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Lights danced, sparkled, drifted through through the air. Yuuji couldn’t decide what they were, fireflies or Christmas lights or the orange of the streetlamp refracting through the drops of water tugging away from the clouds, falling slowly like they were in no rush to hit the ground. Yuuji couldn’t get his vision to clear, no matter how many times he blinked his eyes or squinted. The lights shifted like flames in front of him, drawing him closer, comforting.
Dangerous.
If he reached too far into the flicker shimmer he would burn. He could feel that in the cold puffs of air echoing from his mouth, in the way the incandescence whispered silver songs to him, tempting him onwards, in the hidden heat that glided pleasingly over his skin.
Fire was meant to be enjoyed from afar, not stepped into. Yuuji would crouch alongside the glimmer glitter, listen to the crinkle and pop as the golden ghosts rose heavenward only to be sucked back down, eternally clawing their way to nowhere.
If he wasn’t careful, he would find himself captured in the luster, enraptured with the rest of the sleepless spirits.
Maybe that was how they all got there, Yuuji thought, sitting back to watch the subtle glimmers flitters, floating about, stabbing at the frigid air with tendrils and flickers of warmth. But he knew they weren’t the trapped souls of those long past. These entities like embers came from within, they were the soul, his soul. Whose soul?
Yuuji stilled himself to open his eyes to his world, so the tiny shards of stars floated and fluttered around him. They came close, darted back, never lingering, always dipping in and out of his reach.
What if he did reach and trailed his fingers through the aurora? Would it feel fine and soft as water trickling, ever quickening on its search for lower ground? Would it feel like the wind in his hair, in his sails, pulling him, pushing him, twirling him, lost, around? Could it feel dense and rich like soil under his feet, pulling him to the ground while his head was in the clouds?
Or would it burn, curling smoke from his hands as his skin crisped and peeled away.
Yuuji pulled his hand away from the luminosity, fist enclosed at his chest, and the whisp whisked away.
But what if he put his hand back out to grasp at the fleeting mirages? Could it feel cool to the touch, metalwork, wrought iron gates, delicate but obstinate? Could it bring back verve into this fragile form, weathered and worn, breathe this body back to life?
Don’t touch me, it said.
Don’t touch me, he said.
What if he cupped one in his palm, would it be lured by his warmth or was he only drawn to its? What if he reached out with his hands and his heart and watched it sleep in his embrace? What if he looked into the this spark and it looked back with golden gaze
Don’t hold me, he said.
What if he finally grasped what was his to hold? What if the flames surrounded him, what if he surrounded the flames?
Don’t come near me, he said.
What if he wrapped his arms around that flicker shimmer like curling ivy!
Don’t put your hands on me, he said.
What if he stared until there was no space left in his thoughts for another silver song!
Don’t think about me, he said.
What if he could keep this small star safe!
Don’t concern yourself with me, he said
What if—!
DON'T TOUCH ME!
Yuuji broke through the surface and opened his eyes, gasping for something simple as breath, aching to feel the cool air on his bare arms.
The noise and buzz in his head was gone and when his breathing finally returned to normal, that was the only sound in the room.
The dawn filtered through the glass balcony door, open only an inch.
Yuuji rose silent, stepping into the rose-colored sky.
Kenjirou stood with his elbows on the rail and his face his his hands, tears seeping into the long sleeves of his shirt, never to land.
Yuuji shuffled his feet and stood a few feet away, never taking his eyes off Kenjirou’s shaking body. Yuuji wanted to reach out, place his hand on Kenjirou’s quivering back. He didn’t dare. “Hey. You alright?”
“How can I be alright!?” Kenjirou sobbed.
Yuuji’s head still spun with how to ask, what to say, when to approach.
“Just leave me alone; it’s too early for this, Yuuji. Just go back inside!”
Yuuji placed one shaking hand on Kenjirou’s shoulder—
“DON'T TOUCH ME!”
When Kenjirou whipped his head from his hands to glare, Yuuji saw it, just for an instant as the sun reflected off his eyes, the same fire, the same dancing light that beckoned and pushed him away the closer he stepped.
Yuuji was caught in Kenjirou’s eyes, the rising sun turning them from their light brown hue to vibrant gold, every other color of the rainbow swirling in the fire in his expression. The words flooded out of Yuuji’s mouth as he grabbed for Kenjirou’s hands “Kenjirou, my shine and my shimmer, brilliance and glitter, you bring my heart back to life when my flame starts to flicker. Your incandescent ember radiance takes the dark from my nights; you’re my luster, hearth, and spark when im searching for light. I need your warmth and dance and crackle within me because the heat, smoke, and shards never can choke me. No fire of heaven or inferno below can cover up the power, the strength of your glow. As long as you’re here next to me and I here with you, the red yellow luminosity only shows us new views. While the moon changes its phase, my constant is your blaze. The technicolor auroras glimmers vast before us. My silver song, keep holding on, your golden gaze will see brighter days!”
Kenjirou stood perfectly still for several seconds, his red-rimmed eyes searching Yuuji’s for some trace of emotion.
Yuuji couldn’t move a muscle; had he really just said all of that out loud? To Kenjirou? Not a word of it was false, but it still stuck to his skin stubbornly and he couldn’t shake off what he’d done.
Instead of words, which couldn’t possibly have taken them far, Kenjirou threw himself forward, content to be held in Yuuji’s arms.