his stick. Thomas faced him, leaning in a fraction. He was not sure what this would even accomplish, sharing a kiss with someone he did not love, but after the night he had he figured he had nothing more to lose.
The Captain shut his eyes and closed the gap between the two of them, placing a short kiss to the poet's lips. It was quicker than the one he had received from Alison, but a thousand times more pleasant. Captain's chapped lips were firm and warm against his own. They felt tangible in a way that made Thomas feel dizzy.
After a brief moment, Captain pulled back, although not too far. "Ahem.. Well there you go then. Better I hope?" he spoke quietly.
Thomas hardly heard him however because blood was pounding in his ears and his vision was filled with stars. It was similar to before when he was anticipating Alison's lips, but even brighter and more beautiful somehow. A pleasant buzz fell over him as he looked over Captain's face for the first time in detail.
His eyes were dark in the dim lighting and his mustache twitched in a way that made Thomas's stomach flip, reminding him of the tickle on his top lip from just a moment before. The Captain hadn't looked strict and commandeering as he was used to seeing him, but rather he looked soft, and maybe a bit nervous. There was a kindness to his features that Thomas had truly never taken in before but now that he was so close, sonnets were being composed about them as his eyes flicked across his face.
He never realised how beautiful the Captain was.
So how could one blame him when a moment later his hands reached up to cup his jaw and he crashed towards him for another kiss?
The Captain froze for just a moment, his eyes widening as Thomas's lips desperately found their way back to his. It took a small whine from Thomas against his lips before his eyes fluttered shut and he began to move in tandem with him. He reached one hand up to Thomas's neck, fingers finding themselves in the short curls at the back of his head while his lips moved slowly against the other man's.
Oh so this is what it was supposed to feel like. There was a hunger between the two of them that had not been satiated for decades and now that the opportunity presented itself, they indulged in the feast as if they were wild animals. Thomas angled his torso closer, closing off any gap between their two bodies as Captain's other hand abandoned his swagger stick and rested itself on Thomas's hip, drawing him nearer still.
Thomas was grateful he didn't need to breathe because he could have stayed there forever. Captain must've shared a similar sentiment because he kissed Thomas fiercely and tenderly, making him whimper as he gently tugged at his hair. That only forced Thomas to angle his head up and so Captain took the opportunity to leave his lips (much to Thomas's dismay) and to trail down his jawline and pepper kisses onto his neck (much to Thomas's pleasure).
Thomas wished that the marks Captain was sucking into his skin would remain as a reminder of this moment. He could hardly recall another encounter before this, and yet this felt so wonderfully real and he was in no hurry to forget it.
It was not long before Captain was back at his lips and Thomas felt a warmth spread through him as he felt the curl of a smile against him. They continued on like that for a while, exploring each other's mouths and grabbing at whatever they could.
Finally, Thomas pulled back just enough to rest his forehead against the other man's, his own curls especially tousled and in the way by that point. He could not hide the grin that spread across his face as he held onto the Captain's lapels for dear life.
After a delirious second of searching, the Captain's eyes met his and there was an electric warmth and understanding there, for a moment at least. It was then replaced with what looked like panic and the Captain straightened himself up, nearly throwing Thomas off of him.
Thomas pouted as he steadied himself against the sofa but could not help but chuckle as Captain breathed a "Good lord" to himself. Now that's the Captain he was expecting. Still, he tried to engage again, reaching one hand to meet his. Captain's hand twitched as if he wanted to grab on, but instead he abruptly stood up, his knees cracking in the process, and took a step back.
"Very well then Thorne," his voice came out rushed. "I should really get going then. I hope that er...helped."
Thomas stood to meet him as Captain pivoted and began to head for the exit. "Captain, wait—"
Captain forced himself to still, although he halted with a bounce and was still rather twitchy and eager to leave. "What is it?" he refused to look in Thomas's direction.
"I just wanted to say thank you is all. That was much better than my encounter earlier this evening. Perhaps sometime I could repay your kindness somehow," Thomas said playfully and with a soft smile that refused to leave his lips.
Captain turned towards him just enough to give him a curt nod. "Well yes, that could arranged," he flushed, not quite realizing what he was agreeing to. "Good night then Thomas," he said before bolting out of the room, opting for the wall rather than the open door for an optimal path.
"Good night Captain."